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Okay. Let’s try something new. Something that’ll hopefully not play into the hands of research-happy deadpooling grandees. Something that weeds out both the obvious and the obscure.

 

So, first things first, you pick 5 names. I’d suggest a couple of subs as well in case of death or any of the rules (I’ll get to those) being broken before the start. Quite simply, first to a full house of deads is the winner. If more than one person gets across the line at the same time, the winner will be the team with the lowest average age of death. If the average ages of death are identical to the day, the world implodes and our lives will end :rip:

 

All normal so far, right? But there are a fair few rules with which to comply, the reason being that this is meant to be a pool of punts (note please, name), rather than no-brainers. Not a single dead cert or “Whooooooo?” in sight. Deaths that’ll make us exclaim “Bloody hell!”, rather than mutter “About time”. Think David Hasselhoff rather than David Gulpilil.

 

Now pay attention, you punts.

 

 

Health Rules:

These are, of course, to the best of public knowledge at the start time.

  • They must have been born between 1931 and 2002.
  • If they have cancer, the year of birth limit rises to 1961 and it can’t be terminal or any higher than Stage 3. If this is unknown, it's not allowed. Also, no more than one of these per team please.
  • If they have Dementia of any kind, or Parkinson’s, the year of birth limit rises to 1951 and it must not have been diagnosed any more than 3 years ago. If it’s unknown when roughly they were diagnosed, it’s not allowed. Also, no more than one of these per team please.
  • They must not have MND, ALS, COPD or any other degenerative illness I’ve not mentioned that will ultimately cause their death. Don't even question it.
  • They must not have had a stroke, heart attack/failure or multiple organ failure in the last 5 years. I'll accept people with slightly dicky tickers who haven't had a heart attack/failure.
  • They must not have been given a limited time to live, unless it was only by a charlatan clairvoyant.
  • They must not have been sentenced to death.
  • They must not be a missing person.
  • They must be a fucking human, obviously.
  • If it only becomes public knowledge after the start date that your pick contravened any of these health rules, you’re a lucky sod. But if I find any evidence of their illness from before the start date, I'll be on you like a puma.
  • And finally, if you dare submit a single Famous For Being Ill pick (which of course would grossly contravene at least one of these rules), not only will you be instantly banned from entering this pool but I will dedicate the rest of my life to persecuting you mercilessly in what will be one of the most poisonous vendettas of all time.

 

 

Fame Rules:

These are the four criteria for fame, but your pick does not need to comply with all of these:

  • They’ve had any article written about them within the last 12 months. Not fussy where, and it can be anything, even something as menial as being snapped taking the bins out à la Alex Trebek (though he’s not allowed, for obvious reasons).
  • They’ve appeared in the world of film, TV, music, radio, sport, politics, podcasts, YouTube or their own published content within the last 18 months.
  • They’ve more than 200k followers on Twitter, Instagram or Facebook.
  • They’ve more than 1,000 words in their Wikipedia UK article.

 

As I say, not all of these have to be complied with, but…

  • If none of these criteria are met, your pick is not allowed.
  • If 1 or 2 of them are met, I will choose 4 other posters (of a varied demographic) to PM and ask if they know who the pick is. If there’s more than one ‘no’ (including from me), your pick is not allowed. I won’t publicly name said posters I consult, and neither will I reveal to them who picked each name.
  • If 3 or all 4 of the criteria are met, happy days, and thank you for making things a bit easier.

 

 

Obit Rules:

  • Qualifying Obits are pretty much a cut/paste from the DDP, with the exception of BBC regional news (must be national or world) and The S*n (I’m boycotting the cunts and I make no apology for that).
  • If they obit after the start date but died before it, tough shit mate. A sub of yours comes into play.

 

 

And Finally...

  • Each name can only be picked by up to 3 people; this is on a first-come-first-served basis.
  • Submit your team via PM to me. Don't post it here. As soon as I’ve approved it, I’ll let you know, and I'll update the master list.
  • I reserve the right to ask you to prove compliance to any of the above rules before I allow it.
  • Any rejected names (and names that’ve been picked 3 times) will be posted below.
  • Remember, the rules apply right up to the start date, midnight GMT on Friday 1st January 2021.

 

 

ALL of the above is in aid of getting big name picks that perhaps are often left out of existing pools because they're seen as being too likely to survive. I don’t expect this to be the most fast-paced of deadpools as, if this works how I intend, each and every death will be at least fairly surprising.

