Tuber Mirum

Since when do the number of posts a person makes matter? I have 2000+ on another board and believe me, I'm not the most popular guy around there. Did I say it did? Is the reason that you are less popular because you have made so many posts, or more on account of the content of some of them? Surely promotion to executioner is desirable. On the other hand, if as is being suggested in another thread, more ranks are created for higher numbers of posts, it may encourage some to make lots of irrelevant postings. Like this one.

There is humour to be found in everything. Whilst I didn't find Amanda's jokes particularly side-splitting, I''m sure most amputees will accept that there is some degree of humour to be won from their predicament. Any amputee (or other disadvantaged butt-of-a-joke) with a bit of character would be grateful that at least something cheering comes of it. I don't mean abusive or insulting jokes, but Amanda's weren't that. Just not on the higher end of a scale of one to ten for funniness. Who has no humour? From what little I know of Amanda, she too, if yet to actually lose any limbs, has seen the hard side of life. But remains nonetheless positive, cheerful and maintains a consistently amusing and engaging style in her many postings. Anyway, most of the non-death-related postings on the Deathlist consist of members ridiculing one-another or themselves for their petty failings. Or as the highly articulate Mr Josco would have it: If all reference to anything which could possibly offend anyone were removed from jokes, then humour would end up like US television. i.e.: Crap. I don't like Heather much. That business with her making Paul fire his manager or whatever it was stank to me. But then I didn't really like Linda much either with her vegetarian ready meals.

By following any religion, you are putting yourself under the power of other human beings, not some supernatural deity. What happened was, a few thousand years ago, some cleverer than average medicine man decided that he would explain all the things that people didn't understand, like fire, the sun, winter, disease, and most other things by saying that there was a powerful being living in the sky and he (the medicine man) was the only one who knew what everyone had to do in order not to invoke the wrath of this "god". The result of this was that the medicine man, who called himself a priest, got given lots of food (sacrificial offerings) by the people, wore the best clothes, got to shag lots of virgins and had more money than anyone else. Nice work if you can get it. Hell was necessary as a threat of eternal suffering for those who wouldn't join in, to make them guilty and scared. Same as Mr Bush is still trying to do today. (Though nobody would call him cleverer than average) The altruistic, non self-serving, good side of religion led to many good things like charity and much of the music and architecture we have today, but people would have been nice to each other even without religion, I'm sure. And in many cases a lot less nasty to each other. Some of your modern religions like the Mormons or the Jehova's Witnesses don't have hell. That is an attempt to make those religions more marketable to the white, middle-class community. A sort of low-risk investment. Has worked well for the Mormons making them filthy rich, but the Witnesses have lost a lot of credibility through consistently failing to predict the end of the world. The Roman Catholic Church is the biggest Guilt Club in the world. But religion arose and was successful because human beings have a need for it. That's people for you. Who knows what else the uncontrolled masses might have got up to?

Amanda, you should be able to see all those graphics all right even on the crappiest, oldest iMac. You need to find your "displays" control panel and fiddle around with the settings. I don't know which mac OS you are using, but clicking on the apple in the top left of the screen is often a good start. There is little chance that you will make things worse than they already are! In order to please Inar, if you have something to add to a post, you can use the "edit" button on the top right of the post. Saves you from writing several posts in a row in the same thread. Though it will delay your forthcoming promotion to executioner.

How nice to see that some young people can still show a little respect! Meanwhile, I return shaken but not battered from a couple of nights free acommodation courtesy of the German Constabulary to find that this thread has doubled in length and unless I am mistaken, has had its title changed. Or have I been catapulted by some mysterious force into a parallel universe where things are different? How much power do these moderators have? And why do we need so many of them anyway? I mean the General Assembly of the Church of Scotland seems to get by alright with only one.

Don't encourage him!

