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Deathrace 2011

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Reet, so we're preparing the ground for a full-on sprint to the Deathrace title and an attempt on the world record of victory in 35 days.

 

Whaddya mean you were planning to get round to it? Ten teams, including two 'Dirty Dozen' line ups made the start.

 

 

Teams

 

Bt – Bert Trautmann

ch – Captain Chorizo

ds – Deadsox

dd – Devon Death Trip

lb – Lard Bazaar

mp – MPFC

pp – Paul the Postie’s Soon to be Toasties

ra – Rotten Ali

ti – Time

wt – Windsor the Troll

 

 

 

 

 

Scoreboard

 

Devon Death Trip - 2017

MPFC - 1998

Bert Trautmann - 1301

Deadsox - 1291

Windsor the Troll - 681

Paul the Postie - 665

Captain Chorizo - 363

Rotten Ali - 304

 

 

 

 

Clive_Dunn-1973.png

 

Please Captain Mainwaring sir, I'd like to volunteer to gift the winning points to one brave deathlister!

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And you will know us by the trail of dead

 

2 Jan: Anne Francis - cc - 363pts

4 Jan: Mick Karn – dd, ds* - 361

9 Jan: Tom Lubbock – dd, mp* - 356

15 Jan: Nat Lofthouse – dd, mp - 350

18 Jan: Sargent Shriver – wt - 347

26 Jan: Charlie Louvin - dd - 339

31: Eunice Sanborn – mp, pp, wt - 334

4 Feb: Neil Young – bt*, pp - 331

4 Feb: John Higgins Snr – bt, dd - 331

27 Feb: Frankie Buckles – bt, mp - 308

2 Mar: Ruby Muhammad - ra - 304

12 Mar: Margaret Fish – mp - 294

17 Mar: Ferlin Husky - ds - 289

26 Mar: Diana Wynne Jones – dd, ds - 280

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

brom20.jpg

 

Could this grave be an omen...FEARNE Cotton to snuff it in 2011?

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Masterlist

 

 