 

With this in mind, I’ll make the whole exercise worthwhile and, much like how our highly regarded member for Maryport does with his pools, I have a charity pot. 30 quid will go to the winner’s established charity or JustGiving page of choice. Additionally, in another desperate effort to try and encourage big name picks that aren’t obviously at death’s door, whoever submits my personal favourite team earns their choice of aforementioned good cause a tenner on Christmas Day. Even if you don’t get a single hit, you’ve made a difference. Don't agree with who I pick? Sue me.

 

Entries open immediately. The entry deadline is 00:00GMT, Friday 25th December 2020. Start time is 00:00GMT, Friday 1st January 2021.

 

Now go on, fuck off and pick some people we’ve all heard of. Best of luck! :)

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Disallowed Picks

 

These picks breached the health rules:

Derek Draper

Desmond Tutu

Olivia Newton-John

Ted Turner

Phyllida Law

Ozzy Osborne

Harvey Weinstein

Tom Parker

Jake Roberts

Prunella Scales

Bob Barker

Larry King

Stacy Keach

Rolf Harris

Stuart Hall

 

These ones didn’t pass the fame rules/test:

Alice Munro

Alfred Brendel

Bill Russell

Bob Pettit

Jenny Craig

Kalpana Kartik

Djamila Bouhired

Harry Knowles

Leonel Sánchez

Ingrid van Bergen

 

These ones died before the start:

Des O’Connor

Diego Maradonna

Peter Alliss

John le Carré

 

And these ones have been picked 3 times, so are now out of bounds:

Mikhail Gorbachev

Yoko Ono

William Shatner

Jimmy Greaves

Willie Nelson

Abdelaziz Bouteflika

Bill Clinton

Donald Trump

 

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The Masterlist

 

The Participants:

Dying Probably (DYP)

TQR (TQR)

time (TIM)

BuffaloPhil (BUF)

Bibliogryphon (BIB)

Great Uncle Bulgaria (GUB)

Toast (TOA)

msc (MSC)

Spade Cooley (SPA)

Newjack (NEW)

Banana (BAN)

Don’t Fear The Reaper (DFR)

Grim Up North (GUN)

gcreptile (GCR)

Handrejka (HAN)

En Passant (ENP)

RoverAndOut (ROV)

Boudicca (BOU)

Joey Russ (JRU)

Death Impends (DIM)

markb4 (MB4)

YorkshireBanker (YBA)

QTips (QTI)

CaptainChorizo (CHO)

GuyFromFuture (GFF)

CalebH (CAL)

theoldlady (OLD)

the_engineer (ENG)

JoeMoneypenny (JMP)

DeathByArsenic (DBA)

The Old Crem (TOC)

Charles De Gaulle (CDG)

Kenny (KEN)

Book (BOK)

 

 

An A-Z of Picks:

:rip: Abdelaziz Bouteflika (d. 17-09-2021) - NEW, ENG, JMP :rip:

Adele - TOC

Agnes Chow - JMP

Alex Ferguson - TIM

Alpha Female - YBA

Ann-Margret - DYP

Anne Tyler - BIB

:rip: Annie Nightingale (d. 11-01-2024) - TIM :rip:

Art Garfunkel - MSC

Arthur Scargill - QTI

Artie Lange - SPA

Ayatollah Ali Khomenei - CDG

Barbara Eden - DYP

Ben Stokes - TOC

:rip: Bernard Ingham (d. 24-02-2023) - BAN :rip:

Bill Clinton - MB4, CDG, KEN

Bill Cosby - KEN

Bono - BOU

Brenda Lee - DIM

Brigitte Bardot - TIM, CAL

Carl Douglas - JMP

Chrissy Metz - YBA

Christopher Walken - JRU

Chubby Checker - DYP

Chumlee - DBA

Connie Francis - DIM

Danniella Westbrook - JMP

:rip: David Crosby (d. 18-01-2023) - BAN, BOK :rip:

David Hockney - TOA

David Lynch - HAN

David Mellor - GUB

Dennis Skinner - TQR, GCR

Dick Cheney - NEW

Dickie Bird - NEW

:rip: Don Everly (d. 21-08-2021) - DIM :rip:

:rip: Don Young (d. 18-03-2022) - DYP :rip:

:rip: Donald Rumsfeld (d. 29-06-2021) - GCR :rip:

Donald Trump - BOU, MB4, KEN

Donovan - HAN

Dustin Hoffman - OLD

:rip: Eddie Bernice Johnson (d. 31-12-2023) - CHO :rip:

Edmund White - BOK

Emily Lloyd - YBA

Emperor Akihito - BUF

Eric Pickles - BIB

Esther Rantzen - CAL

Eugenia Cooney - CHO, CDG

Francis Ford Coppola - OLD

Françoise Hardy - CHO

:rip: Frank Williams (d. 28-11-2021) - CDG :rip:

