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Golf: The 19th Hole

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Sorry, but can the sub-heading of this be changed, I keep looking at it and reading it as 'a good wank spoiled'.

 

 

It's what Mark Twain would have wanted, sort of...

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John Daly, never a man to shun the finer things in life, has been arrested after he was found drunk and incapable outside a restaurant in North Carolina.

 

He looks a little fatigued in his mug shot.

 

daly_john_prison_narrowweb__300x409,0.jpg

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John Daly, never a man to shun the finer things in life, has been arrested after he was found drunk and incapable outside a restaurant in North Carolina.

 

He looks a little fatigued in his mug shot.

 

daly_john_prison_narrowweb__300x409,0.jpg

 

Fatigued? He looks more of a fat ugly fook than fatigued.

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John Daly, never a man to shun the finer things in life, has been arrested after he was found drunk and incapable outside a restaurant in North Carolina.

 

He looks a little fatigued in his mug shot.

 

daly_john_prison_narrowweb__300x409,0.jpg

 

He's a walking shambling Tysonesque car crash waiting to happen, the American Gazza/Besty. It'd be a brave pick, though.

 

This is how it's done, Monty.

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I feel bad mentioning gutsy blokes like Euro Tour rookie Erik Compton here, but the guy's had two heart transplants and one heart attack so he's surely got to be walking the tightrope. If I might wax a tad mystical though, I'd say that sports people (Armstrong, Lomu etc) tend to have this inner something that puts them above the norm when it comes to a battle against illness. Apart from blond snooker players of course.

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Golf WAG Amy Mickelson has breast cancer and faces "major surgery, possibly within the next two weeks." Her hubby Phil's bitter rival Tiger Woods punched the air with delight "offered words of sympathy and support on hearing the news."

Poor Phil's not having a great 2009.

 

Is there a connection here?

 

He'd know both sets of breasts well... :blink:

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John Panton

 

"Former British Ryder Cup player John Panton MBE has died at the age of 92.

 

Panton, who was the oldest surviving Ryder Cup star, represented Great Britain and Ireland in the competition on three occasions, in 1951, 1953 and 1961"

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Wierd thing was I was talking to my brother the other day about Woods and confidently posited that he would never win another major. My

brother disagreed but thought that Jack Nicklaus's record would remain however... :referee:

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Tiger Woods has been 'seriously' injured in a car accident in Florida....

 

In the bunker on last time?

Sky News are quoting the mayor stating that he only received a few cuts to his face and was released immediately after....

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Tiger Woods has been 'seriously' injured in a car accident in Florida....

 

In the bunker on last time?

Sky News are quoting the mayor stating that he only received a few cuts to his face and was released immediately after....

 

You're right, it doesn't look too serious

 

Woods has been taken to a Florida hospital in a serious condition, with severe facial lacerations – but has since been released.

 

I'm sure all of the details will emerge soon. For what it's worth (nothing), I reckon he was having a blazing domestic row at 2.30am over his alleged extramarital activities before he got fed up and left the address in his fancy car, reversing with unnecessary haste because of his fraught state of mind, losing control and going backwards in to an obstacle, which resulted in his head being flung forward into the windscreen. If he was in such a rush, he might not have put his seatbelt on.

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The media is once again "teasing" us w/ the claim that Tiger Woods suffered "serious" injuries in this car accident. They're trying to hype this up and make a bigger deal of it than it really is. It's a slow news day (heck, a slow news week) so they're trying to spice things up by claiming Tiger was "seriously" injured in the car crash. They're trying to add some desperate suspense, and build the non-existent tension as to whether Tiger will live or succumb to his pseudo-serious injuries from the car crash.

 

I read the article, and from the circumstances of the crash, I'm honestly surprised that Tiger was even injured at all!

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The media is once again "teasing" us w/ the claim that Tiger Woods suffered "serious" injuries in this car accident. They're trying to hype this up and make a bigger deal of it than it really is. It's a slow news day (heck, a slow news week) so they're trying to spice things up by claiming Tiger was "seriously" injured in the car crash. They're trying to add some desperate suspense, and build the non-existent tension as to whether Tiger will live or succumb to his pseudo-serious injuries from the car crash.

 

I read the article, and from the circumstances of the crash, I'm honestly surprised that Tiger was even injured at all!

 

Yes it does seem that way...

