honez

Guess what's going to happen when they try again...

Little Johnny walks in on his mum and dad having sex in bed. Mum's on top, but quickly dismounts and wraps the sheets around herself. "What were you and dad just doing, mum?" Johnny asks. "Oh, erm, daddy's got a big tummy, so I was just helping to flatten it," she says. Johnny laughs. "That'll never work silly! The babysitter just blows it back it up when you're at work."

Nope. According to the Louth Leader, it's UFOs and/or pockets of energy.

f**k off, C-word stick.

To fill in time between hits, you could read

Beat me to to it, so ye did, 'arry. I wuz gunna post summit 'ere earlier, but I been distracted by me scurvy parrot, see. Anyway, Oim gunna sing a little sea shanty in celebration. "Happy Speak-Like-A-Pirate Day to ye, Happy Speak-Like-A-Pirate Day to ye, Happy Speak-Like-A-Pirate Day mangy mongrels, An' be sure to eat spaghet-ti."

I agree with Windsor here, we are far too tolerant in this country of bad drivers. False indicators should be pulled out of their cars and beheaded at the side of the road, that would teach them not to do it again. Beheading? Pah! That's no use, they'd only clamber back into their Morris Minors and carry on blithely with their false-indicating shenanigans. The only way is to hang, draw and quarter them and feed their entrails to the wolves. Beheading is not supposed to to be used to punish something frivolous like false indicating! You have to save it for the worst offenses. Like driving an SUV. Or using a certain font. I have to agree with our foundling father 'Arry on this one , just draw and quarter them. Maybe they should be drawn, then have their entrails handed back to them, before they are quartered, because, well, I changed my mind. Sorry. There's a lesson for them in there somewhere.

An extract from this article states, "Alistair Darling has just signalled ... that he is profoundly uncomfortable with the widespread practice of profiting from the woes of companies perceived as vulnerable through short-selling their shares. This is highly relevant right now, in that shares in HBOS - our largest mortgage lender - fell by more than 30% at one stage yesterday, which would have been unthinkable a few months ago. And they've fallen again this morning." Aw, the poor little thing. These stock market folk seem happy to do this to other "ordinary" companies, sending them up the creek and shafting employees/shareholders/communities that depend on them, but when it's a finance company that's being preyed on they get all uncomfortable. That seems to me to be like a sex predator feeling queasy about doing his sister.

Happy birthday Lardy, I hope this year turns out much better than the last for you. 21 is a such a good age.

I really have to agree with you. Really, Fellatio?

Me too LF, well not the sewing machine, admittedly, but I do my fare share of the chores. But I do dislike ironing with a passion, so I only do my own and I have managed to gravitate over the years to a wardrobe that's 95% iron-free if you hang/fold it properly in the first place. I do like cooking, and hoovering's okay, but I can't abide washing up. And, yes Godot, I do outdoor stuff too. In fact I spent an awful long time two years ago landscaping, bricklaying, concreting, tiling, painting, putting fences in and plumbing in our water tank and sprinkler system. I've built toys and furniture out of wood and enjoy a bit of gardening now and again too. So, in the grand scale of things, a bit of ironing every once in a while doesn't bother me too much. I'm also the one that gets called in to dispose of any insects, arachnids, reptiles and mammals around the house. Living in the land where the wildlife will kill you as quick as look at you, that's no mean feat in itself.

Take an unexpected nap at the footy in your birthday suit. Or you could kick a wall (until it gets revenge)

Bring back National Service, that's what I reckon. A Windsor Davies-style Sergeant Major should instill some respect in them using a size 11 Army-issue boot, followed by a five-year tour of Afghanistan. And bring back powdered eggs too.

The energy just dissipates. Energy cannot be created or destroyed, just changed in form. So it will be doing work somewhere, probably raising the temperature of the entire LHC by an infinitesimally small amount.A bigger question to ponder is where creases go to when you iron them. Do they get stored in the iron and have to be emptied out? If so, mine must be full by now, surely.

For a second there I thought I'd gone into the DL dead 2008 thread. Silly me, this is of course, the finance thread of a North American money-market forum. What was I thinking? Let me just go and pop some deadpool info onto Forbes.com.

Lardy, Im glad to see that the prospect of getting your leg over in October hasnt made you take your eye off the ball to such pressing issues. That reminds me, I must send you directions to the B+B I've booked - don't forget your toothbrush! ;-) At this moment in time, you have no idea just how tempting that is..... Fancy getting hugely pissed as well? I feel that I must point out that B+B in this case, does actually refer to Bondage and Buggery - and don't forget your bogbrush.

Ah, that's much better xzandra, bless your little cotton socks. Not perfect, but better than some other DL inmates. After an exhaustive search of the Internet, I managed to find this reference through Google on my first attempt. Micro Black Holes. The postulate being (remember e=mc2?) that the mass created by the collision is almost immediately re-converted back into energy in the form of Hawking Radiation. FYI Google is a search engine, which can be used to search pages on the 'net for answers to questions you might have. Deathlist is not a search engine. It is, however, the best source of information concerning Dickie O, Clive Dunn and, obviously, custard-related Quantum Physics.

Well come on, tell the story then, you can't just leave us hanging like that! What happened on 30th September 1998 downstairs? He and we will never know, because he was met by another MiB on the stairway who prevented his descent. Kind of obvious really.

That article says "Other mysteries the team hopes to explore include the 17-mile circular tunnel underneath the Swiss-French border, among other cosmological wonders." I didn't realise the 17-mile circular tunnel is regarded a cosmological wonder. I hope they're not going to explore it when the protons or lead ions are whizzing by at 99.999% of c, whipping up a new batch of custard.

Look above. Unless, of course, he went below.

Quite brilliant. I have missed the banter on this site, I must make an effort to attend more often. I also enjoyed your throwaway line in your first comment: C U next Thursday On the matter of the subject up for discussion, someone postulated the theory that reason we have not been approached by superior advanced extra terrestrial beings is that they all reached a similar point in their evolution, invented a Large Hadron Collider and............ Ah, welcome back Mr Josco! Surely your return after firing up the LHC cannot be coincidence? Perhaps a portal to the postulated additional dimensions was opened, allowing your triumphant return from the underworld. Was it open long enough for you to bring your evil army of destruction too, or will you put an ad in the post office window?