Death Impends

Yes, deadpoolers, it’s this time again. 2023 has had departures from as sad as Tina Turner to as welcomed as Henry Kissinger, but there’s still two constants in this world: The Derby Dead Pool, and us laughing at whichever poor souls fall for Superstar Billy Graham again. Erm, okay, one constant. For 2024, @Banana and I are continuing in our previous posts. As for @gcreptile's announced retirement. We all can agree he has done a bang up job for the past four years entering the celeb deaths and sorting out bugs while never losing his trademark zen. As it stands he is still in talks with a potential successor and will remain on the committee for at least another month or so to assure a smooth transition, and we will keep you updated as that progresses. Dear Jimmy - either die in the next week, or go all the way to 2024 - love, Banana THE RULES remain the same as they have for the past few years. Be warned – Ruth Langsford mother falls afoul of our FFBI criteria. IMPORTANT REMINDER: The spreadsheet method of entry that began in 2021 remains in service. The 2024 spreadsheet, identical to the 2023 one in all but filename, can be found here. It is heavily recommended to use the spreadsheet as means of entry to reduce Banana's workload as much as possible. If you are absolutely unable to work with the Excel spreadsheet, still make sure to recheck GUN's DDP entry guide thread from 2020 to make the formatting of your email as smooth as possible.

Small world. I've seen her name at the bargain book kiosk at my local grocery store, and thought "wasn't she one of those past DDP cancer writers"! Probably me thinking of Sophie Sabbage or Sonia Kinsella (though the latter wasn't an author).

I remember at one of those free book dumps in middle school George Burns's autobiography was there and I took it and read it because I was just getting really into centenarians. Definitely one of my Sulu-iest sentences ever. Weird you'd find George Burns's autobiography there in hindsight!

Now that the weather's finally ticking up I'm feeling less lazy again

Picked in the DDP for the first and only time in 2021.

Finally corralled up the update, just making sure no recent LotL/LotM names slipped through the cracks?

I think it helps a lot that the double sides are so long ago, that it kind of sorts itself out. Can’t Help Falling In Love justly endures and Rock-A-Hula Baby is justly forgotten, so we all just agreed to vote based off the former. If Rock-A-Hula Baby was equally culturally enduring while not being very good then it might've been more of a dilemma.

I've been playing it for years

George Schappell was trans, Lori wasn't, and Spade ran a trans theme team that year.

2022 looked like it was set to be 2011 bad when we were sitting on four hits for almost all summer. Then there were ten hits condensed into a little over four months. Plenty can happen with much of the year to go.

