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maryportfuncity

Deathrace 2019

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It's fast, it's furious it's f***in' good fun. Teams of 20 topplers posted on this thread or PM'd to MPFC will be collected into a masterlist to provide a carnival of carnage, the counting of which goes live in the first second of 2019. Points aplenty pour into the scoreboard until someone snags the stupendous total of 2019, at which point the event that used to be the fastest deadpool in common useage (until MPFC started something faster!) slams on the brakes and the lucky winner is duly given metaphorical back-slaps and allowed to claim a prize worth about a tenner (though tradition thus far dictates this turns into a charitable donation)*. Closing date for entries is midnight on 30 December 2018.

 

·         Bear in mind an alternative to the charitable donation is a double measure of spirts or a couple of pints bought at a DL Con and such an event is scheduled for 24 March!

 

Wheely nice of Kirk and the missus to agree to MC the whole caper this year

 

0_PAY-Kirk-Douglas-101-and-Anne-Buydens-99-seen-on-an-outing-with-their-caretakers.jpg

 

 

And let's have a look at the old Scoreboard!

 

 

And remind ourselves of ten years of champions (or not)

 

And those former champions in full:

2009 - Raskolnikov

2010 - Nobody, I mean f***in' nobody, reached the winning points total

2011 - DDT

2012 - Spade Cooley

2013 - DDT

2014 - Death Impends

2015 - MSC

2016 - DDT

2017 - Death Impends

2018 - MSC

 

 

 

 

 

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This'll be the List of the Lost, then - ably presided over by a champion loser of the plot:

 

Petrusich-Sinead-OConnor-1117.jpg

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This'll be the Masterlist then.

 

 

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Deathrace 2019 - Those Rules in Full:


1 - The object of the Deathrace is to be the first contestant to reach 2019 points.

2 - To enter the Deathrace a contestant must have:

i: a team of twenty topplers ("topplers" must be at least 18 years old on 1 Jan 2019; but are otherwise unrestricted).
ii: Deathlist membership (i.e. be at least a pointless ranter and at most a dedicated Cumbrian corpse hound, or summat)

3 - Entries close promptly at midnight on 30 December and entry can be made either by sending a team of twenty to MPFC via PM hereabouts and/or by posting a team of twenty on the Deathrace 2019 thread.

4 - Players score points every time a team member dies and accrues an obit (see point 9 below) and the score for each death is calculated as one point for each complete calendar day remaining in 2019 after the death of the team member; so a death on 1 January earns 365 pts, a death on 2 January earns 364 pts etc.

5 - Each team must nominate one member as a joker and the joker scores double points on death.

6 - The winner is the first player to reach or exceed 2019 pts.

7 - In the event that a death or deaths on a specific day push more than one player beyond a winning score the player with the highest overall score will be deemed to be the winner.

8 - In the event that two or more players tie for victory a Deathrace play off will ensue with all potential winners continuing to compete until such time as one potential winner scores more points than any other potential winner (such points continuing to be accrued as per the scoring system described in point 4 above).

9 - An "obit" in the context of the Deathrace is any news report in English from a reliable source. Such sources include - but are not limited to - UK national press, UK national broadcast organisations, foreign press and broadcast organisations with an English language thread to their communication, trade press in English, local news organisations reporting in English and coverage in specialist online sites, such as those monitoring the well-being of super-centenarians. Where dispute arises over the qualifying nature of a news source for obit purposes MPFC's decision is final. But he wants fast and furious competition and is generally very amenable to low hanging dead pool fruit of all varieties.

10 - To qualify for entry purposes team members must be alive at 00-01 hrs on 1 January 2019 or qualify for the Raymond Hewlitt Memorial Exemption (RHME) (see point 11).

11 - In honour of everybody's favourite Maddie-implicated paedo scum a candidate widely believed to be alive on 1 January and subsequently proven to have died previously will be awarded 366 points in the event that a Deathrace qualifying obit subsequently appears for said candidate. In the event that a Deathrace qualifying obit for the candidate is subsequently proven to have existed prior to commencement of the Deathrace all points will be voided. RHME points are only available during competition and in the event that a winner has been declared before discovery of a qualifyiing RHME candidate no revision of the final result will occur. Similarly, if some lucky candidate is awarded RHME points and these points are still in play at the time a winner is declared the points will not subsequently be voided and may - therefore - count towards a championship. All disputes relating to RHME will be resolved by the astute judgement of MPFC and there is no appeals procedure (though all sides of opionion are warmly invited to liven up the Deathrace thread by venting their fury).

