deadtowrites 2 Posted October 13, 2009 In view of the recent enthusiasm for all things poetic I think now is the time to launch the spangly DeathList Poetry Competition. Only one entry per person (plus of course unesteemed pseudoguests) so do your very bestest to impress our very own Bardess of the IOM, Yvonne. The poem should have some kind of tenious link to the DL fora, Dunn, squids, Hadron colliders. Significant or otherwise. Any style goes. Deadline, let's say halloween, so Saturday 31st October. The phone lines can then open to put the entries to the public vote or we could just save the bother and get our resident scribe Yvonne to pick. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 5,608 Posted October 13, 2009 There was a DLer from Leeds Who swallowed a packet of seeds A tuft of grass Grew out his arse And he couldn't get shitting for weeds Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Monoclinic 39 Posted October 13, 2009 Windy moans, as Devon groans. Drabble died, a tractor fried. Banshees folds, his pizzas sold? honez the pedant or a penile implant. Fellatio's c*ckspanner needs bedside manner. Godot's monkeys or Han's tdonkleys. Patrick Moore on posting whores. Funcity Maryport, the northern stalwart. Lady Grendel, mod who attends to all, This site's best bits but please no more random plebrity lists. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Godot 148 Posted October 13, 2009 Golden brown In the kitchen thread of Deathlist I found my love so sweet, And many a bloated gravy boat, Was slathered on our meat, A fleshy mound of golden skin, All oven hot and deep within, With sturdy flanks full flavour sealed A Yorkshire pud from Huddersfield. The fluffy, spongy inner core, Swollen with beef's juices There's nothing more that I adore, Our pudding has its uses, A different bowl from which I sup, Two women share a single cup, I wouldn't swap my doughy bin, For all that stains their satin skin. Pouring, flowing, brown as mud, The gravy gushes from the jug, Gathering, swamplike in the pud, A little bit spills on the rug, Oh hound thy beast beneath my feet, Licking with your tongue so fleet, The sauce that dare not speak its name Is just as good with lamb and game. With apologies to Betjeman and the Licorice fields at Pontefract Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,132 Posted October 14, 2009 MC Monkey, what have you done A thread where you think Benefits none A poem or Rhyme I dont have the time To think of anything rude To piss off a prude To rhyme or not Ive given it a shot If I now say Pollocks I can finish with Bollocks!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 9,979 Posted October 15, 2009 I wish it could be christmas everyday Sang Roy Wood in 1973 With little thought to the consequences of perpetual national holiday Devastated economy Shuffling armies of the terminally feckless; hopelessly addicted to rewards, unearned Muttering vaguely about plans, and the injustices of others Hooked like lab rats with their noses pressed against the reward button Starving for want of direction or a sense of their self-worth Sometimes I look at the domestic policy of successive governments since the 70s and wonder.... Surely, they weren't ALL Roy Wood fans. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Body Snatcher 44 107 Posted October 16, 2009 Enjoy! A young lass from the town Parramatta Had a face total darkness can't flatter. She worked the streets at night, And via a lack of foresight A bloke was born, Body Snatcher. The aforementioned Snatcher when pissed Joined the online forum deathlist. His posts in large part ignored, But he does it when he gets bored And I think I just burst my bad cyst. To each other you guys are so mean I hope that this poem is seen. If it isn't that's okay, It won't keep me at bay I'll be back with more on Baked Bean. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
time 7,923 Posted October 16, 2009 John Kettley Might enjoy a pint of Tetley He did breakfast TV In 1993. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,132 Posted October 16, 2009 John KettleyMight enjoy a pint of Tetley He did breakfast TV In 1993. This thread needs locking, this forum is losing all credibility............. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,132 Posted October 16, 2009 Halitosis was the diagnosis When Banshees asked for the prognosis From Dr McClaine Who went on to explain Why Banshees Scream Although very keen Couldnt get his leg over In New York or Andover So he shot himself.... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Yvonne 300 Posted October 17, 2009 Christmas this year will be like no other I lost someone very close could have been my brother Patrick Swayze will be in charge of the dancing having the time of his life while the reindeers are prancing With Patrick McGoohan mooching about some believe he may have had too much stout Farrah Fawcet is the angel so sweet waiting by the purly gates for the new members to greet Stephen Gateley is singing the carols round the tree and later will sit on Al Martino's knee Keith Floyd volunteered to cook the Christmas lunch it is likely that the pudding will be packed with a good brandy punch Michael Jackson dressed as Santa Clause Is bound to have a lot of applause But poor Mollie Sugden really misses her pussy cat and those unkind angels call her a daft old bat So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth... May you and your loved ones, enjoy peace on Earth. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,132 Posted October 17, 2009 Christmas this year will be like no otherI lost someone very close could have been my brother Patrick Swayze will be in charge of the dancing having the time of his life while the reindeers are prancing With Patrick McGoohan mooching about some believe he may have had too much stout Farrah Fawcet is the angel so sweet waiting by the purly gates for the new members to greet Stephen Gateley is singing the carols round the tree and later will sit on Al Martino's knee Keith Floyd volunteered to cook the Christmas lunch it is likely that the pudding will be packed with a good brandy punch Michael Jackson dressed as Santa Clause Is bound to have a lot of applause But poor Mollie Sugden really misses her pussy cat and those unkind angels call her a daft old bat So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth... May you and your loved ones, enjoy peace on Earth. F'ucking brilliant. Sheer genius You are the finest "character" to enter any forum, anywhere. You are playing an absolute blinder. Keep up the good work. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CarolAnn 924 Posted October 18, 2009 Farrah Fawcet is the angel so sweetwaiting by the purly gates for the new members to greet I didn't know she knitted. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tuber Mirum 119 Posted October 21, 2009 A Childhood Trauma Schnicketty Schnacketty, Banshees (the screaming one)'s nanny said, "Joseph don't play with that knife!" Joe, disobedient, incontrovertibly lessened his chances of getting a wife. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Body Snatcher 44 107 Posted October 21, 2009 I know I've already posted my entry into the competition; but I feel that the following needs to be included. It's done by an English video game critic called Yahtzee and he is reviewing the game Wolfenstein - I don't know if you guys are fans? hopefully you will be after watching this. Enjoy! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Magere Hein 1,397 Posted October 24, 2009 Who will be next, they ask At DeathList Headquarters One had a tumour, Another a fall Never despair, even Nonagenarians Find that eventually Death conquers all regards, Hein Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 9,979 Posted October 24, 2009 Who will be next, they askAt DeathList Headquarters One had a tumour, Another a fall Never despair, even Nonagenarians Find that eventually Death conquers all regards, Hein Certainly the most original entry to date.....respect! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Madame Defarge 21 Posted October 30, 2009 PORTSMOUTH & BRUSSELS To be sung to the tune of Cockles and Mussels* In London's fair city The Deathlist Committee chose fifty most likely to turn up their toes. There's lovers and haters And tin pot dictators Who will be next not to be alive-O? Alive alive-O, Alive, Alive - O, there's 38 bodies alive, alive-O. Alive alive-O, Alive, alive - O, there's 38 bodies alive, alive-O. From Sidney to Dover We're thinking it over, and everyone's guessing but nobody knows, Could be Al Megrahi Or Comotose Ari And Ronnie looks pale but that might be a pose. Alive alive-O, Alive, Alive - O, there's 38 bodies alive, alive-O. Alive alive-O, Alive, alive - O, there's 38 bodies alive, alive-O. Oh look ! There's my brother With Lard Bazaar's mother Crying 'Portsmouth and Brussels are waiting , lets go!' etc... Original song and guitar chords here. Updated 11/2/09 to reflect the carkage of Claude Levi Strauss. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Robert Books Posted October 30, 2009 The Deserter IF I should leave, think only this of me; That there's a corner of some other forum That is forever Godot's. There shall be A fine new site to which our vanished squid fan will come; The DeathList that got Godot bored, forgotten, gone for ever Well, now, a new forum to love, to call his home Memories of Godot fade, a new platform for him to be clever Threads washed out by gravy, blest by his tendancy to moan And to think, this site, such a pleasant place to stay A harmless forum, no more or less Perhaps somewhere in the back of Godot's mind He will remember us and wonder why he chose to go away From Deathlist, but it was his choice, let us digress In hearts at peace, those Godot forever left behind. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
deadtowrites 2 Posted October 31, 2009 Looks like Yvonne is going to have her work cut out, there are some great adaptations there. Just to remind you that the closing date is midnight, Halloween, i.e today. You'd do well to get a wriggle on those who want to be critiqued by our resident poet. Oh and to avoid arguments let's go with GMT. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CarolAnn 924 Posted October 31, 2009 PORTSMOUTH & BRUSSELS To be sung to the tune of Cockles and Mussels* In London's fair city The Deathlist Committee chose fifty most likely to turn up their toes. There's lovers and haters And tin pot dictators Who will be next not to be alive-O? Alive alive-O, Alive, Alive - O, there's 39 bodies alive, alive-O. Alive alive-O, Alive, alive - O, there's 39 bodies alive, alive-O. From Sidney to Dover We're thinking it over, and everyone's guessing but nobody knows, Could be Al Megrahi Or Comotose Ari And Ronnie looks pale but that might be a pose. Alive alive-O, Alive, Alive - O, there's 39 bodies alive, alive-O. Alive alive-O, Alive, alive - O, there's 39 bodies alive, alive-O. Oh look ! There's my brother With Lard Bazaar's mother Crying 'Portsmouth and Brussels are waiting , lets go!' etc... Original song and guitar chords here. Post of the year candidate. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Yvonne 300 Posted November 2, 2009 Are there any favourites here amongst you now that the deadline has past and dare I ask should there be a prize for the winner? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tuber Mirum 119 Posted November 2, 2009 Should we create a poll, perhaps with a deadline? Or should we just let Yvonne decide? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Yvonne 300 Posted November 2, 2009 Yes please can you create a poll with a deadline then everybody can vote thanks Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tuber Mirum 119 Posted November 2, 2009 So there it is. At the moment Mono is in the lead. Saturday at midnight GMT all right as a deadline? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
