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2 hours ago, Deathray said:

 

You're a twisted cunt suggesting Sex Education to cheer someone. It's like someone tried to make Skins but got lost in Recess and Desperate Housewives along the way. Utter fucking shite. 

 

Perhaps a twisted cunt will be somebody's sex problem in series three.  I don't think they've done that one yet. :)

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Some boy I first met from my Saturday job in 1987 has "reached out" to ask if I'm okay.

 

I am determined to best this utterly bored desperate effort and track down my pal Carina, who I haven't seen or heard from since we were both five. 

 

I hope she's safe. 

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(In no particular order)... online karoke singing, reading the classics (ie free) on kindle, playing guitar, FB Quiz Planet, wanking, phone chats, walking/photographing in the countryside, avoiding job applications, drinking Boost/tea/coffee, smoking rollies, watching Pointless/Doctors/Countdown/Britain's Worst Serial Killers, pondering, taking SSRIs, listening to ipod... hmmm, it actually sounds quite productive in list form. Yay me.

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GILFian Anderson giving a handjob to an aubergine was the only good part of Sex Education and you can watch that in gif form online rather than bother with the whole show.

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5 minutes ago, Spade_Cooley said:

GILFian Anderson giving a handjob to an aubergine was the only good part of Sex Education and you can watch that in gif form online rather than bother with the whole show.

 

Each to his own, but I love that show.  Sometimes it's just a fleeting reaction from a character that made me LOL. 

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My godmother is so bored she's kept me on the phone THREE HOURS and apparently this is all the fault of Oliver Cromwell.

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On 21/04/2020 at 10:16, Spade_Cooley said:

GILFian Anderson giving a handjob to an aubergine was the only good part of Sex Education and you can watch that in gif form online rather than bother with the whole show.

 

That's going in the wank bank.

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A month in and still 'working ' from home. I've started buying fripperies that I've always wanted but couldnt justify.  Now I'm not spending money in the same way I did before I'm buying trainers and other little treats.  Hiding them from the missus is proving to be getting increasingly difficult.

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48 minutes ago, Exu said:

A month in and still 'working ' from home. I've started buying fripperies that I've always wanted but couldnt justify.  Now I'm not spending money in the same way I did before I'm buying trainers and other little treats.  Hiding them from the missus is proving to be getting increasingly difficult.

I spent sixty pounds on an ear thermometer.

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The odd thing is I see more people than ever before.  In a village you get the people who are always out and about, in the pubs, out with their dogs, doing stuff.  And then there are the ones who never leave their houses except to get in the car and go somewhere else.  These are the strangers who are roaming around every day, beginning to discover the place they actually live in and the people who are their neighbours.

 

I love how the allotments have become a pubstitute for the former group :D

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Tomorrow I’m starting to tidy out our front room, this has been a dumping ground for when we have had tidy up sessions, I am looking forward to trying out some old music stuff, I know that I have a 200 disc CD player some speakers from uni and a valve amp that I am wanting to test, I also have an old IMac with a disc that needs archiving and a musical keyboard that will take up some time. This furlough and lockdown is turning into retirement practice.

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Is this what retirement is like?  

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Countless times I've tried to teach my Dad how to use the internet but he didn't see the point because EastEnders.

 

I bet he's regretting it now he's had a polis escort home AGAIN buying "magazines" from behind the counter at Mr. Patel's.

 

ETA now according to absolutely crazed delirious XH in hospital I have destroyed the NHS, from 600 miles away! 

 

I'm actually really amazed at this alleged Superpower and thinking on which ... (Iain Duncan Smith you are first) which people or organisations to use on next.

 

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8 hours ago, Boudicca said:

Countless times I've tried to teach my Dad how to use the internet but he didn't see the point because EastEnders.

 

I bet he's regretting it now he's had a polis escort home AGAIN buying "magazines" from behind the counter at Mr. Patel's.

 

ETA now according to absolutely crazed delirious XH in hospital I have destroyed the NHS, from 600 miles away! *

 

I'm actually really amazed at this alleged Superpower and thinking on which ... (Iain Duncan Smith you are first) which people or organisations to use on next.

 

** Mixing me up with Boris is fair. Nasty illness and drug addled bad combination.

 

*** Christ now "I'm not a Tory politician also what drugs have you got and send them.

 


Are there any modern day Alan Turings out there who could help decode this bizarre smörgåsbord of words? :huh:

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22 minutes ago, The Quim Reaper said:

Are there any modern day Alan Turings out there who could help decode this bizarre smörgåsbord of words? :huh:

 

I think those monkeys must have got at the typewriters again. 

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9 hours ago, Boudicca said:

Countless times I've tried to teach my Dad how to use the internet but he didn't see the point because EastEnders.

 

I bet he's regretting it now he's had a polis escort home AGAIN buying "magazines" from behind the counter at Mr. Patel's.