King Abdullah Bin Abdulaziz – cc

Colette Adams - dd

Jose Alencar – dd, ra*, wt

Lauren Bacall - cc

John Bardon – ti

Pope Benedict – pp

Chuck Berry - cc

Ronnie Biggs – bt, ra, wt

Tony Book – ti

Stefano Borgonovo - cc

Walter Breuning – wt

Katie Brickell – ds

Dora Bryan – ds, ti

Frankie Buckles – bt, mp

Sid Caesar - pp

David Cameron – pp

Elliott Carter – ra

Dick Cheney – mp

Claude Choules – mp, ra

David Crosby - lb

Kathryn Crosby – wt

Liz Dawn - cc

Doris Day – lb

John Demjanjuk – pp, wt

Leila Denmark - ra

Pete Doherty – lb

Sara Douglass - dd

Basil D'Oliveira – ti

Fats Domino - cc

Kirk Douglas – bt

Michael Douglas – ds, mp

Clive Dunn – wt

Charles Durning - cc

Robert Edwards – mp

Harlan Elison – mp, wt

Archbishop Faustino Sainz Muñoz - dd

Margaret Fish – mp

Danny Fiszman - dd

Alex Forbes – cc

Bryan Forbes - cc

Emile Ford – ti

Anne Francis - cc

Aretha Franklin – dd, ds, mp, pp, wt

Dennis Frederiksen – ds, mp

Annette Funicello – ds

Zsa Zsa Gabor – cc, ds, lb, mp, pp, ra, wt*

Paul Gascoigne – pp

John Glenn – ti

Elvis Gordon - dd

Eydie Gorme - ds

Billy Graham – bt, cc

Sir Eldon Wylie Griffiths - Sports Minister, Heath Government – ti*

Gerald Harper – ti

Olivia De Havilland – cc

Brian Haw - dd

Stephen Hawking – wt

Liam Hayes (Irish Footballer) - ds

Johannes Heesters – bt, cc

John Higgins Snr – bt, dd

Christopher Hitchins – bt, dd, mp, pp

Delores Hope – ra, wt

Geoffrey Hughes – lb, mp, pp*, wt

Ferlin Husky - ds

Katherine Jackson - lb

Chris Jefferies - lb

Kim Jong Il – bt, lb

Mick Karn – dd, ds*

Lee Kerslake – mp

Ayatollah Ali Khameini - ds

Mansoor Ali Khan – ti

Rosie Kilburn - ds

Robbie Knievel - pp

Artie Lange – lb

Carla Laemmle – lb

Francoise Larribe (French al Qaeda hostage) - ds

Nat Lofthouse – dd, mp

Charlie Louvin - dd

Tom Lubbock – dd, mp*

Penny Marshall – ds, mp, pp

Paul Mason - pp

Francis Matthews – ti

Dr Ann McPherson – dd*

Al Megrahi – cc*, dd, ds, lb, wt

Sheila Mercier - ti

Dom Mintoff – ds, wt

Eleanor Mondale – lb, wt

Patrick Moore – bt

Cliff Morgan – pp

Oswald Morris – cc

Ruby Muhammad - ra

Pete Murray - ti

Asil Nadir – ti

Anthony Nicklinson – lb*

Oscar Niemeyer – bt

Brian O’Connor - dd

Peter O'Sullevan - pp

Peter O'Toole – cc, lb, ti

I M Pei – ti

Jim Perrin – pp

Lester Piggott - pp

Nosher Powell – ti

Steve Prescott – mp

Nancy Reagan – lb

Guy Roxburghe - ds

Eunice Sanborn – mp, pp, wt

Yitzak Shamir - ra

Ariel Sharon - ra

Sargent Shriver – wt

Rev Fred Shuttlesworth - ra

Dudley Simpson – ti

Lianne Smith – mp

Norman Spinrad - dd

Alfredo Di Stéfano - cc

Eric Sykes – lb

Jim Stynes - dd

Margaret Thatcher – cc, ds, lb, pp, ra, ti

Bert Trautmann – mp

Dick van Dyke – bt, wt

Anna Wing – lb, pp, wi

Sir Nicholas Winton – wt

Norrie Woodhall – lb

Peter Wyngarde - Jason King – ti

Diana Wynne Jones – dd, ds

Jimmy Young – pp, ti

Neil Young – bt*, pp

 

 

220px-Franz_Liszt_by_Pierre_Petit.png

 

Franz...he made the Deathliszt in 1886!

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DEATHRACE 2011: THE RULES

 

1 – The object of the Deathrace is to be the first contestant to reach 2011 points.

 

2 – To enter the Deathrace a contestant must have

A: A valid and current DDP team or a Deathrace Dirty Dozen team.

B: Status as a member of the Deathlist (i.e. be at least a Pointless Ranter and at most Brain Dead)

Or…..successfully argue a case to MPFC for entry without the above.

 

3 – Entries are open until midnight on 31 December. A team will be deemed to have entered when they post a full DDP team and the name of their DDP team on the Deathrace thread on the Deathlist.

 

Or

 

A special ‘Deathrace Dirty Dozen’ (DDD) line-up concocted specifically for the Deathrace comprising 12 members conspicuous as ‘low hanging fruit’ of the variety beloved of dead poolers. Including one of the Dirty Dozen nominated as a joker and a suitable grimly funny team name for the DDD

 

4 – Players score points every time a team member dies and accrues an obit (see point 9). The score for each death amounts to 1 point for every complete calendar day of 2011 remaining after the death of said team member. So, a death on January 1st scores 364 points, a death on January 2nd scores 363 points etc.

 

5 – Jokers score double the normal points in point 4 above.

 

6 – The winner is the first player to reach or exceed 2011 points.

 

7 – In the event that a single death pushes more than one player beyond the victory score the winner will be deemed to be the player with the highest overall score.

 

8 – In the event that a single death pushes more than one player beyond the victory score and a tie remains between the winners, a sudden death play-off will ensue between all potential winners.

 

8a – The sudden death play off involves all possible winners waiting until one player scores another death of a team member. Said player will then be declared the winner. The sudden death play off will continue until a single clear winner emerges.

