machotrouts

In this spoiler box is #1 Hits, my regular theme team of UK #1 hitmakers. Below it are 20 more people who were in consideration for the team. SUBSTITUTES: 21. Willie Nelson (USA for Africa) #5 last year ^ will move to main team due to death of Anita Pointer 22. Mike Peters (Ferry Aid) 23. Ray Walker (The Jordanaires) 24. Walter Parazaider (Chicago) 25. Plas Johnson (B. Bumble and the Stingers) 26. Ernest Ranglin (Commonwealth Band) #17 last year 27. Eddie 'Tan Tan' Thornton (Georgie Fame and the Blue Flames) 28. Len 'Chip' Hawkes (The Tremeloes) #14 last year 29. Paul 'Bonehead' Arthurs (Oasis) 30. Tim Commerford (Rage Against the Machine) 31. Don Powell (Slade) 32. Roy Wood (The Move, Wizzard) 33. John Edwards (Detroit Spinners) 34. Peter Asher (Peter and Gordon) 35. Shane MacGowan ("Various artists") 36. David Shilling (The Crowd) 37. Tina Turner (USA for Africa) 38. Hazel O'Connor (Ferry Aid) 39. Marlon Jackson (The Jacksons) 40. Celine Dion  Four people I posted in the 2022 salvage lot thread proved to be misses for the #1 Hits team: Judith Durham (my 2nd substitute), Anita Pointer (24), Bernard Cribbins (25), and Meat Loaf (34). In this spoiler box is Unpersons, my regular theme team of Big Brother housemates. Below it are 20 more people who were in consideration for the team. SUBSTITUTES: 21. Ken Morley #6 last year 22. Jessica Alves 23. Jackiey Budden 24. Becki Seddiki #3 last year 25. Adele Roberts #4 last year 26. Christopher Biggins #12 last year 27. Bruce Jones 28. Michael Barrymore 29. Wayne Sleep 30. Winston McKenzie #14 last year 31. Kellie Maloney 32. Tila Tequila 33. Carole Vincent 34. James Cosmo 35. Alexander O'Neal 36. Ann Widdecombe 37. Daniel Baldwin #15 last year 38. Renee Graziano #18 last year 39. Paul Danan 40. Kavana None of the people I posted in the 2022 salvage lot thread proved to be misses for the Unpersons team. In this spoiler box is Special:RandomInCategory/Living_people, my regular theme team of 20 people whittled down from 4000 random biographies on Wikipedia. Below it are 20 more people who were in consideration for the team. SUBSTITUTES: 21. Maurice Robert Johnston British Army officer 22. Nasser Fahimi Iranian political prisoner 23. Norman Lloyd-Edwards Lord Lieutenant of South Glamorgan 1990-2008 24. Tariq Ramadan Swiss Islamic academic 25. Tikhon (Shevkunov) Russian bishop, Putin's “personal confessor” 26. Béla Kovács (politician, 1960) Hungarian politician/Russian spy 27. Willie Benegas Mountaineer 28. Frances Manners, Duchess of Rutland Dowager 29. Bob Quinn (filmmaker) Irish director (Poitín, Atlantean) 30. Janette Oke Canadian “inspirational fiction” author (When Calls the Heart) 31. Elsie Kelly Noreen in Benidorm 32. Tony Kay English footballer of 1964 betting scandal notoriety 33. Chan Ho-tin Hong Kong independence activist 34. Jay Garner US army general, de facto leader of Iraq post-Saddam 35. Stan Brittain 1950s British cyclist 36. Joseph Herbert (neuroscientist) Cambridge professor 37. Matthew Katz Lawsuit-loving music manager (Jefferson Airplane, Moby Grape) 38. Allen Weisselberg Jailed CFO of Trump Organization 39. Frank Kabui Solomon Islands Governor General (2009-2019) 40. Peter Schlesinger David Hockney's muse None of the people I posted in the 2022 salvage lot thread proved to be misses for the Living_people team.