 

11a - Similarly to pt 11 above, if an obited death occurs during play of the Deathrace and is missed despite MPFC's best efforts to stay in touch and/or the spirited efforts of Deathrace participants and said death is missed in totting up points, after which a winner is declared, then this death will not count for competition purposes. The same is true in the case of a known death gathering a late obit and therefore allowing some other competitor to be declared a winner. All disputes relating to rule 11a will be resolved by the astute judgement of MPFC and there is no appeals procedure (though all sides of opionion are warmly invited to liven up the Deathrace thread by venting their fury).

 

12 - In the event that Deathlist editing options or other online trickery is discovered to have been employed in the editing of teams, those duly fingered for such cheating will be removed from the Deathrace and banned for life from subsequent entry into Deathraces.

13 - The prize will be awarded as follows:

i: Should the winner agree to attend a DLCon with MPFC a double measure of alcholic drinks (pints, wine or spirits) will be supplied by MPFC along with much hearty congratulations and back-slapping.

ii: A carefully chosen and appropriate prize will be posted to the winner (such as the DVD copy of the original Deathrace movie supplied to the 2009 champion). iii: MPFC will make a charitable donation to a cause of the winner's choice (as has been the case with four of the five existing winnings of the Deathrace). This course of action is highly encouraged and is known to show dead poolers as something other than the sicko scum many ranters believe us to be.


AND FINALLY...

A masterlist of entries will be posted after the closing date.

MPFC will undertake to update the scoreboard at least once every seven days.

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Deathrace forum guide #1: 

 

6D1CF48D-4DC0-4E82-A4FF-FC92B497570F.thumb.jpeg.2e808cd57ebd3047937bb07c54a8d925.jpeg

 

This legend known as Stan Lee  hasn’t had the best year this year. Will he finally be disassembled early next year? 

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Ten years of Deathrace! :clap:

 

No one has ever retained the title either. Until 2019, of course. B)

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Deathrace Form Guide #2

 

Anne Hamilton-Byrne

 

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Nonagenarian nut-job who's proven more Zsa Zsa than Zsa Zsa herself in terms of hanging on in the face of terminal diagnosis and the withering effects of anno domini. Given the evils that passed for enlightenment in the cult she ran it seems a fair bet that no gatekeeper in anyone's idea of paradise is in a great hurry to admit her. Maybe that explains her persistent prick-tease performance where dead poolers are concerned. She can run, but surely can't hide for much longer

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2 minutes ago, msc said:

Ten years of Deathrace! :clap:

 

No one has ever retained the title either. Until 2019, of course. B)

 

A timely reminder that the one thing missing from the posts at the top is a list of past winners, on it!

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Who will be presiding over the master list? I’m sure Stan Lee wouldn’t mind doing it, unless you have someone else in mind...

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Deathrace Form Guide #3:

 

*Resists urge to post another Leah Bracknell*

 

1246008455_Screenshot2018-10-28at18_31_14.thumb.png.2968817db42a5328d4ee1bf46f3653e0.png

 

Terry Jones is going the way of Peter Falk. He's not looking too clever these days either, as it goes. Is it wise to always look on the bright side of life when, lamentably, he can barely remember his name or not to piss himself nowadays? Could be a quick exit...

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Deathrace Form Guide #4:

 

9946048_Screenshot2018-10-28at18_36_57.png.65ea656b9f579c383ad3d9ea84cb7542.png

 

Resisting failed. I'm not about to leave her out in the cold. She's in it as well.

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42 minutes ago, maryportfuncity said:

2009 - Raskolnikov

2010 - Nobody, I mean f***in' nobody, reached the winning points total

2011 - DDT

2012 - Spade Cooley

2013 - DDT

2014 - Death Impends

2015 - MSC

2016 - DDT

2017 - Death Impends

2018 - DDT

I do need to remind you that DDT didn’t win in 2018, but the, er, 2015 winner won last year...

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Death race forum guide #5

images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQlh2TmMIGpm7OaLxlfpTA

 

French actor Jean Louis Trintignant has been off chemo for cancer for months and at age 88 that can be very hard to survive.

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3 hours ago, Joey Russ said:

I do need to remind you that DDT didn’t win in 2018, but the, er, 2015 winner won last year...

 

Holy f***!