 

ETA now according to absolutely crazed delirious XH in hospital I have destroyed the NHS, from 600 miles away! 

 

I'm actually really amazed at this alleged Superpower and thinking on which ... (Iain Duncan Smith you are first) which people or organisations to use on next.

 

 

51 minutes ago, The Quim Reaper said:


Are there any modern day Alan Turings out there who could help decode this bizarre smörgåsbord of words? :huh:

 

I'll give it my best shot.

 

Bou's Dad doesn't know how to use the internet. Apparently you don't need to use the internet if Eastenders is on the TV.

 

If he did use the internet he could have found his porn online like a normal person. But instead he went out of the house and got caught by the local police buying naughty magazines during a lockdown.

 

Meanwhile, Bou's ex-husband (not to be confused with charon, Sir Creep or anyone else I am forgetting) is in hospital presumably with coronavirus. He thinks Boudicca is responsible for coronavirus. I can only presume he thinks he married an Irish Banshee who is cursing him. Or something.

 

If Boudicca did have this superpower, which is a bit like Richard Burtons in The Medusa Touch which was on TV last night, then she would use to get rotten Tories to do themselves in or catch coronavirus. And hopefully not piss taking Scottish members of Deathlist Forums.

 

Boudicca did not cause her ex husband to get coronavirus. Boris Johnson did, presumably by shaking his hand. Boris did a lot of that after all. But her ex husband mistook her for Boris Johnson, which seems like an insult to most folk. I suspect an Irish Banshee's Curse here.

 

Something about drugs. Probably Irish code for drugs.

 

I think that covers it all.

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10 minutes ago, msc said:

 

 

I'll give it my best shot.

 

Bou's Dad doesn't know how to use the internet. Apparently you don't need to use the internet if Eastenders is on the TV.

 

If he did use the internet he could have found his porn online like a normal person. But instead he went out of the house and got caught by the local police buying naughty magazines during a lockdown.

 

Meanwhile, Bou's ex-husband (not to be confused with charon, Sir Creep or anyone else I am forgetting) is in hospital presumably with coronavirus. He thinks Boudicca is responsible for coronavirus. I can only presume he thinks he married an Irish Banshee who is cursing him. Or something.

 

If Boudicca did have this superpower, which is a bit like Richard Burtons in The Medusa Touch which was on TV last night, then she would use to get rotten Tories to do themselves in or catch coronavirus. And hopefully not piss taking Scottish members of Deathlist Forums.

 

Boudicca did not cause her ex husband to get coronavirus. Boris Johnson did, presumably by shaking his hand. Boris did a lot of that after all. But her ex husband mistook her for Boris Johnson, which seems like an insult to most folk. I suspect an Irish Banshee's Curse here.

 

Something about drugs. Probably Irish code for drugs.

 

I think that covers it all.

 

Nice work! You'll have to change your rank to 'translator'.

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I wish I could like that twice msc.

 

I'm sorry. I'm still a wee bit delirious but that is pretty much what's going on. Thanks.

 

In other news I've been doing permitted exercise hiding by a stream and someone (guess who) has suggested I try to cross it. Challenge accepted cunto!

 

So "idiotic bored woman drowned in the highlands" that'll be me.

 

Watch this space.

 

And don't be even mentioning The Cant EVER. It's secret. 

 

 

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On 26/04/2020 at 00:02, Paul Bearer said:

Is this what retirement is like?  

 

I don't get out much, have my alcohol delivered and am not the most sociable of people and so hopefully yes.

I am currently taking virtual rides around a lake in Switzerland on my cycle trainer and trying not to cough that much. I have had a "professional cough"  for almost 20 years now.

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The Child Support Agency are really bored. They just sent me a text saying they are are operating a limited service in the wake of the global pandemic. 

 

You've been doing that for decades you utter fucking useless roasters.

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Anyone else recently cut a family member's hair? Are you still on speaking terms/divorcing?

 

Clorox Sr has been working in the office and doesn't want to grow a 'fro, therefore it was inevitable the clippers would make an appearance. Aside from the shortest guard flying off mid-haircut, I made a decent effort of a short back and sides. Solid 5/10.

 

If you're in in the Greater Glasgow area and need a trim, you know where to... oh, never mind.

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I just trimmed someone's neck hair.

I had the machine already on my scalp, but didn't go through with it. Well, those two more weeks I could still manage.

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I shaved my legs today.  First time since March.

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I trim my own hair regularly but I have been doing that for years so nothing to do with boredom.

I just do it with my beard trimmer, not saying that it is dead even or perfect but no one has ever commented on it.

The really hard bit used to be getting the neck done at the back and keeping the line reasonably even but I found that a baseball cap tilted slightly backwards acts as a guide for the trimmer, I do have to tilt my head forwards a bit when doing it as I have folds in the skin at the back.

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43 minutes ago, Lard Bazaar said:

I shaved my legs today.  First time since March.

 

Did mine last week, also first time since March. 

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