A Joke

[Phantom 2,469]

What do pirates and jazz trumpeters have in common?

They're both murder on the high C's

[RIP Wee Jum 1,558]

Just saw Chris Rea on the train

 

LYING BASTARD !

[Dr. Zorders 1,269]

My dad said I should "get my arse in gear".

 

I said, I know I've been unemployed for a while now but I'm not gonna stoop to selling drugs!

[maryportfuncity 10,016]

My sister told me she's going out with a six foot seven bloke who wears a bright pink sweater and gets covered in mud every Saturday afternoon.

 

I said he sounds like a keeper!

[Phantom 2,469]

This I see from time to time on Facebook and makes me chuckle

 

[RandomCanadian 105]

Heck is where people go who don't believe in gosh.

(courtesy of my son, I thought it was hilarious)

[YoungWillz 19,053]

As a highly sexed waiter, I really feel for Charles Manson.

 

He's had more death rumours than I've had hot diners.

[Phantom 2,469]

I just got banned from B&Q. Some dickhead in an orange apron came up to me and asked if I wanted decking. Luckily I got the first punch in.

[The Mad Hatter 1,091]

I was watching porn once and this guy was teaching a yoga class but one of his students wanted his dick. When she asked him can he fuck her, he said "no, we're doing yoga".

[time 7,956]

I was watching porn once and this guy was teaching a yoga class but one of his students wanted his dick. When she asked him can he fuck her, he said "no, we're doing yoga".

Its the way you tell 'em

[Lard Bazaar 3,687]

John wakes up bright and early, leaps out of bed and flings open the curtains....

 

"It's a cracking day Barbara, so we're off fishing, YOU, ME and the DOG!!!

 

Barbara opens her eyes..."No we're not, I fucking hate fishing"!!!

 

"Fine" says John "You've got three options; you come fishing, you give me a blowie, or you take it in the arse. You decide. I'm off out to the garage to sort my gear, have your decision for me when I get back in".

 

Half an hour later John trots back upstairs and into the bedroom...."So darling, Time's up. What's it to be? Fishing, blowie or in the arse?"

 

Barbara sighs...."Well I'm NOT coming fishing! And my arse ached for days after last time so I guess it will have to be a blowie" and slides over on her front to the side of the bed.

 

John unbuckles his belt and let's his shorts fall to the floor.

 

"Let's get this over with then" says Barbara as she grabs Johns cock and stuffs it in her mouth.

 

After two deep throats Barbara stops abruptly and spits on to the carpet.... "Eughhh..... It tastes of SHIT"!!!!!!!!!!

 

John looks down at her with his palms held up....

 

"Yep! The dog didn't want to go either"!!!!!!!

[Phantom 2,469]

A friend from Wales and I were discussing how many sexual partners we'd had. He started to count and then he fell asleep.

[Cat O'Falk 3,287]

A friend from Wales and I were discussing how many sexual partners we'd had. He started to count and then he fell asleep.

 

[Phantom 2,469]

I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise?

[RIP Wee Jum 1,558]

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the

stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go

quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and

said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"

Oh, I don't know", said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask

you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same

stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat

patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose

that is?"

The stranger thought about it and said, "Hmmm, I have no idea,"

To which the little girl replied, "Do you really feel qualified to

discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

[RIP Wee Jum 1,558]

A World renowned expert in the sounds of European Wasps is walking down

the High St. one day when he spots an advert in his local record shop

for "Wasp sounds from around the Globe".

 

On further enquiry he discovers that a vinyl recording of this subject

has just been released and a few copies are available in store there and

then. Naturally, being a World renowned expert in the sounds of European

Wasps he is curious and asks the young chap behind the counter if he can

have a listen to "Wasp sounds from around the Globe".

A few seconds later the World renowned expert in the sounds of European

Wasps is standing at one of those little sound stations with his headphones

on and a puzzled expression on his face. He removes the Headphones, walks

back to the counter and catches the young sales persons attention.

"Excuse me" he says, "I'm A World renowned expert in the sounds of European

Wasps and I've just been listening to "Wasp sounds from around the Globe",

and I must say, there appears to be some mistake. Those are no Wasp sounds

with which I am familiar".

The young man dutifully checks the recording in question and assures the

World renowned expert in the sounds of European Wasps that he is indeed

listening to "Wasp sounds from around the Globe". Puzzled,the World renowned

expert in the sounds of European Wasps returns to the headphones and once

again begins to listen. After a few seconds he once again returns to the

counter and accosts the young fellow there.

"Excuse me" he says, "As I mentioned before, I am a World renowned expert

in the sounds of European Wasps and I've just been listening to "Wasp sounds

from around the Globe" and I have to say again, those are no Wasp sounds with

which I am familiar. Are you certain I have been listening to the correct

recording?"

Slightly exasperated by now, the young man checks the disc currently Playing

and with a slightly sheepish grin confesses: .

 

"Oops, sorry Sir, I seem to have played you the Bee side"

[Phantom 2,469]

I was playing chess with my friend and he said ‘Let’s make this more interesting’. So we stopped playing chess.

[Paul Bearer 5,651]

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the

stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go

quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and

said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"

Oh, I don't know", said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask

you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same

stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat

patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose

that is?"

The stranger thought about it and said, "Hmmm, I have no idea,"

To which the little girl replied, "Do you really feel qualified to

discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

Stealing this one. :-D

[maryportfuncity 10,016]

Q - Why can't Stevie Wonder see his kids?

 

A - Because he's black.

[The Mad Hatter 1,091]

 

A friend from Wales and I were discussing how many sexual partners we'd had. He started to count and then he fell asleep.

 

admins could you please delete this or give him a warning point or something.

[Paul Bearer 5,651]

 

 

A friend from Wales and I were discussing how many sexual partners we'd had. He started to count and then he fell asleep.

admins could you please delete this or give him a warning point or something.

Why?

[The Mad Hatter 1,091]

 

 

 

A friend from Wales and I were discussing how many sexual partners we'd had. He started to count and then he fell asleep.

admins could you please delete this or give him a warning point or something.

Why?

because sheep fucking is not something people like to see especially if the guy is licking the sheep's pussy tbf Cat o'falk would probably want to. Could you please remove this disgusting animation.

[Lard Bazaar 3,687]

 

 

 

 

A friend from Wales and I were discussing how many sexual partners we'd had. He started to count and then he fell asleep.

admins could you please delete this or give him a warning point or something.

Why?

because sheep fucking is not something people like to see especially if the guy is licking the sheep's pussy tbf Cat o'falk would probably want to. Could you please remove this disgusting animation.

 

Grow up you fuckwit.

[Paul Bearer 5,651]

 

 

 

 

 

A friend from Wales and I were discussing how many sexual partners we'd had. He started to count and then he fell asleep.

 

admins could you please delete this or give him a warning point or something.

Why?

because sheep fucking is not something people like to see especially if the guy is licking the sheep's pussy tbf Cat o'falk would probably want to. Could you please remove this disgusting animation.

Grow up you fuckwit.

Looking at that cartoon, it would appear to be Australian sheepshaggers convention?. I assume the sense of humour bypass was a failure?

[YoungWillz 19,053]

^^I'm still trying to find Muhammad in it...