 

That'll teach me to try doing three things at once - on it

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Death race forum guide #6

 

Bobby-Brown.jpg

 

 

My Perogative is too pick Rangers Legend Bobby Brown if he is alive Jan 1

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Death Race 2019 Form Guide #7 -- GLADYS KNIGHT

 

 

ronnie-and-donnie-galyon-as-boys.jpg

 

Gladys Knight is suffering from an ailment or two.  At the funeral for Aretha Franklin, Knight came out of the shadows and informed the public she too was suffering from the same disease (pancreatic cancer) that took down The Queen of Soul.  After the media ran with that, some clarification was necessary, and Gladys would say 'when I said we shared the same disease, I meant cancer'.  Stage 1 breast cancer.  Apparently that is on par with pancreatic cancer, cher Knight!  So if her raging stage 1 cancer doesn't take her down, maybe her Foot-In-Mouth Disease will do the deed.  Neither One Of Us...wants to be the first to say goodbye...to Gladys Knight, unless you are the lucky person who has her in Death Race 2019!

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Death Race 2019 Form Guide  #8: Lil Xan

 

181028-Lil-Xan-1-767x575.jpg

 

Part of the "throw a rock and hit a Soundcloud rapper" initiative of deadpooling that has provided a decent bounty over the past two years, why not take a punt on Redlands, California's finest? In the wake of Mac Miller's death, Xanny Boy announced his retirement from rap music at the grand old age of 22, and followed it up by being hospitalised three weeks later for what he claimed was "eating too many Flamin' Hot Cheetos". It'd be a downer if you missed out on Xan.

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Deathrace Form Guide #9: 

 

81B04153-F228-43A2-89C5-A4A718730617.thumb.jpeg.c8858add0c1519100539e5e1ad7579e9.jpeg

 

This asshole has already lasted 2 years of his presidency, but will he finally get fired in early January? 

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4 hours ago, Joey Russ said:

Deathrace Form Guide #9: 

 

81B04153-F228-43A2-89C5-A4A718730617.thumb.jpeg.c8858add0c1519100539e5e1ad7579e9.jpeg

 

This asshole has already lasted 2 years of his presidency, but will he finally get fired in early January? 

 

 

Fired? 

 

No - but the abnormal end of his presidency wouldn't surprise too many people

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Death Race 2019 Form Guide  #10:  Cardinal (Ret.) Roger Etchegaray

After retiring from the third highest post in the Vatican a couple years ago, a place where he had twice fallen and broken his leg (most recently at 93 years old),
Cardinal Roger found himself living in a Catholic retirement home in France with his beloved sister, herself a retired nun.   Unfortunately the Reaper's aim was off a wee bit and when he went after 'Etchegaray', and it was Roger's sister who found the touch of death earlier this year, leaving Roger cold, naked and afraid.   If his aim is better, it won't be a mamby pamby broken leg this time for Etchegaray.  When the Reaper wants you, he get's you.  That's the cardinal rule.
 

Roger_Etchegaray_2012.jpg

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Death Race 2019 Form Guide  #11: Matilda The Hun

 

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The Main Villian of the Wrestling Series Glow in it's first 2 season,this 6 Foot 4(193 cm) Amazon's signature move was the Big Splash which she learned from watching English Legend Big Daddy.  The now (69)? (70) year old has spent the last decade wheelchair bound widower and based on her GoFundMe page dealing with a whole series of health issues.  After making her decade younger rival Mountain Fiji tap out in January 2018,the Reaper might be ready to feel The Glow again January 2019

 

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On 28/10/2018 at 23:01, YorkshireBanker said:

Death race forum guide #6

 

Bobby-Brown.jpg

 

 

My Perogative is too pick Rangers Legend Bobby Brown if he is alive Jan 1

 

 

No chance.

 

Watched a series of interviews with him very recently.

 

Other ex Scot managers will go afore him.

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Deathrace Form Guide #12: Pope Benedict XVI

 

Retired on ill health in 2013, The longer he lives the longer you wonder why he really resigned but maybe fete will catch it's monkey after hogmanay. 

 

Image result for pope benedict xvi

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Deathrace Form Guide #13: Dorothy Morrison

 

Ip5jCEl.png

 

Turns 100 on Jan 3,the former child actress is one of the last surviving performers to appear in the Our Gang Short films. Her older brother Sunshine Morrison was the first black actor to sign a long term contract with a film studio.

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Deathrace Form Guide #14

 

ad_161961666.jpg

 

 

June Whitfield

 

Oh aye, and whilst we're fingering her for this thread let's all wish her a happy 93rd birthday!

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