These are my three theme teams for 2023. #1 Hits My regular theme team of people who've had a record peak at #1 in the UK Singles Chart (either solo or as part of a group). 8th year in the DDP. Last year's position on the team is given in brackets, where applicable. 1. (12) Rolf Harris 2. (new) Andy Taylor (Duran Duran) 3. (new) Anita Pointer (USA for Africa) 4. (4) Jane Morgan 5. (6) Tony Bennett 6. (7) Bobby Charlton (England World Cup Squad '70) 7. (16) Ian Bairnson (Pilot) 8. (re) Trevor Oakes (Showaddywaddy) 9. (10) David Graham (Peter Kay's Animated All Star Band) 10. (9) David Crosby (The Byrds) 11. (13) Harry Belafonte 12. (re) Lena Martell 13. (new) James Dunn (The Stylistics) 14. (re) Dave Edmunds 15. (new) J.J. Barrie 16. (8) Chris Farlowe 17. (re) Chris Rea (Band Aid II) 18. (new) Marilyn (Band Aid) 19. (new) Randy Jackson (The Jacksons) (yes, I know he's not *that* Randy Jackson) 20. (new) Young Thug ...and Anita Pointer hasn't made the starting line, so my top sub (who was my boldest drop) is... 21. (5) Willie Nelson (USA for Africa) This team had four hits in 2022: Gary Brooker (1), Tom Parker (2), Olivia Newton-John (11), and Jerry Lee Lewis (19). Survivors dropped from the team are: John Gorman (3), Willie Nelson (5), Len 'Chip' Hawkes (14), Billy J. Kramer (15), Ernest Ranglin (17), Frankie Valli (18), and Ray Stevens (20). Unpersons My regular theme team of Big Brother housemates (including Celebrity Big Brother and other spin-offs). 8th year in the DDP. Last year's position on the team is given in brackets, where applicable. 1. (2) James Whale 2. (1) Linda Nolan 3. (new) Andrew Tate 4. (new) Chris Ellison 5. (5) Julie Goodyear 6. (7) Ron Atkinson 7. (9) Gary Busey 8. (8) Amanda Barrie 9. (11) Germaine Greer 10. (10) Dirk Benedict 11. (re) Paddy Doherty 12. (re) Danniella Westbrook 13. (new) Jenna Jameson 14. (new) Farrah Abraham 15. (re) Stephen Bear 16. (re) Marco Pierre White Jr. 17. (re) Kim Woodburn 18. (new) Angie Bowie 19. (new) Michael Madsen 20. (20) Lauren Harries This team had one hit in 2022: Kirstie Alley (16). Survivors dropped from the team are: Becki Seddiki (3), Adele Roberts (4), Ken Morley (6), Christopher Biggins (12), Carol McGiffin (13), Winston McKenzie (14), Daniel Baldwin (15), Sally Morgan (17), Renee Graziano (18), and Katie Waissel (19). Special:RandomInCategory/Living_people   My regular theme team in which I open 4000 random Wikipedia articles in the category 'Living people', and then whittle them down to the 20 who I believe are most likely to be hits this year. 3rd year in the DDP. Names are presented as they are in their Wikipedia article titles, bracketed segments included; nevertheless, given the broad range of claims to fame and relative obscurity of the picks, I've included an extra column to clarify what they're known for. 1. Karl Bushby Adventurer trying to walk an unbroken path around the world; planning to swim the Caspian Sea in 2023 2. Micheline Bernardini First ever bikini model in 1946 3. Blueface American rapper 4. Simon Townsend Australian TV presenter (Simon Townsend's Wonder World) 5. Joe Scarborough (artist) Sheffield painter 6. Bill Rasmussen ESPN founder 7. Arthur Fry Inventor of the Post-It note 8. Sonja de Lennart Inventor of capri pants 9. Sidney J. Furie Film director (The Ipcress File, Iron Eagle, Superman IV) 10. Frank Bruno Boxer 11. Valentine Strasser Ousted leader of Sierra Leone 12. Stephen Trombley British-American author, filmmaker, songwriter 13. Melker Schörling Swedish billionaire 14. Ron Medich Australian businessman, in prison for ordering a contract murder 15. Ghairat Baheer Afghan politician, CIA torture victim 16. Johnny Rodz Pro wrestler 17. Mike Nussbaum Really old actor 18. Muthoni Likimani Kenyan author 19. Benjamin Blech American rabbi 20. Jesse Horn American author and illustrator This team had one hit in 2022: James Roose-Evans (8). Given the nature of the team, all 19 survivors have been dropped for this year.