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Maybe he's just been trying to get rid of the mother-in-law. We've all been there, Tiger.

 

At least the truth about his car crash is finally coming to light:

 

Investigators Still Piecing Together Weird-Ass Clues In Fucked-Up Tiger Woods Crash

 

WINDERMERE, FL—A spokesman for the Windermere Police Department told reporters Thursday that investigators have gathered enough weird-ass evidence to officially classify Tiger Woods' recent car accident as pretty fucking strange.

 

"The only thing we know for sure is that at 2:25 a.m. Friday morning Mr. Woods crashed his Cadillac Escalade into a fire hydrant and tree at the end of his own driveway," Police Chief Daniel Saylor said during a press briefing. "After that, the account becomes confused. We are unsure if Woods was leaving the driveway or arriving at it, which is rather unusual. At some point Woods' wife, Elin [Nordegren], seems to have struck the car with a golf club, which is pretty bizarre. And she states that she did this to break the rear window and extract Mr. Woods from the vehicle, which, the longer you think about it, is some freaking weird shit."

 

"All this—along with the fact that when we arrived on the scene the world's No.1 golfer had suffered facial lacerations not necessarily caused by a car accident, had been slipping in and out of consciousness for nearly five minutes, and lay on the ground as his wife stood over his bloody body holding a 7-iron—is really fucked up," Saylor added. "But don't get me wrong: It's also really weird. Really fucking weird. Ultimately, our report will treat these matters as both fucked up and weird-ass."

 

Saylor said that as the investigation proceeds, and even more odd-as-hell details are uncovered, a super-fucked-up and mega-bizarre picture could emerge, especially if there is evidence to substantiate the rumors that Woods sent salacious text messages to a Los Angeles cocktail waitress.

 

When asked if there was anything weird or fucked up in Woods' bloodstream at the time of the crash, medical investigator Henry Tolliver stated that the accident was not alcohol related. Tolliver also noted that, while it would have been slightly fucked if Woods had driven while intoxicated, the fact that his blood-alcohol level was within the legal limit adds a whole new layer of what-the-fuck to the ongoing investigation.

 

"Mr. Woods being drunk would have been the only sensible thing in this case," Tolliver said.

 

Other crazy-ass pieces of information, including Woods' refusal to speak to the media, his cryptic postcrash statement admitting to "transgressions," and the accusations that the accident stemmed from Woods' alleged extramarital affairs, have been filed by Florida police as "Quite fucking odd," "Kind of creepy," and "It's probably none of our business but it's so goddamn weird that we couldn't ignore it if we tried."

 

Though he could not confirm or deny recent crazy-as-all-hell reports that Woods shouted "You've ruined our Thanksgiving" before exiting his home, Saylor said that such a thing even being a matter of interest indicates just how completely messed up the mounting evidence is.

 

"The domestic component alone has forced us to use a TFB unit," said Detective Sidney Goldberg, referring to officers who have been assigned to the Truly Fucking Bizarre portion of the investigation. "They have a very difficult job to do because in a case with as much ridiculous shit as this one, every off-the-wall scenario has to be explored, even the just-sort-of fucked-up ones."

 

According to Goldberg, the TFB unit will investigate the weird-ass possibility that Nordegren beat her husband and threatened him with a goddamned golf club. It will also explore the batshit insane prospect that an impassioned Nordegren purposefully placed herself in the path of the moving Cadillac, thus forcing Woods to swerve violently out of the way.

 

"Also, we have to look into recent allegations that Woods left a voice mail requesting that one of his mistresses delete his number from her phone," Goldeberg said. "Just so fucking weird."

 

Goldberg has assigned the TFB's forensic investigators to do a complete Batshit Bizzarro-Universe Accident Scene Reconstruction, which will take samples of the paint scrapings on Woods' Cadillac, measure the skid marks on the driveway, catalog and number the fucked-up golf-club dents in the car's bodywork, and use powerful computers to reconstruct the strange-ass accident using digital simulations.

 

"It's possible the computer will show us that a golf club ejected itself from the vehicle during the crash, bounced off the surrounding trees, and struck the outside of Woods' vehicle several times," Goldberg said. "That's no more weird-ass than the other theories people have come up with, especially the ones we saw when we used the computer to check TMZ.com."

 

Detective Tolliver admitted that he himself was having trouble getting over just how bizarro the whole thing really is.