 

9 - For the purposes of the Deathrace the same rules about eligibility of team members apply as apply in the DDP, which is obvious anyway cos we’ve been using those rules from the start of the Deathrace competitions.

 

10 – ‘Obit’ in the context of the Deathrace means any report from a reliable news source in English. In this context the following are admissable: ‘Newspaper obits, national newspaper reports, local newspaper reports, coverage in trade journals or similar specialist publications. In all cases evidence online from these sources is sufficient to count for an ‘obit’ for scoring purposes. In the event of a debate about a ‘reliable news source’ MPFC’s decision is final. But he is very reasonable and quite likely to award points to the lowest hanging fruit.

 

11 – To qualify for points all team members must be alive on January 1st 2011 or qualify for the Raymond Hewlett Memorial Exemption (RHME)

 

11a – In honour of everyone’s favourite Maddie-implicated paedo-scum the Deathrace operates a policy of awarding 365 points to any candidate widely believed to be alive on 1 January and subsequently discovered to have been deceased when the pool opened. To qualify for such a bonus said candidate must be reported dead in the year of the competition. In the event that an obit counting news report adhering to Deathrace qualification for points is subsequently discovered to have been published before the commencement of the Deathrace all points for the candidate are voided.

 

11b – In the event of disputes over rule 11a MPFC’s decision is final, but may be appealed by anyone attending a DLCon and supplying MPFC with foaming ale whilst appealing. The decision won’t be changed but MPFC will greatly enjoy the free beer.

 

12 – If any team is found to have used Deathlist editing options to subtly change the line up of their squad instant disqualification without appeal will follow and MPFC will not be held responsible for any abuse heaped upon said cheat by other posters.

 

13 – The winner will receive a prize as follows:

A: Should the winner attend the next DLCon MPFC will personally offer a single measure of an alcoholic drink of choice (beer/wine or spirit) along with much back patting and hearty congratulations.

B: If A is not possible MPFC will offer an item from his extensive collection of duplicate Carlisle United merchandise kindly donated by relatives who forget he already owns said books, scarves or pork pie hat.

C: If option B proves unattractive MPFC may be suggestible, via PMs, to offer summat more suitable.

 

 

Other General Stuff

 

 

1 – After the closing date MPFC will post a masterlist of entries.

 

2 – The masterlist will be updated at least every ten days and a scoreboard will appear until such time as a winner is declared.

 

3 – On declaration of a winner MPFC will seek to get the thread closed and offer hearty thanks to DL admins for their tolerance.

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Would I be able to enter a team with some different names to my DDP team, or would the 20 names have to be identical?

 

Just because there'll be a few younger names on my DDP, but there's no age advantage in the Deathrace so I'd probably replace them with your Heester or Niemeyer types if that was allowed.

 

EDIT: Ignore me I just re-read number three...tempting to go with a specific Deathrace team just to avoid people nicking my DDP ideas

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Hmmm, a slow trickle...two teams entered so far. PMs, Facebook messages etc will all do. Hoping to put the masterlist up for end of business 1st Jan, or the following day at the latest.

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<---- My dirty dozen team has been submitted.

 

Jose Alencar

Ronnie Biggs

Elliot Carter

Claude Choules

Leila Denmark

Zsa Zsa Gabor

Dolores Hope

Ruby Muhammad

Ariel Sharon

Yitzhak Shamir

Rev Fred Shuttlesworth

Margaret Thatcher

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Reet, we're up and running. Listed below are the ten teams who entered, so if I made any mistakes the evidence will be in this post to correct them. Two dirty dozens, eight 'normal' teams and some interesting picking. Let's beat the 35 day record, or summat.

