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  1. 8 points
  2. 6 points
    Not sure if this has been posted before How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral... _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.:)#
  3. 6 points
    His wife Rosalynn Carter is 92 years today She should also been included next years list.
  4. 5 points
    And the Day 2 table and overall standings: Match Day 2 - Wednesday 21st August 2019 - 7 games (Maximum Points: 21) En Passant 6 points (4 - 1) Wee Jum 5 points (3 - 1) Grim Up North 5 points (3 - 1) msc 5 points (5 - 0) Great Uncle Bulgaria 3 points (3 - 0) Bibliogryphon 4 points (4 - 0) Paul Bearer 4 points (4 - 0) RedRumours 3 points (3 - 0) Deathray 2 points (2 - 0) Standings After: Match Day 2 - 12 games (Maximum Points: 36) (Player, Points, Correct Winners, Correct Scores) 1 ) Wee Jum 12 points (6 - 3) 2 ) Paul Bearer 8 points (8 - 0) = 3 ) Great Uncle Bulgaria 6 points (4 - 1) = 3 ) En Passant 6 points (4 - 1) = 3 ) Grim Up North 6 point (4 - 1) = 6 ) Redrumours 6 points (6 - 0) = 6 ) Bibliogryphon 6 points (6 - 0) 8 ) msc 5 points (5 - 0) 9 ) Deathray 2 points (2 - 0) *Tie-Breaks settled by most points from fewest games placing higher.
  5. 5 points
    Did you miss the bits where we said we knew some of the other names only because they had been mentioned here? And no, I don't want to spend my time researching obscure people that nobody down the pub has heard of. I only pick people who are genuinely notable or interesting by my own standards. That's what dead pools used to be about.
  6. 5 points
    Well, I never thought I would ever win this competition and I certainly wouldn't have if not for the massive favour provided by Vanessa Marquez and the South Pasadena police. So, cheers Nessa, this one's for you.
  7. 5 points
    SEPTEMBER After Marquez, the HPDP really slows down. YoungWillz proved astute with picking the hirsute Burt Reynolds. The Bandit going up in smokey gets 25 sub points for Willz and finally puts him on the board. Sir Creep landed a unique hit with Kulsoom Nawaz on September 11, getting 20 base points and 8 bonus points for 28 in total. Another surprise unique hit comes on September 19 in the form of Denis Norden. Take It From Here, LFN, you get 25 base points and 10 bonus points for 35 in all. OCTOBER DDT finally gets his first hit on October 30 with Buddhist teacher Sangharakshita. Also a sexual creep, so whatever he gets reincarnated as probably won't be all that illustrious. Either way, DDT gets 15 base points and 6 unique bonus points for 21 total thanks to Sangharakshita going down the shitta. NOVEMBER Though Devin Lima's November 21 death was a gamechanger in the DDP, over at the HPDP it just reinforced what was already happening. Only Dead Cow picked him here, and as a sub, so he adds an extra 25 points of padding. (fun fact: LFO appeared on one of the later versions of Hollywood Squares, so Lima's a very rare instance of a DDP Drop 40 hit to be on Hollywood Squares that was only picked on the bonusless subs bench here!) The last biggie to fall in 2018 was none other than George H. W. Bush on November 30. Bit of a tricky one to judge the bonuses for. There is a US President bonus but it says it's for recent or incumbent US Presidents. And Bush were out of office for 25 years when he died, which isn't all that recent at this point. I also don't see him falling under the crimes against humanity blanket (Dubya a different story, but he's not the one I'm totting up bonuses for...). So as it stands, read my lips, no bonuses for Bush. As for his 7 HPDP voters: deadsox gets 40 points. Exu, time, Toast, and Wormfarmer 30. FixedBusiness 20. and msc 15. DECEMBER Though there was only one December hit, it still carried significance to the HPDP in terms of history, that being the second loss of a forumer's "mascot". DDT is one of the few around to have a perfect HPDP attendance record (with Ali inactive, I think it's just him and mpfc?), and from the pool's inception up until her December 26 