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  1. 17 likes
    A Mugabe joke: A Robert Mugabe joke - Dead Pig Robert Mugabe and his chauffeur were rolling down the highway when suddenly they hit a pig crossing the road. They killed it instantly. Mugabe tells his driver: "Go to da farm over dere and hexplain to da honer of da pig what happen." One hour later, Robert sees his driver coming back from the farm, his clothes all wrinkled, a bottle of wine in one hand and a cigar in the other. "What happen to you?" Robert asks. "Well, the farmer gave me a bottle of wine, his wife, the cigar and their 19 year old daughter made wild passionate love to me." "My God! What did you tell dem?" asked Mugabe. The driver answered: "Good evening, I am Robert Mugabe's chauffeur and I have just killed the pig."
  2. 12 likes
    I attended the garden party at Holyrood yesterday and got to see Philip up close. I'm not a royalist but I love him and was far more excited to see him than the Queen. When they arrive they came down a steep stone staircase with around twenty steps, and both managed that fine. They then split up and did a separate meet and greet circuit each for about forty minutes before going into the tea tent. I had unknowingly managed to end up on his route. It took him ages to get around but he was stopping every few feet and talking to dozens of people, so no real indication of his abilities. When he appeared in front of me he seemed in remarkably good form for a man his age. Walking and standing straight, unaided unless you count his rolled up umbrella. Shorter than I expected but I suppose he's shrunk a bit. The familiar aged skin. He appeared to have a tiny hearing aid behind his left ear, but seemed very alert and responsive in conversation. As you can see, he's also a snazzy dresser.
  3. 11 likes
    Damn, that Slovenian woman really has a thing for American republican politicians, hasn't she?
  4. 10 likes
    Legendary post here by the legendary Sir Creep, poster on the legendary Deathlist forums.
  5. 10 likes
    Prince Charles might disagree.
  6. 9 likes
    If it was a miss the fucking thing would still be alive!!!
  7. 9 likes
    You could have prevented this.
  8. 9 likes
    Mod powers are to be used lightly. I ain't gonna try to overthrow Mugabe, can you imagine the chaos it would cause?
  9. 9 likes
    Fifth time today?! I haven't even had breakfast yet........
  10. 9 likes
    Don't bother. I'll only delete it. This thread is good enough.
  11. 8 likes
    No transgender in the US Military. Do you think he grabbed someone by the testicles by mistake and never got over it?
  12. 8 likes
    Looks like he just wants to get it over with as quickly as possible so he can to back to posting on the death list.
  13. 8 likes
    She won't be msed.
  14. 8 likes
    POOR BOB! Pals Fear Frail Bob Barker Hasn’t Much More Time To Live! Yes, because most men at 93 do not have that much time left!
  15. 8 likes
    I'm very excited to have won the first Deathlist Cup. I just had a shot of scotch out of my skull shot glass (say that 3 times fast). Thanks to msc for creating a format that gives everyone a chance and lets Lady Luck have a hand. She certainly helped me (a bye, a coin flip after no hits, and then catching three more great players in lucky spots). Thanks to Pedro, Spade, DDT and Death Impends for your sportsmanship. Thanks to everyone who competed. Most of all, thanks to Emma Morano, Sasha Lakovic, Michelle Purchase, Paul van Zandvliet and especially Julia Perez for giving their all for the team. I'm hoping that under the circumstances, I'll get a bye next year.
  16. 8 likes
    That's right, Paddington: the Cup has been hammered shut. Lots of people tried, and failed, and we have the winner of our first ever Deathlist Cup! The crowds are excited! Congratulations Deadsox, our 2017 Deathlist Cup winner! Soup Dragon hands over the Cup. Now, everyone congratulate the winner. May he forever go down in Deathlist history as the winner of a Deathlist game. Right, done. Thanks! It's been a blast.
  17. 8 likes
    Why are you being so racist?
  18. 8 likes
    Then why is he #1 on your list?
  19. 7 likes
    Just off to buy a new suit for the inevitable media appearances I'll make ahead of this.
  20. 7 likes
    I hope the turd you dropped wasn't as forced as that joke.
  21. 7 likes
    Frankly, I would have been disappointed not to have been on the list.
