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Bald rick

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Posts posted by Bald rick

  2. Posted

    I think I'd find it quite exciting to be sworn at like that by Edith Bowman.

    AND YOU CAN F**K OFF AN' ALL, NOTAPOTATO, YOU WORTHLESS PRI*CK. WHAT, HAVE YOU GOT SOME SORT OF SUBMISSIVE STREAK, HAVE YOU, YOU W*NKER? WELL YOU CAN P*SS OF AND SELF-FLAGELLATE FOR 20 MINUTES WHILE I SIT HERE AND DIDDLE OVER IT.

    WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? ARS*HOLE...

    It's almost as if she knows you.

     

    This Bowman lady has a remarkable turn of phrase. What a delightfully couth person she seems to be. Congratulations to her parents for bringing her up so well and endowing her with such an extensive vocabulary. Shame Caps lock is stuck on her keyboard though.

     

    (not sure what the * in 'PRI*CK' is hiding)

  3. Posted

    I spent hours (well minutes) looking for the Phallological Museum in Reykjavik but it seemed to have disappeared (as they do every time you run in to the sea at Blackpool). Apparently the museum is still short (short?) of a human specimen. Any possible donors here?

     

    http://www.phallus.is/

    Apparently there is a 92 year old Icelander who has bequeathed his 'old man' to the museum when he finally pops his clogs. That will complete their collection of a specimen from every mammal species inhabiting Iceland.

  4. Posted

    ...If either of them die before the age of 100, it'll (probably) be because one put a contract out on the other. Columbo (very possibly) will be on the trail of the guilty party, 'cos you KNOW Falk'll still be around.

     

    No, no, no, no, no, no. Peter Falk isn't going to die. Silly you. :angry:

    Please, Six, try understanding the post you're replying to before before flopping out another meaningless one-liner.

     

     

    What did I not understand in the post? You suggested that Peter Falk would possibly be following Van Dyke and Forsyth in their deaths at some point in the future. I simply informed you of your mistake. As I said before, Peter Falk is not going to die. So, explain to me what I didn't understand.

     

    Oh, and thank you Lady Die for defending me ;)

     

    I've just re-read the original post, and Mr Star Crossed said that Columbo will be on the trail of the guilty party, ie will be still alive and chasing the culprit.

     

    Seems clear to me.

     

    BTW I have no axe to grind, just adding my 10 cents' worth. For what it's worth, I like Six too - fellow Somersettian and all that!

    • Like 1

  6. Posted

    Cheers SC'd

     

    Re the whereabouts of Maryport discussed above, it's on the Cumbrian coast, just above the industrial wasteland of Workingon (which means 'Working town' but is an unemployment blackspot and has been for about as long as anyone can remember. Maryport is also about 10 miles from Cockermouth which is just off the Northern end of Lake District national park and south of a quiet stretch of the Solway coast broken by the tiny and picturesque village of Allonby and - eventually - the permanently fast asleep 'holiday' resort of Silloth.

    So, Workingon (sic) means 'Working town'. Where does the name Cockermouth come from?

  7. Posted

    Aye Bald Rick, the same thing has occured to us over the last few weeks. The dear departed Simmo was a local lad so the weather and locals didn't scare him. I think the real worry for the newie is that Carlisle have stalled the two times they reached this level in the last decade. Also the likely loss of Michael Bridges and maybe one or two others before the start of the season will challenge a new boss.

     

    We'll get someone, mind.

     

    What are you busy with Bald Rick, looking for a new job or owt?

    I have been known on occasion to watch a game of 'footie' as I believe it's called. I don't like the idea of chewing gum and spitting a lot, which it seems are prerequisites for anyone involved with the game. I think I might just lose my patience with watching grown men rolling around on the floor pretending to be injured and go and give them a real injury to make them roll around instead, preferably using a large stick with a nail through the end. Bloody bunch of softies. Or maybe it's not like that in the 'lower leagues', or in the dim and distant north.

     

    In short, I'm probably as well qualified for the job as anyone who hasn't already turned it down. However I don't think my wife and young daughter could cope with the constant media intrusion, and the stress wouldn't be good for me, so it is with reluctance that I will also have to turn the offer down, if indeed it comes my way.

     

    Sorry.

  8. Posted

    Update, John Ward was offered a five year contract with Cheltenham and took it. John Carver's staying at Leeds. Carlisle are now back looking again. David Platt (please no!), Gary Megson (aye, maybe) and Mervyn Day (yeah, he could do a job) are all supposed to be in the running along with Ian McCall boss of Scotland's Queen of the South.

    It does appear from your regular updates that the Carlisle job isn't that desirable. All the candidates you've mentioned seem to have been falling over themselves to gain alternative employment as soon as possible after you've mentioned them. Is there something we should be told?

  9. Posted

    - Those little plastic tags that hold the labels on newly bought clothes. You cut them off and they ping off somewhere you can't see them. Invariably, they end up in my socks! I am always very careful when cutting them off, making sure I have both pieces clamped securely between my fingers as I undertake the tricky operation, but Mrs. V is much more casual (and tends to buy a LOT MORE CLOTHES, being of the fairer sex), so I blame her mostly!

     

    - Most mobile phone ringtones

     

    - People who talk really loudly on mobile phones in public. If in the days of the good old red phone box you'd opened the door to earwig someone's conversation, imagine what abuse you would have got about "invading their privacy". Now people want to talk about their sex lives, Big Brother, their athlete's foot and all, and you have to listen to it!!!