death, he had persistently picked art nun Sister Wendy Beckett. Like a DL without Dunn, me without Foray, and msc without Lady Wilson, it's not quite the same having DDT enter a HPDP team without her. Spade still does have his Glynis though. Either way, DDT receives 40 basic points and 16 bonus points for 56 total. I'll throw in an extra 1.3 points as well, or one tenth of a point for each year he picked her. Scoreboard for up to the end of the year. As mentioned previously, I will wait another week to allow for any missed bonuses to be sorted out. Then the 13th place (if the scoreboard stays as is, I'm just gonna treat both =12th place teams as 13th...) and interesting team bonus. So if you have any shock evidence Vanessa Marquez was a baseball player, which would drop Cow from the lead to negative points, speak before MIDNIGHT GMT ON AUGUST 25 or forever hold your peace: 1. The Dead Cow 425 2. RadGuy 267.3 3. CaptainChorizo 259 4. Uschi 245 5. deadsox 225 6. time 198.5 7. Death Impends 197.1 8. FixedBusiness 185 9. msc 181 10. Sean 172.4 11. Toast 154 =12. gcreptile 147 =12. Wormfarmer 147 14. Book 145 15. maryportfuncity 136 =16. Pedro67 135 =16. The Unknown Man 135 18. Lord Fellatio Nelson 134 19. Prophet 131.1 20. Sir Creep 112 21. drol 110.1 22. the_engineer 105 23. Exu 95 24. Rotten Ali 87 25. DevonDeathTrip 78.3 26. John Key 70 27. Deathray 45 =28. Bibliogryphon 25 =28. YoungWillz 25 30. Joey Russ 0
  8. 4 points
    Hmm, the most plausible victory routes for each of the top 10 at this point, treating Ricksen as my only further hit unless stated otherwise: Me: Sod all happening from this point would technically do the trick, but I think Ricksen, Whang, and at least one of Doleman/Bayh/Zoll is much more likely. Offchance of Clive James, but not really expecting it now. Shurer is under control. Chorizo: Two out of Andretti/N Conway/Goldberg/Monsanto. BDB's cancer seems too under control to be a hit this year. msc: Goldberg and Dr Reid. His three young cancer women all seem too stable for now, but a shock decline in one of them would help him greatly. Joey: P-Orridge. And Bayh would be helpful for fending off everyone bar me. His remaining differentials seem a bit unlikely (either via death or obitability) so will really need it to be dry beyond that, or to get another unexpected differential hit. BoB: Leanne Barrett, Steve Gleason, at least two of their four old people. Going Underground: Only has a faint hope if Ricksen DOESN'T die - completely unpicked by GU. And then has to cobble a victory out of Fiano, Monsanto, Price, Stiles and maaaaaybe Vervoort. drol: Think we're at the point of where, unless they also have him as a joker, the team needs Ricksen to live to have any narrow chance. drol would eke it out on Freehan, Hadlee, and Harry Reid. Gilbert or Smullen would also make things interesting, but both seem okay for at least a few more months. GUN Away: Somehow don't think a B Team will win in a post-Clegg/Blanco world. I guess Frates/Ernie Moss/Littlefeather. DDT: Michael Robinson his best differential, and then pick 2 out of Fiano, Figes, and Deghayes. Coleman and RBG both seem okay for now, and Hoyle was a rollercoaster punt that seemed promising early on but didn't pan out after it was fully revealed what exactly was wrong with him. Reptile: Has a Ricksen joker, so his death would help narrow his competition. I can plausibly see P-Orridge, Volcker, and Woodcock dying after that. He'd need another to get past Joey though. Possibly Rodion? Klein is in remission, Hogh bought time with Whipple surgery so could have late year decline potential, and David Smith is currently talking in terms of "hopefully I'll be able to participate in the next Paralympics" rather than "hopefully I'm still alive next Paralympics". I really only see the first 4 routes, and maaaybe BoB, as possibilities at this point. And with Whang seemingly on the brink, if she doesn't muster a Mail QO through her reality TV host role/various appearances on popular aughts US sitcoms and dramas, I am indeed cursed...
