Bellender

Mr Notapotato's (*cough*) taste in Wallpaper was indeed occasionally somewhat inclined to vividity. There appears to be a certain amount of confusion between the Deadlyboard Forum and the Hartlepool Deadlypool site. To reactivate the forum would be easy but seems unnecessary. Updating the website would involve an enthusiastic person taking over the domain (or registering another suitable name) and working out the scores and publishing them. Mr Hein did once talk of writing a database to calculate them automatically.

In the continued absence of my employer I have taken it upon myself to update the site somewhat. The deaths have all been marked. Probably. I shall attempt to "tot up" the scores at the weekend.

Is it not somewat.... vivid, Sir?

Yes Bellender? What do you want? Mr Mirum has asked me to convey his apologies for his tardiness in updating the scores of the Hartlepool Deadlypool. He says he will get around to it soon.

*ahem*

Certainly Sir. Should I have someone fan you with banana leaves?

Whodunit? The butler, of course. regards, Hein Who? Bellender? Does he have an alibi? On the day in question I was I believe, attending a matinee performance of Gilbert and Sullivan's "The Gondoliers" in Brighton with my cousin Reginald.

Most amusing Sir. Will you be requiring anything?

*cough* Good evening.

Certainly Sir. If I may say so, that is a particularly fine example of eighteenth Century Highland Dress. Will Sir be changing to go out or does he intend to retire?

That's all we need - a transvestite butler. Most amusing Sir.

Indeed, Sir.

Although the lady and gentleman's concern is most touching I have never specifically been forbidden to associate with turnips. As I rarely have the necessity to convey vegetables of any genus in the course of my daily duties I should not consider it any great hardship were my employer to proscribe such intercourse. May I be of further assistance?

I regret to say Madame, that presently I do not have an example of a vegetable of the species Brassica Rapa about my person. A state of affairs which is far from exceptional. I shall inquire with Cook. She is rarely without an ample supply.

Very good Madam.