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Lady Die

The Deathlist Christmas Special!

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Dear all,

 

Please accept without obligation...express or implied... these best wishes for an environmentally safe...socially responsible... low stress...non addictive...and gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday as practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice ...(but with respect for the religious or secular persuasions and/or traditions of others...or for their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all) and further for a fiscally successful...personally fulfilling... and medically uncomplicated onset of the generally accepted calendar year ...(including... but not limited to... the Christian calendar...but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures).

 

The preceding wishes are extended without regard to the race...creed...colour...age...physical ability...religious faith...choice of computer platform...or s*xual preference of the wishee(s).

 

Very best regards,

 

Perfect Passing

 

 

If offence is given in any of the above, by error or omission, you can go and f**k yourself!!

 

 

 

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Guest droosy

I´m driving home for Christmas with Chris Rea and his pancreatic cancer in remission

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I've had enough of Christmas. All year long I work my fingers to the bone to buy all the presents that my kids ask for. And what happens Christmas morning?

 

That fat fucker with a beard gets all the credit!!

 

Still I suppose its my fault for marrying her.

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"Only 37 more sleeps to Christmas" said the excited narcoleptic.

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Reet, I'm away for two days of adoring the cats and chillin' with the family. Be back in circulation to enter the relevant dead pools (teams are sorted assuming Billy Graham makes it past Christmas Day). Go well!

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Reet, I'm away for two days of adoring the cats and chillin' with the family. Be back in circulation to enter the relevant dead pools (teams are sorted assuming Billy Graham makes it past Christmas Day). Go well!

 

Seeya the other side mate, have a good Xmas. Hope if/when the relatives come over it isn't too reminiscent of the Father Ted episodes "Hell" (the caravanny bit anyway) or "Entertaining Father Stone". :lol:

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Guest Droosy

I spent Christmas being online on Deathlist, crossing fingers for Billy Graham´s or Jaruzelski´s demises. I cannot imagine a better X-mas

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I spent Christmas being online on Deathlist, crossing fingers for Billy Graham´s or Jaruzelski´s demises. I cannot imagine a better X-mas

 

And you used Boxing Day to invent a time machine?

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Guest Droosy

I spent Christmas being online on Deathlist, crossing fingers for Billy Graham´s or Jaruzelski´s demises. I cannot imagine a better X-mas

 

And you used Boxing Day to invent a time machine?

 

In my country we celebrate X-mas on the eve of 24th December with eating christmas dishes and giving and getting presents!!!

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Could be an Aussie doc,

 

anyhoo...

 

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Well, my birthday on the 20th was marked by one of my oldest friends dying. It's gone downhill from there. Hope y'all have a better time of it than I am having.

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Merry Christmas Deathlisters, hope everyone has a memorable one. For what it's worth, I will be spending it not with my family, but with my ragtag bunch of misfit mates, who (for one reason or another) aren't spending it with their families either.

As far as the deathlist is concerned here is a gift for your enjoyment, from Australia.

 

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Aye, and a Merry Christmas to all of you at home too, as William Hartnell once said.

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merry christmas everyone hope you're all having a wonderful day .

 

I just finished my roast dinner and can't hardly move. I have lamb because it's my favourite and i don't like turkey , blasphemy I know!! :D

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Merry Christmas fellow Deathlisters,

I hope your all having a good one where ever you all are!

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Thank goodness it's all over we can now all concentrate on dead pooling.

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Had a very quiet and nice Christmas in my house, bit strange as it is the first year without my dad being here but we hung a santa hat on his chair and raised a glass to him.

 

Weirdest present was an anoymous present I received through the post a couple of weeks ago, addressed to me using my proper name, not the one I go by online, and marked 'Not to be opened till Christmas', so I duly obliged and opened it on Christmas Day. When the parcel arrived in mid December my dog was going daft, it crinkled, so I thought it was a surprise present for him, I have doggy friends that have sent him treats and toys in the past so I thought no more of it. On Christmas Day I brought out the mysterious parcel and opened it in front of my mum and brother, lets just say nobody knew Lady Grendel could turn that shade of red, embarrassment went off the scale as I unwrapped a dildo :blush:

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Christmas Elf & Safety Procedures

 

The Rocking Song

Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir;

We will lend a coat of fur,

We will rock you, rock you, rock you,

We will rock you, rock you, rock you:

 

Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to risk of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons.

Therefore faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be considered a suitable alternative.

Please note, only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all times and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before rocking commences.

 

 

Jingle Bells

Dashing through the snow

In a one horse open sleigh

O'er the fields we go

Laughing all the way

 

A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please note, permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

 

 

While Shepherds Watched

While shepherds watched

Their flocks by night

All seated on the ground

The angel of the Lord came down

And glory shone around

 

The union of Shepherd's has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of year that they should watch their flocks via cctv cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts.

Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before shining his / her glory all around she / he must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and Glory.

 

 

Little Donkey

Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road

Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load

 

The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period. Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any airborne particles. The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being labelled 'little' and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof may be considered an infringement of his equine rights.

 

 

We Three Kings

We three kings of Orient are

Bearing gifts we traverse afar

Field and fountain, moor and mountain

Following yonder star

 

Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'cash for gold' etc, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the recipients name or perhaps give a gift voucher.

We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Facemasks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the camels hooves.

 

 

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer

had a very shiny nose.

And if you ever saw him,

you would even say it glows.

 

You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the ruddiness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will be considered whilst this investigation takes place.

 

It's official, the world has finally gone mad! ;-)

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Whilst putting up the Christmas tree this weekend my daugher put a NOW Christmas album on her iPod. I distracted myself by thinking up a Christmas songs DDP team

  1. Vera Lynn
  2. Stevie Wonder
  3. Roy Wood
  4. Mike Batt
  5. Noddy Holder
  6. Gary Glitter
  7. Chris de Burgh
  8. Chris Rea
  9. Cliff Richard
  10. Shane McGowen
  11. David Bowie
  12. Kylie Minogue
  13. Bob Geldof
  14. Johnny Mathis
  15. Doris Day
  16. Tony Bennett
  17. Brenda Lee
  18. Elton John
  19. Bruce Springsteen
  20. Paul McCartney

There doesn't that make walking round the shops at this time of year more bearable

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Whilst putting up the Christmas tree this weekend my daugher put a NOW Christmas album on her iPod. I distracted myself by thinking up a Christmas songs DDP team

  1. Vera Lynn
  2. Stevie Wonder
  3. Roy Wood
  4. Mike Batt
  5. Noddy Holder
  6. Gary Glitter
  7. Chris de Burgh
  8. Chris Rea
  9. Cliff Richard
  10. Shane McGowen
  11. David Bowie
  12. Kylie Minogue
  13. Bob Geldof
  14. Johnny Mathis
  15. Doris Day
  16. Tony Bennett
  17. Brenda Lee
  18. Elton John
  19. Bruce Springsteen
  20. Paul McCartney

There doesn't that make walking round the shops at this time of year more bearable

 

Why do you never hear any recentish Christmas songs in the shops? It always feels like I've been whisked back to the 1970s like the dude in 'Life On Mars'.

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Most recent(ish) Christmas songs are shite Toastie.

Apart from this year, Ive always enjoyed being transported back to the 70s with Slade, Wizzard, power cuts and Austin Allegros.

We wernt as demanding then, were we.

 

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