  9. 4 points
    Deadline Passed (18:45 for 19:45 KOs): Match Day 1 - (5 games) (Maximum Points - 15) - Tuesday 20th August 2019. Affected Matches: Birmingham v Barsnley (19:45) [CH] Sheff Wed v Luton Town (19:45) [CH] Hull City v Blackburn (19:45) [CH] Middlesborough v Wigan Athletic (19:45) [CH] Derby County v Bristol City (19:45) [CH] Good Luck.
  10. 4 points
    Just one minor rule alteration; a common sense one, once posted predictions can not be amended. In terms of enforcement, I'm copying these across to a totting up document as and when I see them.If you change it before I've copied it,then it won't be enforced, if you change it afterwards your first prediction will be taken into account only. @Paul Bearer this does not affect your Weds to Sunday predictions as you haven't made any yet, but will be easier to keep track if you post any further predictions in a new post .
  11. 4 points
    Not even a stealth boast.
  12. 3 points
    In light of the large number of fixtures in the League Cup next week, posting template early (ignore (but don't delete) the numbers before matches, they're for my benefit): Week 2 - Prediction Template - Tuesday 27 August 2019 to Monday 2nd September 2019 (48 games - Max Points: 144 points) Tuesday 27th August 2019 (18 Games - Maximum Points: 54 points) 0/1/3 - Burton Albion v Morecambe (19:45) [LC] 0/1/3 - Crewe Alexandria v Aston Villa (19:45) [LC] 0/1/3 - Grimsby Town v Macclesfield Town (19:45) [LC] 0/1/3 - Leeds United v Stoke City (19:45) [LC] 0/1/3 - Nottingham Forest v Derby County (19:45) [LC] 0/1/3 - Preston North End v Hull City (19:45) [LC] 0/1/3 - Rochdale v Carlisle United (19:45) [LC] 0/1/3 - Sheffield Utd v Blackburn Rovers (19:45) [LC] 0/1/3 - Bristol Rovers v Brighton (19:45) [LC] 0/1/3 - Cardiff City v Luton Town (19:45) [LC] 0/1/3 - Crawley Town v Norwich City (19:45) [LC] 0/1/3 - Crystal Palace v Colchester Utd (19:45) [LC] 0/1/3 - Fulham v Southampton (19:45) [LC] 0/1/3 - Newport County v West Ham Utd (19:45) [LC] 0/1/3 - Oxford Utd v Millwall (19:45) [LC] 0/1/3 - Plymouth Argyle v Reading (19:45) [LC] 0/1/3 - Southend Utd v Milton Keynes Dons (19:45) [LC] 0/1/3 - Watford v Coventry City (19:45) [LC] Wednesday 28th August 2019 (7 Games - Maximum Points: 21) 0/1/3 - Burnley v Sunderland (19:45) [LC] 0/1/3 - Lincoln City v Everton (19:45) [LC] 0/1/3 - Newcastle Utd v Leicester City (19:45) [LC] 0/1/3 - Rotherham Utd v Sheffield Wednesday (19:45) [LC] 0/1/3 - AFC Bournemouth v Forest Green Rovers (19:45) [LC] 0/1/3 - Queens Park Rangers v Portsmouth (19:45) [LC] 0/1/3 - Swansea City v Cambridge Utd (19:45) [LC] Friday 30th August 2019 (1 Game - Maximum Points: 3) 0/1/3 - Cardiff City v Fulham (19:45) [CH] Saturday 31st August 2019 (20 games - Maximum Points: 60) 0/1/3 - Southampton v Manchester Utd (12:30) [PL] 0/1/3 - Bristol City v Middlesbrough (12:30) [CH] 0/1/3 - Crystal Palace v Aston Villa (15:00) [PL] 0/1/3 - Chelsea v Sheffield Utd (15:00) [PL] 0/1/3 - Newcastle v Watford (15:00) [PL] 0/1/3 - Man City v Brighton (15:00) [PL] 0/1/3 - West Ham v Norwich City (15:00) [PL] 0/1/3 - Leicester City v Bournemouth (15:00) [PL] 0/1/3 - Birmingham City v Stoke City (15:00) [CH] 0/1/3 - Brentford v Derby County (15:00) [CH] 0/1/3 - Leeds United v Swansea City (15:00) [CH] 0/1/3 - Luton Town v Huddersfield Town (15:00) [CH] 0/1/3 - Milllwall v Hull City (15:00) [CH] 0/1/3 - Nottingham Forest v Preston North End (15:00) [CH] 0/1/3 - Reading v Charlton Athletic (15:00) [CH] 0/1/3 - Sheffield Wednesday v Queens Park Rangers (15:00) [CH] 0/1/3 - West Bromwhich Albion v Blackburn Rovers (15:00) [CH] 0/1/3 - Wigan Athletic v Barnsley (15:00) [CH] 0/1/3 - Burnley FC v Liverpool (17:30) [PL] 0/1/3 - Fort William FC v Wick Academy (15:00) [HL] Sunday 1st September 2019 (2 games - Max Points: 6) 0/1/3 - Everton v Wolves (14:00) [PL] 0/1/3 - Arsenal v Tottenham (16:30) [PL] After that the international break will lighten the fixture load considerably.
