Room 101

[Toast 14,803]

Now funnily enough I treated my car to a wash at Tesco's yesterday.

 

Only the one where I go, they don't mob you, they have a proper little set up with hoses and a Portakabin an' all, up in the far corner of the car park. So if you wish to avail yourself of the service, you just drive up there and leave the car. They'll do the full monty with waxing and polishing if one so desires, but I just go for the basic wash.

 

Fiver well spent, I reckon. I got fed up of picking the moss out of the windows of my last car, and I can't be arsed to wash it myself.

[Lard Bazaar 3,687]

Now funnily enough I treated my car to a wash at Tesco's yesterday.

 

Only the one where I go, they don't mob you, they have a proper little set up with hoses and a Portakabin an' all, up in the far corner of the car park. So if you wish to avail yourself of the service, you just drive up there and leave the car. They'll do the full monty with waxing and polishing if one so desires, but I just go for the basic wash.

 

Fiver well spent, I reckon. I got fed up of picking the moss out of the windows of my last car, and I can't be arsed to wash it myself.

 

See now that I wouldn't object to. It's when you've hardly got out of the car and they're standing over you 'you want carrrr wosh lady' - no, but if you got any fajitas going then here's my keys. And anyway, it's only the dirt that stops my car falling to pieces.

[Vinegar Tits 584]

Whichever miserable, humourless DWP jobsworth put this site on the 'offensive and sick' internet filter. Gits.

[Guest 747-Pilot]

I know I'm not the only one to find things I think that the world would be better off without. Lifejackets on planes, for example. Has anybody in the history of commercial airlines ever used one? Not in the past 10 years I'll bet. It's not just the jackets it's all those instructions about how to put them on: what for? If that plane goes down everyone on board is instant mash. It's a nonsense ritual that has lost all meaning in modern air travel.

 

Come on deathlisters, I know there are things you would really like to see disappear. What's your waste of space?

 

Bollocks

[To die for 3]

Tesco. Specifically their parking cameras.

 

I've just had a letter accusing me of parking in their car park for 23 hours over last Thursday/Friday, which is of course utterly ridiculous. I will be subject to their parking charges if I do it again, apparently, because it's selfish to other customers. I spend a f'ucking small fortune in there every week, cheeky b'astards. Needless to say I phoned them up, and their oh-so-great camera technology had clocked me going in, but not going out again. I soon put the operator straight on that one, and he apologised sheepishly upon checking his camera footage. This is the same branch of Tesco that also threatened a fine to a disabled couple because they took longer than three hours to do their shopping, which included them having a meal in the cafe. Bunch of f'ucking idiots. Their car park looks like it was designed by Stevie Wonder on crack as well. Conflicting bloody arrows everywhere, and at one point if you obey the No Entry signs you actually just go round and round in a circle. And it's full of Mexicans asking if I want my car washed. NO I F'UCKING DON'T, I didn't want it washed yesterday when you asked me, and I still don't want it washed today, now F'UCK OFF and find me a little trolley, there's never enough LITTLE trolleys. And they don't even sell hairbrushes. W'ankers.

Funnily enough, I had that exact issue at Sainsburys, the assistant offered to show me where the dog brushes were. I wasn't sure if he was just being overly helpful or a bit of a smart arse, either way, spotty git! Maybe I looked that tangled, it wouldn't be the first time.

[Windsor 2,142]

Again. People who don't give you references after they have agreed to.

 

I've sent him lots of emails with no response, and even went through to his office last week but although his lights were on, he wasn't answering the door. I'm going back through today again.

 

He is still alive. I saw him on Thursday, but given that I was 'in procession' to my graduation ceremony I could hardly stop and say, 'about that reference you said you'd write'...

[time 7,940]

Again. People who don't give you references after they have agreed to.

 

I've sent him lots of emails with no response, and even went through to his office last week but although his lights were on, he wasn't answering the door. I'm going back through today again.

 

He is still alive. I saw him on Thursday, but given that I was 'in procession' to my graduation ceremony I could hardly stop and say, 'about that reference you said you'd write'...

 

 

Agreed. When I left my last job, one individual offered me a reference. I'm still waiting and its fast approaching 3 years.

[Lard Bazaar 3,687]

Tesco. Specifically their parking cameras.