     

    - Big Brother

     

    - Adverts for athlete's foot powder. There's one on at the moment, seeming to suggest that applying the stuff is some sort of erotic turn-on, which it BLOODY WELL ISN'T - and it always seems to be when I'm having my tea!

     

    - Terry Wogan

     

    (to be continued)

    I suggest you try these tips:

     

    1. Cut up Mrs V's credit cards.

     

    2. and 3. stay at home for the rest of your life, with the doors and windows closed. Eventually, this may remove the need for you to do as recommended in 1.

     

    4. Don't watch it.

     

    5. Don't eat in front of the TV.

     

    6. Don't listen to Radio 2 before 9.30 each morning, don't watch Eurovision, don't watch Children in Need.

     

    Hope this helps.

    • Like 1

  10. Posted

    5 mins: A spiky start by Australia and it's bubbling up quite nicely. The Italians too seem to have committed themselves to a more up-tempo approach, but are being out-hustled in midfield.

    What's a "spiky" start?

    It's where they won the toss, and elected to play on a field of thistles. Eeyore would win that one hands (hooves?) down.

     

    Hope this helps,

  11. Posted

    Hey Lady Die, why'd you get rid of your American Idol avatar? Apparentely Taylor Hicks is the sexiest avatar out there.

    I just fancied a change. Daleks can be sexy too.

    I used to go out with a Dalek. Great kisser but the eye used to get in the way.

    I agree, though they always seem to play hard to get.

     

    Now matter how hard I tried I could never get a lady Dalek to follow me upstairs to the bedroom. :(

    Please excuse my ignorance, but can you be sure it was a lady Dalek? Maybe you misread some of the appendages and made what could have been a fatal assumption, were it not for the fact that you have stairs in your abode. Lucky escape, methinks.

  13. Posted

    It was dead moving to see the Poles and the Ticos celebrating together tonight in perfect harmony. That's what the whole thing is all about isn't it?

     

    The Ukranians were in fine voice as well of course. :)

     

    I thought this was what it was all about. That seems to be the sort of event which gets the British media most excited anyway.

  14. Posted

    alright gents, I hold my hands up, I was wrong. He's a not very well known Frenchie, not a Belgian, just born there (it's curious how many people born in Belgium aren't Belgian. Sort of like how many famous non-French people died in Paris).

     

    Anyway, here's a test to see how famous he really is. Walk around your office and ask everyone if they've heard of Claude Levi-Strauss. I'll predict the possible responses:

     

    1. "who?" - 50%

     

    2. "you mean the jeans guy?" - 40%

     

    3. "oh, the born-in-Belgium but actually French anthropologist. Of course." - 0%

     

    4. "I'm calling security" - 10%

     

    I just tried it in my office, and none of my three co-workers had heard of him, despite having three university degrees and two post grad degrees amongst them.

     

    I hope none of them have a degree in anthropology. Or are Belgian.

  15. Posted

    snip...

     

    In addition, the guy's still a porker

    ...snip

    Mmm, nice choice of words to use about a Jewish fat man! I'm sure he would appreciate that, if he was in a fit state to appreciate anything.

  16. Posted

    The World Cup finally begins today! Germany plays Costa Rica in 4 1/2 hours.

     

    With so many excellent teams this year, I am not very optimistic on England's chances of winning the World Cup. Their first game is against Paraguay on Saturday and they have an easy group (Paraguay, Trinidad & Tobago, Sweden), so I expect them to at least advance to the second round.

     

    Tomorrow I think you'll find.

  17. Posted

    Not quite as exciting as Maryport, this is where I live. We've two shops: a post-office and a butcher shop. A bus runs through here sometimes too... ;)

    The daft thing about most of those town websites is that they don't actually tell you where the bloody place is.

    Could be Benbecula for all the information they give you. A bit of recearch brought forth the information that it's in Somerset.

    Which reminded me of the time I got pished in The Old Library in Taunton.

     

    At the time, I was considering writing a story about a bookshop which doubled as a pub in the evening, so I was more than a little astounded to run into this place with all the bookshelves hanging from the roof, just like I'd imagined. Naturally I had to have a couple of drinks to settle my nerves.

     

    :blink:

     

    I still think of it as the library. Only been in there once since it became yet another soulless Tauntonian drinking den though, as I don't live down there anymore. My brother's stag night started there, and he was half-cut by the time we left at about 8.30. Happy days...

  21. Posted

    About Tom Simpson although the line on the front cover is 'in search of Tom Simpson' and that's a better reflection of how it reads.

     

    There was a documentary made of the same story. I think we learn the Tour De France is a dangerous place when you're all doing speed in search of a win.

     

    Having read Paul Kimmage's Rough Ride not so long ago, I would have to agree. Speed and so many other non-prescribed pharmaceuticals.

  22. Posted

    One of my pet hates (mainly with spoken English) is the overuse of 'myself' instead of 'I' or 'me'. Just because the word has more syllables, people think it makes them sound more erudite. It doesn't. It just makes them sound like a pillock.

     

    And another thing - why do people say 'work colleagues'? What other sort of colleague is there?

  24. Posted

    Gene Pitney's widow goes to the undertakers and says; 'I want the best, my man needs an oak coffin.'

     

    'Okay,' they say, 'But we'll have to season the wood, it'll be about three weeks.'

     

    'Isn't there any way we can do it more quickly?' she says.

     

    'Change the type of wood,' says an undertaker, 'It's only twenty four hours from balsa.'

    You're a bit slow with that one: posted 3 weeks ago.

     

    :unsure:

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