 

 

Rotten Ali

 

 

 

Jose Alencar

Ronnie Biggs

Elliot Carter

Claude Choules

Leila Denmark

Zsa Zsa Gabor

Dolores Hope

Ruby Muhammad

Ariel Sharon

Yitzhak Shamir

Rev Fred Shuttlesworth

Margaret Thatcher

 

 

 

 

DDT – LIVING END

 

 

1) Dr Ann McPherson - Joker

2) Abdelbaset Al-megrahi

3) Archbishop Faustino Sainz Muñoz

4) Norman Spinrad

5) Tom Lubbock

6) Sara Douglass

7) Colette Adams

8) Charlie Louvin

9) Danny Fiszman

10) John Higgins Snr

11) Mick Karn

12) Jim Stynes

13) Brian Haw

14) Christopher Hitchens

15) Jose Alencar

16) Diana Wynne Jones

17) Brian O'Connor

18) Aretha Franklin

19) Elvis Gordon

20) Nat Lofthouse

Sub: Natty Brooker

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Capt Chorizo

 

Adelbaset al-Megrahi

Liz Dawn ***If my joker dies before Dec 31 my alt Joker

Chuck Berry

Johannes Heesters

Stefano Borgonovo

Margaret Thatcher

Oswald Morris

Billy Graham

Anne Francis

Olivia DeHavilland

Alfredo Di Stéfano

Charles Durning

Fats Domino

Alex Forbes-Ex Arsenal/Scotland Footballer

Bryan Forbes -Film Director King Rat

Peter O'Toole

King Abdullah Bin Abdulaziz

Lauren Bacall

Zsa Zsa Gabor

Sid Caesar

 

 

 

 

 

 

Deadsox

 

1. Mick Karn (Joker)

2. Michael Douglas

3. Zsa Zsa Gabor

4. Abdelbaset al Megrahi

5. Penny Marshall

6. Annette Funicello

7. Eydie Gorme

8. Katie Brickell

9. Guy Roxburghe

10. Dom Mintoff

11. Francoise Larribe (French al Qaeda hostage)

12. Dennis Frederiksen

13. Diana Wynne Jones

14. Ayatollah Ali Khameini

15. Dora Bryan

16. Liam Hayes (Irish Footballer)

17. Aretha Franklin

18. Ferlin Husky

19. Margaret Thatcher

20. Rosie Kilburn

 

Sub #1 Kristin Hallenga

Sub #2 Charlie Louvin

Sub #3 Ronnie Biggs

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bert Trautmann

 

1. Neil Young (Joker) (Former Manchester City footballer, not the singer)

2. Christopher Hitchens

3. Johannes Heesters

4. Oscar Niemeyer

5. Billy Graham

6. Patrick Moore

7. Kirk Douglas

8. Frank Buckles

9. John Higgins Snr.

10. Dick Van Dyke

11. Ronnie Biggs

12. Kim Jong-Il

 

Sub: Jerry Lewis

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Time

 

1 Sir Eldon Wylie Griffiths - Sports Minister, Heath Government

 

2 John Bardon - EastEnder

 

3 Asil Nadir - Fugitive

 

4 Sheila Mercier - Emmerdaler

 

5 Gerald Harper - Adam Adamant (Dies)

 

6 Dudley Simpson - Composer (Dr Who etc)

 

7 Peter Wyngarde - Jason King

 

8 Margaret Thatcher - Spawn of Satan

 

9 Peter O'Toole - Actor

 

10 Emile Ford - Singer, with the Checkmates

 

11 Pete Murray - DJ

 

12 Tony Book - Footballer, Manchester City Manager

 

13 Mansoor Ali Khan - Indian Cricket Captain, 9th Nawab of Pataudi

 

14 Dora Bryan - Actress

 

15 I M Pei - Architect

 

16 John Glenn - Astronaut

 

17 Nosher Powell - Hardman/Stuntman

 

18 Jimmy Young - DJ

 

19 Basil D'Oliveira - Cricketer

 

20 Francis Matthews - Captain Scarlet

 

Sub1 'Ginger' McCain - Racehorse Trainer

 

Sub2 Peter O'Sullevan - Racing Commentator

 

Sub3 Lord 'Dickie' Attenbrough - Film Luvvie

 

 

This is my 'regular' DDP team; it probably stands a better chance of scoring more hits than my theme team (though if 2010 is anything to go by.