Oh dear, this could run and run. In another thread (I love Mr Josco's little man) Amanda seemed to be quite upset over being corrected for spelling and grammar. Please do not take this to heart. Among my circle of friends and acquaintances it is considered mandatory to joke and tease one another for all ones foibles and eccentricities. This is in no way akin to the kind of 'playground' teasing and bullying that it may appear to an outsider. I enjoy this forum because of the feedback from other members, both negative and positive, and I do not believe that any of it is intentionally wounding, but is more playing to an audience and trying to raise a laugh. The kind of banter one would encounter with friends over several pints in a convivial atmosphere. I trust it is not too presumptuous to consider that the members of this forum could be such people. This has also been covered in another thread (Declining Standards), and at the risk of opening myself up to abuse; I believe that correct English and grammar are of paramount importance if one is to be correctly understood. English is a very difficult language to master as my esteemed colleague Magere Hein pointed out with this link. I do think that if one speaks what used to be called the Queen's English (or BBC English or even RP) then spelling is considerably easier as in many cases words are pronounced as they are spelt. Grammar and punctuation are also to be considered when one is making a point whilst writing. "Jake, my brother and I went to the pub" equals three people, whereas: "Jake my brother and I went to the pub" is one less drink to buy. A simple example, but one that I hope illustrates the importance of punctuation. No doubt some of you reading this will be examining it in miniscule detail looking for an error with which to berate me, but I care not. I shall simply let the waves of criticism and derision wash over me with a British stiff upper lip and a large Hendricks gin & tonic Dear Mr Josco, You carelessly omitted to place a full-stop at the end of your post. Or as the Americans would somewhat disgustingly say, a period. Enjoy your gin.

It's going to increase the likelihood of duplicate threads though. So the mods are going to have to work a bit harder if the main search doesn't get fixed. I don't expect removing it completely would help, if that were possible?

You mean this story. Poor kid. It was a complete freak accident. Nice place Torphins, not far from where I was born, but hellish snowy in winter.

There are an old saying: You is what you eat. Some of us have obviously eaten something extremely stupid.

This thread, one page back.

Or Frederick in Gilbert O'Sullivan's "Pirates of Penzance" who aged one year every 4 years.

Don't forget IYG, that Mr Pestilence places his trust in some highly questionable reference books.

You a lady(,) Slave? Didn't realise. Live and learn and all that. Tanquerray is quite nice too, but I'd be surprised if I didn't feel the need to try some Hendricks soon. Dutch Genever is also very tasty.

Douglas was No. 42 on last year's Deathlist. This year he didn't make it onto the list at all. But if he continues to age at the alarming rate of one year per year, the committee will have to give serious consideration to re-enlisting him next time round.

Scottish ones.

Fascinating article. Moore combines plenty of good sense and humour with membershiip of the UKIP and a fair dose of what in these enlightened times could only be called racism. I particularly like the bit about his girlfriend having been killed in the Blitz being the reason why he is a lifelong bachelor. A true loony of the old school. PS: Mods, shouldn't this thread be merged with the other one?

Isn't brown bread (ie: dead) a very apposite judgement for one who has ceased breathing, thinking, metabolising, etc.,? Humility forbids us from mentioning our manifold achievements in life, but certain is that the minute one of us wins an Oscar, then you will be eating your words!

Erm. From my O.E.D.: "Words ending in -ize and -ization (such as realize and realization) may also be spelt with s instead of z. Words given in this dictionary with the spelling -ise (such as advertise and surprise) do not have an alternative spelling with z." emphasis emphasize Tell me Mr. Pestilence, how much did you pay for that dictionary of yours? Some of those cheap Chinese import imitation dictionaries aren't always quite up to the mark, you know.

How can you possibly get "bacchanalian" right and then bollux "buffoonery"? Bollux ? I get it... Use a word that doesn't exist, then no-one can say that you mis-spelled it! or did you mean bollix? Crimony, the Scots even spell things oddly... Edit: Gonna lose this one, aren't I? bollix isn't the Scottish spelling. It is an Irish spelling popularised by the author Roddy Doyle in such phrases as "ye big bollix" and similar.

Anyone else feel seasick?

Blimey! Spend a few hours out of town and all hell breaks loose! Actually, if there is one thing that bugs me more than people beginning irrelevant sentences with "actually", it is the fact that absolutely nobody on the Deathlist (with the exception of myself and it would seem Mr. Josco) appears able to spell "definitely" correctly. Perhaps the sweary-word-filter-thingy might be adapted to correct the most common mis-spelling automatically. And to give the perpetrator a powerful electric shock.

Mr Josco, am I to understand you wish to cast aspersions on the normality of Scottish musicians? If so, you can expect Captain Oates and me round your place first thing tomorrow for tea and your toenails. Followed by a bagpipe recital. Now what could be more normal that that?

Strangely enough, a chap I know, also a Scottish musician, had the same kind of thing. He is fine now. I think if those brain haemmorages don't kill you right away, you have a fair chance of getting back to normal. Let's hope that's how it is for Edwyn.

Wasn't that Jacko's dad I saw on the telly today? He was looking a bit doddery. I remember he was in hospital last year for bleeding ulcers or something. Has he ever been considered for the list?