I Don't Fucking Have Time to Think of a Pun About Pope Benedict XVI Right Now Well well well. On the last day of the contest, @Sean becomes the Inverse Dead Pool 2022 Leader Emeritus, and @YorkshireBanker pulls off the greatest steal in the wake of a Pope's death since Dan Brown's Angels and Demons. Someone better check whether Benedict's tongue is black or not. GAINED TOTAL ▲ 1. YorkshireBanker 27 ▼ 2. Sean +5 30 = 3. Joey Russ 33 = 4. Sideik 35 = 5. Pedro67 36 = 6. Banana 37 = 7. ThereWillBeDeaths7 41 = 7. Toast 41 = 9. LizLemon 42 = 9. CaptainChorizo 42 = 11. machotrouts 43 = 12. theoldlady 45 = 13. MortalCaso 46 = 14. Sir Creep 49 = 15. An Fear Beag 51 = 15. BuffaloPhil 51 = 15. wannamaker 51 = 18. YoungWillz 53 = 18. Nick 53 = 20. gcreptile 54 = 21. Book 55 = 22. deadsox 56 ▲ 23. Funeralopolis 57 ▲ 23. The Old Crem 57 ▲ 25. Newjack 58 ▲ 25. GuyFromFuture 58 ▼ 27. Philip +3 59 ▲ 27. Spade_Cooley 59 = 29. drol 60 = 30. Death Impends 63 = 31. The Unknown Man 64 ▲ 32. CastAway 67 ▲ 33. MariNisia +1 68 ▼ 34. TQR +4 69 ▲ 34. Perhaps 69 ▲ 36. Bibliogryphon 70 ▼ 37. Predictor +8 72 ▼ 38. Great Uncle Bulgaria +9 75 = 39. machotrouts' mum 82 = 39. Grim Up North 82 = 41. Annami 87 = 42. Pedro67's wife 90 = 43. BabyBlue 94 = 43. Hell 94 = 45. Doulton +14 117 ▲ 46. msc 127 ▼ 47. chilean way +19 133 = 48. Neobrakeon 143

Dispelé The Inverse Dead Pool 2022 waited until March 30 to see its first hit. Now it's December 29, we're on hit #15, and we'd be lucky for it to be the last. It's a dribble, not a sprint. Brazilian footballer, 1,279-time goalscorer, and one of two players to jointly hold the FIFA Player of the Century accolade Pelé has died at the age of 82. It's a pity that I'm far too busy with my own deadpooling at this time of year to flesh this out into a meaningful obit, because it's such a minor death that will surely go otherwise unremarked upon in the global press. I mean, his poor little name is only four letters long, so who will even notice? "Pelé has died" barely even registers as a complete sentence. People will just think you've got the hiccups. Among Pelé's many achievements is being this year's 4th least popular Inverse pick – most of you score nil today. The few exceptions are: 1 point apiece for @Newjack and @msc; 22 points for former Inverse Dead Pool champion @BabyBlue, who I can only assume has decided to turn their talents to scoring an own goal record; 3 and 8 points respectively for machotrouts' mum and Pedro67's wife, who conveniently don't have accounts to tag and shame here; and 2 points for @YorkshireBanker, one of two players to jointly hold the FIFA Inverse Deadpooler of the First 362 Days of the Year accolade. That breaks the tie at the top without any need for a tiebreaker, and surely confirms @Sean as this year's champion. ...unless, of course, he happens to have 5 points banked on the ailing Pope Benedict XVI... It's going to be a long final 50 hours. GAINED TOTAL = 1. Sean 25 ▼ 2. YorkshireBanker +2 27 = 3. Joey Russ 33 = 4. Sideik 35 = 5. Pedro67 36 = 6. Banana 37 = 7. ThereWillBeDeaths7 41 = 7. Toast 41 = 9. LizLemon 42 = 9. CaptainChorizo 42 = 11. machotrouts 43 = 12. theoldlady 45 = 13. MortalCaso 46 = 14. Sir Creep 49 = 15. An Fear Beag 51 = 15. BuffaloPhil 51 = 15. wannamaker 51 = 18. YoungWillz 53 = 18. Nick 53 = 20. gcreptile 54 = 21. Book 55 = 22. Philip 56 = 22. deadsox 56 = 24. Funeralopolis 57 = 24. The Old Crem 57 ▼ 26. Newjack +1 58 ▲ 26. GuyFromFuture 58 = 28. Spade_Cooley 59 = 29. drol 60 = 30. Death Impends 63 = 31. The Unknown Man 64 = 31. Predictor 64 = 33. TQR 65 = 34. Great Uncle Bulgaria 66 = 35. MariNisia 67 = 35. CastAway 67 = 37. Perhaps 69 = 38. Bibliogryphon 70 ▲ 39. machotrouts' mum +3 82 ▲ 39. Grim Up North 82 ▲ 41. Annami 87 ▼ 42. Pedro67's wife +8 90 ▼ 43. BabyBlue +22 94 ▲ 43. Hell 94 = 45. Doulton 103 = 46. chilean way 114 = 47. msc +1 127 = 48. Neobrakeon 143

29 David Bowie – Space Oddity +1 28 Kate Bush – Wuthering Heights +1 23 Donna Summer – I Feel Love +1 22 ABBA – Knowing Me, Knowing You 22 Gary Numan – Cars 21 Queen – Bohemian Rhapsody -1 21 Blondie – Heart of Glass 20 ABBA – The Name of the Game 20 Baccara – Yes Sir, I Can Boogie 20 Bay City Rollers – Bye Bye Baby 20 Nilsson – Without You 20 Suzi Quatro – Devil Gate Drive 20 10cc – I'm Not in Love 20 The Sweet – Blockbuster 20 T.Rex – Get It On 19 Don McLean – Vincent -1 19 Simon & Garfunkel – Bridge over Troubled Water -1 19 Smokey Robinson & The Miracles – Tears of a Clown -1 17 Alice Cooper – School's Out -1 17 Suzi Quatro – Can the Can 16 Althea & Donna – Uptown Top Ranking 15 ABBA – Fernando 14 Blondie – Sunday Girl 13 ABBA – Waterloo -1 7 Slade – Coz I Luv You +1 I just have a lot of opinions.

61 Kate Bush – Wuthering Heights +1 57 Althea & Donna – Uptown Top Ranking -1 50 Gary Numan – Cars +1 49 Blondie – Heart of Glass -1 19 The Buggles – Video Killed the Radio Star +1 17 Bee Gees – Tragedy -1 14 The Police – Message in a Bottle -1 13 Blondie – Sunday Girl -1  7 Ian Dury & the Blockheads – Hit Me with Your Rhythm Stick +1  4 Bee Gees – Night Fever -1 Hope you all don't mind me correcting your grammar.