 

 

 

MPFC

 

 

Tom Lubbock – terminally ill journalist (JOKER)

 

Lianne Smith – Infanticidal and suicidal

 

Frankie Buckles

 

Christopher Hitchins

 

Dick Cheney

 

Nat Lofthouse

 

Claude Choules

 

Eunice Sanborn – World’s oldest

 

Geoffrey Hughes – Actor (Eddie Yates)

 

Steve Prescott – Rugby Union star – terminally ill

 

Margaret Fish – UK’s oldest

 

Penny Marshall – Director of Big

 

Lee Kerslake – Drummer, Uriah Heep

 

Bert Trautmann

 

Dennis Frederiksen – terminally ill Toto singer.

 

Robert Edwards: Nobel Laureate

 

Michael Douglas

 

Harlan Ellison

 

Zsa Zsa Gabor

 

Aretha Franklin

 

 

 

Subs bench

 

Billy Graham

 

 

 

Paul the Postie etc

 

 

Geoffrey Hughes *

Paul Mason

Paul Gascoigne

Robbie Knievel

Penny Marshall

John Demjanjuk

David Cameron

Zsa Zsa Gabor

Christopher Hitchens

Jim Perrin

Neil Young – Man City legend

Peter O'Sullevan

Aretha Franklin

Cliff Morgan

Lester Piggott

Margaret Thatcher

Jimmy Young

Anna Wing

Pope Benedict

Eunice Sandborn

 

 

Subs bench

 

Dennis Healy

 

 

Lardy

 

Anthony Nicklinson (suffers from Locked-In Syndrome, from Melksham, Wiltshire, wants to be assisted to die)

Zsa Zsa Gabor

Abdelbaset al Megrahi

Eric Sykes

Geoffrey Hughes (actor)

 

Kim Jong-il

Aretha Franklin

Margaret Thatcher

David Crosby

Peter O'Toole

 

Artie Lange

Nancy Reagan

Doris Day

Pete Doherty

Chris Jefferies (arrested on suspicion of the murder of Joanna Yeates in Bristol)

 

Carla Laemmle

Anna Wing

Norrie Woodhall

Eleanor Mondale

Katherine Jackson

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Gutted! I was hoping Neil Young was going to slip by everyone and be a unique pick on the DDP, damn you Paul the Postie (and probably several others)!

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Paul's team were a couple of weeks ahead of the other entries, so you might still get the result you want from Neil "Nelly" Young, since I reckon he's probably a better joker than their pick of Geoffrey "Eddie Yeates" Hughes.

 

Elsewhere some VERY interesting picks, Lardy's last-minute appropriation of the prime suspect in the Joanna Yeates murder might prove to be an inspired choice. I've high hopes for Lianne Smith and I notice I'm not alone in seeing potential in Tom Lubbock. TBH I had to compile the last minute entries whilst slightly hung over this morning, so I didn't take time to check out the background on some of the names I don't recognise. I'm assuming everyone picked is still alive and - therefore - the subs benches will remain fully stocked, if anyone knows different, please post it here.

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An early lead for Captain Chorizo, 363 points ahead of everyone else at the moment.

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My team seems to be missing from the above list:

 

Teamname: Windsor the Troll

 

1. Zsa Zsa Gabor (Joker)

2. Dom Mintoff

3. Sir Nicholas Winton

4. Eunice Sanborn

5. Walter Breuning

6. Dick van Dyke

7. Harlan Elison

8. Eleanor Mondale

9. Al Megrahi

10. Aretha Franklin

11. Geoffrey Hughes

12. Kathryn Cosby

13. Clive Dunn

14. Stephen Hawking

15. Sargent Shriver

16. Ronnie Biggs

17. John Demjanjuk

18. Delores Hope

19. Jose Alencar

20. Anna Wing

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My team seems to be missing from the above list:

 

Teamname: Windsor the Troll

 

1. Zsa Zsa Gabor (Joker)

2. Dom Mintoff

3. Sir Nicholas Winton

4. Eunice Sanborn

5. Walter Breuning

6. Dick van Dyke

7. Harlan Elison

8. Eleanor Mondale

9. Al Megrahi

10. Aretha Franklin

11. Geoffrey Hughes

12. Kathryn Cosby

13. Clive Dunn

14. Stephen Hawking

15. Sargent Shriver

16. Ronnie Biggs

17. John Demjanjuk

18. Delores Hope

19. Jose Alencar

20. Anna Wing

 

Yeah, mine too.