Oh yes, it's so late in the year that I get to join in the "don't fucking die in 2023 Jimmy Carter so I don't have a substitution headache" choir. Ryan Minor wouldn't have been a headache here, assuming everyone reads the rules. The outgoing Hartlepool Deadlypool saw us mourn popular figures like George Alagiah, Harry Belafonte, Shane MacGowan, Rosalynn Carter, and Tony Bennett, but they were all dwarfed by the absolute legends Daniel N. Paul, Helene Carrere d'Encaussee, and Juan Velarde Fuertes. Also those fuckers Rolf Harris and Henry Kissinger were proper points bonanzas. Same deal as usual. I aim to get all my Jan 1 deadpool teams in by Christmas, probably take care of it all today. Once that's done, I'll start entering PMed teams in addition to the publicly posted ones. Rules Points are scored according to the following highly complex scoring system: Competitors are awarded points according to the order in which their candidates die. The starting positions are as follows: Candidate 1: 50 points Candidate 2: 45 points Candidate 3: 40 points Candidate 4: 35 points Candidate 5: 30 points Candidate 6: 25 points Candidate 7: 20 points Candidate 8: 15 points Candidate 9: 10 points Candidate 10: 5 points When the first candidate dies, points will be awarded as above, and the remaining potential scores will slide up or down one position. If candidate 1 dies first, the team gets 50 points and the points below all increase by 5, so candidate 2 will get 50 points if he or she is the next to go. If a celebrity departs further down the list before the ones above are gone, the scores above are reduced by 5, causing the highest remaining score on the list to disappear. Those below will increase by 5 as before. This will often cause two celebrities to have the same number of points next to their names, but the order in which they die will still influence subsequent scores. Additionally, the player is allowed up to two substitutes. The substitutes will still count as part of the player's team, but use a fully different scoring system: 25 points if one substitute dies, 50 if the second substitute dies. Bonuses do not apply to substitute hits - this likewise means that subs will not take away a name's unique bonus if only one team has said name in their main ten. If a name on the player's team dies before the pool opens, they will not receive points for the death (barring a minuscule consolation point or two). They will be allowed to put a new name on their main team, either from the subs bench or a new name entirely. If a sub is promoted, they are entitled to name a new sub. Note that premature deaths are the only circumstances in which changes to a team are allowed. Otherwise, teams will be entered as originally submitted. If Scott Thorson announces hospice care after you've submitted, tough luck. I'm doing you a favor with that one, after all. As the host receives an email copy of any PMed teams as originally submitted, each email will be cross-checked before a team is entered - discrete edits to your PMed team will not sneak by! If a celebrity has unambiguously died within the deadpooling year, but a specific date of death is not provided, the latest plausible date of death will be used. This follows the precedent set by Leah Bracknell, who was a popular hit in 2019, but for many months her date of death was never elaborated beyond being in September. By the time her exact date of death was known, the 2019 HPDP was long-concluded and it would not have changed the winner anyway. I ultimately treated her as the last September hit, and any future hits in that vein will have a similar logic applied. Note that if details later emerge giving a person a specific date of death before the year's game is concluded, the scores will be adjusted accordingly. The Bonus System: Candidate not picked by any other competitor +2 Candidate under 18 years old -2 25th or less in line to the throne of Belgium, The Netherlands, Sweden or Denmark +2 Been on Celebrity Squares (or Hollywood Squares) +3 Death of candidate in spite of extremely high improbability or unlikeliness of same. +5 US Baseball or Basketball player -3 Former or present UK Prime Minister +3 Drummer +2 Former or present US president +3 Guilty (in Notapotato's opinion) of crimes against humanity +3 (with Notapotato rarely appearing, host Death Impends will use her own judgement for such cases) Both of the above +6 Has played in a pantomime +2 Has performed Morris dancing +3 Found dead in a Swimming Pool +3 Died in a farming or gardening accident +2 Death worthy of a Darwin Award +2 Murder, Suicide, Lightning +2 Dies on Notapotato's birthday (16th of May) +2 Death by Fire +2 Death by Water +2 Death by Bongo +6 The bonus is calculated according to the following simple formula: Bonus x (score gained from death divided by 5) Multiple bonuses multiply so a bonus of 3 and a bonus of 2 give together a bonus of 6. This makes negative bonuses extremely unattractive. So a bonus of 2 on a score of 40 gives you 2*(40/5)=16 Additionally, there will be a bonus of 50 points for coming in in 13th place in the Hartlepool Deadlypool. Unless there are only 13 or fewer entries. then there won't be. Nothing could be simpler. Oh yes, and there's an extra bonus of unspecified size payable on the first hit of the team which has the most interesting and unusual selection of celebrities. The host also reserves the right to reward further, minuscule bonuses to teams - often less than a point! 