Jump to content

Death Impends

Admin
  • Content Count

    6,675
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    74

Everything posted by Death Impends

  1. Death Impends

    Time Added

    I do love how he was posted in the UK charts thread first Presumably since it was where he was namechecked beforehand but still amuses
  2. Death Impends

    Derby Dead Pool 2024

    Yes, deadpoolers, it’s this time again. 2023 has had departures from as sad as Tina Turner to as welcomed as Henry Kissinger, but there’s still two constants in this world: The Derby Dead Pool, and us laughing at whichever poor souls fall for Superstar Billy Graham again. Erm, okay, one constant. For 2024, @Banana and I are continuing in our previous posts. As for @gcreptile's announced retirement. We all can agree he has done a bang up job for the past four years entering the celeb deaths and sorting out bugs while never losing his trademark zen. As it stands he is still in talks with a potential successor and will remain on the committee for at least another month or so to assure a smooth transition, and we will keep you updated as that progresses. Dear Jimmy - either die in the next week, or go all the way to 2024 - love, Banana THE RULES remain the same as they have for the past few years. Be warned – Ruth Langsford mother falls afoul of our FFBI criteria. IMPORTANT REMINDER: The spreadsheet method of entry that began in 2021 remains in service. The 2024 spreadsheet, identical to the 2023 one in all but filename, can be found here. It is heavily recommended to use the spreadsheet as means of entry to reduce Banana's workload as much as possible. If you are absolutely unable to work with the Excel spreadsheet, still make sure to recheck GUN's DDP entry guide thread from 2020 to make the formatting of your email as smooth as possible.
  3. Death Impends

    Name Shame?

    Forever glad I didn't register under my real name!
  4. Death Impends

    Political Discussions And Ranting Thread

    Fortunately there's no expiration date on my verbal warning. Since he has kept up posting inane tweets after the verbal warning, it is now a proper week off and subsequent mod preview.
  5. Death Impends

    1. Jimmy Carter

    Yeah, so many of ao guy's posts are death announcements that it was the first time in like a year where the Carter thread being bumped made me think he was dead.
  6. Death Impends

    Benjamin Netanyahu

    BonScott is off for a week and mod preview after that. Can easily go beyond that. Probably gives him enough time to find refuge in one of the five million sites that actively accommodate his bollocks.
  7. Death Impends

    Baseball

    I love the bit of trivia where most of the players were happy to take the piss out of themselves, but Jose Canseco would only accept a plotline that made him look heroic, hence him rescuing countless valuables from a burning building. Says a lot about the guy!
  8. Death Impends

    Dead Pop Stars

    What a tune Go All the Way is!
  9. Death Impends

    Dead Pop Stars

    Will the Theme Team League tighten up?
  10. Death Impends

    Political Discussions And Ranting Thread

    Agreed. @The Old Crem please stop clogging the forum up with every tweet you see. Or else it can and will go to time off/mod preview.
  11. Death Impends

    How’s Your 2022 Shortlist going?

    Good find SC. Did some more searching and found this.
  12. Death Impends

    Cartoonists And Animators

    Never got into DBZ, but for much of my friend group this is 1000% (dare I say 9001%) their death of the year.
  13. Death Impends

