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Did some live online comedy with the Voice of Young Maryport tonight

 

A few rib-ticklers to share

 

Dylan (one name comedian) - "Yeah, I'm both gay and dysphraxic - so I'll suck you off but I might also rip it off!"

 

Mark Nelson - "Hands, face, space...three places Neil Armstrong definitely ejaculated!"

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I saw a homeless man in a cemetery, kneeling in front of a grave. I said "Morning!" He said, "nah, just taking a shit."

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What do you call a chicken in a shellsuit? An Egg. One for the scousers and mancs. 

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2 hours ago, Bentrovato said:

What do you call a chicken in a shellsuit? An Egg. One for the scousers and mancs. 

Another for scousers.Think you've all heard this one but anyway.

What do scousers call "Silence of the lambs"?

Shut up ewes.

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Okay, nicked from the obvious place but actually made me laugh

 

I just went to the doctors. I said, “doc, my penis looks like an overpriced Leather purse”. “Ahh yes”, he replied, “it’s Prada Willy syndrome”.

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No man is an island, though this man is close.

 

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Yesterday was a beautiful, sunny spring day, and me and some friends were driving through Wales.
At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch we stopped for lunch and I asked the waitress:
“Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us.
Can you pronounce where we are, very, very, very slowly?”
The girl leaned over and said:
“Burrr… gurrr… King.”
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On 15/04/2021 at 15:55, MoneySavingExpt said:

Where did they bury the Geordie Ramones fan?


In a Pet Sematary

 

So Martin, exactly how long have you lived in Fracne (sic)?

 

 

Edit: Some days later Martin realises and changes it to France. Which whilst an actual country, is still untrue. Damn socks.

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