  13. 3 points
    Surely that is the wrong approach. Shouldn't you be holding the parcel when the music stops.
  14. 3 points
    90s stuff is pleasing my earholes this afternoon.
  15. 3 points
    tbh I thought the vast majority of "names" above were notables, for a pleasant change. "Vast majority", I said, before anyone points out the sadly inevitable cancered mum... Fernando Ricksen - Footballer Suzanne Whang - US TV comic/actress Chris Doleman - Hall of Famer in American football. (NFL, that is, not "soccer") Susan Bayh - Wife of former US Presidential hopeful Evan Bayh and admittedly fringey. Rachel Zoll - Journalist Clive James - We all know who he is. Ronald J Shurer - Medal of Honour holder. John Andretti - racing car driver Noel Conway - the British right to die guy. Denis Goldberg - anti-apartheid activist and colleague of Nelsons "Monsanto Man" AKA Dewayne Johnson - the dude who sued Monsanto for his cancer. Not famous at all, despite The Guardian writing a million articles on him. Barry Du Bois - Ozzie TV host. Dr Bruce Reid - Chief medical officer at one of the biggest sports clubs in Australia, who was the centre of a massive doping scandal few years ago. Genesis P-orridge - Punk musician. Leanne Barrett - famous for being ill. Steve Gleason - well regarded NFLer . Julian Fiano - UK reality TV star. Amy Price - Jordan's mum. Nobby Stiles - World Cup winner Marieke Vervoort - Paralympian Bill Freehan - Big name in US sports. Richard Hadlee - " one of the greatest fast bowlers and all-rounders in cricketing history". Harry Reid - Big name US Senator Greg Gilbert - Delays singer Pat Smullen - jockey Pete Frates - the guy behind the Ice Bucket challenge Ernie Moss - English footballer Sacheen Littlefeather - activist, her who accepted Brando's Godfather Oscar. Michael Robinson - Liverpool midfielder of the 1980s Kate Figes - author Amer Deghayes - Iran political prisoner Ruth Bader GInsburg - Supreme Court Judge Doug Hoyle - Owner of Huddersfield Town FC Paul Volcker - leading US economist Jacci Woodcock - Cancer fundraiser who is now an OBE and pal of the Queen, apparently... Rodion GA - Singer far bigger in Germany (where Reptile is from) than here. Lloyd Klein - mediocre fashion designer Lars Hogh - Danish footballer from the 90s David Smith - Paralympian. Much better than when folk were relying on coma victims and 19 year olds a few years ago, imo.
  16. 3 points
    Metro comes through with the QO.