    Dead Pop Stars

    Hollywood Reporter Ninja'd by ajlposh!
  14. Death Impends

    Hartlepool Deadlypool 2024

    And here we go Jonnie Irwin went from the third-most popular pick last year to the second-most popular this year, despite being on three fewer teams. After a long wait 23 of you finally get to enjoy A Place in the Sun: drol 45 points. Charles De Gaulle and Torva Messor 40. DeathBecomesThem, Funeralopolis, maryportfuncity, and The Unknown Man 35. Book, Etushispushingupdaisies, Perhaps, Thatcher, wannamaker 25. Sean 20. John Key and The Old Crem 15. BuffaloPhil 10. and diego, ladyfiona, and Toast 25 sub points. DevonDeathTrip's nun-slim outlook is paying off so far, with a second hit in the shape of reggae elder statesman Aston Barrett. The Marley man wails out 28 points (20 base + 8 bonus). Dries Van Agt led the Netherlands for five years, and proved an unexpectedly lucrative HPDP pick thanks to his decision to undergo euthanasia. The lucky pickers are CalebH with 63 points (45 base + 18 bonus) and arghton 49 (35 base + 14 bonus), plus 25 sub points for ThereWillBeDeaths7. Maybe Van Agt put an end to it all so he didn't have to suffer Toby Keith on the airwaves any more. Perhaps the man who best epitomized the God-bothery jingoist decay of country music, the Dubya cheerleader found a Dead Duo Cup in the HPDP with theoldlady patriotically proclaiming 45 points and DeathByArsenic 10. The day after Van Agt and Keith saw two hits in a day once more. Renowned conductor Seiji Ozawa had directed his baton to charge two teams through a challenging symphony, with CaptainChorizo navigating upward by 35 points and JoeMoneypenny 5. Not Marcus Welby, nor the gerontology stuffed shirt, Robert M. Young was a pioneer in independent filmmaking known for his frequent usage of Edward James Olmos. Yet another victim of the curse of Sulu, Torva Messor captures 25 sub points. A few days later was another with two cadavers to its name. Robert Badinter was behind the abolition of the death penalty in France, but we all will face the Grim Reaper's guillotine one day. MariNisia gets 28 points (20 base + 8 bonus). Can frontman Damo Suzuki was long ailing with colon cancer, and now that he's losing, he's losing, he's losing, he's losing his pulse, proved to be the vitamin justonecornetto needed with a value of 42 points (30 base + 12 bonus). Alexis Buchman. I don't like this pick at all. Apparently softball is technically a different sport from baseball, but FFS I'm just going to consider her a baseball player since I don't really know or care what the difference is. So -7 points for Banana (35 base - 42 bonus). Irene Camber was a leading fencer who jousted to Olympic gold in the 50s in the foil competition, well before hitting 80s stardom with "Flashdance... What a Feeling" and "Fame". She's worth 49 points (35 base + 14 bonus) for MariNisia. Half of the Hairy Bikers hirsute foodie duo, the death of Dave Myers sees two teams rev up their motorcycles for a cuisine tour. Toast dines on 30 points, and DevonDeathTrip 25. Wrestler Paul Vachon proved undeniably hardy, surviving multiple cancer bouts and the unnatural deaths of his sister and daughter. CaptainChorizo didn't butcher his HPDP prospects with a high placement delivering 56 points (40 base + 16 bonus). Lastly, the first hit of March, and we are finally up to date. Iris Apfel, the rimmed-glasses fashionista who hobnobbed with high Hollywood and US presidents, kept chic until the very end. One last burst of style comes with her HPDP points, fancying up BuffaloPhil by 30 points and Pedro67 20. And here be the next scoreboard. The narrative is roughly the same as last scoreboard - Banana holds a slender lead over Perhaps, while both have decent breathing room from the chasing pack. Still early days though... 1. Banana 173 2. Perhaps 165.19 3. Torva Messor 115.19 4. MariNisia 102 5. Book 100.19 6. CaptainChorizo 91.84 =7. drol 90.19 =7. theoldlady 90.19 9. RadGuy 86 10. DevonDeathTrip 83 11. markb4 81 12. Thatcher 80.19 13. Etushispushingupdaisies 75 14. diego 74 15. justonecornetto 72 16. Sean 70.19 17. maryportfuncity 70 18. Grimgrass 67 19. wannamaker 65 20. CalebH 63 21. Imelda 61.19 =22. Funeralopolis 60.19 =22. ladyfiona 60.19 24. gcreptile 55.47 25. Pedro67 55.19 26. Toast 55 =27. BabyBlue 50.19 =27. Prophet 50.19 =27. YorkshireBanker 50.19 =30. arghton 49 =30. chilean way 49 32. livingbygrace 42 =33. John Key 40.19 =33. The Unknown Man 40.19 =35. BuffaloPhil 40 =35. Charles De Gaulle 40 =35. msc 40 38. DeathBecomesThem 35 39. Captain Hemlock 30.19 40. An Fear Beag 30 =41. MalePoster 25 =41. ThereWillBeDeaths7 25 43. The Old Crem 15 44. DeathByArsenic 10.98 45. Hell 10.19 46. JoeMoneypenny 5 =47. Bibliogryphon 0 =47. Death Impends 0 =47. Famous6Eva 0 =47. Gooseberry Crumble 0 =47. Great Uncle Bulgaria 0 =47. GuyFromFuture 0 =47. Joey Russ 0 =47. LizLemon 0 =47. TheKillingTime 0 =47. time 0 =47. WEP 0 =47. WillyWonka422 0 =47. YoungWillz 0
  15. Death Impends

