TQR

These go hand in hand perfectly.

Oh no. Oh that's a right shame. Damn it. That's just...blimey. Oh I'm upset now.

Don't you mean: Good Evening! Today is Thursday 26th March. There are 0 deaths village-wide, not counting the deaths China is hiding. In Ambridge the day closes with 0 cases, 0 dead, 0 critical. This is my nth day working from home. Our Prime Minster is a prick and has extended the gap between himself and the chancellor in terms of competency. EDIT: 0 new cases for a total of 0.

I’d like to refer back to Toast’s post that the constant live stream of news about Corona is having awful effects on people’s mental health and general attitudes. It’s manifesting everywhere, including here. Maybe we do need fewer updates about how horrendous this pandemic is. The most important thing, though, is that we know how to switch off from all this stuff; it’s only making people anxious, bad-tempered, miserable and exhausted. Sure, if people want such information about the doom and gloom, it’s there for them. And that’s fine. The most important thing, though, is that we have other things to talk about, other forms of entertainment to take our minds off the virus as much as possible and calm us down a bit. That’s the best way we can support each other. Dreadful though things may be now, there is an end to it in the not too distant future, and that’s what we’ve got to focus on, because the alternative is dwelling on the bad news and aggravating ourselves more. Now let’s shut the fuck up and find something funny to talk about instead.

And it's a vision so poor, Specsavers want it for their fucking adverts. Wind your neck in, mate.

Here 'tis.

Listen to this absolute shithouse on BBC Radio Solent.

My firm have shut our factory down this morning. Looks like we’ll all have the best part of a month off. Almost half of our guys are self-employed though, and the other half rely on overtime for comfort money and are now down 20% on their wage packet. I know it’d be irresponsible to keep open but it’s tough all the same. A lot of us (me included) are riding on a mortgage holiday being approved, that’s for sure.

So we can shop for food and medicine, we can walk the dog and we can go to and from work. That’s what we have left. The last two will be next to strike off the list, by the end of the week I reckon.

Brand new tune, but don’t let that put you off:

I wish COVID-19 well at this difficult time.

Goodo.

It’s actually more akin to pneumonia for the most part. Even the otherwise healthy might find breathing a bit of a mission with pneumonia.

It’s definitely fair to say he isn’t blame-free. He’s seen what’s happened to countries that got it before us. Scientists or not, he should’ve taken the precautions; this outbreak has happened to other countries a fair amount of time before it really got going here. Though maybe we should only shout at Johnson for once again paying too much attention to the views of the real PM, Dominic Cummings, before getting a dose of reality from, well, reality.

Yep. Very much illustrates the theory that, because we didn’t act quickly, we can use Italy’s figures as a blueprint for what’s to come. We too, now, are getting more than 1,000 new cases a day, as Italy did. Big Job left his preventative measures too late. Now we’re going to face the consequences of his complacency.

To be fair, that's more insightful and informative than Matt Hancock could ever be.

This could do with being in Extra-Curricular...

I can definitely think of someone. Reginald D Hunter, off of Americans, once nailed what Marmite is like:

Hope all goes well, geezer. Take it easy and all the best to Sean Sr.

Shutdown of pubs, cafés, cinemas, gyms, nightclubs, bars and restaurants (less takeaways) in the UK announced by Big Job. What I like is that he announced this as an unprecedented measure. Erm, that many countries on the continent have had in place for about 2 weeks.

Yeah I often feel like that when fucking Keane is playing.

Can confirm that atheists have toast warm.

Click that motha'.