Toast

Excuse me, but I just couldn't resist bringing this over from Lady Arran's obituary. I recommend this obit as a cracking good read http://www.telegraph...s-of-Arran.html

When we were in Vegas a few years ago, My wife asked a 'Vulcan' female if she could have a photo with my other half, the reply was 'the other half of what my dear? Oh I see, you mean your mate?' What's a 'Vulcan' female? Is it something American?

The problem with "partner" is it's a word that's been hijacked (like "gay" was). It's only in recent times that it's come to mean "the person whom one is shagging having a sexual relationship with". It used to mean someone you did stuff with, but its meaning was far more wide-ranging, it could be a person you were in business with or the person you danced with (memories of primary school teacher clapping hands and saying briskly "Now find a partner!"). It was a neutral sort of word, devoid of emotion. The trouble is there's nothing else to use instead, whereas everyone seems to have abandoned perfectly usable words like husband, wife, girlfriend, spouse (now that's a useful one) other half, 'er indoors etc etc and all have been replaced by "partner".

We can't ban guest posters. They cause some of your best material. I guess an engraved locket is OK. My ex husband has my name tattooed on his chest and I think that is the most amusing thing that has ever happened in my life. It's a nice, quality tat too - according to his current paramour (or rhymes with that) it hasn't faded at all. Apparently it's so awful that she has to see it all the time and can't get away from the fact that I was part of his life....well, that and the inconvenient 26 year old son. Moral to this story, children - I don't care how much you think you love someone. NEVER get their name permanently placed on your anatomy. Jesus!! A Texan who speaks with the tongue of a 1920s English socialite or summat. Quite possibly the only American on Planet Earth that uses such a word AND understands what it means!! I use the word 'paramour' quite frequently. I think it's a splendid word, and have considered starting a campaign for it to replace the awful 'partner' which is unromantic and ambiguous. I also like 'concubine' which sounds like it could be something you have in your garden. But then I'm not American.

It makes you go blind, y'know.

Could well get the obit through the Amy Winehouse connection. However, isn't that the cancer that saw off Ray Manzarek ? I gather he had it for several years so it could take a while ....

Princess Beatrice is notorious for her awful dress sense. The hat is very 1920s and would look good with the right hairstyle, but not with her long wavy hair (which does suit her). The dress is horrible. I wouldn't put it past him, and nor do I blame him.

Queen Anne's dead too.

You confused me for a second there I seriously thought you meant "Washington DC"...... It's best not to refer to Cameron by his initials because the guy's so bland and undistinguished, his name recognition is about the same as your average World Cribbage Champion. [rant] For a moment I thought it was one of those hideous American abbreviations as used on mumsnet and the like - DH for darling husband and DC for darling children etc. That sort of tweeness does my head in. Apart from anything else, it gets really ambiguous, like is DF father or friend? Then because they can't say DD because it's usually daughter, they type DDog. I mean, just say dog, for fucksake. Pass the sickbucket please. [/rant[

Fufu flour sounds like a euphemism ......

There's a guest book! I was disappointed to see that you hadn't used the facility, Lardy.

Loving your work, Dave.

Isn't that more carpentry than gardening? A carpentery cautionary tale nonetheless.

That's me told. What about 'Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner' by Warren Zevon, does that count?

Rod Stewart - The Killing of Georgie

Aw that's lovely, Lady G. I will say though that where I live, the same postman was on the round for 25 years and he looked out for everyone in the same way. When he retired a few years back, the village threw a party for him and presented him with a number of appropriate gifts. Since then we have had a succession of friendly cooperative postmen, so we have no complaints at all.

Well I think part of the problem is the dog is not doing its job properly surely these workshy layabouts should not even get close to your rear entrance and should be fleeing down the road minus their trousers seat. True, but one of the dogs is sadly recently deceased, and the survivor was too engrossed in the rabbit he caught several weeks ago. He buried it as soon as we got home, but exhumes it regularly for a snack. Not much of it left now. Note to self: get new dog. Well he could bury one of the salesman, they would keep him going till Christmas I'll suggest it to him

Well I think part of the problem is the dog is not doing its job properly surely these workshy layabouts should not even get close to your rear entrance and should be fleeing down the road minus their trousers seat. True, but one of the dogs is sadly recently deceased, and the survivor was too engrossed in the rabbit he caught several weeks ago. He buried it as soon as we got home, but exhumes it regularly for a snack. Not much of it left now. Note to self: get new dog.

our Tax money getting put to good use making sure the rich and famous get the best . If he was a waiter in the local Greek restaurant something tells me he would of been sent on his merry way with a couple of plasters on his cuts. How would Air Ambulance know? Was there a 'copter doing a recce and the call came through: "Urgent, It's George Michael. I can just make out the stubble, yes, it's definitely him!" Yea what i meant was they turned up to a regular accident and then saw it was George Michael and decided to airlift him. Where maybe they wouldn't of done it for a normal person for cuts and bruises . Maybe they thought he might share some of his pot on the flight to hospital. Yes, well once they've turned up they may as well, it's already cost the money getting it in the air. Anyway knowing George*, he's probably already given them a shedload of money. *disclaimer: I don't know George, but I know someone who does. I mean its not George's fault if some people are overwhelmed by the famous . So i guess you will have the inside scoop on his health so i know who to copy if you say George Michael is going on one of your lists Possibly

Whitney; for sheer global news value, surely. Did they ever find out who done her in?

our Tax money getting put to good use making sure the rich and famous get the best . If he was a waiter in the local Greek restaurant something tells me he would of been sent on his merry way with a couple of plasters on his cuts. How would Air Ambulance know? Was there a 'copter doing a recce and the call came through: "Urgent, It's George Michael. I can just make out the stubble, yes, it's definitely him!" Yea what i meant was they turned up to a regular accident and then saw it was George Michael and decided to airlift him. Where maybe they wouldn't of done it for a normal person for cuts and bruises . Maybe they thought he might share some of his pot on the flight to hospital. Yes, well once they've turned up they may as well, it's already cost the money getting it in the air. Anyway knowing George*, he's probably already given them a shedload of money. *disclaimer: I don't know George, but I know someone who does.

I doubt a penny came out of your pocket. I don't know which air ambulance attended, but it might have been my local one (Thames Valley & Chiltern, it wouldn't be far out of their way) which is funded by a charitable trust. Most communities round our way do money-raising events for the Air Ambulance, since you never know when it might be coming for you.

Perhaps he can hear heavenly music: the newly-arrived Ray Manzarek playing "The End" .....

Very sad about this, the Doors are my all-time favourite band. Cannot even comfort myself with points as this seems to have gone right under the radar.

Those blokes that come round selling overpriced household items, who claim to be ex-young offenders trying to go straight. They always come round to the back of the house which I find intrusive, and frankly I suspect them of casing the joint. And the cunts always leave the gate open so that the dog can get out.