    Hartlepool Deadlypool 2024

    Oh yes, it's so late in the year that I get to join in the "don't fucking die in 2023 Jimmy Carter so I don't have a substitution headache" choir. Ryan Minor wouldn't have been a headache here, assuming everyone reads the rules. The outgoing Hartlepool Deadlypool saw us mourn popular figures like George Alagiah, Harry Belafonte, Shane MacGowan, Rosalynn Carter, and Tony Bennett, but they were all dwarfed by the absolute legends Daniel N. Paul, Helene Carrere d'Encaussee, and Juan Velarde Fuertes. Also those fuckers Rolf Harris and Henry Kissinger were proper points bonanzas. Same deal as usual. I aim to get all my Jan 1 deadpool teams in by Christmas, probably take care of it all today. Once that's done, I'll start entering PMed teams in addition to the publicly posted ones. Rules Points are scored according to the following highly complex scoring system: Competitors are awarded points according to the order in which their candidates die. The starting positions are as follows: Candidate 1: 50 points Candidate 2: 45 points Candidate 3: 40 points Candidate 4: 35 points Candidate 5: 30 points Candidate 6: 25 points Candidate 7: 20 points Candidate 8: 15 points Candidate 9: 10 points Candidate 10: 5 points When the first candidate dies, points will be awarded as above, and the remaining potential scores will slide up or down one position. If candidate 1 dies first, the team gets 50 points and the points below all increase by 5, so candidate 2 will get 50 points if he or she is the next to go. If a celebrity departs further down the list before the ones above are gone, the scores above are reduced by 5, causing the highest remaining score on the list to disappear. Those below will increase by 5 as before. This will often cause two celebrities to have the same number of points next to their names, but the order in which they die will still influence subsequent scores. Additionally, the player is allowed up to two substitutes. The substitutes will still count as part of the player's team, but use a fully different scoring system: 25 points if one substitute dies, 50 if the second substitute dies. Bonuses do not apply to substitute hits - this likewise means that subs will not take away a name's unique bonus if only one team has said name in their main ten. If a name on the player's team dies before the pool opens, they will not receive points for the death (barring a minuscule consolation point or two). They will be allowed to put a new name on their main team, either from the subs bench or a new name entirely. If a sub is promoted, they are entitled to name a new sub. Note that premature deaths are the only circumstances in which changes to a team are allowed. Otherwise, teams will be entered as originally submitted. If Scott Thorson announces hospice care after you've submitted, tough luck. I'm doing you a favor with that one, after all. As the host receives an email copy of any PMed teams as originally submitted, each email will be cross-checked before a team is entered - discrete edits to your PMed team will not sneak by! If a celebrity has unambiguously died within the deadpooling year, but a specific date of death is not provided, the latest plausible date of death will be used. This follows the precedent set by Leah Bracknell, who was a popular hit in 2019, but for many months her date of death was never elaborated beyond being in September. By the time her exact date of death was known, the 2019 HPDP was long-concluded and it would not have changed the winner anyway. I ultimately treated her as the last September hit, and any future hits in that vein will have a similar logic applied. Note that if details later emerge giving a person a specific date of death before the year's game is concluded, the scores will be adjusted accordingly. The Bonus System: Candidate not picked by any other competitor +2 Candidate under 18 years old -2 25th or less in line to the throne of Belgium, The Netherlands, Sweden or Denmark +2 Been on Celebrity Squares (or Hollywood Squares) +3 Death of candidate in spite of extremely high improbability or unlikeliness of same. +5 US Baseball or Basketball player -3 Former or present UK Prime Minister +3 Drummer +2 Former or present US president +3 Guilty (in Notapotato's opinion) of crimes against humanity +3 (with Notapotato rarely appearing, host Death Impends will use her own judgement for such cases) Both of the above +6 Has played in a pantomime +2 Has performed Morris dancing +3 Found dead in a Swimming Pool +3 Died in a farming or gardening accident +2 Death worthy of a Darwin Award +2 Murder, Suicide, Lightning +2 Dies on Notapotato's birthday (16th of May) +2 Death by Fire +2 Death by Water +2 Death by Bongo +6 The bonus is calculated according to the following simple formula: Bonus x (score gained from death divided by 5) Multiple bonuses multiply so a bonus of 3 and a bonus of 2 give together a bonus of 6. This makes negative bonuses extremely unattractive. So a bonus of 2 on a score of 40 gives you 2*(40/5)=16 Additionally, there will be a bonus of 50 points for coming in in 13th place in the Hartlepool Deadlypool. Unless there are only 13 or fewer entries. then there won't be. Nothing could be simpler. Oh yes, and there's an extra bonus of unspecified size payable on the first hit of the team which has the most interesting and unusual selection of celebrities. The host also reserves the right to reward further, minuscule bonuses to teams - often less than a point! 