1. Dead means dead. No longer living: A bit like William Holden who having just been fished out of Gloria Swanson's swimming pool, died drunk and impoverished a mere 31 years later. Eligible for a death certificate. (A Munchkin is optional but may get a bonus) 2. For the purpose of the game a "celebrity" is someone well-enough known to get their death mentioned in one of the news sources host Death Impends deems qualifying for this pool: Anything that qualifies for the Derby Dead Pool The New York Times The Washington Post The Scotsman Canadian Broadcasting Corporation The Australian The Sydney Morning Herald Stuff.co.nz Le Monde Le Figaro Der Spiegel Die Zeit El Pais El Mundo Corriere della Sera la Repubblica 3. Only human beings may be submitted as candidates. Animals may take part in the dead pool, but may be ridiculed for doing so, and may not get any points. Unless they are cats with a long history of doing dead pools. Team names which sound like an animal such as "Donkey from Hell" or "Dead as a Parrot" are allowed, I suppose, but may be ridiculed. 3a. Strictly only one team per participant. The submission of teams in the name of domestic animals in an attempt to circumvent this rule is doomed to failure. And ridicule. 4. If a participant dies during the competition, unlike in some dead pools, they don't win the competition automatically. They may, however, get awarded a few extra points by way of consolation. And next year, a bonus will be named after you, perhaps. If you do die during the course of 2024, do drop us a line and let us know where you went wrong so others can avoid making the same mistake. 4a. For legal reasons, we are unable to actively encourage participants to murder or otherwise accelerate the deaths of their chosen celebrities. There is however no penalty in the Hartlepool Deadlypool for doing so. Your Procurator Fiscal or local alternative may see this differently though, so we recommend asking beforehand. 5. Anyone selecting the following types of names will be summarily ridiculed and very likely penalised in an arbitrary and unpleasant way should their candidates actually die or be killed: Famous For Being Ill names. The penalty incurred will be decided upon a name dying and obiting, and is dependent on the host's opinion of the degree of a name's FFBI-ness. A very select few, like Kate Granger to use a past example, I feel have transcended their illness to become a legitimate pick, and will receive no penalty. Those known for longevity are also not considered FFBI and will receive full points. Names who are proactive with their illness, but of a lower profile than the Granger types, will receive a moderate-to-severe penalty. If a name is "famous" solely for reasons such as an "inspiring" deathbed marriage or being in a coma, they will receive no points or perhaps even negative points! Fringes of Fame names are similarly subject to a penalty. I will likewise judge these names on a case by case basis upon death. If a name has some claim to fame independent of their relationship, I will likely be lenient - think Rayya Elias, whose news coverage in her final years was largely about Liz Gilbert's partnership with her, but was a published author in her own right. I will also be lenient with fringey names who have received a reasonable amount of media coverage prior to ill health - for instance, Roberta McCain was only noteworthy as John McCain's mother, but was a familiar media presence during his 2008 presidential campaign and had a standalone Wikipedia page since 2007. But if a Hollywood star makes a tearful post to Instagram about how their sister is terminally ill? If the sister never got much media attention pre-cancer, don't expect to gain a lot should she become a hit. Anyone under sentence of death or highly likely to be sentenced to death at the start of the year, unless they die by means other than execution Anyone missing in action at the time of entry submission, unless said MIA name is discovered to be alive, and dies later in the year 5a. And you won't be getting the extra bonus points for original and unusual picks if you don't come up with something a bit more original or unusual. 6. The deadline is 23:59 GMT on December 31. However, unlike most dead pools, teams may still be submitted post deadline - with the catch that any teams submitted January 1st and beyond are limited to 9 picks (plus two substitutes), and the highest-ranked name on your team starts with a value of 45 points. In fairness to those who entered in a timely manner, I will also forbid late entrants from including any currently unique names on their main team. Names that are entirely unpicked, only on subs benches, or on multiple main teams are fair game for inclusion. Because the subs bench has no impact on a pick's uniqueness, any name is fair game for inclusion on a late team's subs bench. 7. Though only deaths occurring up to December 31, 2024 are able to count as hits, the 2024 HPDP will officially close 23:59 GMT on January 7, 2025, to allow some breathing room for late-year deaths that might take a few days to accrue a proper obit.

