To die for
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Posts posted by To die for
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I've just cleaned up cat vomit that had a tail in it. Blech!
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Went to Alton Towers today, threw myself round lots of rides. Was just thinking in terms of theme park statistics, how many accidents are purely down to f'uckwittedness?
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I have no idea what you people mean.My minds as white as New York Snow
Substitute? Substitute for what?
What confuses me more is the fact that your suggesting you used a hairbrush in the first place for you to substitute its usage with your fingers
Kinky shizzle!
Your last name isn't Scream is it?
Doubtful, but I've never seen so much winking over the thought of LB, a hairbrush and some fingering. Stop winking or you'll go blind.
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Tesco. Specifically their parking cameras.I've just had a letter accusing me of parking in their car park for 23 hours over last Thursday/Friday, which is of course utterly ridiculous. I will be subject to their parking charges if I do it again, apparently, because it's selfish to other customers. I spend a f'ucking small fortune in there every week, cheeky b'astards. Needless to say I phoned them up, and their oh-so-great camera technology had clocked me going in, but not going out again. I soon put the operator straight on that one, and he apologised sheepishly upon checking his camera footage. This is the same branch of Tesco that also threatened a fine to a disabled couple because they took longer than three hours to do their shopping, which included them having a meal in the cafe. Bunch of f'ucking idiots. Their car park looks like it was designed by Stevie Wonder on crack as well. Conflicting bloody arrows everywhere, and at one point if you obey the No Entry signs you actually just go round and round in a circle. And it's full of Mexicans asking if I want my car washed. NO I F'UCKING DON'T, I didn't want it washed yesterday when you asked me, and I still don't want it washed today, now F'UCK OFF and find me a little trolley, there's never enough LITTLE trolleys. And they don't even sell hairbrushes. W'ankers.
Funnily enough, I had that exact issue at Sainsburys, the assistant offered to show me where the dog brushes were. I wasn't sure if he was just being overly helpful or a bit of a smart arse, either way, spotty git! Maybe I looked that tangled, it wouldn't be the first time.
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Inconsiderate twats on aeroplanes who recline their seats just because they can.Yep, totally agree Godot. The Eurostar train has a much better arrangement, in that if you wish to recline, then your own seat part slides forward and the "back" portion remains fixed, so you can recline without affecting the poor sod behind you. Much better all round -- if *you* wish to alter *your* seating, then that's what you do, without impinging on someone else.
Rail 1 Planes 0.
But have you noticed that all the "Whistle Stop" shops are disappearing from stations, unless you plan ahead, the only option is a warm can of beer at £4 from the elusive trolley.
I suppose at least you can still drink the beer you brought with you on the train.
2-0 to rail.
Gare du Midi station you can buy an own brand 500 mL bottle of water for 34 cents if I remember correctly which as you quite rightly point out you can take on board with out getting frisked to the rectal probe degree.
There's always one Johnny terrorist that has to spoil it for the rest of us. IMHO I think we should be allowed to take water through airport security if we drink a bit as proof. It's just wrong that they are allowed to rape us of excessive amounts of Euros once we're through to te other side. I reckon the liquid bombers was in fact a Ryanair tip off to make more of us buy their bloody baggies.
That's a good point, why the f'uck does putting liquids in a re-sealable bag make them secure?
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Norman Wisdom
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Inconsiderate twats on aeroplanes who recline their seats just because they can.Yep, totally agree Godot. The Eurostar train has a much better arrangement, in that if you wish to recline, then your own seat part slides forward and the "back" portion remains fixed, so you can recline without affecting the poor sod behind you. Much better all round -- if *you* wish to alter *your* seating, then that's what you do, without impinging on someone else.
Rail 1 Planes 0.
But have you noticed that all the "Whistle Stop" shops are disappearing from stations, unless you plan ahead, the only option is a warm can of beer at £4 from the elusive trolley.
I suppose at least you can still drink the beer you brought with you on the train.
2-0 to rail.
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He talked like a homosexual.
How the feck can you "speak like a homosexual".
By talking in a highpitched voice like someone is pulling on your sack.
Hmm... know a lot of GAY people and none of them speak like that
The only person that springs to mind is Jimmy Somerville
And Joe Pasquale.
Yes.. but he's not actually gay... the point I was making to feckwit above is that you can't really "speak like a homosexual". All the gay people that immediately spring to mind e.g. Matt Lucas, Elton John, Peter Mandelson, Boy George, George Michael, Ruper Everett etc. don't have high pitched voices and speak like any other bloke!
Elton John is gay?
Please tell me you're being sarcastic...
