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Following a diagnosis of celiac’s disease by HLA typing (a genetic test) from a gastrointestinal consulting Doctor on the NHS. I’ve been on a gluten-free diet for a month now and... I'm already an extremely annoying cunt.

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What is Don Johnson's favorite TV show? TeleTubbs

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Classic rock joke...

 

What has more brains than Kurt Cobain?

 

The wall behind him.

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What do you have for breakfast at the Dignatas clinic?

 

A bowl of Cheerio's of course.

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On 28/08/2019 at 22:58, maryportfuncity said:

Classic rock joke...

 

What has more brains than Kurt Cobain?

 

The wall behind him.

Got it. That's why Pink Floyd's wall is pink

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Classic rock joke...

 

What did Mother Mary say to her beloved infant son Jesus?

 

"OK sonny, you'd better get your arsehole  well lubricated They're coming! "

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Missed this at the time so likely best here now:

 

Geoffrey Hayes from Rainbow has died.

"I don't even remember the cunt being in the band, " said Ritchie Blackmore.

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Tbh this even made me wince - what do our other readers think?

 

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Told to me earlier today by my nephew.

 

What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?

Spoiler

An investigator.

 

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Religion is about cultivating a more peaceful mind, so it’s disappointing if it becomes a source of conflict. Our traditions share a common message of love and compassion, patience and tolerance. If we also remember the advice about forgiveness, there’ll be no basis for conflict.

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2 minutes ago, Tibet-Lama said:

Religion is about cultivating a more peaceful mind, so it’s disappointing if it becomes a source of conflict. Our traditions share a common message of love and compassion, patience and tolerance. If we also remember the advice about forgiveness, there’ll be no basis for conflict.

 

What Christmas cracker did you get that out of?

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As a human being I am committed to trying to share with others that we are social creatures, because of which, whether we are religious believers or not, we need a sense of concern for others’ well-being.

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One of the lessons we need to learn is how to cultivate those positive emotions that counter destructive emotions like anger and fear. Compassion, for example, brings self-confidence and the ability to act transparently. It strengthens trust which is the ground for friendship.

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Or was a conjunction in English grammar. How did it manage to get rich?

 

It put on a vest and became an investor.

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How did Jesus travel to India?

 

He just rode his ass. (Ok this joke may be funnier in Finnish)

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44 minutes ago, bladan said:

Or was a conjunction in English grammar. How did it manage to get rich?

 

It put on a vest and became an investor.

 

Nah, it just moved to France.

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5 minutes ago, Toast said:

 

Nah, it just moved to France.

 

And became yellowor?

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What did Jesus say to the two robbers that were crucified next to Him?

– I've been double-crossed. Scratch my back

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I got the sack yesterday from my job at the calendar factory just for taking a day off.

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Why does Robert Kubica get the sack from Williams?

 

He failed to solve the Rubik's Cube

 

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Here's yet another outstanding joke that bladie – the immortal genius– has invented.

 

What does an Internet sex addict eat for breakfast?

 

Porn flakes !

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The Lone Ranger, the masked Texas Ranger who fought outlaws in the American Old West with his loyal Native American side-kick, Tonto, had been surrounded by 100 blood-thirsty Sioux.  "My God, they're way too many. After all these years, I'm scared! I'm out of ammo and all we've got is your knife. Tonto, you're my old friend. We've been through hard times before. That's why we completely trust each other. We'd never let each other down. So what on earth are we going to do this time?"

 

Tonto smiled briefly, drew his scalping knife and said: "What do you mean by we, paleface?"

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8 hours ago, bladan said:

The Lone Ranger, the masked Texas Ranger who fought outlaws in the American Old West with his loyal Native American side-kick, Tonto, had been surrounded by 100 blood-thirsty Sioux.  "My God, they're way too many. After all these years, I'm scared! I'm out of ammo and all we've got is your knife. Tonto, you're my old friend. We've been through hard times before. That's why we completely trust each other. We'd never let each other down. So what on earth are we going to do this time?"

 

Tonto smiled briefly, drew his scalping knife and said: "What do you mean by we, paleface?"

 

I remember that one doing the rounds in the 80s

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