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Mortician

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Posts posted by Mortician


  1. eah, I was! WOOOOOOOT! 2009 began lousy, but 12 deaths with two months to go is pretty impressive after all.

     

    The next one is going to be the baroness Thatcher (just to please our English friends here...). I watch her 'last stand against socialism', her final House of Commons-speech in 1990, over and over again. She might have been a crypto-fascist, warmongering, heartless bitch, but she delivered a thrilling speech there and smashed her opponents.

     

    Time for her to perform her final duty now, though.

     

    This is a very good call, with the Tories about to kick off another batch of psychotic Euro Bashing over Lisbon, the bitch of the living dead will rise from her whisky sozzled stupor, shout No and then keel over if Blair gets elected el Presidente....

     

    Makes it almost worth hoping the grinning war mongering pope botherer gets the job


  2. Bless Charlton and all the little wheelies, always reminds me of a very obscure band from the mid 80's called Stump, who had a song with the line 'Charlton Heston put his vest on' and fighting Pharoahs!

     

    Pure genius and more accurate historically then Chuck sword and sandal efforts.

     

    I wonder if St Peter will be packing assault weapons at the pearly gates, or Moses will be read to complain about the hair do!


  3. Someone here thought he was already dead :)

     

    A government source saying he is dead eh?

    He probably is dead but for security reasons are not announcing it...

    I doubt it, Blair might be a war mongering lying bastid but even he wouldn't trust Kim Howell with his phone number let alone a state secret...


  4. The way things are going in Zimbabwe, it wouldn't surprise me at all if Morgan Tsvangirai didn't see the year out. A car accident (arranged) could well happen.

    I think that you can safely say that Muagbe will not go for the subtlety of an accident, unless you consider lead poisoning caused by gunfire to be accidental.


  5. There must be a Bin Laden thread somewhere on the DL, but I never really figured out the "search" function, and at the moment it's giving an error message that said something about flooding.

     

    Anyway, five and a half years on, and just shy of his 50th birthday, is the US finally getting serious about catching killing Osama?

     

    Happy 50th Old Boy

     

    I'm confused... why are they going to the Afghan / Pakistan border area... we all know Osama is in Iraq with all those other fundamentalists that profited under the secular regime of Saddam Hussain... otherwise why did we invade there at all

     

    Or have I missed something?

     

    Oh well back to my bunker protecting democracy in 2 square miles of the green zone in Baghdad


  6. Banshees, man. Much as I dislike the Royal Family, it has to be said that Phil the Greek spent nearly all of World War Two on active service against the Axis powers and not just fannying about in a safe posting. He is many things, but not a Nazi (or lizard.)

    Quite right, Phil may be rascist, with a border line personality disorder, old loony that believes that if it moves shoot it... but he's not a Nazi.

    That being said I'm sure that like his wife's Uncle he might think some of old Adolf's ideas weren't that bad, but his methods were a bit off....


  7. I have been wondering something lately......well actually I have been wondering say maybe many a few things lately (dammed I still have it :lol: ) But what interests me now is the Heather Mills matter. Is she in any way related to Haley Mills or Wilbur Mills?

     

    More likely Trago Mills, suppliers of bargain basement tat to the mad people of Devon and Cornwall... now why does Heffer make me think of low value tat?


  8. Heather’s first husband Alfie Karmal and her father Charles have branded her a lying fantasist.

     

    The above from that Sun article, assuming McCartney decides to get nasty I think these two appearing in court might raise the hate stakes to the point someone would have a go. More likely, if the realms of fantasy she seems to inhabit collapse around her she might be more of a danger to herself.

     

    I would say that the threat of some of her old alleged clients will soon put her off her day in court...

     

    Mind you the Scum story about her being paid as much as Rooney has some merit. She wants £10K a day for sleeping with an ancient crumbly scouser, and Wayne was spending some of his £10K a day sleeping with ancient crumbly scousers....


  9. Gordon Kaye was tootling along during the foreplay for the 87 hurricane when a tree branch came through his window, hit him in the head and allowed a few splinters to lodge in his brain. Struck a few of us as ironic at the time that he was in danger of turning into the kind of amiable but essentially simple soul he was famous for playing on screen.

     

    Well he must be doing alright (or at least as alright as you need to play a part in a Croft / Lloyd s*itcom) as they're doing a 'special'...

     

    Despair for comedy


  10.  

    Dame Wendy Richard, the highly unacclaimed non-oscar winning actress will no doubt offer a suitably sycophantic tribute.

     

     

    By the way, when did this happen. DAME Wendy Richard. surely its not true ???

     

    her official website shed's no light.

