Anubis the Jackal

I remember an instance in which a late friend of mine wished her ashes to be scattered at a well known garden in the south-west of England. Having contacted the aforementioned place, only to be told that ash-scattering was strictly prohibited, a mutual friend decided to carry out her last wishes in secret. Having checked that the coast was clear and no-one was watching, she snuck the (largish) urn from her bag and tried to scatter the ashes subtly. Unfortunately, there were rather too many of them and landed in a big heap on the ground with an audible 'Flumph.' Naturally it was at this moment that a group of visitors approached to find my friend tearfully hoofing a large pile of greyish ash around a tree. Now that's how I want to go.

Conjures up a strange image. Four times the fun. I thought it meant the Taj Mahal Tandoori on Neasden High Street.

All together now... "Your right leg I like. I like your right leg. A lovely leg for the role. That's what I said when I saw you come in. I said "A lovely leg for the role." I've got nothing against your right leg. The trouble is - neither have you. "

Paul's wife Heather in scuffle with J-Lo, loses limb. She could take her to court, but she wouldn't have a leg to stand on.

My, we are on form this morning! DWB That'll be the roast moose and Jack Daniels I had last night, it enables clarity of thought.

Indeed, used in place of a blown fuse, it's got me out of trouble a few times.

Good call, maybe running a few too many volts through a couple of small components with a 9v battery. Safe, and should blow a resistor or two.

Bournemouth? Is that in England?

As some of you seem to be technically minded, could anyone help out. A friend is getting divorced from her twunt of a husband, who has taken off with someone from his office, leaving her with a 7-year old girl and no house for a few months. He's coming round to pick up what's left of his belongings and, having systematically removed the last page from each and every one of his books, she wants to find a virus or fix that will sabotage his precious Playstation 2 without obvious physical damage (i.e. snipping a few cables) Any ideas how and if it can be done?

Good job he hasn't got.... What was it again?

But Hitler had no plans to expand in Western Europe. The way he saw it, Britain and France would be free to expand in Africa and Asia while he pottered about in Eastern Europe, merrily making a Germanic Empire from the Rhine to the Urals. He would have got away with it as well if it weren't for that silly little treaty between Poland, France and Britain.

Comes from having a Grandfather whose accent veered from impenetrable full-on Taff when Wales were winning at rugby to gentle lilt when England were playing cricket.

Chris Rea Write your headline here.......................

Which Question? Goats or Ghosts?

Well, I never knew that before. I feel happier for having that cleared up and will remain unpollutedly Welsh in my sporting affiliations herafter... Simon Jones, England (and Wales') suprise success of the series could be observed 'Doing the Ayatollah' after taking a wicket. This is a celebration started by Cardiff City fans in reference to the mourners at the funeral of Ayatollah Khomeni, and involves slapping ones' head with both hands. None more Welsh than that...

You're OK there Sir, it's the England and Wales team that have recently won the Ashes. Scotland and Ireland (Eire and N.Ireland combined) have their own not as good sides, although Ireland beat the West Indies some time back I remember.

Err, their own National Assembly?

It's deja vu all over again...

Ah where's your sense of fun? "Fire" by The Crazy World of Arthur Brown or "Going Underground" by The Jam depending how I was going out.

I dimly remember the good Mr. Randi doing his debunking thing on a TV program in the '80's. Probably Channel 4 when it was worth watching (other than for the cricket.) A fine fellow and no mistake.

Christ, it's ridiculous. Can't they just have a good old-fashioned boringly predictable draw?

Where did you get that book? Sounds absolutely brilliant. Mind you, they wouldn't put up with that sort of thing on the Isle of Man...

An absolute cracker Sir!!

The Isle of Man eh? Ever run into Handrejka whilst motorbike racing, tax-dodging and homosexual-flogging?

Surely the swear filter should have blocked that!