  22. 7 likes
    I get quoted and a reply when I'm on the List?...aaaayyyyyyyee
  23. 7 likes
    Hi Shaun, I've been asked to pass this letter on to you;
  24. 7 likes
    Stevie wonder and none of us will see it coming,especially Stevie.
  25. 7 likes
    Latest update for the rest of June...
  26. 7 likes
    Well, gentlemen, that's not what I am usually asked to do.
  27. 7 likes
    Really? That's a bit .... risqué. Who are Simone and Perotta?
  28. 7 likes
    This current Manson thread is more than sufficient for reports on his "Family".
  29. 6 likes
    I think we should all get invites to the Premier.
  30. 6 likes
    Imagine they got him all the way there, and then he voted against their bill for the hell of it.
  31. 6 likes
    I had a look through the Wikipedia page for people who have ALS, and I found the ones who are still alive, and compiled a list of what they're known for (to help theme teams), what age they are and when they were diagnosed. Augie Nieto (entrepreneur, 58/59, diagnosed in 2005) Fernando Ricksen (footballer, 40, diagnosed in 2013) Marian Cisovsky (footballer, 37, diagnosed in 2014) Stephen Hillenburg (cartoonist, 55, diagnosed in 2017) Stephen Hawking (physicist, 75, diagnosed in 1963) Steve Gleason (American football, 40, diagnosed in 2011) Jerome Golmard (tennis, 43, diagnosed in 2014) Neale Daniher (Aussie rules, 56, diagnosed in 2013) Dwight Clark (American football, 60, diagnosed in 2017) Jeff Capel II (American football, 64, diagnosed in 2014) OJ Brigance (American football, 47, diagnosed in 2007) Jason Becker (guitarist, 47, diagnosed in 1990)
  32. 6 likes
    This is brilliant! I never want this deadpool to end! Oh and Switch... Ask and ye shall receive. Think I've got this right... (Arranged according to closest to winning, and then by most 'outs' in getting that win) Msc - 1/2/0/2/1 – 6 hits (1 away - 1 unique from Honor Blackman, David Gooderson, Donald Pelmear, Antony Webb, John Sainsbury, Lynne Cheney and Tipper Gore OR 1 from US presidential elections – Dick Cheney, Bob Dole and Walter Mondale) I'm Not Hades - 1/1/0/1/1 – 4 hits (1 away - 1 unique from Claire Bloom, Katy Manning, Earl of Crawford, Bob Barber and Barry Gibb OR 1 from US presidential elections - Barbara Bush, George H.W. Bush, Jimmy Carter and Rosalynn Carter) Rotten Ali - 1/2/0/2/0 – 5 hits (1 away - 1 unique from Keith Barron, Brian Blessed, Edwin Bramall, John McVie, Des O'Connor and Cliff Richard) Death Impends - 1/1/0/2/3 – 7 hits (1 away - 1 from US presidential elections – John B. Anderson, Lyndon LaRouche and Bob Richards) Toast - 2/1/0/1/3 – 7 hits (1 away - 1 from US presidential elections - John B. Anderson?) Rover and Out - 1/1/0/3/1 – 6 hits (1 away - 1 from US presidential elections - Ross Perot) 1 chance Rockhopper Penguin - 0/1/0/1/0 – 2 hits (2 away - 2 uniques from John Cleese, Nerys Hughes, Catherine Schell,Peter Wyngarde, Shirley Williams, Pat Choate, Ian Botham, Petula Clark, Eden Kane, John Layton and Mike Sarne) Deathray - 0/1/0/2/1 – 4 hits (2 away - 2 uniques from Bernard Cribbins, Derek Jacobi, Peter Purvis, Baroness Trumpington, Ralph Nader, Barack Obama, Willie Mae Reid, James Taylor, Shane Warne and Keith Richards OR 1 needed from each of Doctor Who and US presidential elections) Captain Chorizo - 1/0/0/0/1 – 2 hits (2 away - 2 uniques from Colin Baker, John Moreno, William Lloyd George, Bo Gritz, Mary Alice Herbert, Ronald Draper and Ricky Valance) Switch - 0/1/0/1/2 – 4 hits (2 away - 2 uniques from Sonny Caldinez, Ysanne Churchman, Hugh Futcher, David Trefgarne and Ed Clark OR 1 needed from each of Doctor Who and US presidential elections) GC Reptile - 1/1/0/0/2 – 4 hits (2 away - 1 needed from each of US presidential elections and Test cricketers) YoungWillz - 0/1/0/1/0 – 2 hits (3 away - 3 uniques from Prentis Hancock, Leslie Schofield, Gabriel Woolf, Colin Sharman, Dennis Amiss, Jimmy Binks, Fred Rumsey, Kiki Dee, Smokey Robinson and Bill Wyman OR 1 needed