Bury The Bastard

No one puts Patrick in a box

It's guess the tabloid headline time- I'll go for 'Fate deals Beadle a bad hand'

He was asked recently if he would be doing pantomime again. He said no - he did a-lad-in about 6 years ago and hasn't heard the end of it

Died of exposure apparently

I once did this to a Bluebottle. Everytime it landed, i made it fly again. It lasted 10 minutes before having a heart attack in mid-air. Better this than study.

I thought of a great game while eating my fifth peach at work the other day. I've called it 'Sphincter Bingo'. You arrange some sort of a numbered grid on the floor. You then eat 5 - 6 peaches etc, strip from the waist down and hop around like Basil Fawlty, applying maximum pressure on your sphincter. 'X' marks the spot.

I read somewhere recently that last year's 'slimmer of the year' was disqualified after discovering he had an incurable wasting disease

I agree, we need a cull. It'll free up some house stock and bring the prices down. The old and weak have all the good houses. Bastards.

Let's make Eileen our new God and brainwash our children to believe in her Lord hear us and target the needy, the weak minded and the desperate (like 'Believer') and the hungry (we'll give you food if you believe in Eileen) Eileen hear us we won't need evidence of anything, just faith (faith that cannot be questioned), but will treat her postings as our new bible. If we don't like them we can change them at a later date. And always remember, nothing is as ugly as a Christian meeting group. Lord graciously hear us I like Terminator's idea of the 'Church of Eileentology' but what about 'The church of the latter day Eileens'. Oh my Eileen, we're splitting already! Some people just have to believe in an Almighty. The same people ususally believe in ghosts and read their stars. Bless you, in the name of the Eileen, the fairies and the father Christmas. Karl Marx once said "if God did not exist it would be necessary to invent him"

Things will never be the same without him- You can't spell Party without Artie! (If you misspell party! Or.. Artie)

I watched a celebrity Weakest Link tonight. Bernard Manning looked terrible. His big rascist ass had to be helped from the stage. Surely he can't get beyond his mid-seventies. The Weakest link for 2005?

No more Blue Peter pets but Pingu is a dead cert for 2005. BBC news states:

The Godfather of soul has prostate cancer. He has told doctors 'I don't feel good' and will be going for surgery next week.

According to Sky News: He is believed to be a heavy smoker and suffering circulation problems and high cholesterol. Not to mention the guilt he must feel for ruining many an 80's disco.