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BBC News - Suicide Bombers Go On Strike

 

Suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife.

Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

 

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

 

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs ( B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Raghead told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".

 

Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet Mapants explained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace.

 

Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures or laying people off. I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."

 

Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership as there are so few virgins in their areas anyway.

 

According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Many Jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their benefit packages.

 

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Another Russian spy has been found poisoned ... this time in Middlesborough.

 

It is thought he was taking codes to Newcastle...

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Dalai Lama is very funny for the World.

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14 minutes ago, Dalai Lama said:

Dalai Lama is very funny for the World.

 

ODFOD, as they say on Mumsnet.

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1 hour ago, Dalai Lama said:

I’ m happy forever.

Yours a fucking twat forever. 

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why can't a easter bunny not hop

 

 

Jimmy Savile: BBC did nothing when director caught him in the act

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41 minutes ago, Dalai Lama said:

I’m a spammer. 

FTFY

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Down the highway and not across the road.

 

 

^^ wise words, take heed Mr L.

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On 28/02/2018 at 17:56, bladan said:

Cocks is a Finnish handball club based in the city of Riihimäki.

 

Cocks.jpg

 

Which reminds me of a joke:

 

Q - Why did the pervert cross the road?

A - He had his knob stuck in a chicken

 

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5 hours ago, maryportfuncity said:

 

Which reminds me of a joke:

 

Q - Why did the pervert cross the road?

A - He had his knob stuck in a chicken

 

Which reminds me of my favorite comic book. It's about necrophilia

p5.png

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this reminds me of the joke about decorating corpses

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A joke a joke.

I’m very beautiful, I’m mister Tibet.

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4 minutes ago, Dalai Lama said:

A joke a joke.

I’m very beautiful, I’m mister Tibet.

Deathray, whatever else he may be, makes interesting reading on occasion. Sent on a sabbatical.

You. Still here....

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14 hours ago, Dalai Lama said:

A joke a joke.

I’m very beautiful, I’m mister Twat.

FIFY

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And 100.

I’m very happy, let’s go the party my friends.

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17202662_1859547797653948_30503637927495

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1 hour ago, Dalai Lama said:

And 100.

I’m very happy, let’s go the party my friends.

 

"Hello mate, it's Tenzin. 'Fraid shit's hit the fan, I can't come this evening..."

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1 hour ago, Wee Jum said:

17202662_1859547797653948_30503637927495

what happens if you take a madman and hit him in a head for half his life

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It's Jamaican hairstyle day tomorrow in work.

 

I'm dreading it. 

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Our wifi wasn't working last night so I decided to talk to the wife.  I was surprised to hear she no longer works at Woolworths. 

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1 hour ago, Paul Bearer said:

It's Jamaican hairstyle day tomorrow in work.

 

I'm dreading it. 

604.gif604.gif604.gif

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What with Jim Bowen croaking it's time for the old darts joke:

 

A monk and a nun are playing darts in a monastery.

 

The monk throws his first dart and gets double top. Throwing the second dart he gets double top again. He throws the third dart, it hits the wire, bounces off and hits the nun right between the eyes. A voice from above booms "ONE NUN DEAD AND EIGHTY".

 

getmecoat.gif

 

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