1. Dead means dead. No longer living: A bit like William Holden who having just been fished out of Gloria Swanson's swimming pool, died drunk and impoverished a mere 31 years later. Eligible for a death certificate. (A Munchkin is optional but may get a bonus) 2. For the purpose of the game a "celebrity" is someone well-enough known to get their death mentioned in one of the news sources host Death Impends deems qualifying for this pool: Anything that qualifies for the Derby Dead Pool The New York Times The Washington Post The Scotsman Canadian Broadcasting Corporation The Australian The Sydney Morning Herald Stuff.co.nz Le Monde Le Figaro Der Spiegel Die Zeit El Pais El Mundo Corriere della Sera la Repubblica 3. Only human beings may be submitted as candidates. Animals may take part in the dead pool, but may be ridiculed for doing so, and may not get any points. Unless they are cats with a long history of doing dead pools. Team names which sound like an animal such as "Donkey from Hell" or "Dead as a Parrot" are allowed, I suppose, but may be ridiculed. 3a. Strictly only one team per participant. The submission of teams in the name of domestic animals in an attempt to circumvent this rule is doomed to failure. And ridicule. 4. If a participant dies during the competition, unlike in some dead pools, they don't win the competition automatically. They may, however, get awarded a few extra points by way of consolation. And next year, a bonus will be named after you, perhaps. If you do die during the course of 2024, do drop us a line and let us know where you went wrong so others can avoid making the same mistake. 4a. For legal reasons, we are unable to actively encourage participants to murder or otherwise accelerate the deaths of their chosen celebrities. There is however no penalty in the Hartlepool Deadlypool for doing so. Your Procurator Fiscal or local alternative may see this differently though, so we recommend asking beforehand. 5. Anyone selecting the following types of names will be summarily ridiculed and very likely penalised in an arbitrary and unpleasant way should their candidates actually die or be killed: Famous For Being Ill names. The penalty incurred will be decided upon a name dying and obiting, and is dependent on the host's opinion of the degree of a name's FFBI-ness. A very select few, like Kate Granger to use a past example, I feel have transcended their illness to become a legitimate pick, and will receive no penalty. Those known for longevity are also not considered FFBI and will receive full points. Names who are proactive with their illness, but of a lower profile than the Granger types, will receive a moderate-to-severe penalty. If a name is "famous" solely for reasons such as an "inspiring" deathbed marriage or being in a coma, they will receive no points or perhaps even negative points! Fringes of Fame names are similarly subject to a penalty. I will likewise judge these names on a case by case basis upon death. If a name has some claim to fame independent of their relationship, I will likely be lenient - think Rayya Elias, whose news coverage in her final years was largely about Liz Gilbert's partnership with her, but was a published author in her own right. I will also be lenient with fringey names who have received a reasonable amount of media coverage prior to ill health - for instance, Roberta McCain was only noteworthy as John McCain's mother, but was a familiar media presence during his 2008 presidential campaign and had a standalone Wikipedia page since 2007. But if a Hollywood star makes a tearful post to Instagram about how their sister is terminally ill? If the sister never got much media attention pre-cancer, don't expect to gain a lot should she become a hit. Anyone under sentence of death or highly likely to be sentenced to death at the start of the year, unless they die by means other than execution Anyone missing in action at the time of entry submission, unless said MIA name is discovered to be alive, and dies later in the year 5a. And you won't be getting the extra bonus points for original and unusual picks if you don't come up with something a bit more original or unusual. 6. The deadline is 23:59 GMT on December 31. However, unlike most dead pools, teams may still be submitted post deadline - with the catch that any teams submitted January 1st and beyond are limited to 9 picks (plus two substitutes), and the highest-ranked name on your team starts with a value of 45 points. In fairness to those who entered in a timely manner, I will also forbid late entrants from including any currently unique names on their main team. Names that are entirely unpicked, only on subs benches, or on multiple main teams are fair game for inclusion. Because the subs bench has no impact on a pick's uniqueness, any name is fair game for inclusion on a late team's subs bench. 7. Though only deaths occurring up to December 31, 2024 are able to count as hits, the 2024 HPDP will officially close 23:59 GMT on January 7, 2025, to allow some breathing room for late-year deaths that might take a few days to accrue a proper obit.
  16. Death Impends

