The Pooka

Dorset correspondent reporting for duty, Sir. Good gracious MPFC, good to see you attending the local Gay Pride rally. You were only a couple of miles from my home and would have passed the end of my road to get there. How tantalising. I suspect that rather than Sandbanks you would have been a couple of hundred yards across the harbour entrance at the nudist beach at Studland. Your fellow may have had his penis surgically removed. I saw one cut off about 20 years ago. Cancer of the cock. The poor guy worked with petrochemicals (unlike catering a job where its better to wash the hands before you piss). They re-shape things and leave you needing to sit down to piss and otherwise looking feminine. Of course, he may have chosen to lose his pudenda in order to offer a shapely profile - or a receptive orifice - or to lose weight. Who knows? BTW, Mono the good old English plural of penis would be penises. Those with a Latin affectation could go for penes (as in testis and testes). But peni - no.

Its a terrible place. England's largest island city, apparently - if being surrounded by sewage makes you an island (it certainly makes you a city). Anyway, any success for Portsmouth annoys the f**k out of Southampton (as bad a shithole as Pompey but it regularly evades detection). So that for me makes Portsmouth's retention essential. The greatest good for the greatest number etc........

I wonder, ahem, if a colleague might PM with some details. The Pooka may make the trip up to town if he can find a modest flop-house in which to puke after the jamboree.

LFN - wasn't Forrest Gump a little 'slow'. Retarded even? Isn't imbecile an old medical term for people with an IQ of 60 or less? Perhaps you shouldn't 'TOTALLY object' to the 'handicapped jibe' when you are prepared to celebrate it yourself. Anyway, it was good to see you work yourself up. Did you really feel that angry? No. I thought not. Does it not depend, somewhat, on how its delivered? Does calling somebody an imbecille deliver the same impact as calling somebody a Mongol? Would Forrest Gump have worked if he had been portrayed as an adult with the mind of an 18 month old? I have no objection to being called a cretin, idiot, Forrest Gump or Dennis Lynham. I do object to a little Turd using the handicapped jibe in the manor that he did and, lets not pretend here, we know how his little brain works.......... Did I feel angry? No Disgusted? Yes. Disgust and anger are not neccessarily bedfellows, its quite possible to feel one without the other. As I stated previously, I couldnt give a toss if he stays or goes, that was until the lastest homophobic and bigoted rant. Pooka, you are smarter than the average Bear, no doubt, I also respect what you have said, I dont agree, but I respect you for them. Conversely, I wont be responding to Millwall. Yours LFN 'We know how his little brain works'!!!! Teams of psychiatrists could work for decades on that one. However, I can see from your post that he has really pissed you off so apologies if I played down your distress earlier.

Hypothermia is supposed to be a fairly bearable form of death. You drift in and out of consciousness before dying of heart failure. Apart from that you feel cold. It must beat dying of old age in a superheated rest home surrounded by the smell of stale urine and boiled cabbage.

But isn't it making the news because seventeen people of in their late teens/early twenties have killed themselves in Bridgend, over and above the more average numbers of older inhabitants who ended their lives? No connection but definite cluster, hence the story. Rats. This always happens when I try to be clever. Hadn't spotted that flaw in the argument. I still think that it's media hype and I would bet (note the new element of uncertainty) that most suicides are from that age cohort. At last a subject I know something about. There is an 'imitation effect' in suicide. This was observed some years ago in Vienna where the rate of suicides through jumping under a tube train rose following its depiction in an Austrian radio serial (something like the Archers). After a few years it sank back to the historic level once more. There probably is a cluster in Bridgend. But nothing too dramatic. The dilemma is that publicity can increase the rate. So health promotion campaigns and media reporting could have an adverse effect. Publicity also effects the method chosen. So, in Bridgend, people could have chosen the publicised method of hanging, which has a high success rate, over the less dangerous but generally more popular choice of overdose. As for the figures above.......... expect 1 in 9,000 of the population to kill themselves in a given year. So expect 15 in Bridgend per annum.

LFN - wasn't Forrest Gump a little 'slow'. Retarded even? Isn't imbecile an old medical term for people with an IQ of 60 or less? Perhaps you shouldn't 'TOTALLY object' to the 'handicapped jibe' when you are prepared to celebrate it yourself. Anyway, it was good to see you work yourself up. Did you really feel that angry? No. I thought not.

Mistake see later.

I, for one, would miss the man's verbal fluency and clarity. He is a treasure and should be beaten senseless retained.

Where is the Convention this year? I need to sort out my disguise.

Lady Clarissa and Rebecca de Winter were one and the same I recall. So 330+ posts there. Sad that the mad old sow took offence when under attack and quit the site. mpfc streets ahead - but he did go through a period where he would post his farts and belches.