from each of Doctor Who, US presidential elections and #1 Hit Singles) Rad Guy - 0/0/0/1/1 – 2 hits (3 away - 1 needed from each of Doctor Who, House of Lords and US presidential elections) Handrejka - 0/0/0/0/0 – 0 hits (3 away - 3 uniques from June Brown, Bella Emberg, Betty Boothroyd, Donald Nicholls, Randolph Quirk, Graham Dowling, Waqar Hassan, Dick Richardson, Ian Sinclair, Marcia Barrett, Dave Davies, Windsor Davies and Judith Durham) Time - 0/0/0/0/0 – 0 hits (3 away - 3 uniques from Tony Caunter, Frazer Hines, Lydia Dunn, Marcia Williams, Nari Contractor, Imran Khan, Peter Pollock and Tommy Steele) My rudimentary understanding is that due to superiority Dick Cheney, Bob Dole and Walter Mondale give Msc the win based on unique hits, the same applies to I'm Not Hades for George H.W. Bush and Jimmy Carter, Death Impends holds on to Lyndon LaRouche because he has had most hits and originally there was a tie break situation between Toast and DI over Bush Sr. or Anderson. Bush Sr. has now been taken by I'm Not Hades so I'm not sure how the tie break works? If Anderson dies does Death Impends win because he originally picked him in the tie break? And if so, how can Toast win with 1 hit or can she not? Further down, those that are two away must bear in mind that hits in the US category will probably lead to a win for someone else before they get you in the game but I reckon there's plenty of names that could get another 5 or 6 players in with a shout of winning without a winner being crowned potentially. Do point out my mistakes, this game is frazzling my head - Lord help you Biblio, what have you unleashed on the world?!
  33. 6 likes
    My hair fell out when I saw your post count.
  34. 6 likes
    Too bad the blonde didn't ask him about his time as headmaster at Hogwarts.
  35. 6 likes
    That family don't think that way He's married to a model He has hunted and killed endangered big game He does not give a shit about what we think and is probs incapable of feeling shame as we normal people would understand it
  36. 6 likes
    This one happened a while ago but forget to post it here, dreamt that we all agreed to hold the DL Convention at Prince Philip's funeral as it just happened to be convenient for many of us. Unfortunately one of our number was an ardent republican and took the opportunity to assassinate Prince Charles and the Queen, leading to the site being shut down for terrorism related offences.
  37. 6 likes
  38. 6 likes
    So we currently have TWO teenagers in the DDP Top 5? I suddenly feel very old...
  39. 6 likes
    She's probably seeing how her asylum application is going...
  40. 6 likes
    I blame O.J. For bringing the world: The Kardashians . For that he should get life in prison without the possibility for parole.
  41. 6 likes
    I believe it is a convention for champions to get byes in the first round (see the Champions League, FA Cup, and ignore the flaws). Of course, we don't know the numbers for 2018 yet: might be 32! Might be 0, of course. Beating the big 3 of the forum back to back was an incredible achievement, and one I certainly didn't think was possible. A good way to crown our first champion, I think.
  42. 6 likes
    Perfecting her smash?
  43. 6 likes
    I would watch her if she didn't keep canceling concerts.
  44. 6 likes
    My shadow list is burning your list up like an African Farm with cladding so shut the f..... up.
  45. 6 likes
    Love the idea that his grandson marrying a mixed-race woman would somehow extend Phil's life.
  46. 5 likes
    They'd probably spell "assassination" correctly though.
  47. 5 likes
    Hands up everyone who knew Romero was ill on January 1st? Yep, just as I thought.
  48. 5 likes
  49. 5 likes
    Yes, because the national enquirer is always a good source to rely on...
  50. 5 likes
    What's the point of starting another thread? This one is easily found, and any news about members of the group is likely to get posted in both.