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Monoclinic

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Everything posted by Monoclinic

  1. Monoclinic

    Things To Do While Waiting For Death... 2010

    What would you taste like to a cannibal and other essential quizzes.
  2. Monoclinic

    Ronnie Biggs

    Can't say I much enjoy the sequel, you know the one where the bankers are robbing the people!
  3. Yvonne never got this level of attention when she called you a twat and between a cunt and twat lies but semantics. There wouldn't happen to be a repressed fondness for the Scot perchance?
  4. Speaking out for the ladies, we could handle both boys, easy. You are both being cuntish Banshees, hope that Pakistani training camp went well. Could you hold the anchovies please?
  5. Monoclinic

    Football

    Right, that's you on block! From my experience, when we were overperforming minnows amongst giants as opposed to underperforming giants amongst minnows, we used to be everyone's favourite underdog amongst my "immigrant" friends in Southampton.
  6. Monoclinic

    The Dead Of 2010

    This man was a genius. If you type in anal, you get cock, and if you type in smirnoff, you get poisoned. Many's the person who's been called an aunt.
  7. Monoclinic

    Things To Do While Waiting For Death... 2010

    Another reason to hate the Flammands by proxy? I wish they'd stop quibbling on about independence and just do it, no-one outside of the 10 or 11 million Belgies gives a hoot, or even realises a split is on the cards. I can solve the Brussels problem. No one gets it! Include the BHV bit and make a free city EU concession type thingy. Then we can stop wasting money on this rolling presidency and moving all the filing cabinets to/from Strasbourg every 6 months. That's why I'm not a politician.
  8. Monoclinic

    Things To Do While Waiting For Death... 2010

    I tried a few classic beginnings. I don't expect Google Scribe to win literary prizes anytime soon: Shall I compare thee to a summer camp for children with special needs and their families in the area. Call me Ishmael review of the literature on the subject of the present invention. It was the best of times and then they will become more apparent from the following detailed description. Happy families are all alike in the several States and Territories to the north of the city of New York. It was a dark and stormy night in their own right and do not want to be related. Sometimes the stupid programme loses track: A spectre is haunting Europe and the United States and Canada and the United States and Canada and ... It is an ancient Mariner Hybrid 4WD MPG Database Search Results for All Products → ∞ regards, Hein That sure beats the English lessons I remember. God how I hated to over analyse books and write essays agreeing with my teachers opinion of a book for the want of a GCSE. Good books spoiled probably but certainly puts me off the authors I read in school for life. Whilst I'm at it I may as well continue my rant... why is it that English Lit is always deemed the more important qualification over English Lang? (As in regarded more highly.) For the GCSE we could take in our texts for the lit exam, in which we had previously made copious notes and highlighted all the relevant quotes, so all one had to do was rewrite this to fit the essay title and Bob's your uncle there you go have an A. The English language exam was based on unseen texts, far harder IMHO, certainly not an exam that you could revise parrot fashion for, a proper test. Before my exam year (94), the two English qualifications were 100% coursework where you chose your best bits! Talk about easy and fucking easy. No wonder we and those pupils who have followed make the likes of honez mad! I guess if you want to learn decent English these days the trick is to move to Holland
  9. Monoclinic

    Fort William Football Club

    Maybe I've been away too long but whilst doing some googling on our new best team (can we get a DL skull on their team kit I wonder?) I saw this horrid suggestion about reality TV and FWFC. Is this true? Another vague link. And do we really need to sell "soccer" [washes mouth out with soap and water] to the USAians anyway? I think MUFC and Liverpool fans would agree. EDIT: Here's a little article, apologies if already posted, that (eventually) says you can sponsor a homematch for 150 squid.... can the DL community club together for such pride? Brighton sounds like a great location for the convention but would a trip to Fort William be like finding a soul mate? I hear the DL has had a bad year for significant deaths, or something.
  10. Monoclinic

    Laurent Fignon

    I expect when Lady Thatcher dies honez will say something like: "She was a delightful little old lady who helped boy scouts across the road and tirelessly baked cakes for the miners when they were out on that strike." I forgot to mention that there are exceptions to the rule - Adolf Hitler, Myra Hindley and Margaret Thatcher... Hitler was just misunderstood, I mean he did keep the youth off the streets, just look at what Joseph Ratzinger has achieved. Myra had a bad childhood. Thatcher however was a cunt.
  11. Monoclinic

    Fidel Castro

    I like your new avatar, comerade. (saved here, in case you change it in the future): What was life like without Google? I fear I may have forgotten. Re the other bit, I wouldn't go for the full tin pot collection just have a happy leader face with everyone else recruited by interview, or public telecasting live on C4. It's the new red. I've another suggestion too, with the European surplus of bureaucrats, we could each take turns in loaning Belgium a government, saving on redundancy packages and job seeker benefits. I'd happily step in, but I can't do Tuesdays, Wednesdays or Fridays when there is an r in the month.
  12. Monoclinic

