Room 101

[Guest David]

Assistants in shoe shops who try and sell you cleaner/protecter/anti-slip soles etc.

 

I've worn my high-heeled sandals all summer, and haven't slipped and broken my kneck once, despite the dire predictions of the woman who sold them to me (because I didn't buy the 12 euro non slip things to stick on the bottom). Have just been promised a similar fate in relation to the boots I bought this morning, I've also been warned that they will shrivel up in no time at all because I didn't invest in the 15 euro tub of shoe cream. Grrrrrr

 

Can we put annoying TV commercials in Room 101? If we can, can I please put in that dire Night Nurse ad from a few years ago with the bloke in the bus queue? I knew him from school in Glasgow - he was the school bully. Aw, tough luck, mate - the only job you can get's in a dire ad like that. However the girl who plays the driving instructor in the Lemsip ad from last year certainly can't go into Room 101 - she's my girlfriend. Well done, sweetheart. I'm proud of ya. Love ya pet.

 

Yawn

 

I haven't seen the advert, I've been away. In fact the last time I saw one, Lemsip was sorting the men out from the boys. So what are you David, a man or a boy? Or is she just too tired from all that "instructing" when she comes in to sort you out?

 

Please pass on our regards to Scott, we sure have missed him.

 

The ad that my lovely girlfriend features in is the one they showed last Christmas. It's the Lemsip Max All in One ad where we first see the girl in her bed -(no, it wasn't shot in our flat.) After she takes her pill, we see her drop off to sleep and at the end, she's back at work as a driving instructor, she rips the L plate off the car and smiles. So next time you're on YouTube, have a look at that ad and you'll see my lovely girlfriend. We've known each other since we were kids. She's gorgeous, funny, talented and I love her. And I will pass on your regards to Scot - he's at work today - but it's my day off.

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

One of my work colleagues, Roger. He drives me up the wall for the following reasons:

 

1) He is totally incapable of doing his job

 

2) He is incapable of admitting when he is wrong (which is 99% of the time)

 

3) He NEVER says thank you when you help him

 

4) He is the reason our team meetings last for 6 hours at a time (there are only 4 of us in the office!)

 

5) He thinks he knows everything

 

6) He smells

 

7) He thinks the world owes him a favour

 

8) He has no sense of humour

 

9) He has a herd of cows he doesnt look after properly - strange but true

 

10) When he gets angry, he turns a violent shade of purple and stares at his desk refusing to speak. No - he's not a toddler, he's in his 50's.

 

I'm sure I'll think of some more reasons why Roger should be in Room 101. If you met him, you'd understand.

 

Can we please moderate the language on the Forum, please? My girlfriend often reads this and she doesn't like swearing.

 

There isn't one swearword in that post you quoted. Here's a tip for your bird - if you don't like the swearing on this forum, f**k off to www.barrenmingedprudisholdfarts.com - I can highly recommend it.

 

Of course, my post is pointless really, as we all know you haven't really got a girlfriend.

[Guest David]

One of my work colleagues, Roger. He drives me up the wall for the following reasons:

 

1) He is totally incapable of doing his job

 

2) He is incapable of admitting when he is wrong (which is 99% of the time)

 

3) He NEVER says thank you when you help him

 

4) He is the reason our team meetings last for 6 hours at a time (there are only 4 of us in the office!)

 

5) He thinks he knows everything

 

6) He smells

 

7) He thinks the world owes him a favour

 

8) He has no sense of humour

 

9) He has a herd of cows he doesnt look after properly - strange but true

 

10) When he gets angry, he turns a violent shade of purple and stares at his desk refusing to speak. No - he's not a toddler, he's in his 50's.

 

I'm sure I'll think of some more reasons why Roger should be in Room 101. If you met him, you'd understand.

 

Can we please moderate the language on the Forum, please? My girlfriend often reads this and she doesn't like swearing.

 

There isn't one swearword in that post you quoted. Here's a tip for your bird - if you don't like the swearing on this forum, f**k off to www.barrenmingedprudisholdfarts.com - I can highly recommend it.