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On the phone to drunk friend who had to ring because she didn't know what IMHO meant when I txted about how two bottles of wine was perfectly normal behaviour, now I'm pissed to
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I never thought he would do all the O2 dates but topping yourself to get out of them....probably shouldn't have signed up Michael. RIP
I wonder if he'll be enshrined in Neverland?
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People who know where their horn is but not what indicators are for.
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Sorry - got to rant about this one! Just read that Heat Magazine (who reads that sh*t anyway?) have voted Robert Pattinson to be the Sexiest Man Alive. What? Have they looked at him? He's fugly. I'd rather shag my husband.........Never heard of him.
And even after googling, I a) still haven't heard of him and 2) think he needs a f'ucking good haircut.
I think I'd rather shag your husband as well.
..............and he bears more than a passing resemblance to Homer Simpson these days!
The boy needs to wash his hair.
Pluck his eyebrows, get a nose job etc etc. The list is endless.
The paint on abs for the next Twilight film are also very disappointing.
The kid that plays Jacob has a much better body!
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These celebrities, more or less, are said to be extremely ill and "close to death" (according to various sources):Zsa Zsa Gabor, 92
Ed McMahon, 86
Annette Funciello, 66
Farrah Fawcett, 62
Patrick Swayze, 56
Sir Richard Attenborough, 85
Gene Barry, 90
Walter Cronkite, 92
I acknowledge I'm getting a bit inpatient here.
This ones dead dude, is that close enough?
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This article suggests that the budget cap is more to do with Bernie Ecclestone's 50% commercial rights share than actual cost savings, who'd have thought it!I do hope that the teams don't back down, both of those cocksuckers have to go!
Thought I would pick a slightly unoriginal swear word that works, I did want to say fokers or amazing people but both have lost their bite now.
Why would w'ankers be amazing people?
F1 is a load of old sh*te.
PS:Keep talking dirty TDF, it may lure back a certain member.
It pains me to say it, we could do with them at the mo...
British GP was pretty dull and I have never liked the Nürburgring or Hungary, roll on Spa.
LFN sweetie, I think the lack of action is getting to you, I wasn't trying for dirty, I was going for outraged. Oh well, f'uck it, as long as you're enjoying yourself.
Oh, I know you were TDF. Personally, I would have gone for "utter w'ankers".
Its just that the use of such a word, with its obvious sexual overtones, just might, only just might, bring back a certain somebody.
If you have ever watched a fly maneuvering round a cows a'rsehole, you will understand who Im refering to..hopefully.
I'm fairly sure I know who you are trying to tempt back, good analogy BTW, both spout s'hit.
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This article suggests that the budget cap is more to do with Bernie Ecclestone's 50% commercial rights share than actual cost savings, who'd have thought it!I do hope that the teams don't back down, both of those cocksuckers have to go!
Thought I would pick a slightly unoriginal swear word that works, I did want to say fokers or amazing people but both have lost their bite now.
Why would w'ankers be amazing people?
F1 is a load of old sh*te.
PS:Keep talking dirty TDF, it may lure back a certain member.
It pains me to say it, we could do with them at the mo...
British GP was pretty dull and I have never liked the Nürburgring or Hungary, roll on Spa.
LFN sweetie, I think the lack of action is getting to you, I wasn't trying for dirty, I was going for outraged. Oh well, f'uck it, as long as you're enjoying yourself.
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Tic-tac
Touch base
Management speak makes me want to smash stuff.
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I want to swear dammit!
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This article suggests that the budget cap is more to do with Bernie Ecclestone's 50% commercial rights share than actual cost savings, who'd have thought it!
I do hope that the teams don't back down, both of those cocksuckers have to go!
Thought I would pick a slightly unoriginal swear word that works, I did want to say fokers or amazing people but both have lost their bite now.
Why would w'ankers be amazing people?
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As far as I can see this is the list with maybe a few omissions. I assume it's been compiled by a moderator. I had hitherto believed that mods were chosen for their maturity and good sense but it seems lacking here. I agree wholeheartedly with LFN that use of the word filter in this way is simply puerile. Worst of all it lacks any humour or consistency. If you're going to f'uck around with the word filter the first rule should be "don't." If you can't help yourself, the second rule says "be imaginative" and the third rule says "be consistent" with the fourth "don't push it." This latest intervention breaks all of those rules.F'ucking around with the swear filter in this way seems ill-mannered and ill-conceived at a time when the the forum needs to be encouraging contributions from its regulars, not pissing them off. It's not as if it's gone beyond a joke because it wasn't a joke in the first place, just irritating. So whoever the tamperer is, and you know who you are, please stop being a clown and a muppet and whenever you feel the urge to play with the swear filter go play with yourself instead or take a long walk which amounts to the same thing according to this checklist.