 

"In this case you've got Tiger Woods—the man with the most squeaky-clean image in all of sports—possibly participating in romantic dalliances with random women despite the fact that he is already married to one of the most beautiful women in the world. And none of this would have ever surfaced had he not crashed his car Friday morning," Tolliver said. "Come on, that's just plain-ass weird."

 

"I guess the only thing more outrageous is that this has been a major news item for over a week, and that people feel like they are entitled to know the private details of public figures' lives," Tolliver continued. "No matter which way you shake it, that's fucking nuts."

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"The only thing we know for sure is that at 2:25 a.m. Friday morning Mr. Woods crashed his Cadillac Escalade into a fire hydrant and tree at the end of his own driveway," Police Chief Daniel Saylor said during a press briefing. "After that, the account becomes confused. We are unsure if Woods was leaving the driveway or arriving at it, which is rather unusual. At some point Woods' wife, Elin [Nordegren], seems to have struck the car with a golf club, which is pretty bizarre.

Didn't Jack Nicholson attack someones car with a golf club a few years ago?

 

Well, I guess it is weird shit. In life there is a lot of weird shit. Sometimes we pretend it doesn't exist, sometimes we refuse to let it enter our minds, but it's always there. The illusion that human beings with unmistakable talent are superior to others is the disease that inflicts us all. Is it weird shit that Tiger Woods sends texts messages to a cocktail waitress? I guess nobody told you about the other three cocktail waitresses who get text messages from the prophetic Tiger Woods. Is it weird shit that Tiger banged up his car at the end of his driveway? Maybe it's weird shit to the souls who are always on their best behavior. Maybe it's weird shit because we all live under the impression that man is ultimately good and that life and it's near "mythical celebrities" live up to the image media outlets create. Weird shit isn't something that happens like an accident, it's kind of like a characteristic we all have planted in ourselves. So the best way to understand weird shit is to simply accept it with little discrimination, watch those who cannot control their weird shit, watch them grin, try not to be hypocritical, and listen to the apology with an open mind.

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"The only thing we know for sure is that at 2:25 a.m. Friday morning Mr. Woods crashed his Cadillac Escalade into a fire hydrant and tree at the end of his own driveway," Police Chief Daniel Saylor said during a press briefing. "After that, the account becomes confused. We are unsure if Woods was leaving the driveway or arriving at it, which is rather unusual. At some point Woods' wife, Elin [Nordegren], seems to have struck the car with a golf club, which is pretty bizarre.

Didn't Jack Nicholson attack someones car with a golf club a few years ago?

 

Well, I guess it is weird shit. In life there is a lot of weird shit. Sometimes we pretend it doesn't exist, sometimes we refuse to let it enter our minds, but it's always there. The illusion that human beings with unmistakable talent are superior to others is the disease that inflicts us all. Is it weird shit that Tiger Woods sends texts messages to a cocktail waitress? I guess nobody told you about the other three cocktail waitresses who get text messages from the prophetic Tiger Woods. Is it weird shit that Tiger banged up his car at the end of his driveway? Maybe it's weird shit to the souls who are always on their best behavior. Maybe it's weird shit because we all live under the impression that man is ultimately good and that life and it's near "mythical celebrities" live up to the image media outlets create. Weird shit isn't something that happens like an accident, it's kind of like a characteristic we all have planted in ourselves. So the best way to understand weird shit is to simply accept it with little discrimination, watch those who cannot control their weird shit, watch them grin, try not to be hypocritical, and listen to the apology with an open mind.

 

What's weird about it? He dips his scabby wick into a few slags, his wife smashes his car up with a golf club. Perfectly reasonable course of action.

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Apparently Tiger is returning to his sex addiction therapy clinic after speaking sort of publically later today. What's the cure for sex addiction - photoshopped pics of Maggie Thatcher and Madeleine Albright in bikinis?

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Dunno, but his lawyer taking a blank piece of paper and writing down how much a divorce might cost him could be the start of a cure.

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Apparently Tiger is returning to his sex addiction therapy clinic after speaking sort of publically later today.

I woke up this morning and went to the TV Guide channel so I could find out what time it was. Somehow I came across Tiger Woods reading a written apology. It sounded very rehearsed, very artificial. I'm not saying that it wasn't his voice, but it's as if he hired somebody to write it with him.

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