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Nun in the bath, knock on the door ‘it’s the blind man’ a voice calls out.

 

Nun thinks ‘that’s ok he can’t see me’ ’ok come in’ she calls.

 

Man walks in ‘nice tits love, I’ve come to hang your blinds’. 

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And two more from the same vintage

 

Two nuns on a cycle ride through an old city

One -  I've never come this way before

Other - Nor me, it must be the cobblestones...

 

Definition of temptation - a nun doing press-ups in a cucumber field

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How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up as an alter boy.

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Heres a fairly old one:

 

A woman finds someone on tinder and invites him round to hers. The doorbell rang and she answered the door to find a man with no arms or legs on the floor. 

 

"Are you my date?" She asks, to which he replies "yes".

 

"Ok," she says, "I guess it could work but but how do I know if you're any good in bed?"

 

He replies "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"

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118557143_3773004999394990_7251954145754369144_n.jpg

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I got a job at the local bakery,I kneed Ed the dough.

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Ok, this Catturd is a Trumper & not everybody will like him, but nobody who opens a thread with thousand fart jokes can be a truly bad human being.

 

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14 minutes ago, ThePrematureBurial said:

Ok, this Catturd is a Trumper & not everybody will like him, but nobody who opens a thread with thousand fart jokes can be a truly bad human being.

 

 

 

T'internet suggests the following is a contender:

 

Yo momma so poor that when she farted she said clap your hands stomp your feet praise to the lord we have heat.

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13 hours ago, ThePrematureBurial said:

Ok, this Catturd is a Trumper & not everybody will like him, but nobody who opens a thread with thousand fart jokes can be a truly bad human being.

 

4 gay men are in a hot tub. All of a sudden, a condom comes afloat and one of the gay men says to the others 'Ok who farted?'

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What do you call a deaf gynaecologist?

 

A lip-reader

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How do you get a nun pregnant?

 

Get an altar boy to fart on her pussy

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2 hours ago, Kenny McCormick said:

How do you get a nun pregnant?

 

Get an altar boy to fart on her pussy

 

Are you sure you're not 12?

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1 hour ago, Toast said:

 

Are you sure you're not 12?

Aw man... :(

 

Just as I thought I'd found a funny as well...

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Without Arabians, 9/11 wouldnt exist. Instead it would've been called IX/XI

 

Why was 10 always afraid?

He was in the middle of 9/11

 

9/11 victims are amazing readers. They went through 96 stories in the matter of seconds!

 

Proof that 9/11 wasnt a government plot: It actually fucking worked!

 

Have you ever had a 9/11 threeway?

Its when two twins go down on you

 

Happy 9/11 everyone!

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Christmas trees are very similar to Amy Winehouse, when they die they leave fucking needles everywhere

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5 minutes ago, Kenny McCormick said:

Christmas trees are very similar to Mary Winehouse, when they die they leave fucking needles everywhere

Who's Mary Winehouse? 

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5 minutes ago, Paul Bearer said:

Who's Mary Winehouse? 


Obviously the honourable member for Milton Keynes means Mary Whitehouse. Absolute junkie, she was.

 

0E7AF2BA-35BB-4F56-8476-4D0DDE013DBA.jpeg.254b8fabd6911777243718698790aaad.jpeg

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1 minute ago, The Quim Reaper said:


Obviously the honourable member for Milton Keynes means Mary Whitehouse. Absolute junkie, she was.

 

0E7AF2BA-35BB-4F56-8476-4D0DDE013DBA.jpeg.254b8fabd6911777243718698790aaad.jpeg

Nah, she just had a mind like a sewer.

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5 hours ago, Paul Bearer said:

Who's Mary Winehouse? 

AMY... Fugin' autocorrect! 

 

5 hours ago, The Quim Reaper said:


Obviously the honourable member for Milton Keynes means Mary Whitehouse. Absolute junkie, she was.

 

0E7AF2BA-35BB-4F56-8476-4D0DDE013DBA.jpeg.254b8fabd6911777243718698790aaad.jpeg

I dont live in Milton Keynes...

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joke.jpg

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Cineworld to shut all 128 of its cinemas in the UK and Ireland. I, for one, will miss a small popcorn and frozen coke costing £27

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What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?

 

Trump has never had a lentil on his face!!

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Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
. How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.
. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .
. I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
. They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.
. I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
. Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
. I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
. This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
. When chemists die, they barium.
. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
. I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
. Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
. I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
. Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
. When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
. Broken pencils are pointless.
. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
. I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
. Velcro - what a rip off!
. Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last.

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Sir, would you like to buy some flowers for your wife?....it's for a good cause.

 

What cause?

 

'Cause there's lipstick on your collar.

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