 

Of course, my post is pointless really, as we all know you haven't really got a girlfriend.

I kow there isn't - because we don't swear. And will you please not use offensive language? Thirdly, Jilly is my girlfriend, NOT my bird. I do NOT go out with women who swear.

[Anubis the Jackal 77]

You really are a cumgargling nutjuggling gr*ndle-n*dger.

I kow there isn't - because we don't swear. And will you please not use offensive language? Thirdly, Jilly is my girlfriend, NOT my bird. I do NOT go out with women who swear.

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

One of my work colleagues, Roger. He drives me up the wall for the following reasons:

 

1) He is totally incapable of doing his job

 

2) He is incapable of admitting when he is wrong (which is 99% of the time)

 

3) He NEVER says thank you when you help him

 

4) He is the reason our team meetings last for 6 hours at a time (there are only 4 of us in the office!)

 

5) He thinks he knows everything

 

6) He smells

 

7) He thinks the world owes him a favour

 

8) He has no sense of humour

 

9) He has a herd of cows he doesnt look after properly - strange but true

 

10) When he gets angry, he turns a violent shade of purple and stares at his desk refusing to speak. No - he's not a toddler, he's in his 50's.

 

I'm sure I'll think of some more reasons why Roger should be in Room 101. If you met him, you'd understand.

 

Can we please moderate the language on the Forum, please? My girlfriend often reads this and she doesn't like swearing.

 

There isn't one swearword in that post you quoted. Here's a tip for your bird - if you don't like the swearing on this forum, f**k off to www.barrenmingedprudisholdfarts.com - I can highly recommend it.

 

Of course, my post is pointless really, as we all know you haven't really got a girlfriend.

I kow there isn't - because we don't swear. And will you please not use offensive language? Thirdly, Jilly is my girlfriend, NOT my bird. I do NOT go out with women who swear.

 

I'm talking about the post you quoted, numbnuts. The post you quoted when making the original request to stop swearing HAS NO SWEARING IN IT!

 

And what a shame you don't go out with women who swear - we could have made a lovely couple.

[Phantom 2,533]

Assistants in shoe shops who try and sell you cleaner/protecter/anti-slip soles etc.

 

I've worn my high-heeled sandals all summer, and haven't slipped and broken my kneck once, despite the dire predictions of the woman who sold them to me (because I didn't buy the 12 euro non slip things to stick on the bottom). Have just been promised a similar fate in relation to the boots I bought this morning, I've also been warned that they will shrivel up in no time at all because I didn't invest in the 15 euro tub of shoe cream. Grrrrrr

 

Slave to the Grave.

 

Only saw your post from 2006 after it was recently quoted in another post.

I used to work in a shoe shop many years ago and we were always pushed by our managers to try and sell shoe polish or fabric cleaner with each pair of shoes.

 

It's highly annoying especially when you know you've sold a tin of shoe polish to the person just the previous week.

[Monoclinic 39]

SNIPPED

 

I kow there isn't - because we don't swear. And will you please not use offensive language? Thirdly, Jilly is my girlfriend, NOT my bird. I do NOT go out with women who swear.

 

Is this Jilly?

 

[Madame Defarge 21]

One of my work colleagues, Roger. He drives me up the wall for the following reasons:

 

1) He is totally incapable of doing his job

 

2) He is incapable of admitting when he is wrong (which is 99% of the time)

 

3) He NEVER says thank you when you help him

 

4) He is the reason our team meetings last for 6 hours at a time (there are only 4 of us in the office!)

 

5) He thinks he knows everything

 

6) He smells

 

7) He thinks the world owes him a favour

 

8) He has no sense of humour

 

9) He has a herd of cows he doesnt look after properly - strange but true

 

10) When he gets angry, he turns a violent shade of purple and stares at his desk refusing to speak. No - he's not a toddler, he's in his 50's.

 

I'm sure I'll think of some more reasons why Roger should be in Room 101. If you met him, you'd understand.

 

Can we please moderate the language on the Forum, please? My girlfriend often reads this and she doesn't like swearing.