Frankie Avalon - DIM

Geoff Hurst - QTI

Gérard Depardieu - TOA, DBA

Ghislaine Maxwell - KEN

Gloria Hunniford - CAL

Hayden Panettiere - DBA

:rip: Helmut Berger (d. 18-05-2023) - CAL :rip:

Irma Thomas - TQR

Jackie Stewart - TQR

:rip: James Caan (d. 06-07-2022) - GUN :rip:

Jane Fonda - OLD

:rip: Jerry Lee Lewis (d. 26-10-2022 and again just to be sure on 28-10-2022) - BOK :rip:

:rip: Jimmy Greaves (d. 19-09-2021) - BAN, ROV, ENG :rip:

Jimmy Page - JRU

Joan Baez - DBA

Joe Biden - JRU, TIM

Joe Pesci - ROV

Joel Grey - BOK

John Goodman - MSC

John Major - DYP

John Williams - BUF

Johnny Depp - BOU, GCR

Joni Mitchell - ROV

Jordan Peterson - JMP

Katharine, Duchess of Kent - BIB, TOA

Kathy Burke - ROV

Kenny Sansom - GUN

King Charles III - BOU

Lalo Schifrin - SPA

:rip: Len Goodman (d. 22-04-2023) - GUB :rip:

Lil Kim - DBA

:rip: Loretta Lynn (d. 04-10-2022) - NEW :rip:

Maggie Smith - TQR

:rip: Mario Zagallo (d. 05-01-2024) - GFF :rip:

Mason Greenwood - TOC

Michael Barrymore - MSC

Michael Caine - MB4

Michael Dukakis - ENP

Michael Moorcock - BIB

:rip: Michael Parkinson (d. 16-08-2023) - MB4 :rip:

Michelle Phillips - HAN

:rip: Mikhail Gorbachev (d. 30-08-2022) - BAN, BUF, SPA :rip:

:rip: Nigel Lawson (d. 03-04-2023) - GUB :rip:

Norman Fowler - GUN, BOK

Norman Tebbit - GUB, ROV

:rip: Olympia Dukakis (d. 01-05-2021) - ENP :rip:

Paul Anka - DIM

Paul Gascoigne - BOU

:rip: Pelé (d. 29-12-2022) - GFF :rip:

Pete Doherty - YBA

Prince Andrew - KEN

Prince Edward, Duke of Kent - CDG

Raúl Castro - GCR

:rip: Raymond Briggs (d. 09-08-2022) - TOA :rip:

Richard Dean Anderson - DFR

Richard Ingrams - TOA

Richard O’Sullivan - QTI

:rip: Richard Rogers (d. 18-12-2021) - ENP :rip:

Richard Shelby - CHO

Rick Ross - YBA

Rita Ora - TOC

Rita Tushingham - HAN

:rip: Robbie Coltrane (d. 14-10-2022) - GUN, TQR :rip:

Robert Duvall - ENG

Roman Polanski - QTI

Roseanne Barr - HAN

Rupert Murdoch - BUF, ENP

Russell Grant - MSC

Scarlett Moffat - GUB

:rip: Shane MacGowan (d. 30-11-2023) - ENG :rip:

:rip: Sinead O’Connor (d. 26-07-2023) - GFF :rip:

Steve Buscemi - MSC

Tammy Lynn Sytch - CAL

:rip: Terry Funk (d. 23-08-2023) - SPA :rip:

Tim Curry - DFR

Tim Dillon - GFF

Tinto Brass - CHO

Tom Baker - BIB

Tom Holland - TOC

Tom Scholz - DFR

Tom Selleck - TIM

Trevor McDonald - QTI

Ursula Andress - OLD

Val Kilmer - NEW

Warren Beatty - OLD

Wendy Craig - GFF

William Shatner - BUF, ENP, GUN

Willie Mays - DFR

Willie Nelson - BAN, JRU, ENG

Yoko Ono - GCR, SPA, MB4

6ix9ine - DFR, JRU

 

The Scoreboard:

Banana - 4
Engineer - 3

GuyFromFuture - 3

En Passant - 2

Newjack - 2

Grim Up North - 2

Book - 2

Great Uncle Bulgaria - 2

Spade Cooley - 2

gcreptile - 1

Death Impends - 1

RoverAndOut - 1

Charles d’Irlande - 1

Joemoneypenny - 1

Dying Probably - 1

Toast - 1

BuffaloPhil - 1

TQR - 1

CalebH - 1

Markb4 - 1

CaptainChorizo - 1

time - 1

Every other fucker - 0

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8 hours ago, The Quim Reaper said:

Lots of rule stuff...