 

I've just had a letter accusing me of parking in their car park for 23 hours over last Thursday/Friday, which is of course utterly ridiculous. I will be subject to their parking charges if I do it again, apparently, because it's selfish to other customers. I spend a f'ucking small fortune in there every week, cheeky b'astards. Needless to say I phoned them up, and their oh-so-great camera technology had clocked me going in, but not going out again. I soon put the operator straight on that one, and he apologised sheepishly upon checking his camera footage. This is the same branch of Tesco that also threatened a fine to a disabled couple because they took longer than three hours to do their shopping, which included them having a meal in the cafe. Bunch of f'ucking idiots. Their car park looks like it was designed by Stevie Wonder on crack as well. Conflicting bloody arrows everywhere, and at one point if you obey the No Entry signs you actually just go round and round in a circle. And it's full of Mexicans asking if I want my car washed. NO I F'UCKING DON'T, I didn't want it washed yesterday when you asked me, and I still don't want it washed today, now F'UCK OFF and find me a little trolley, there's never enough LITTLE trolleys. And they don't even sell hairbrushes. W'ankers.

Funnily enough, I had that exact issue at Sainsburys, the assistant offered to show me where the dog brushes were. I wasn't sure if he was just being overly helpful or a bit of a smart arse, either way, spotty git! Maybe I looked that tangled, it wouldn't be the first time.

 

I found the hairbrushes today. Were they next to the hairspray, shampoo, other hairstyling equipment in the beauty aisle labelled 'hairstyling'? No, of course not. They were at the end of the crisp aisle next to the batteries. Stupid me.

[Madcow 6]

Tesco. Specifically their parking cameras.

 

I've just had a letter accusing me of parking in their car park for 23 hours over last Thursday/Friday, which is of course utterly ridiculous. I will be subject to their parking charges if I do it again, apparently, because it's selfish to other customers. I spend a f'ucking small fortune in there every week, cheeky b'astards. Needless to say I phoned them up, and their oh-so-great camera technology had clocked me going in, but not going out again. I soon put the operator straight on that one, and he apologised sheepishly upon checking his camera footage. This is the same branch of Tesco that also threatened a fine to a disabled couple because they took longer than three hours to do their shopping, which included them having a meal in the cafe. Bunch of f'ucking idiots. Their car park looks like it was designed by Stevie Wonder on crack as well. Conflicting bloody arrows everywhere, and at one point if you obey the No Entry signs you actually just go round and round in a circle. And it's full of Mexicans asking if I want my car washed. NO I F'UCKING DON'T, I didn't want it washed yesterday when you asked me, and I still don't want it washed today, now F'UCK OFF and find me a little trolley, there's never enough LITTLE trolleys. And they don't even sell hairbrushes. W'ankers.

Funnily enough, I had that exact issue at Sainsburys, the assistant offered to show me where the dog brushes were. I wasn't sure if he was just being overly helpful or a bit of a smart arse, either way, spotty git! Maybe I looked that tangled, it wouldn't be the first time.

 

I found the hairbrushes today. Were they next to the hairspray, shampoo, other hairstyling equipment in the beauty aisle labelled 'hairstyling'? No, of course not. They were at the end of the crisp aisle next to the batteries. Stupid me.

I thought I'd grab a cheap hairbrush at Tesco last week, when I forgot to pack one to go on a short break. I also took about 40 minutes to discover them nowhere near haircare and then they wanted nearly seven quid. Ballcocks to that!, thought I and didn't bother brushing my hair for the week.

[Toast 14,803]

I thought I'd grab a cheap hairbrush at Tesco last week, when I forgot to pack one to go on a short break. I also took about 40 minutes to discover them nowhere near haircare and then they wanted nearly seven quid. Ballcocks to that!, thought I and didn't bother brushing my hair for the week.

 

Indeed, one's fingers are often a very effective substitute. In all sorts of circumstances.

[Lard Bazaar 3,687]

I thought I'd grab a cheap hairbrush at Tesco last week, when I forgot to pack one to go on a short break. I also took about 40 minutes to discover them nowhere near haircare and then they wanted nearly seven quid. Ballcocks to that!, thought I and didn't bother brushing my hair for the week.

 

Indeed, one's fingers are often a very effective substitute. In all sorts of circumstances.

 

[jumpinjackflash22 0]

I have no idea what you people mean.

My minds as white as New York Snow

 

Substitute? Substitute for what?

 

What confuses me more is the fact that your suggesting you used a hairbrush in the first place for you to substitute its usage with your fingers

 

Kinky shizzle!

[Gunjaman5000 30]

I have no idea what you people mean.

My minds as white as New York Snow

 

Substitute? Substitute for what?

 

What confuses me more is the fact that your suggesting you used a hairbrush in the first place for you to substitute its usage with your fingers

 

Kinky shizzle!

Your last name isn't Scream is it?

[honez 79]

I have no idea what you people mean.

My minds as white as New York Snow

 

Substitute? Substitute for what?

 

What confuses me more is the fact that your suggesting you used a hairbrush in the first place for you to substitute its usage with your fingers

 

Kinky shizzle!

Your last name isn't Scream is it?

Doubtful, but I've never seen so much winking over the thought of LB, a hairbrush and some fingering. Stop winking or you'll go blind.

[To die for 3]

I have no idea what you people mean.

