Wee Jum

Not sure if this has been posted before How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral... _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.:)#

Since the BBC programme the other night the number of people who have followed them on Twitter is more than doubled. 15.1k followers, more than SPFL newcomers Ross County

Owner of iconic Dundee music store Groucho’s dies https://www.eveningtelegraph.co.uk/fp/owner-of-iconic-dundee-music-store-grouchos-dies/

Really enjoyed the programme last night

Surprised Gerrard didn't leave for Derby. Thought he would of been a perfect fit to replace Frank Lampard

Just read this on Facebook about Sevco 5088. Dunno how true it is, hopefully very true Just passing this on, don't shoot the messenger..... Douglas Parks business has been in effective administration & has been run by the bank for the last 18 months. The bank have now instructed that Park sell the car sales part of his business immediately, all of this because he believed King, and King has rode him bareback. His loans to Sevco have been converted into worthless shares and he possibly has lost anything up to €12.5m propping up Kings ego/mouth. And King had the balls to ask him to put in another €2m last week so that they could pay the 1st instalment of the Swedish guy & their legal teams bills. Who by the way are working strictly on a cash basis only. Celtic are planning around them going bang again. Top it off, Dorrans, Murphy have been told to leave & if they don't think they will be training with the youths. Barasic has been told that he has no future and should be looking for a new club. The problem is that no one in Croatia will be or are paying anyone over €20k per week to any player there. They've left 5 people behind the scenes go just so they can make payroll for the players. Hummel have withheld the €1.4m start of the season bonus coz of the Commercial deal fiasco. Jimmy Bell has been busy buying kit without badges from the Hummel UK guy and then getting the badges etc put on. They're f#cked

Rubbish, its never then they are ALWAYS the victims. "That lot" have never done a thing wrong

They have made a trailer for the programme https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p07h9lhc

Shake n' Vac jingle maker Jonathan Hodge, from Folkestone, dies aged 78. His ashes will be scattered at a ceremony attended by family and friends, then hoovered up five minutes later. https://www.kentonline.co.uk/folkestone/news/shake-n-vac-jingle-maker-dies-aged-78-208738/?fbclid=IwAR22Fgqyeo9CSOH2e60lIr3uXRRnnXPgiK-SQ4U3NoleMLLDuyeT8Ioboys

Randomly stick with Stirling Moss

Rip Torn, cult actor, dies aged 88 https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2019/jul/10/rip-torn-cult-actor-dies-aged-88

Rip Torn, cult actor, dies aged 88 https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2019/jul/10/rip-torn-cult-actor-dies-aged-88

Sticking with S. Moss