Just using this for the quote to happen really...

 

Submitted. 

Believe that they all fit.

Edited by Dying Probably
edited quote
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I've submitted an entry; I found it harder than I'd anticipated, as one or two names I considered had health issues that disqualified them (and one was even too old). Considering my record of deadpooling, I'm sure most of them will out-live me.

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"I will choose 4 other posters (of a varied demographic) to PM and ask if they know who the pick is. If there’s more than one ‘no’ (including from me), your pick is not allowed."

 

A question:  Will you require the picks to be recognisable by name only?  Or will you add an explanation which might elicit an "Oh, that guy" reaction?

I'm just thinking that actors, musicians etc are often quite familiar without having immediate name recognition.

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Just now, Toast said:

"I will choose 4 other posters (of a varied demographic) to PM and ask if they know who the pick is. If there’s more than one ‘no’ (including from me), your pick is not allowed."

 

A question:  Will you require the picks to be recognisable by name only?  Or will you add an explanation which might elicit an "Oh, that guy" reaction?

I'm just thinking that actors, musicians etc are often quite familiar without having immediate name recognition.


Yes, I’ll qualify each name with what they’re famous for (providing, of course, the picker does).

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1 minute ago, The Quim Reaper said:


Yes, I’ll qualify each name with what they’re famous for (providing, of course, the picker does).

 

Thanks, that's fair.

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Worth saying I’ve PM’d my team to Dying Probably.

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6 minutes ago, The Quim Reaper said:

Worth saying I’ve PM’d my team to Dying Probably.

 

Yep - I think it looks fine.

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Got a team together but... one of the picks has a disputed date of birth. Wikipedia says one thing, Britannica says something else.

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22 hours ago, The Quim Reaper said:
  • And finally, if you dare submit a single Famous For Being Ill pick (which of course would grossly contravene at least one of these rules), not only will you be instantly banned from entering this pool but I will dedicate the rest of my life to persecuting you mercilessly in what will be one of the most poisonous vendettas of all time.

 

Ahahahahahahahahahaha. And indeed, hahahahahahaha.

Good game sir!

 

Might give this a go, since research is limited and that part is right up my alley. I'll mail one when I get my arse in gear.

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9 minutes ago, Spade_Cooley said:

Got a team together but... one of the picks has a disputed date of birth. Wikipedia says one thing, Britannica says something else.


Double-checked this. Mary Quant was born in 1930, although for a long time she claimed a 1934 DOB. So Mary Quant is ineligible for this game.

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4 minutes ago, Spade_Cooley said:

Double-checked this. Mary Quant was born in 1930, although for a long time she claimed a 1934 DOB. So Mary Quant is ineligible for this game.

 

Spookily I checked her out about five minutes ago!

Anyway just sent my Quantless team in.

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Quant is 90 and going by recent media very frail these days so likely a good punt in other 2021 games. Just not this one!

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Really encouraged by the great entries so far!


We have our first name out of bounds due to being picked 3 times in Gorbachev. As I say, I’ll update as we go.

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I'm intending to submit a team, just ruminating on some options - it's trickier than you think and I can guarantee I'll end up picking someone who's had a health scare I wasn't aware of. :lol::facepalm:

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On 07/11/2020 at 15:22, The Quim Reaper said:

Disallowed Picks

 

Below are picks I’ve disallowed for breaching either health or fame rules:

 

Desmond Tutu

Olivia Newton-John

Ted Turner

Willie Mays

Derek Draper

Alice Munro

Alfred Brendel

 

Many of these are self-explanatory but if you've got a moment, maybe say why some were rejected. Basically, if Alice Munro has hitherto unknown to me Stage IV cancer that'd be useful info for my DDP team. :lol:

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7 minutes ago, msc said:

 

Many of these are self-explanatory but if you've got a moment, maybe say why some were rejected. Basically, if Alice Munro has hitherto unknown to me Stage IV cancer that'd be useful info for my DDP team. :lol:


Sure. For a reasonable fee, I’ll release that information :lol:

 

EDIT: Now marked with an ‘H’ or ‘F’ for Health DQ and Fame DQ.

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What’s the ruling on COPD names? Are they auto DQ’d or is there a timeline they need to be on?

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Just now, Joey Russ said:

What’s the ruling on COPD names? Are they auto DQ’d or is there a timeline they need to be on?


DQ’d, on the basis that it’s another degenerative illness that’ll ultimately kill them.

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I’m a bit surprised that Ted Turner was DQ’d for fame reasons, though regardless he does have Lewy Body’s Dementia so he wouldn’t have been accepted regardless I think

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