 

There isn't one swearword in that post you quoted. Here's a tip for your bird - if you don't like the swearing on this forum, f**k off to www.barrenmingedprudisholdfarts.com - I can highly recommend it.

 

Of course, my post is pointless really, as we all know you haven't really got a girlfriend.

I kow there isn't - because we don't swear. And will you please not use offensive language? Thirdly, Jilly is my girlfriend, NOT my bird. I do NOT go out with women who swear.

 

I'm talking about the post you quoted, numbnuts. The post you quoted when making the original request to stop swearing HAS NO SWEARING IN IT!

 

And what a shame you don't go out with women who swear - we could have made a lovely couple.

Back the f**k off , Lardy. I want to be David's f*****g girlfriend!

[CarolAnn 926]

Back the f**k off , Lardy. I want to be David's f*****g girlfriend!

 

Both of you a**h*le bitches are going to be f*****g behind me in the f*****g line looking for your f*****g heads - I'm the only d*mn one who is f*****g going to be f*****g David's g** d*mn girlfriend!

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Phew! There. That took some doing! OK, I lie. It really didn't.

 

Yes, I added asterisks - I like asterisks.

[Terminator 13]

you can even have all the Scotish people living in England back ( lots of them)

 

Sounds good, but which other nation will keep the London West End shop doorways frost-free during the winter?

[Terminator 13]

Can we please moderate the language on the Forum, please? My girlfriend often reads this and she doesn't like swearing.

 

It sounds like the problem your bird has is reading out aloud what she's reading.......

 

Is it a religious problem? Can any of us helpful souls "cure" her?

[Guest Scot]

Can we please moderate the language on the Forum, please? My girlfriend often reads this and she doesn't like swearing.

 

It sounds like the problem your bird has is reading out aloud what she's reading.......

 

Is it a religious problem? Can any of us helpful souls "cure" her?

 

Can we put Sunderland AFC fans in Room 101, please? They're always slagging the other fans off - particuarly their arch rivals Newcastle - who I've supported since I moved down here from Glasgow.

 

Anubis the Jackal - if you don't stop writing such filth, I'll get your posts pulled.

[Cowboy Ronnie 78]

I kow there isn't - because we don't swear. And will you please not use offensive language? Thirdly, Jilly is my girlfriend, NOT my bird. I do NOT go out with women who swear.

 

Oh make up your mind David, a few posts above you referred to the divine Jilly as your "pet".

 

Which isn't the case anyway, as I heard that Scot is hittin' that behind your back.

[Anubis the Jackal 77]

Anubis the Jackal - if you don't stop writing such filth, I'll get your pudding pulled.

 

Easy Tiger.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,219]

Can we please moderate the language on the Forum, please? My girlfriend often reads this and she doesn't like swearing.

 

It sounds like the problem your bird has is reading out aloud what she's reading.......

 

Is it a religious problem? Can any of us helpful souls "cure" her?

 

Can we put Sunderland AFC fans in Room 101, please? They're always slagging the other fans off - particuarly their arch rivals Newcastle - who I've supported since I moved down here from Glasgow.

 

Anubis the Jackal - if you don't stop writing such filth, I'll get your posts pulled.

And what, may I ask, Is wrong with a bit of filth?

Im quite partial to all that European filth from the 70s, dodgy background music and all.

[Guest David]

Can we please moderate the language on the Forum, please? My girlfriend often reads this and she doesn't like swearing.

 

It sounds like the problem your bird has is reading out aloud what she's reading.......

 

Is it a religious problem? Can any of us helpful souls "cure" her?

 

Can we put Sunderland AFC fans in Room 101, please? They're always slagging the other fans off - particuarly their arch rivals Newcastle - who I've supported since I moved down here from Glasgow.

 

Anubis the Jackal - if you don't stop writing such filth, I'll get your posts pulled.

And what, may I ask, Is wrong with a bit of filth?

Im quite partial to all that European filth from the 70s, dodgy background music and all.