    Hartlepool Deadlypool 2024

    Hope to crank out a February (+ one March hit) update this weekend Think these are the to-dos Alexis Buchman Aston Barrett Damo Suzuki Dave Myers Dries van Agt Irene Camber Iris Apfel Jonnie Irwin Paul Vachon Robert Badinter Robert M. Young Seiji Ozawa Toby Keith
  17. Death Impends

    Rishi Sunak

    The BonScott distortion of "woke" as a term is basically the right-winger's favorite pasttime of finding ways to say the n-word without actually saying the n-word
  18. Death Impends

    Deathlist Cup 2024

    Until Wayne Eddy dies I'm going to keep thinking for a split second that something's wrong with the early rock-n-roll guitarist.
  19. Death Impends

    Death Anniversary Thread

    For a hint, as a kid I genuinely believed if someone was born on this day of the year, they aged four times as slowly as the rest of us
  20. Death Impends

    Inverse Dead Pool 2024

    One of those names I know I have without even checking. I went for most of these "new" cancer names that didn't stick in my mind. EDIT: Checked. #23. I'll take it.
  21. Death Impends

    ALS/MND/other degenerative diseases

    He was behind the quote in my DDP name, clearly famous enough
  22. Death Impends

    Nikolai Ryzhkov

    LotM. Last picked 2019.
  23. Death Impends

    Derby Dead Pool 2024

    TBF if Presle doesn't get anything beyond Yahoo it's the type of classy pick that justifies bringing Yahoo in the fold far more than local coaches. I'd be stunned if she doesn't get any "proper" broadsheet obits though.
  24. Death Impends

    Derby Dead Pool 2024

    Indeed: https://uk.news.yahoo.com/micheline-presle-devil-flesh-star-014000708.html
×

Important Information

Your use of this forum is subject to our Terms of Use