 

The End of the World as we Know it

 

Abdelbaset Al-Megrahi

Ronnie Biggs

Fidel Castro

Michael Douglas

Aretha Franklin (Joker)

Annette Funicello

Zsa Zsa Gabor

Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Rev. Billy Graham

Christopher Hitchens

Geoffrey Hughes

Etta James

Barbara Kent

Penny Marshall

Isabel Peron

Helmut Schmidt

Yitzhak Shamir

Ariel Sharon

Elizabeth Taylor

Margaret Thatcher

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Aye, a big miss. I'm kicking myself because - as you'll see on his thread - I had him fingered as a surefire faller. Be sure to score well on the DDP, mind.

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batey-200x300.jpg

 

We rang top TV host Derek Batey to provide expert analysis on the current scores, he said: "It looks like a stormer after last-year's fiasco. Ten days gone and three teams already over a third of the way to a winning total, two jokers cashed. I shall speak to my agent immediately about hosting a TV version."

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Ann-McPherson-001.jpg

 

 

Dr Ann McPherson says:

 

After 26 days it looks like DDT is performing a Devon Death Sprint, he's got more points in less than four weeks than anyone managed in the whole of last year.

 

Obviously, I'm honoured to be his joker and very conscious that I could gift him the points for a winning score today. But, the sheer excitement and tension of this pulsating dead pool...kind of...makes me want to hang on a little longer.

 

 

Scoreboard

 

Devon Death Trip - 1406

MPFC - 1062

Deadsox - 722

Captain Chorizo - 363

Windsor the Troll - 347

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Scoreboard

 

Devon Death Trip - 1737

MPFC - 1396

Bert Trautmann - 993

Deadsox - 722

Windsor the Troll - 681

Paul the Postie - 665

Captain Chorizo - 363

 

Trautmann celebrates with impressionable youngsters having netted 993 points in one day for the double whammy of Neil Young and John Higgins Snr.

 

 

IMG_5857.jpg

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Scoreboard

 

Devon Death Trip - 1737

MPFC - 1396

Bert Trautmann - 993

Deadsox - 722

Windsor the Troll - 681

Paul the Postie - 665

Captain Chorizo - 363

 

Trautmann celebrates with impressionable youngsters having netted 993 points in one day for the double whammy of Neil Young and John Higgins Snr.

 

 

IMG_5857.jpg

 

Bert would be proud! :wheelchair:

 

I think I'm unlikely to catch up with DDT though, especially given I picked a Deathrace Dirty Dozen and only have 10 left, I'm relying on Mr. Buckles to pop off soon...

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Meanwhile, I'm using the deathrace as a dry run for Spade's inverse deadpool, in which, I believe, I'm joint leader.

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IMG_5857.jpg

 

Trautmann: I got Buckles too...I tell you kids, I can take this Deathrace.

 

Kids: Shut up and show us yer cock you old fool!

 

 

 

 

Scoreboard

 

Devon Death Trip - 1737

MPFC - 1704

Bert Trautmann - 1301

Deadsox - 722

Windsor the Troll - 681

Paul the Postie - 665

Captain Chorizo - 363

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Result!!

 

 

Exeter-City-Richard-Logan-goal-celeb-v-Bury_1307972.jpg

 

News of DDT's victory spreads quickly in the local community.

 

 

 

 

 

Diana Wynn Jones seals it for DDT after a close and determined race. The winner will be now be contacted and discussions on a suitable prize will ensue.

 

 

The final standings in full:

 

Devon Death Trip - 2017

MPFC - 1998

Bert Trautmann - 1301

Deadsox - 1291

Windsor the Troll - 681

Paul the Postie - 665

Captain Chorizo - 363

Rotten Ali - 304

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What a man that DDT is. In place of a prize he requested a donation to the Adam Stransfield Foundation. Duly done and dusted.

 

A good cause, and a truly selfless gesture from our esteemed Deathrace champion.

 

Business may well be resumed with Deathrace 2012 in nine months time.

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