My minds as white as New York Snow

 

Substitute? Substitute for what?

 

What confuses me more is the fact that your suggesting you used a hairbrush in the first place for you to substitute its usage with your fingers

 

Kinky shizzle!

Your last name isn't Scream is it?

Doubtful, but I've never seen so much winking over the thought of LB, a hairbrush and some fingering. Stop winking or you'll go blind.

[Anubis the Jackal 76]

Another clagnut of aggravating corporate management-speak.

 

"Does What it Says On The Tin"

 

Yes yes, a very good advertising tagline for paint products that are, er... tin based but utterly redundant when used about anything else; pension plans, 5 year economic forecasts or any other fekin thing.

[Windsor 2,142]

Just when you thought the expenses scandal couldn't get any worse....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,132]

Just when you thought the expenses scandal couldn't get any worse....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You mean to say they have actually found Shergar?!

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,132]

Ice Cream Vans.

Saw one today, now I cant stop "Popeye the f'ucking Sailor man" going round and round in my head!

[Abysmal Granite 0]

Snot. The hard kind, the runny kind, any kind. But especially the kind that is rock hard when it goes into the washing machine, and comes out as fresh as the day it oozed out.

[Madcow 6]

The Data Protection Act.

 

I hate it with a vengeance.

 

Foreigners phone you at all hours of the day, who already have all your data (so what's been protected?) and harass you to answer all sorts of personal questions. Why should I confirm MY details when I don't have a freakin' clue that they're who they say they are? If you want something from me SEND ME A fekin LETTER!

 

I wanted to check my last transactions at the Abbey Bank, so I phoned Customer Services. I failed security because I couldn't tell them the last three transactions on the account. That was what I wanted to know, but could I get that through to the script reading slumdog muppet? Could I hell.

 

Data Protection - Waste of time and energy - I have to have my cards changed every couple of months because the only people that can get info on my account are the bloody thieves!

[Handrejka 1,840]

The Data Protection Act.

 

I hate it with a vengeance.

 

Foreigners phone you at all hours of the day, who already have all your data (so what's been protected?) and harass you to answer all sorts of personal questions. Why should I confirm MY details when I don't have a freakin' clue that they're who they say they are? If you want something from me SEND ME A fekin LETTER!

 

I wanted to check my last transactions at the Abbey Bank, so I phoned Customer Services. I failed security because I couldn't tell them the last three transactions on the account. That was what I wanted to know, but could I get that through to the script reading slumdog muppet? Could I hell.

 

Data Protection - Waste of time and energy - I have to have my cards changed every couple of months because the only people that can get info on my account are the bloody thieves!

 

 

I'm sorry but I see this this from the other side. If we gave your information to all and sundry without having established you were who you said you were and you were frauded you'd be the first to complain. It's a myth that fraudsters only target hight networth accounts, it's your average person's account that is most at risk as fraudsters want to test the system with a normal account first before they go for the big guns.

 

Customers can be muppets too. We recently had a guy write to us and his letter included, his User ID, his password, his distinct name, his contact details, also attached was his passport with his d.o.b, p.o.b, signature and passport number and he couldn't understand why doing that was a security risk. If you want to moan, moan about fraudsters or idiotic customers who are the reason we have these security measures and not about the person trying to protect your money.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,132]

The Data Protection Act.

 

I hate it with a vengeance.

 

Foreigners phone you at all hours of the day, who already have all your data (so what's been protected?) and harass you to answer all sorts of personal questions. Why should I confirm MY details when I don't have a freakin' clue that they're who they say they are? If you want something from me SEND ME A fekin LETTER!

 

I wanted to check my last transactions at the Abbey Bank, so I phoned Customer Services. I failed security because I couldn't tell them the last three transactions on the account. That was what I wanted to know, but could I get that through to the script reading slumdog muppet? Could I hell.

 

Data Protection - Waste of time and energy - I have to have my cards changed every couple of months because the only people that can get info on my account are the bloody thieves!

 

 

I'm sorry but I see this this from the other side. If we gave your information to all and sundry without having established you were who you said you were and you were frauded you'd be the first to complain. It's a myth that fraudsters only target hight networth accounts, it's your average person's account that is most at risk as fraudsters want to test the system with a normal account first before they go for the big guns.

 

Customers can be muppets too. We recently had a guy write to us and his letter included, his User ID, his password, his distinct name, his contact details, also attached was his passport with his d.o.b, p.o.b, signature and passport number and he couldn't understand why doing that was a security risk. If you want to moan, moan about fraudsters or idiotic customers who are the reason we have these security measures and not about the person trying to protect your money.

Oh Handy, you are harsh!!

I take it you have to take said Muppets to task on a fairly regular basis?

If I were to open account at your branch and I, well I sort of acted like a Muppet and made myself a security risk, would you take me to task over it?