     

    I think this was a minor typo... Damn Wendy Richard


  11. So Bill Threlfall (dull BBC tennis bloke who wasn't Dan Maskell) has shuffled off his mortal coil... and he made me wonder who are the Sports Commentators you'd like to see dead - or in the words of the legendary Ron Pickering 'Away You Go'....


  12. I look forward to the inevitable tributes during the day.

     

    Dame Wendy Richard, the highly unacclaimed non-oscar winning actress will no doubt offer a suitably sycophantic tribute.

     

    Well predicted that man, the bitter faced old hag was wittering on Radio 4 within half an hour of the announcement... 'Lovely man - my partner and I have been visiting him daily - blessing as the end of his suffering'... (not clear if this was due to his illness or having to look at Wendy's sour mush)


  13. RIP World Cup football, 1930 - 2006. It's been 16 years in coming, ever since Benjamin Massing's horror tackle against Argentina in the first game of the 1990 tournament..

     

    Let's hope the general attacking spirit and flair the African teams demonstrated before all being knocked out this year will lead to a rebirth of sorts four years from now. But I wouldn't bet on it.

     

    The Cameroon tackle, especially following the 2 missed attempts previously during Canniega's run is exactly the sort of flair we need in World Cups.

     

    Fifa's constant attempts to make the game a non contact sport is what runied the group games with the bigger teams getting the decisions and turning everyone off...

     

    Let's have more passion, more fouls, more flair - as an England fan we cannot possibly play with any less passion than we did this time...


  14. Did we conclude on our earlier discussion as to whether or not she will get a State funeral?

     

    Churchill did get a state funeral as an exceptional case - for leading Britain in victory through the second world war...

     

    I don't think Margaret's twin victories over the corn beef exporters and the miners quite compare...


  15. Uso-show-mickey-rooney.jpg

     

    He can barely reach the microphone. :o

     

    It must be very difficult being a US soldier. You're sent around the world on the bidding of a deranged half-wit (is it me or is George W being Emu to Dick Cheney's Rod Hull?)....

     

    If you entertain yourself by taking pictures of prisoners you're torturing then you're locked up (providing you're lowly ranking - if responsible carry on number 1). If you drive down the road your Hummer offers as little protection against road side bombs as tin foil and then when it can't get any worse - a USO show is put on.

     

    Now when Bob 'Any more war zones and I qualify as one of the Four Horsemen of the Acropolis' Hope finally went to the music hall in the sky - the US forces must have been dancing in the streets. A new period of peace was bound to break out - No Hope = No War (or is that no hope of no war - more likely with this administration) but here's Mickey steeping into the breach...

     

    Mind you the average soldier might be getting what they deserve - I remember a British squaddie being interviewed and he wanted Jim Davison to come out - mind you it wasn't clear if that was to put on a show or be shot...


  16. He must be one of the worst petty crooks ever. If you're going to do loads of drugs, it probably makes sense to not always involve a vehicle, either stolen, or being driven erratically. Why not invite your mates round to your flat if you want to get up to your eyeballs. And when you feel the need to go out, take a taxi.

     

    It would seem he's due some real (i.e. a few months) inside this time. How many lives does he have left? I'll say 4.

     

    Perhaps he's seen Walk the Line and thinks the prisons didn't Johnny Cash's career any harm...

     

    Personally I'm just disappointed that he didn't manage to crash into George Michael and get both the media tarts into the same story.


  17. Rooney's was only 14 centimetres shorter than he is tall.

    I wonder what his BMI might be?

     

    I wonder if it's a character trait all Rooney's have?

    If so let's keep Colleen whatever her dog faces name is in mind for next year when she gets crushed to death by Wayne the evil love child of Mickey and Shrek!


  18. Bird flu has been found in a cat

     

    German crack suicide birds in full effect - next they'll be sending squadrons of the little kraut blighters over to plummet down and kill our cats.

     

    Only one thing for it - scramble the RAF tonight we hit Berlin with a 1000 Lancaster Bombers dropping incendiary lemsips....


  19. Didn't Ludo suffer from depression and/or make a half-hearted bid to end it all years back?

     

    Brinsworth House beckons, I reckon.

     

    I recall that he was an eminent member of the Voluntary Euthanasia Society oops rebranded Dignity in Dying so hopefully a trip to Zurich for a glass of Dignitas mouthwash may occur next year.

     

    Get him on for next year and a concerted campaign of 'your a burden Ludo' junk mail should push him over.


  20. Hope she doesn't die soon anyway - with David 'Bumbling Like-able Toff, it worked for Stephen Fry' Cameron wittering on about his liberal agenda - she'll be spinning so fast they won't be able to get her in the ground.

    That sounds like a cheap way do drill the main shaft of a new coal mine.

     

    regards,

    Hein

     

    :P

     

    Oh the irony, a dutch cap is raised to you dear Hein, pure genius

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