  17. 3 points
    Scoreboard with Legh,Robucci and Worm's Beth Chapman points Will do an update with K. Blanco + any missed hit's over the weekend 1st place DeathImpends-1345 2nd place GunUpNorth-1200 3rd place TheOldLady-1190 4th place Book-1180 5th place TorvaMessor-975 6th place TheQuimReaper-940 7th place Banana-925 Tied 8th place FixedBusiness-795 Tied 8th place Wormfarmer-795 10th place Bibliogryphon-785 11th place CloroxBleachman-776 12th place Msc-765 13th place Gcreptile-755 14th place RadGuy-736 15th place JoeyRuss-546 16th place ebless-545 17th place CaptainChorizo-540 18th place TheOldCrem-500 19th place Markb4-485 20th place Drol-445 21st place Jiroemon Kimura-376 tied 22nd place GreatUncleBulgaria-350 tied 22nd place GooseberryCrumble-350 24th place YoungWilz-230 tied 25th place Bou1-210 tied 25th place TheUnknownMan-210
  18. 3 points
    Joey's subtle brag other day in the DDP got me thinking of how long folk have spent (cumulatively) in days at top of the DDP. Best, I can tell, it's something like this: 1. DDT -1204 days 2. Drunkasaskunk –844 3. Nick J - 579 (circa - 1996 records lost) 4. Otis – 544 5. Spade -504 6. TJS – 429 7. OoO – 357 8. Golden Slumbers - 328 9. Go Fish - 277 10. Joe Ram - 255 11. Whittakers Choice – 237 12. Fallen Sparrow – 230 13. Heaven Knows They’re Miserable Now - 226 14. Meet your maker – 207 15. MT Graves -206 16. Groblers - 151 17. Ed K – 143 18. Tonight Matthew - 135 19. One Foot in the Grave - 127 20. Tim R – 120 21. I Smell Dead People – 118 22. Drol – 108 23. Joey Russ - 105 24. Deathlist.net 92 25. Going Underground - 78 26. No Noose is Good Noose - 74 27. Hoppo – 68 28. Godot – 67 29. GUN Away - 59 30. Crazycarl -58 31. Dead Men Walking, Eejit – 57 32. Finnbarr - 55 33. Rude Kid – 48 34. TMIB -47 35. Stab in the Dark 45 36. Pity Da Foolz - 40 37. Steve L – 39 38. Ghoulish Guesses – 36 39. Toast, Pan Breed – 35 40. Rot in Hell John - 34 41. Mortal Wombat, Only Fools and Corpses, Caulkhead - 28 42. Death from Above, Taking the Michael, Ethnic Cleansing - 27 43. Dave J, Big Iain, Chorizo 26 44. ‘arry-kiri, Gawn – 23 45. Shameless - 21 46. Faster Pussycat – 20 47. Final Showdown – 19 48. Rad Guy -18 49. This Mortal Coil - 15 50. Better you than me, The don, George lass, Girlfriend in a coma, Romancing the headstone, Umish, Unspiritualist – 14 51. Doffin Codgers, Romancing the Headstone – 12 52. Puzlman’s, Noz4news, Already Dead, Shake Rattle Roll Over – 8 53. Canadian Paul, Destination Eschaton, Maryport - 7 54. Misers, Daniel Faradays Notebook – 6 55. Miss Chief, Juicy Janny, Inigo, Stardust, Stardust, Chemo Sabee, Loving Angels Instead – 5 56. Captain Hemlock, Dead last, Eternity Tours, Francis of Arse-Easy, Grim McGraw - 4 57. Sumo, Jesus Jones, Robbinsdale High School Memorial - 2 58. They Died.., Good Bad and Cliff Richard, Researched to Death, I’m a Celeb, Toast of the Turf, Paint the Town Dead, Tentoesup– 1 Last updated – 20th August 2019
  19. 3 points
  20. 2 points
    Sadly didn't think my original snooker prediction league idea would have quite as broad an appeal.
  21. 2 points
    Go out and smash it. Like OH MY GOD.
  22. 2 points
    "This song Charles Manson stole from the Beatles. We're stealing it back."
  23. 2 points
    My first DDP hit across three teams since...March! Lawdy, it's been a long year...
  24. 2 points
    Hmm, weird. How about this one?
  25. 2 points
    Three time Oscar winner, Canadian born animator Richard Williams, has died: https://www.theguardian.com/film/2019/aug/17/richard-williams-acclaimed-animator-who-created-roger-rabbit-dies-aged-86 Who Framed Roger Rabbit? and the Pink Panther movies among his work. IMDB: https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0931530/
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