Would you consider me a naughty boy?

Would you take me to your office out the back and "show me the error of my ways?"

Bring a big ruler with you...........

Please?

[Handrejka 1,840]

The Data Protection Act.

 

I hate it with a vengeance.

 

Foreigners phone you at all hours of the day, who already have all your data (so what's been protected?) and harass you to answer all sorts of personal questions. Why should I confirm MY details when I don't have a freakin' clue that they're who they say they are? If you want something from me SEND ME A fekin LETTER!

 

I wanted to check my last transactions at the Abbey Bank, so I phoned Customer Services. I failed security because I couldn't tell them the last three transactions on the account. That was what I wanted to know, but could I get that through to the script reading slumdog muppet? Could I hell.

 

Data Protection - Waste of time and energy - I have to have my cards changed every couple of months because the only people that can get info on my account are the bloody thieves!

 

 

I'm sorry but I see this this from the other side. If we gave your information to all and sundry without having established you were who you said you were and you were frauded you'd be the first to complain. It's a myth that fraudsters only target hight networth accounts, it's your average person's account that is most at risk as fraudsters want to test the system with a normal account first before they go for the big guns.

 

Customers can be muppets too. We recently had a guy write to us and his letter included, his User ID, his password, his distinct name, his contact details, also attached was his passport with his d.o.b, p.o.b, signature and passport number and he couldn't understand why doing that was a security risk. If you want to moan, moan about fraudsters or idiotic customers who are the reason we have these security measures and not about the person trying to protect your money.

Oh Handy, you are harsh!!

I take it you have to take said Muppets to task on a fairly regular basis?

If I were to open account at your branch and I, well I sort of acted like a Muppet and made myself a security risk, would you take me to task over it?

Would you consider me a naughty boy?

Would you take me to your office out the back and "show me the error of my ways?"

Bring a big ruler with you...........

Please?

 

 

Get in line Actually, to get that kind of treatment you'd need to something really stupid, like send a photograph of your car for proof of ID, cellotape a bunch of pubic hairs to your application form or choose "fuckoffcockbreath" for your User name (all those things have happened). So yeah, I tend to get a bit annoyed when people diss bank staff. Not to say we don't make mistakes or that all staff a great, there are some arseholes on both sides.

 

The first few hours of my day are spent looking through newly registered accounts to check they're not being targetted by fraudsters and it is the most tedious thing imaginable.

[honez 79]

The Data Protection Act.

 

I hate it with a vengeance.

 

Foreigners phone you at all hours of the day, who already have all your data (so what's been protected?) and harass you to answer all sorts of personal questions. Why should I confirm MY details when I don't have a freakin' clue that they're who they say they are? If you want something from me SEND ME A fekin LETTER!

 

I wanted to check my last transactions at the Abbey Bank, so I phoned Customer Services. I failed security because I couldn't tell them the last three transactions on the account. That was what I wanted to know, but could I get that through to the script reading slumdog muppet? Could I hell.

 

Data Protection - Waste of time and energy - I have to have my cards changed every couple of months because the only people that can get info on my account are the bloody thieves!

 

 

I'm sorry but I see this this from the other side. If we gave your information to all and sundry without having established you were who you said you were and you were frauded you'd be the first to complain. It's a myth that fraudsters only target hight networth accounts, it's your average person's account that is most at risk as fraudsters want to test the system with a normal account first before they go for the big guns.

 

Customers can be muppets too. We recently had a guy write to us and his letter included, his User ID, his password, his distinct name, his contact details, also attached was his passport with his d.o.b, p.o.b, signature and passport number and he couldn't understand why doing that was a security risk. If you want to moan, moan about fraudsters or idiotic customers who are the reason we have these security measures and not about the person trying to protect your money.

Oh Handy, you are harsh!!

I take it you have to take said Muppets to task on a fairly regular basis?

If I were to open account at your branch and I, well I sort of acted like a Muppet and made myself a security risk, would you take me to task over it?

Would you consider me a naughty boy?

Would you take me to your office out the back and "show me the error of my ways?"

Bring a big ruler with you...........

Please?

 

 

Get in line Actually, to get that kind of treatment you'd need to something really stupid, like send a photograph of your car for proof of ID, cellotape a bunch of pubic hairs to your application form or choose "fuckoffcockbreath" for your User name (all those things have happened). So yeah, I tend to get a bit annoyed when people diss bank staff. Not to say we don't make mistakes or that all staff a great, there are some arseholes on both sides.

 

The first few hours of my day are spent looking through newly registered accounts to check they're not being targetted by fraudsters and it is the most tedious thing imaginable.

I recently changed my Bank's details to include my preferred contact names to be "Dude." There's nothing funnier than an Indian Call Centre c'ockspanner having to try to be all official, whilst calling me dude.