TQR

Wednesday: 1,108

That's a great podcast! Always on when I'm in the kitchen.

Tuesday: 790. Spike in figures to happen on Weds.

Priti Patel was asked what her favourite Sinéad O'Connor song is. She couldn't remember the name of it but said it was the one that starts "It's been seventy hundred three twenty thousand eleventeen hours and fifteen nine millionty days..."

737 (reported) dead. And we should start celebrating? You absolute pile of cunt.

Monday: 793

Absolutely. And Raab. And Hancock. And Sharma.

Except, of course, he won 40% of all the races he ever entered (over 500 of them). The year he won the Mille Miglia, he absolutely tore the competition, shred from shred. He won nearly a third of all his F1 starts at a time where Fangio was dominating and achieved countless speed records. Genuine legend. R.I.P.

DL is right; this is a juggernaut year. QR: 12 CS: 10 DL: 8

I'll do @Cat O'Falk a favour: Where is the 'no more deaths' option?? Tom for me.

30th April

He didn't get the once over from his make-up artist pre-bin run, is probably the explanation for that.

Oh yeah I don't think many of us (and it would be sad if there were) are under the illusion that these daily figures are anything other than approximations and bullshit. Just media and sicko game purposes for now innit.

BBC going with 917 for now. Could change like it did yesterday. They’ve also finally started noting that this is only hospital deaths. I’ll go 838 for Sunday. Under-report innit.

Yes, but you can bet your bottom dollar that, though some of the 953 weren't from the past day, some deaths yesterday weren't counted in that figure. It probably still is a representative approximation.

953 then. I’ll stick with 1,014 for the next day. We haven’t peaked yet.

You’re disturbingly bloodthirsty, aren’t you? Are you okay?

I wish you all the best GUN, hope your recovery is swift. Take it easy.

Friday: 1,014

At last, a chance for the UK to be right near the top of the table.

Figures for Wales and England too, with 41 and 765 respectively.

Much like the UK election of '19, you are faced with a choice: a dangerously thick lunatic or a dangerously thick wet lettuce.

Well, we certainly don't need a Dominic Raab anyway.

Thursday: 1,095