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honez

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Everything posted by honez

  1. honez

    Death List Convention

    36 years to the day after Ali and Foreman's Rumble in Jungle, and the first anniversary of Claude Levi Strauss' demise. A fitting date indeed. Unfortunately, I'll be too busy celebrating Mischief Night to attend.
  2. honez

    Football

    Is that, like, quite abit, but not aton? Awesome. Oh, how this disappointed me DDT. You slid down one of the longest snakes on my board of my estimation there.
  3. honez

    Read Any Good Books Lately?

    Those long, words can be so tedious to look up.... That's why I much prefer The Magic Pudding. That's more my style.
  4. You got drunk on two cans of lager? You must be a cheap date. ;-) Well that depends...
  5. honez

    A Joke

    The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you." "Yes," she says, "I remember it well." "Okay," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time’s sake?" "You old devil, that sounds like a crazy but very good idea!" There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them. They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen. After about 10 minutes, they both collapse panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, still watching decides he's got to ask them what their secret is. As the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was amazing. You obviously have had a fantastic sex life together. It's good to see nothing's changed in the last fifty years." "Bullshit," the old man says, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
  6. honez

    Change-a-letter Films

    Richard Nixon reluctantly stars in a tale of political intrigue and needlecraft in How to Make an American Quit.
  7. honez

    Change-a-letter Films

    Stallone retires from the army and becomes a butch sailor in Fist Blood and Rimbo. Bruce Lee single handedly defeats the Nazis in Schindler's Fist.
  8. honez

    Change-a-letter Films

    Charles Dickens' tells an avant guarde tale of early Christian persecution in A Christ as Carol He dabbles with cocktail-making in Olive Twist and slapstick comedy in The Pickwick Capers William Shakespeare beats Ricky Gervais to the punch with his satirical office-based slice of life mockumetary in The Temp Pest
  9. honez

    Humanity Itself

    Damn, missed it by 42,000 or so. According to the site, we're gonna hit 8,000,000,000 on July 8 2019, unless the Four Horsemen make an appearance, of course.
  10. honez

    Docter Docter!

    I do not want to interfere with your life and my focus is not to complicate it, but why do you give authority to your illusions? It's my belief that if one can find the strength to confront a powerful illusion they can cease it's existence. I understand and accept that some people are at odds with their subconscious self. With knowing this, I have a suggestion for you. Decide on a number of days that you would like to be free from your medication. Give the medication to a person who is responsible (I assume that would be your husband) and set the experiment into motion. In your case, I am not asking you to deny the existence of something that you believe to be real, but I am asking you not to acknowledge it as significant. If you can follow these directions, then you can fully reevaluate your thinking You're not Tom Cruise are you?
  11. honez

    Change-a-letter Films

    Everyone loves a sailor, especially Tom Hanks, in When Harry Met Salty.
  12. honez

    Adverts - you either love 'em or hate 'em

    'Cause no-one likes bloody campers. Boom tsch. Sire, thine coat awaits.
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