CarolAnn

Well, being a true Texas chica I have to admit I don't budget well, although that may change now that I've been made redundant. I got an Instant Pot last year and everything goes in that thing. I can pressure cook the world. It's great. The spousal unit once threatened to remove all my small kitchen appliances from the house. I threatened to remove his balls from his body. We came to a mutually satisfactory agreement that involved me keeping what I treasured and him doing the same. I used to cook every day, three meals a day, meal prep on Sundays and sail through the week with a freezer full of whatever I needed. Then I ran out of kids and I decided for about eight years that it was all bullshit and that the kitchen was Chernobyl. Now I need to start cooking for my mother and I swear I have no idea how to cook for less than six people, minimum. I had two boys and all their friends and their cousins (mostly male) and my truck driver husband to cook for. I learned to cook for a family of seven. Two is such a lonely number...... Off to do math!

Dirty old man. See, this is why we are friends.

Better water than sewage.

You know what assuming does.

The dog looks happy.

She could outrun him, even if she were wearing stilletos.

Not Wembley, but 1980 in Dallas. The first time.

Yes. It says several things - one, the study needs to be peer reviewed and replicated but as usual it is presented by the media as end times gospel even if it is as retarded as this one because...two, the link between advertising and behavior is well known, well documented, and older than I am but someone, somewhere can always find a way to belabor the obvious despite an entire industry of people making six figure salaries from this very link and...three, parents need to get on the stick.

Yup. Full of kids. One young man sitting next to me was on his first flight. He did pretty well except for the turbulence - this flight goes over two mountain ranges - and when the pilot threw the reverse thrusters on at landing I thought the kid was going to have a coronary. Why don't parents explain this shit to kids? Flying can be scary.

Booking a flight.

Heading home. Finally.

Interesting that you all chose men.

I will shank you all.

Not actually a vacation - babysitting the spousal unit for his not life threatening surgery - taking off tomorrow at 0910 CDT AA 814 DFW to Sacramento. I will be Premier League'ing it at 36K feet because I swear by inflight wifi and klonopin and there's nothing else to do but drink coffee and enjoy the turbulence across the Rockies and the Sierra Nevadas. Boingy, boingy, boingy....

Those are Texas measurements. The Bronx is about five miles from New Rochelle.

Despite it being a Focus, there is no reason to become a sullen dad just because you have kids. Mine rode in style. And they rode quickly. We always had a sedan of some sort, but our primary transportation? Ha! Life's too damn short. Before I had to become boring in the name of regular commutes across the United States, this was my last performance car: The one before that: A Cobra is the only Ford I will own. Or a Shelby GT500. Well, I would be more likely to take a Challenger SRT Hellcat, which you can give me in my dreams and with a large, open track on which you can all eat my dust: And I just paid another speeding ticket. Who wants a ride through Texas in - and with - a Hellcat?

Hey. Some of us were born right next to the Bronx.

I am only going to go so far as to say there is a reason I haven't had a drink in 26 years. Which, yes, is half my life.

I've got the lighter.

I can't see shit.

Yes, we need another insane asylum common room.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A4duZjxusGM Enjoy!

Catherine.

OK, so Mom may have gotten the 'no middle name' thing right. Didn't realize they were such a problem. One son's middle name is Leander and the other is Royce. Both are the grandfathers' middle names.

Yes.