RIP Wee Jum

Not really a joke but it made me laugh

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpoCGIHqbEw

This is the version I have heard of the same joke

Some guy chose to wear his wife / girlfriends knickers to the final :-)

106 (one hundered and six) years since FC Diddy last won the Scottish Cup :-)

Killie "Hibsed it" tonight :-)

Suspicious item discovered at Old Trafford was training device http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/36297390 ha ha ha somebody is getting sacked in the morning

Not sure if SKY's choice of crowd shot was a good choice https://vine.co/v/i07xvUOqw7b

Sevco 5008 trying there hardest to put themselves back in a terrible financial situation by signing Joey Barton. His wage demand will be astrinomical and the club will be constantly fined because he is below average low intelligence. Fingers crossed he signs

Why would they need to ?

This year Stevie Wonder was given a cheese grater as a Christmas present. He said it was the most violent book he has ever read. Paddy and Murphy are walking through the jungle by a riverbank when they spy a crocodile with a mans head protruding from its mouth. Paddy turns to Murphy and says, "Would you look at that guy in his Lacoste sleeping bad"

Man phones into work sick 'Can't come in today, feeling ill' His Boss says 'Tell you what, whenever I'm feeling sick I find giving my missus one normally does the trick, try that and let me know how you feel' 2 hours later the guy calls his Boss back 'Hi' he says 'I'll be back in tomorrow, feeling much better - by the way, you've got a nice house'

A man was on holiday in Norfolk when he found he needed a new gas canister for his caravan, so he approached a local in the street and asked, "Excuse me but do you know if there's a B&Q in Norwich?" "No", replied the Bumpkin, "but there are two E's in Leeds"

Quasimodo, the Hunchback of Notre Dame, returns home after a hard day ringing the cathedral bells and finds his Wife standing in the kitchen with a wok. "Fantastic", he says. "Is it Chinese tonight, Esmerelda?" "Oh no", she replies. "I'm just ironing your shirt"

Hibs manage to "Hibs it" and lose to Falkirk in the playoffs. I can see Falkirk getting promoted and Killie relegated. Not what we wanted

A seven-year-old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him! After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Aston Villa Football Club, whom the boy firmly believes are not currently capable of beating anyone.

Little Johnny was walking home from school one day and saw his Grandad on the front porch with out any trousers on ... Young Johnny asks his Grandad why he is sat outside with out any trousers on .. His Grandad replies 'well Johnny, yesterday I sat out here without a top on and got a stiff neck .. This was your Grandma's idea!'

A newly-wed couple wake up on the first morning of the their honeymoon in the Caribbean and decide to take a stroll down the beach. On their way they pass a shanty house, and sitting on the front porch is an overweight woman, stark naked, legs apart, eating a slice of watermelon. The husband sees this and liking the idea of his new wife exhibiting her body in public asks her whether she would do the same. The wife looks at him in disgust and refuses. The second morning they pass the shanty house again and, sure enough, the overweight woman is sitting on the porch stark naked, legs apart, eating another slice of watermelon. Not being put off be his new wife's refusal, the husband inquires of his wife, 'Why don't you go over and ask that woman what it feels like to sit there naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?' The wife again refuses. This continues each morning for two weeks until it is the last day of the honeymoon. Each morning they would pass by the woman, each morning the husband would try to persuade his new wife to copy her and each morning the wife would refuse. However, it being the last morning the husband gives it one more try and inquires of his wife, 'Why don't you go over and ask that woman what it feels like to sit there naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?' The wife finally gives in, opens the gate of the shanty house 'nd walks up to the overweight woman on the front porch. "What does it feel like to sit there naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?' she asks hesitantly. 'I don't rightly know, replies the woman,' 'but it sure keeps the flies off of my watermelon.'

He'll be looking forward to meeting his new Neighbours

Chris Mitchell: Former Clyde, QoS & Falkirk player dies aged 27 http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/36241355

East Germany's 'Purple Witch' Dies In Chile http://news.sky.com/story/1692101/east-germanys-purple-witch-dies-in-chile