TQR

I’ll have who my phone’s autocorrect function is desperately keen to call “Hay Pro Stun” please drol.

It was such a disaster for him, even his chin wanted to get up and leave early.

Jeez. The Prince Andrew interview with the amazing Emily Maitlis. Biggest Royal car crash since 1997. What a fud he is.

Just hearing that we should be running a permanent budget surplus (thus more austerity for the foreseeable) from Ed Davey, the Conservative parliamentary candidate for Kingston. Oh hang on, he’s a Lib Dem? Jesus. He’s almost more Tory than the Tories.

It's sensible, right up until the realisation that it contravenes EU competition guidelines. So providing they plan on campaigning to leave in their proposed referendum, all's well. Also, they have to think in the build up to an election how it'll play in the media. Badly, is the answer to that by and large, whether that's right or wrong. This is the kind of idea they should bank for a budget speech in a year or so, rather than now; it's a policy that'll repel more voters than it'll attract until the benefits of it are actually seen.

Ah bollocks. This is too tricky. Marley and Myself it is.

This sentence needs a comma; is it going after ‘bar’ or ‘in’?

My god. These cunts are trying to lose this election!

But then you’d just say “us” rather than “___ and me”, surely? “...and me” just sounds incorrect in pretty much every context. Though I wouldn’t dispute what you’re saying about ending a sentence with “I”; the only one who can get away with that is a walrus in that Lewis Carroll poem.

I'm not sure there's anything nonsensical about having "_____ and I" at the end of a sentence...though personally, I'd just say "the car almost hit us" so as to fuck any of the language's confusing idiosyncrasies to one side.

Myself thinks he's a prick.

Corbyn declares he’ll stay as PM for a full 5-year term if he wins the election. The irony is that declaration could well have lost him it. I could cry at how dire our future looks.

Or “______ and I...”, surely? One of my old English teachers was really cunty about that.

I’m embarrassed of my nation, but not as embarrassed as I am for the other side of the pond.

Really into this at the moment

This is, for remainers or even just people not on the hard right, just a tactical voting exercise. Everyone needs to check who’s most likely to unseat a Tory and potentially end up voting for a party they’d in normal circumstances rather shit into their hands and clap than elect. Myself included this time. But it relies on remainfolk/non-right-wingers thinking to do that check (because Lab and Lib won’t get their shit together and work with each other) and we as a nation are shit at doing that. It’s gonna be close.

Führage has backed down; BXP not standing in current Tory seats. Just 3 days ago, the fucking shyster tweeted this:

Oh the Indian chief election commissioner, well Christ on a bike that’s the front page news sorted for the rest of the week then. This is huge.

Back when they were excellent.

Enfield’s a bigger genius than he’s given credit for; who knew this was a premonition of the majority of Afrobeat music of the late 2010’s?

Not one track in particular, but I’ve been listening to Radio 1 this morning at work. Now I really don’t mind new music at all, but lyrically they’re all so identically vulgar and it’s starting to boil my piss. Rewind 10 years and every new song you’d listen to would make reference to being in a ‘clurb’, dancing with some poor unsuspecting ‘piece of ass’ that you’d expect these awful people would spike in reality. Today, however, they appear to be buying their silence with the amount of cash they’ve all apparently got. Three songs in a row; first one mentioned about 5 different clothing brands and a Lamborghini. The second geezer, nice bloke, was out and out laughing that he was ‘at the bank again’ and ‘they wonder how he guap like that’. I had to look up what guap meant - means having some mad dosh, amazingly enough. Same geezer then demanded you look at his watch. Third bloke, he was tremendous. “Making six-figure moves (?), with a four-figure outfit, three course meal, I puts my money where my mouth is, no two ways about it”. There’s no two ways about this - he’s a terrible wazzock. These awful, vulgar, vapid narcissists are topping the charts today. Still, at least we’ve partially moved on from the date-rapey smarmy cunts from last decade. Maybe they’ve been lost to the #MeToo movement or something. It’s fine to listen to, but thank fuck rock and indie still exist.

Oh no, it was a genuine minor news story! Good way to liven up such a dismal place.

Shitty source but yes, apparently it’s the third time he’s died on Twitter. Shows how morbid we are as a nation, doesn’t it, that a bit of a quiet spell instantly means they’re probably dead.

After £1 million worth of sex toys are stolen from a lorry in Kettering, police say the suspects may be sitting on the evidence and it’s unlikely they’ll come quietly.

Most national newspapers, and the BBC, are so gleefully and incessantly reporting on Ian Austin (ex-Junior Minister formerly off of Labour) advising people to vote Tory in the election. That’s fine. But where is the coverage of Ken Clarke (ex-Chancellor, ex-Home Secretary, ex-Justice Secretary, thrice leadership candidate, off of Conservatives for half a century) advising people to tactically vote against the Tories? There is none. Good old British political journalism.