    Fidel Castro

    I sometimes wonder if we would be better off with one of these live in presidents. Just think no annual canvassing for bullshit local elections so random dogooders can discuss jam rights at local fetes, Britain in bloom and decide which roads to disrupt for the next 18 months all in the name of ineffective traffic calming. No elections equals no fliers equals no paper, ink and energy wasted (go carbon footprint!). Equally there'd be no TV broadcasts by all the loony corrupt Eton bumfun boys (and girls). Neither would we be disappointed or thoroughly pissed off when the politician you (didn't) vote for does a u-turn on his policies or chums up with the ones we really hate. We could also brighten up the place with some iconic slogans and posters. Perhaps wheel out Thatch as our "beloved leader", just to piss off the EU, I'm sure she'd make a perfect Kim the elder II. This leaves the sensible people in Whitehall to make all the executive decisions and we'd get a Boris in or some other classic spokesperson to relay the message to the people. Only one drawback, in a People's Republic, what to do with the monarchy? Salutations, Comrade Mono.
  13. Monoclinic

    Fidel Castro

    I've just seen him, he didn't look a day over 40. The queue for The Chairman was far longer so I skipped the chance to compare Madame Tussauds efforts in dictator body doubles preservation for public display. Digression over, as you were, long live El Comandante!
  14. Monoclinic

    Ronnie Hazlehurst

    Quite an amusing socialogical analysis there, or summat. Perhaps we should assign some of those names to all the members? Obviously best not to self-proclaim but I think I can identify with quite a few on that list like Ennui, Jerk or as for Rebel without a clue never reading FAQs, instructions or likewise! I think our forum has lost it's Target however...
  15. Monoclinic

    Quantickgate

    This would never have happened if ahem whoever's behind that team chose Steve Lurpak. Besides, just how far into a google search of Swells dead do you have to go to fall on ddp?
  16. This one's for you Yogi, wherever you may now be!
  17. Monoclinic

    ???

    Kabaddi or Korfball?
  18. Monoclinic

    Interesting Ways To Die...

    In case like me you were slightly disappointed that your medical knowledge had not been enriched, I found a similar story with a photo and the prescribed course of action, fly spray. Please don't look if you are about to eat or have just eaten.
  19. Monoclinic

    Laurent Fignon

    I believe he has done a lot of the running commentry. Well he was always on France 2 when I tuned in, though that wasn't often due to that horrible thing called work! Anyway, for those interested giving lots of info about his state of health. I'd say his voice was probably midway between the guy in the Noel Edmonds jumper and the guy in the seventies shades at the end of this .
  20. Monoclinic

    The Deathlisters Alternative Footie Thread

    ADVERTISEMENT: Caretaker Manager required m/f XpertEleven.com 2 month contract Clinique Précisionists are a renowned team within the Death League Xpert Eleven, having been around since season 2, with a quasi consistent performance until recent unforseen circumstances hit the club. To avoid further neglect and future known absenteeism we are looking for a caretaker manager to bring fresh ideas into the club and to build on our success. The current manager will be on hand for advice for just over 3 weeks before commitments take her away from current interneting practices. She will not return until towards the end of September. The ideal candidate will have an excellent knowledge of mouse work and perhaps an average sense of humour to devise press releases for additional stipends. You will be a born piss-taker with the skills to set players training, count to eleven and partial to risk-taking. French is not a prerequisite but an enthusiasm to shrug your shoulders in defeat is advantageous. This role is a unique opportunity for those new to xperteleven who would like to know more about the game without any full hands on commitment. Bags of enthusiasm, initiative and flair are secondary to lucky heather and wings and prayers. For further details please contact Monoclinic via the usual DL channels. Both current and former managers will be considered.
  21. Monoclinic

    The Deathlisters Alternative Footie Thread

    Oh bollocks! Firstly congratulations and secondly thanks, I had completely forgotten about xpert, looks like I played you twice over the last two weeks and lost both. I successfully bought a player though a few weeks back so it's not all bad. Well, ish.
  22. Monoclinic

    ???

    Salman. World Cup 3rd place play off or Community Shield (as most pointless game of football)? Community Shield. Jack Taylor or Howard Webb? Graham Poll Torres or Ronaldo ('s haircut)?
  23. Monoclinic

    Fantasy Football

    Congratulations Cowboy Ronnie for your fantastic achievement. With a clear overall lead you have also been awarded the Golden Coffin for the most skillful fantasy football manager the Deathlist has ever seen. Only one previous owner. For those of you interested to know where you came but can't be bothered to log in, here is the final table.
  24. Monoclinic

    The Real World Cup

    Toss up between here and room 101. I'm about 700 miles from the Spanish border and I'd say 50 miles from the Dutchies yet they are going mad in the streets here; horns, screams and vuvuzelas. Pesky glory supporters. People I'd spoken too over the last month were hopeful for their neighbours (not France, naturally). What a fickle bunch they are.
  25. Monoclinic

    Britney Spears, Kerry Katona, Heather Locklear et al.

    Good news! Sheril Coal's got malaria! Cheryl's motive for screwing Ashley for as much as possible (wikipedia)
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