It's a shame that everyone missed this gem for the the last Monkeys nominations. For literary style in a post I think Pooka's opening paragraph takes a lot of beating. Sorry for raising this in a lifeless thread but reading the weather thread and SC's long running debate with himself in the Patrick Moore thread just now, I felt overcome with nostalgia for old Walter. Has he been banned? Is he behind Scott and Dave perchance? For two months now I have no idea what has happened to Patrick Moore. If you're out there Walter, harvesting the "first earlies" in your allotment (nice with butter) or stamping on your runner beans (for obvious reasons), just give us a sign. No not that one. Why, thank you Godot. I do my best, in a modest way, to maintain a good style with the mother of languages. However, I am a novice compared to Banshee's Scream. He seems to have mastered the tongue in a way that many could only dream of. Pookie!!!! Welcome back. Now, be sure, to be sure, to attend this years DL convention. Do not, as last year, slink in, pick a table and observe........ I may be up for it. The fantasy of what lies behind your avatars may be preferable to the reality but lets see if I can confront it. I will make every effort to attend.

Well, I drop curtains when people take a stage they cannot master, Pooka. I drop curtains when they feel inclined to evaluate another being who is clearly superior to them. Twelvetrees can talk about falling below standards all he wants but his grammatical capabilities won't throw him the water float in my ocean of standards. I try not to categorize actual people but my best guess is that he is a member of the Anti-Scream campaign. Apparently my biggest fan from that organization is Fellatio Nelson and my latest prediction is "his character" will lose it's purpose because eventually he will be raving his fists and roaring his little chants all alone. He'll register under a new name and learn how to use the (insert link) button. If you get my tone. Anyway, it's good to see you back Pooka! Post once or twice a week! You know, Godot can't do it all alone. That's very civil of you BS. As you can see it took me a couple of attempts to get the hang of posting again. But I'm back in the saddle now. An unfortunate misunderstanding had recently led to a temporary loss of liberty. All sorted now. I aim to keep to a minimum of two posts a week.

It's a shame that everyone missed this gem for the the last Monkeys nominations. For literary style in a post I think Pooka's opening paragraph takes a lot of beating. Sorry for raising this in a lifeless thread but reading the weather thread and SC's long running debate with himself in the Patrick Moore thread just now, I felt overcome with nostalgia for old Walter. Has he been banned? Is he behind Scott and Dave perchance? For two months now I have no idea what has happened to Patrick Moore. If you're out there Walter, harvesting the "first earlies" in your allotment (nice with butter) or stamping on your runner beans (for obvious reasons), just give us a sign. No not that one. Why, thank you Godot. I do my best, in a modest way, to maintain a good style with the mother of languages. However, I am a novice compared to Banshee's Scream. He seems to have mastered the tongue in a way that many could only dream of.

Hello. Did someone call me?

Some of your friends are corrrect BS. You should indeed 'rub this substance on it'. However, under no circumstances should you rub THAT substance on it. It will cause rust.

Ah Pook, but didn't you notice that you were being watched? The woman with the Beehive hairdo and dark eyeshadow at the end of the bar: that was Jeremy Beedle. The red patent handbag contained a miniature BBC outside broadcasting unit. I had my binoculars on Beedle from a concealed vantage point across the road and saw everything. How post-modern!

For security reasons, the content of the meeting and identity of those attending must remain a closely guarded secret. I can, however, state that at least one member of this hallowed forum has a bladder which is considerably weaker than a Dale Winton handshake. You know who you are!! It was particularly nice to sit and watch you all. Like Rotten Ali, I was, for a while, concerned that no-one would turn up. But in the end, my trip was worthwhile.

An offbeat observation, Carol Ann, or are you in the throes of a crisis? They invariably come back to you - usually as if nothing has happened. And, perhaps, that is the best way.

Sorry to hear this BHB. Look after yourself.

I return in confidence .............. .................what's done is done and I'm no longer wasting any more time talking about this. God bless him. He's back. Welcome back son. How we've missed your pithy maxims.

I think in the end that the likes of Captain Beefheart and the Mothers found him too way out for their tastes (the Wild Man that is, not Banshee's).

My mistake mpfc - must have got him mixed up with errr ................. Charlie Drake. Yeah that's right, Charlie Drake.

What, the stuff we post here is 'work?'. f**k, I may have to reconsider my position, or summat. I'd be a raving hypocrite if - as one who regularly fillms the CD changer in the car with Wild Man Fischer, Wesley Willis and other compelling delusionals - I joined the chorus of clamour for the banishing of the Banshee. I mean, we don't have to respond or rise to the bait and it's an internet forum, so it's not like he's coming round and eating our biscuits or owt, is it? Its probably the nearest thing that Banshee's has to work. I believe that Wild Man Fischer is now dead - having led an unillustrious final 3 decades. Had this not been the case i could have believed that he had become a demented and delusional Deathlister of our acquaintance, based in New York. 'The subways are a porno, the pavements are a mess.........'

Is Sue and the Danjolairs as shitty a name as a band could dream up?