One of my deadpooling mascots in recent years. 50s New Orleans R&B was a treasure trove for WTF they didn't die in 1995 picks not too long ago, like Lloyd Price and Huey Piano Smith. But now they're all dead.

Kurt Hamrin, Swedish football great and last survivor of the 1958 World Cup final, died way back in early February but his HPDP status escaped me. Famous6Eva is duly off the mark with 42 points (30 base + 12 bonus). Now into March. Canadian jazz pioneer Eleanor Collins swan songs a classy duet. The two who head north on the scoreboard are GuyFromFuture by 45 points and Torva Messor by 35 points. Despite his popularity in the DDP, RTE journalist Charlie Bird was surprisingly a unique hereabouts. A Bird in the hand is worth 49 points (35 base + 14 bonus) for msc. Charlie's son Philippe de Gaulle was another unique, this time for Imelda with 21 points (15 base + 6 bonus). Astronaut Thomas P. Stafford was in declining health in recent months and so was always likely to rocket onto a HPDP team or two. MariNisia gets 49 points closer to the stars (35 base + 14 bonus), while Perhaps launches his first sub with 25 points. Roger Ebert once stated "no movie featuring either Harry Dean Stanton or M. Emmet Walsh in a supporting role can be altogether bad." Does that rule also apply to deadpool teams? Thatcher says yes, consigning Walsh to a supporting role on the subs bench which the craggy thesp did with typical aplomb, delivering 50 points and marking the first team where both subs have died. The world's oldest man, that eternal deadpooling staple food, delivers once again. Venezuelan Juan Vicente Perez was a unique for BuffaloPhil worth 42 points (30 base + 12 bonus). Have to admit, when I saw the news Lynne Reid Banks died, I thought for a minute "wasn't she the one who died two years ago?". My mind had fused her and Margaret Stuart Barry into one, children's authors of similar ages who were frequently picked by YorkshireBanker. While Barry died off radar, there no such worries for Banks, and Banker can take his banking on Banks to the bank with a haul of 70 points (50 base + 20 bonus). The March scoreboard sees a swap in leads, with Thomas Stafford allowing Perhaps to surpass Banana. 1. Perhaps 190.19 2. Banana 173 3. MariNisia 151 4. Torva Messor 150.19 5. Thatcher 130.19 6. YorkshireBanker 120.19 7. Book 100.19 8. CaptainChorizo 91.84 =9. drol 90.19 =9. theoldlady 90.19 11. msc 89 12. RadGuy 86 13. DevonDeathTrip 83 14. Imelda 82.19 15. BuffaloPhil 82 16. markb4 81 17. Etushispushingupdaisies 75 18. diego 74 19. justonecornetto 72 20. Sean 70.19 21. maryportfuncity 70 22. Grimgrass 67 23. wannamaker 65 24. CalebH 63 =25. Funeralopolis 60.19 =25. ladyfiona 60.19 27. gcreptile 55.47 28. Pedro67 55.19 29. Toast 55 =30. BabyBlue 50.19 =30. Prophet 50.19 =32. arghton 49 =32. chilean way 49 34. GuyFromFuture 45 =35. Famous6Eva 42 =35. livingbygrace 42 =37. John Key 40.19 =37. The Unknown Man 40.19 39. Charles De Gaulle 40 40. DeathBecomesThem 35 41. Captain Hemlock 30.19 42. An Fear Beag 30 =43. MalePoster 25 =43. ThereWillBeDeaths7 25 45. The Old Crem 15 46. DeathByArsenic 10.98 47. Hell 10.19 48. JoeMoneypenny 5 =49. Bibliogryphon 0 =49. Death Impends 0 =49. Gooseberry Crumble 0 =49. Great Uncle Bulgaria 0 =49. Joey Russ 0 =49. LizLemon 0 =49. TheKillingTime 0 =49. time 0 =49. WEP 0 =49. WillyWonka422 0 =49. YoungWillz 0

March/early April update probably tomorrow. Think this is it for who died post Apfel? Eleanor Collins Charlie Bird Philippe de Gaulle Thomas P. Stafford Juan Vicente Perez Lynne Reid Banks

I felt it in NJ. Second earthquake I felt in my life, first was 2011. Earthquakes are so extremely rare in NJ that both times were just a minute of mild shaking yet I felt like the world was going to end. Today it took me about an hour for my nerves to fully settle.

Done

I'm pretty sure he also gets high on Hitler's birthday

Dead excited to be turning 99 and a half!

Anyways that's enough of "is this raging bigotry anything remotely resembling a coherent ideology" for one thread

Just gave Anita Bryant's book a read. She's a bit too consumed by this obsession with the gay issue but raises some pretty salient points on the horror stories over how they're invading straight spaces and corrupting the children.

I do love how he was posted in the UK charts thread first Presumably since it was where he was namechecked beforehand but still amuses

Forever glad I didn't register under my real name!

Fortunately there's no expiration date on my verbal warning. Since he has kept up posting inane tweets after the verbal warning, it is now a proper week off and subsequent mod preview.

Yeah, so many of ao guy's posts are death announcements that it was the first time in like a year where the Carter thread being bumped made me think he was dead.

BonScott is off for a week and mod preview after that. Can easily go beyond that. Probably gives him enough time to find refuge in one of the five million sites that actively accommodate his bollocks.