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Spade_Cooley

Deathlist Cup 2022

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Thank you very much tiny sexy rat lookalike and notorious Hollywood asshole Anna Kendrick. Yep, cup season is back on the Deathlist and I'm going to be stumbling through the process as gamesmaster this year following Roey J. stepping down. A series of 100m sprints compared to the DDP's marathon, the Deathlist Cup has been won by all the greats: deadsox, DDT, An Fear Beag, gcreptile, and your boy Spade Cooley. Will we be engraving a new name on the trophy this year? Or will someone finally become the first two-time winner? Anyway, let us copy/paste Joey's rules from last year:

 

The Deathlist Cup
 
 1.    This is a knockout tournament featuring one-on-one matchups between Deathlist forum posters. These matches will be determined by use of a random draw, using Random.org.


 2.   Unless we happen to end up with 2/4/8/16/32/64 entrants, then certain competitors will get byes to the Second Round. This will be based on results from the 2021 Cup: ie, winners first.


3.    Players, on receiving their randomly drawn opponent, will have a ten day period to send the Referee their First Eleven for the match by PM, and one sub in case of an early death. These eleven picks can be very low hanging fruit if you so wish, as the point of the game is to score as many “goals” during the month a match is played.

 

ie, a perfect team would look like this

1. Adam Ant (joker)

2. Bob Backlund

3. Chelsea Clinton

4. Didier Drogba

5. Erika Eleniak

6. Frank Field

7. Green Gartside

8. Harry Hill

9. Ivan Ives (Russian rapper)

10. Joe Jackson

11. Kevin Keegan

subs

12. Lennox Lewis

13. Meghan McCain

14. Nick Colte

 

Would probably back Frank Field as a joker over Adam Ant though.


4.    Banned picks – We're slightly  more lenient than the DDP, but we're still banning Famous For Being Ill, people on Death Row (unless they die naturally), anyone who is a prisoner of a terrorist organisation, animals, the under 18s, and anyone who is "missing in action" but blatantly already dead.


5.    Famous For Being Ill picks are those who have no notoriety outside of their cancer/other illness. If they played two matches for a Conference North team or they were mayor of a city in Kiribati back in the 90s, that's fine. If they're Joe Bloggs who is in a coma after refusing a covid vaccine or a Brave Parent Celebrating Their Last Christmas, they're not getting accepted. 


6.    If in doubt, submit a pick, but the decision of the ref (me) is final and is not open to any court of appeal. If you think it’s a dodgy pick, it probably is. 


7.    Each match will take place over the course of a single month. For example, a February match would take place from February 1st to February 28th (or 29th on a leap year), a March match from March 1st to March 31st and so on...


8.    Games will be scored in the following manner:

 

A person in your team dies = 3 points
A unique person in your team dies = 1 more point (ie 1 bonus point)
Fatality – Your joker. Double points

9.    Here is what happens in the case of a team member dying prematurely (ie on 28th Feb for the March game). If you discover this before the 3rd of the month, your top sub will automatically go into place. If it is discovered on the 3rd or after, sorry about your luck. If it turns out the person was dead and known to be (this is determined via a reference in a newspaper or magazine, not social media) then subs don’t come into play. This will upset at least one player a year. Will it lead to a huffy forum stormout in 2022? Let's see.


10.    At the end of the month, the player in the match with the highest score wins that game, and will advance to the next round. The player who doesn’t have the highest score will lose, and be eliminated.


11.    In the event of a draw, the following tiebreaks will be used:

 1st tiebreak = number of hits
2nd tiebreak = average age of hits
3rd tiebreak = a coin toss 


 12.    A player is only held to one team for a single match. If they win their match and advance to the next round, they may pick eleven entirely different people for the next round. In this way, folk who announce their terminal illness in, say, May, can be put to good dead pooling use.


13.    Qualifying obits? Every single English-language newspaper, magazine or significant website in the universe. Also Le Monde, Le Figaro, Der Spiegel, Die Zeit, El Pais, El Mundo and because I'm running it this year we're adding  Corriere Della Sera. If they still can't get a QO from that, then they really weren't famous.

 

14. For the removal of any doubt, any players who do not send in their team before the deadline will be DQ'd and replaced by the highest scoring loser. No matter how many sad PMs you send afterwards.   
This draw takes place in Month 1 (ie January) and is for matches taking place in Month 2 (February). After the draw, each player sends me (via PM) a team of eleven celebrities (and some subs hopefully) they think will snuff it in Month 2.

 

 Good luck and sign up to take part in this thread. Entries close on January 21 with the draw to take place immediately after.

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Confirmed entrants

 

  1. theoldlady
  2. Joey Russ
  3. msc
  4. gcreptile
  5. YorkshireBanker
  6. Gooseberry Crumble
  7. Banana
  8. Book
  9. Bibliogryphon
  10. YoungWillz
  11. DevonDeathTrip
  12. Grim Up North
  13. CaptainChorizo
  14. HDS
  15. Salmon Mousse
  16. MortalCaso
  17. Pop_Zeus
  18. CalebH
  19. maryportfuncity
  20. TQR
  21. JoeMoneypenny
  22. Predictor
  23. The Old Crem
  24. Bentrovato
  25. Annami
  26. grobler
  27. Great Uncle Bulgaria
  28. deadsox
  29. ThereWillBeDeaths7
  30. Sean
  31. the_engineer
  32. alt obits guy
  33. Captain Hemlock
  34. Perhaps
  35. LizLemon
  36. DeathByArsenic
  37. John Key
  38. An Fear Beag
  39. Sir Cunto
  40. Pedro67
  41. Sideik
  42. GuyFromFuture
  43. wannamaker
  44. Wormfarmer
  45. Masterffull
  46. Hell
  47. BabyBlue
  48. MariNisia

  49. Famous6Eva

  50. SpadeCooley

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I would like to play. Thank you for doing this.

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Obviously I’m coming back to play. Gonna try (and probably fail) to pull an OoO. 

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9 minutes ago, Joey Russ said:

Obviously I’m coming back to play. Gonna try (and probably fail) to pull an OoO. 

 

Well, at the very least I'm sure he'll be flattered!

 

Splendid to see someone taking care of the Cup, Spade.  Naturally, I'll join in.

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I will try to defend my title, with an even less impressive performance of jumping just as high as I need to.

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im ready.

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Yes, please :)

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11 minutes ago, Bibliogryphon said:

I am always up for this humiliation 

Don’t be too hard on yourself. You got your first hit in the cup last year. You never know, could translate into a win this time…

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I really don't have the time for this these days....but count me in anyway :)

 

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Signing Up

 

 

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I suppose I’ll help round out the field. In.

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Aye, I'll give this one another go if there's still space

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11 hours ago, Bibliogryphon said:

I am always up for this humiliation 

 

Years ago there was a chap who won the French Open by going 2 sets down in every game and winning, to the point the joke was he'd go two down and then say "Aha, now I have you where I want you!".

 

Not convinced Biblio isn't gearing up for a similar run in the Cup one of these years.

 

4 minutes ago, maryportfuncity said:

Aye, I'll give this one another go if there's still space

 

Only 19 in the now (by a quick count), long way off the record of 48-ish (off memory, I didn't go and look before pedants arrive).

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Fucking legend for keeping this alive, Spade!

 

I’m in, and I promise to be bang average again.

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