RIP Wee Jum 1,559 Posted April 27, 2011 Andrew Marr, Ryan Giggs, Ewan McGregor and Gaby Logan allegedly walk into a bar... ...but for legal reasons I can't tell you what happened. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,102 Posted April 28, 2011 Phone-hack police talk to Rooney - officers desperate to have him translate his conversations with Coleen to normal English. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,102 Posted April 29, 2011 What is a frog doing jumping off a bridge? kermitting suicide *Please blame my daughter for that one. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,102 Posted April 30, 2011 I still have a red nose* on my car. Clown wouldn't get off the road fast enough. *UK red nose day humour. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
time 8,618 Posted May 3, 2011 Its just been confirmed that Osama bin Laden was an Arsenal fan. Shortly after Sunday's victory over Manchester United, he was heard shouting 'Come on you Gunners...'! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted May 11, 2011 Adele called her first albums 19 & 21 because they are numbers that have special importance to her life Her follow up 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971 6939937510 is due out in the summer. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Magere Hein 1,400 Posted May 11, 2011 Adele called her first albums 19 & 21 because they are numbers that have special importance to her life Her follow up 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971 6939937510 is due out in the summer. She ate all the π, you mean? regards, Hein Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,102 Posted May 14, 2011 A couple are getting married after meeting on Deal or No Deal. He fell for her the moment she opened her box for him. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted May 14, 2011 Have you heard how the police in Tenerife have discribed the the body? " _________, shoulders, knees and toes..." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,102 Posted May 14, 2011 Have you heard how the police in Tenerife have discribed the the body? " _________, shoulders, knees and toes..." I certainly wont beheading to Tenerife for my hols. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Magere Hein 1,400 Posted May 14, 2011 Have you heard how the police in Tenerife have discribed the the body? " _________, shoulders, knees and toes..."I certainly wont beheading to Tenerife for my hols. It'd be a capital mistake. regards, Hein Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
John Kettley 49 Posted May 16, 2011 Can you spot your boss? ...thought so! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Spade_Cooley 9,536 Posted May 17, 2011 Just got my Olympic stadium ticket application back. Missed out on the men's 100m final but I got 25,000 tickets for West Ham v Doncaster. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,102 Posted May 20, 2011 nintendo have brought out a new game where a 14 year old runs about glasgow smashing up cars,getting drunk and stabbing people its called Wii BASTARD Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted May 27, 2011 The US X Factor sacked Cheryl Cole because audiences didn't get her accent. My mate sacked Mahmud from working in his coffee bar for the safe reason and got done for racism!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted June 13, 2011 I went to the doctors because my bum kept bleeding, "You need to cut down a bit" he told me, "the beer, fags and junk food?" I asked, "I was talking about the nail on your index finger" he replied. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted June 16, 2011 So anyway; the Dalai Lama get's his pizza, it costs four pounds, he pays up five pounds and waits. Nothing happens, so he says; "Where's my change?" The bloke behind the counter says; "Surely, change can only come from within!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted July 1, 2011 As I was pushing my wheelchair-bound son along the river bank, some men came past on a rowing boat and one shouted "Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!" Insensitive bastard. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
One shot Paddy 1,206 Posted July 9, 2011 My mobile is going stright to voicemail at the moment, so just leave a message and I or the News of the World will get back to you as soon as possible! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,102 Posted July 9, 2011 My missus rang me earlier and said "where the hell are you?"... I replied "you know that jewellers where we saw those diamond earrings you really liked?" "yes" she said in a much softer voice "well, i'm in the pub opposite"....... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted July 10, 2011 Paddy and Mick working in a field. Paddy is digging holes, Mick is filling them in. After watching them do this for 9 holes, a woman asks "Why are you digging a hole, and the other lad is filling it in?" Paddy replies "Well there's normally 3 of us, but Seamus, who plants the trees, phoned in sick today!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
themaninblack 2,112 Posted July 31, 2011 I know a gynecologist. He's such a worrier, always getting in a flap... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dave to the Grave 11 Posted July 31, 2011 I know a gynecologist. He's such a worrier, always getting in a flap... I recently went to see my phsychiatrist wearing my favourite clingfilm underwear. He said, 'I can clearly see you're nuts'. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
