Jump to content

Recommended Posts

ww.jpg

  • Like 1
  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ryanair are set to axe 2,400 jobs. An Irish spokesman said, "We need to save money and the company, so first to go will be the pilots because they earn the most."

  • Haha 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was at a comedy show the other day and the cast wanted the audience to start making sex noises, You shoulda seen the look on everyone's face when I started screaming...."No Uncle Pete, Stop!!!"

  • Like 2
  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Someone asked if they could borrow my clone.

 

I told them, I like to keep myself to myself.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

IMG-20200515-WA0005.jpg

  • Haha 8

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Who eas the sexiest woman in history?

 

 

Medusa, one glance and you were HARD!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can't beleive Timsons isn't open

 

They are literally key workers

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Good one-liner in the online lockdown quiz from last night

 

 

Q - What is the native dish of South Africa

 

Someone's rapid reply - Fuck knows, but I bet they cook it inside a burning tyre!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I asked the wife to put on a nurses uniform, she said oh are you feeling horny?

No I said, we need bread and milk!

  • Thanks 1
  • Haha 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When is the best time to break up with your significant other during the lockdown?

 

Thursday at 8pm. That way while you're throwing their stuff on the driveway the entire neighbourhood comes outside clapping. xD

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
51 minutes ago, Kenny McCormick said:

When is the best time to break up with your significant other during the lockdown?

 

Thursday at 8pm. That way while you're throwing their stuff on the driveway the entire neighbourhood comes outside clapping. xD

Admit it, you made that one up all by yourself, didn't you!

  • Haha 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
20 minutes ago, Lord Fellatio Nelson said:

Admit it, you made that one up all by yourself, didn't you!

I heard it from my Dad, not sure whether he made it up or he heard it from someone else. Either way I found it quite funny.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, Lord Fellatio Nelson said:

Admit it, you made that one up all by yourself, didn't you!

 

9 hours ago, Kenny McCormick said:

I heard it from my Dad, not sure whether he made it up or he heard it from someone else. Either way I found it quite funny.

One of our ex posters cracked something similar on her Facebook page about 3 weeks ago.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 hours ago, Paul Bearer said:

One of our ex posters cracked something similar on her Facebook page about 3 weeks ago.  

 

Was it that touchy Canadian bint?

  • Haha 2
  • Shocked 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Toast said:

 

Was it that touchy Canadian bint?

No. 

  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Why did the guitar teacher get fired?

 

He had his finger in a minor.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

News: US woman, 96, speaks Welsh for first time in 40 years. Or so they thought. Turns out she just had a stroke.

  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What do you call a gay dinosaur? 

 

Megasaurass

 

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

 

Lickalotopuss

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A more PC joke than the last ones I posted:

 

A piece of rope walks into a bar and the barman says 'wait didnt you come here yesterday?' And the rope says 'no I'm a frayed knot'.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Not at all PC and - tbh - this made me wince, so obviously I thought to share it here: 

 

My mate Dave said, "My wife's gone on a diet this week."

 

I said, "Mine lost 2 pound last week."

 

He said, "I didn't know she was on a diet."

 

I said, "She's not, she shaved her minge"

  • Haha 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, maryportfuncity said:

Not at all PC and - tbh - this made me wince, so obviously I thought to share it here: 

 

My mate Dave said, "My wife's gone on a diet this week."

 

I said, "Mine lost 2 pound last week."

 

He said, "I didn't know she was on a diet."

 

I said, "She's not, she shaved her minge"

What time will you be home for your tea, love? 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Lard Bazaar said:

What time will you be home for your tea, love? 

 

Got back about three hours ago - been dodging flying crockery ever since

  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh, here's another un-PC one that made me wince, once I'd stopped laughing

 

 

Ali from the corner shop was prosecuted for choking and trying to poison his wife.

 

Apparently, she wasn't quite ready for solid foods.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×

Important Information

Your use of this forum is subject to our Terms of Use