Anubis, I kinow I referred to Jilly - who you accurately described as divine - as my pet - because that is an affectionate nickname given to loved ones in the North East - or indeed in Glasgow. And Scot's not sleeping with Jilly - he's got his own girl - a nurse who works with me at the hospital.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,219]

Can we please moderate the language on the Forum, please? My girlfriend often reads this and she doesn't like swearing.

 

It sounds like the problem your bird has is reading out aloud what she's reading.......

 

Is it a religious problem? Can any of us helpful souls "cure" her?

 

Can we put Sunderland AFC fans in Room 101, please? They're always slagging the other fans off - particuarly their arch rivals Newcastle - who I've supported since I moved down here from Glasgow.

 

Anubis the Jackal - if you don't stop writing such filth, I'll get your posts pulled.

And what, may I ask, Is wrong with a bit of filth?

Im quite partial to all that European filth from the 70s, dodgy background music and all.

Anubis, I kinow I referred to Jilly - who you accurately described as divine - as my pet - because that is an affectionate nickname given to loved ones in the North East - or indeed in Glasgow. And Scot's not sleeping with Jilly - he's got his own girl - a nurse who works with me at the hospital.

Would that be a Mental hospital by any chance?

Are you certain that you actually work there?

Are you really a patient?

Have you met Banshees Scream?

As Jimmy Jones used to say "could appen!"

[Monoclinic 39]

Can we please moderate the language on the Forum, please? My girlfriend often reads this and she doesn't like swearing.

 

It sounds like the problem your bird has is reading out aloud what she's reading.......

 

Is it a religious problem? Can any of us helpful souls "cure" her?

 

Can we put Sunderland AFC fans in Room 101, please? They're always slagging the other fans off - particuarly their arch rivals Newcastle - who I've supported since I moved down here from Glasgow.

 

Anubis the Jackal - if you don't stop writing such filth, I'll get your posts pulled.

And what, may I ask, Is wrong with a bit of filth?

Im quite partial to all that European filth from the 70s, dodgy background music and all.

Anubis, I kinow I referred to Jilly - who you accurately described as divine - as my pet - because that is an affectionate nickname given to loved ones in the North East - or indeed in Glasgow. And Scot's not sleeping with Jilly - he's got his own girl - a nurse who works with me at the hospital.

Would that be a Mental hospital by any chance?

Are you certain that you actually work there?

Are you really a patient?

Have you met Banshees Scream?

As Jimmy Jones used to say "could appen!"

 

Fancy a drink?

 

I thought it was only in Wales that one refers to their "lover" as pet. So it's true what they say, you live and indeed you do learn. Doesn't the velcro chafe?

[Guest David]

Can we please moderate the language on the Forum, please? My girlfriend often reads this and she doesn't like swearing.

 

It sounds like the problem your bird has is reading out aloud what she's reading.......

 

Is it a religious problem? Can any of us helpful souls "cure" her?

 

Can we put Sunderland AFC fans in Room 101, please? They're always slagging the other fans off - particuarly their arch rivals Newcastle - who I've supported since I moved down here from Glasgow.

 

Anubis the Jackal - if you don't stop writing such filth, I'll get your posts pulled.

And what, may I ask, Is wrong with a bit of filth?

Im quite partial to all that European filth from the 70s, dodgy background music and all.

Anubis, I kinow I referred to Jilly - who you accurately described as divine - as my pet - because that is an affectionate nickname given to loved ones in the North East - or indeed in Glasgow. And Scot's not sleeping with Jilly - he's got his own girl - a nurse who works with me at the hospital.

Would that be a Mental hospital by any chance?

Are you certain that you actually work there?

Are you really a patient?

Have you met Banshees Scream?

As Jimmy Jones used to say "could appen!"

 

Fancy a drink?

 

I thought it was only in Wales that one refers to their "lover" as pet. So it's true what they say, you live and indeed you do learn. Doesn't the velcro chafe?