F'uck = toffee apple
C'unt = clown
Twat = twat
Bastard = bastard
s'hit = excrement
bloody = bloody
bugger =bugger
Shag = shag
twatface = twatface
f'ucker = I have piles
f'ucking = fekin
f'uckwit = muppet
a'rse = bott
a'rsehole = donkey doo
piss = piss
pissing = pissing
tit = tit
fart = fart
c'ock = ding-a-ling
bollocks = bollocks
w'anker = Walker
s'ignifcant = worthless
s'ummat = simmit
s'hite = diarrhea
It was the spelling more than anything else.
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I'm off to see Oasis in Cardiff today. 4-quid-pints and lukewarm burgers a-go-go! Going with my best friend from teenage years, Sarah - we have shared many a gig experience together, indeed she was who I was with when we were propositioned by the Skid Row roadies (see previous tedious postings). She was braver than I though, and at stadium gigs would generally be one of the attention-seeking chavs that would get her t'its out when the big screen cameras focussed on her. Here's hoping our now middle-aged saggy bags of joy stay firmly under our twin-sets todayGo well Lardy, The Voice of Young Maryport is checking out Oasis at Wembley later this summer, after he's seen the mighty Neil Young - again - with me.
Well, it was all right. Not the best gig I've ever been to. They played all the old favourites though, so it was good for a sing-a-long. The sound quality was not very good (although this may have been due to where we were standing, I'm not very acoustically knowledgable), and the support bands (The Enemy and Kasabian) were all right, but none of it excited me in the way other live bands have. It was an OK day out, I got covered in beer at least five times, and slobbered over by a fat ginger drunken cretin. And Burger King was shut by the time we got to the services on the way home.
Yeh but Lardy, did you think the Foos sounded fantastic? The new Wembley seemed to be acoustically diarrhea as well. It was still one of the best gigs I've ever been to!
The small gigs (to my mind) are the best ones: Kaiser Chiefs at Millenium Square. Awesome!
Why is s hit e spelt wrong?
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I'm off to see Oasis in Cardiff today. 4-quid-pints and lukewarm burgers a-go-go! Going with my best friend from teenage years, Sarah - we have shared many a gig experience together, indeed she was who I was with when we were propositioned by the Skid Row roadies (see previous tedious postings). She was braver than I though, and at stadium gigs would generally be one of the attention-seeking chavs that would get her t'its out when the big screen cameras focussed on her. Here's hoping our now middle-aged saggy bags of joy stay firmly under our twin-sets todayGo well Lardy, The Voice of Young Maryport is checking out Oasis at Wembley later this summer, after he's seen the mighty Neil Young - again - with me.
Well, it was all right. Not the best gig I've ever been to. They played all the old favourites though, so it was good for a sing-a-long. The sound quality was not very good (although this may have been due to where we were standing, I'm not very acoustically knowledgable), and the support bands (The Enemy and Kasabian) were all right, but none of it excited me in the way other live bands have. It was an OK day out, I got covered in beer at least five times, and slobbered over by a fat ginger drunken cretin. And Burger King was shut by the time we got to the services on the way home.
Yeh but Lardy, did you think the Foos sounded fantastic? The new Wembley seemed to be acoustically diarrhea as well. It was still one of the best gigs I've ever been to!
The small gigs (to my mind) are the best ones: Kaiser Chiefs at Millenium Square. Awesome!
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Would've gone for "None of the Above" as Farrah Fawcett seems to be fading fast, but since we're voting on one from the list - Robert Novak.
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Just seen the new Star Trek film, not bad but too many special effects when they could have done much more with the characters and story line. I didn't think much to Simon Pegg as Scotty but casting was good otherwise and it could be a good start to rebuilding the old franchise on the big screen. Leonard Nimoy looks ancient. Maybe it's time for a Vulcan on the deathlist.I also enjoyed it. The destruction of Vulcan? I can see a sequel on the way. The younger Doc McCoy was fabulous, the Spock one-liners had me chuckling. "Green blooded hob-goblin" for example.
Quiz Time
in DeathList extra-curricular
Posted
1 - A card game of some sort? Poker maybe?
2 - Niagra Falls, erosion
3 - Peas, Runner beans
4 - Strawberry
5 - Bottle is attached to tree around a growing fruit, pear grows inside the bottle until it is too big to be removed.
6 - Dwindle, dwell
7 - Colon, semi-colon, full stop, comma, hyphen, Question mark, exclaimation mark, apostrophe, quotation marks etc
8 - Banana
9 - Shoes, socks, slippers, sandals, skis, skates, stillettoes
How'd I do?