 

It's the Freeman Hospital in Newcastle, and yes, I do indeed work there as a porter. I would love a drink, since you offered - but as I'm leaving for my night shift at 6:00, I can't accept your offer. And I've been to Wales before on holiday and not once have I heard anybody call their loved ones "pet". That's exclusively North East and Scottish dialect. Scot's girl is a very pretty brunette nurse called Sandra - and she works in the Cardiothoracic ward at the hopital.

[Monoclinic 39]

It's the Freeman Hospital in Newcastle, and yes, I do indeed work there as a porter. I would love a drink, since you offered - but as I'm leaving for my night shift at 6:00, I can't accept your offer. And I've been to Wales before on holiday and not once have I heard anybody call their loved ones "pet". That's exclusively North East and Scottish dialect. Scot's girl is a very pretty brunette nurse called Sandra - and she works in the Cardiothoracic ward at the hopital.

 

Fascinating. Do you take celery salt with your drink?

 

What are your feelings on the bemonicled Sir Patrick Moore? There is a long missed member from your neck of the woods, (i.e. up north). I believe his partner was a nurse. You wouldn't happen to know if a Mrs S Crossed works in Freemans would you?

[honez 79]

And I've been to Wales before on holiday and not once have I heard anybody call their loved ones "pet". That's exclusively North East and Scottish dialect.

Rubbish. You've obviously not spent anywhere near enough time in Wales to know what you're talking about.

I used to have a pet. It was lovely. It used to rub the lotion on its skin just like it was supposed to.

It's dead now though.

Do you want to come to Wales to have another holiday, David?

I promise you'll like it, pet.

[Phantom 2,533]

Can we please moderate the language on the Forum, please? My girlfriend often reads this and she doesn't like swearing.

 

It sounds like the problem your bird has is reading out aloud what she's reading.......

 

Is it a religious problem? Can any of us helpful souls "cure" her?

 

Can we put Sunderland AFC fans in Room 101, please? They're always slagging the other fans off - particuarly their arch rivals Newcastle - who I've supported since I moved down here from Glasgow.

 

Anubis the Jackal - if you don't stop writing such filth, I'll get your posts pulled.

And what, may I ask, Is wrong with a bit of filth?

Im quite partial to all that European filth from the 70s, dodgy background music and all.

Anubis, I kinow I referred to Jilly - who you accurately described as divine - as my pet - because that is an affectionate nickname given to loved ones in the North East - or indeed in Glasgow. And Scot's not sleeping with Jilly - he's got his own girl - a nurse who works with me at the hospital.

 

Scot hasn't been sleeping with Jilly. I've been screwing her all this time.

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

Can we please moderate the language on the Forum, please? My girlfriend often reads this and she doesn't like swearing.

 

It sounds like the problem your bird has is reading out aloud what she's reading.......

 

Is it a religious problem? Can any of us helpful souls "cure" her?

 

Can we put Sunderland AFC fans in Room 101, please? They're always slagging the other fans off - particuarly their arch rivals Newcastle - who I've supported since I moved down here from Glasgow.

 

Anubis the Jackal - if you don't stop writing such filth, I'll get your posts pulled.

And what, may I ask, Is wrong with a bit of filth?

Im quite partial to all that European filth from the 70s, dodgy background music and all.

Anubis, I kinow I referred to Jilly - who you accurately described as divine - as my pet - because that is an affectionate nickname given to loved ones in the North East - or indeed in Glasgow. And Scot's not sleeping with Jilly - he's got his own girl - a nurse who works with me at the hospital.

 

Scot hasn't been sleeping with Jilly. I've been screwing her all this time.

 

f**k - so have I

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,219]

Cookery Programmes!!!!

Im absolutely f*****g steaming!!!!!!!!!!!

Why the f**k should I have to endure that kind of shite?

Totally, totally wrong. Im refusing to be in the same room as the TV......

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

Cookery Programmes!!!!

Im absolutely f*****g steaming!!!!!!!!!!!

Why the f**k should I have to endure that kind of shite?

Totally, totally wrong. Im refusing to be in the same room as the TV......

 

 

Blimey. I take it you'll be having a packet of Snak-a-Jacks and a digestive biscuit for tea then?