Die Word Die Well, she wasn't wrong. Doddie Weir, the second rugby union player that this thread has forced me to learn about, has died of motor neurone disease at the age of 52. He made 61 appearances playing as a lock for Scotland's national team, and 29 appearances as a lock in our Inverse Dead Pool teams, where he's our latest landmine. You might think it's cruel to send someone with motor neurone disease out into a minefield, but that's just how we do things in Scotland. The real tragedy, I'm sure we'll all agree, is the 18-point hit, and drop from 3rd to 11th, for @machotrouts. I have no excuse – I live in Edinburgh. I could have just popped round to see how he was doing. Some of you were even wronger than me – 21 points carries @MariNisia from 20th to 35th, 20 points earns @Neobrakeon back their dishonour as 2022's worst player from @msc, and poor @An Fear Beag, @gcreptile, and @Book, who'd crept unheralded up to 6th, 7th, and 10th, are punted back down to 15th, 20th, and 21st with 20, 21, and 20 points, respectively. The vacancies are filled by 0-pointers – a comeback for @Pedro67, and top ten debuts for @Banana and @Toast. My mum loves banana on toast. @LizLemon clings on to the top 10, dropping from 7th to 9th with a 9-point penalty – maybe Doddie was being treated by Dr Spaceman? And banking 7 points on Doddie actually results in diddy little rises from 5th to 4th for @Sideik, and 9th to 7th for @ThereWillBeDeaths7 – maybe their username contained two predictions for how this year's Inverse Dead Pool will pan out? Up on the podium, 10 points drops @Joey Russ to the 3rd place slot I kept warm, while 5 points for leader @YorkshireBanker closes their lead to precisely 0 – we now have a tie for 1st with Doddie dodger @Sean. If it comes down to it, the first tie-break is number of hits – and YorkshireBanker has 4 to Sean's 3, which would mean a Sean victory. But there's still 25 days to go... and I note with interest that Sean put 22 points on Rolf Harris. Is it going to go down to the wire, or to the Weir? GAINED TOTAL = 1. YorkshireBanker +5 25 ▲ 1. Sean 25 ▼ 3. Joey Russ +10 33 ▲ 4. Sideik +7 35 ▲ 5. Pedro67 36 ▲ 6. Banana 37 ▲ 7. ThereWillBeDeaths7 +7 41 ▲ 7. Toast 41 ▼ 9. LizLemon +9 42 ▲ 9. CaptainChorizo +2 42 ▼ 11. machotrouts +18 43 ▲ 12. theoldlady +3 45 ▲ 13. MortalCaso 46 ▲ 14. Sir Creep 49 ▼ 15. An Fear Beag +20 51 ▼ 15. BuffaloPhil +11 51 ▲ 15. wannamaker 51 ▲ 18. YoungWillz +2 53 ▲ 18. Nick 53 ▼ 20. gcreptile +21 54 ▼ 21. Book +20 55 ▼ 22. Philip +14 56 ▲ 22. deadsox 56 ▼ 24. Newjack +13 57 ▼ 24. Funeralopolis +9 57 ▲ 24. The Old Crem +4 57 ▼ 27. GuyFromFuture +17 58 ▲ 28. Spade_Cooley 59 ▼ 29. drol +12 60 ▲ 30. Death Impends +2 63 ▲ 31. The Unknown Man 64 ▲ 31. Predictor 64 ▲ 33. TQR 65 ▲ 34. Great Uncle Bulgaria 66 ▼ 35. MariNisia +21 67 ▼ 35. CastAway +18 67 ▼ 37. Perhaps +5 69 ▼ 38. Bibliogryphon +10 70 ▼ 39. BabyBlue +9 72 ▲ 40. machotrouts' mum 79 ▼ 41. Grim Up North +17 82 ▲ 41. Pedro67's wife 82 ▼ 43. Annami +16 87 ▼ 44. Hell +13 94 = 45. Doulton 103 = 46. chilean way 114 ▲ 47. msc 126 ▼ 48. Neobrakeon +20 143

Ending Dong Looks like the doctor must have popped out of the house for a minute – Leslie Phillips has died at the age of 98, and will have to amend his catchphrases to "goodbye" and "I don't say". Star of multiple Carry On films, including Carry On Nurse (1959), Carry On Columbus (1992), and Carried Off in a Coffin (2022), he's best known to younger, cooler, lither audiences like myself for his part in the Harry Potter series as the Sorting Hat, a crazed old pervert who sits on children's heads and dictates their fates, and occasionally shits out swords – truly his most risque role of all. Only 5 of you thought the long-time resident of the Drop Forty care home would see 99, though all 5 banked a weirdly brave number of points on him – Gryffindors, clearly. The only action in the top 41 is @BuffaloPhil's unlucky swing from 7th to 13th, but the race for last place is a real carry-on, with @chilean way making way for @Neobrakeon and @msc to have a big old ding-dong at the bottom. GAINED TOTAL = 1. YorkshireBanker 20 = 2. Joey Russ 23 = 3. machotrouts 25 = 3. Sean 25 = 5. Sideik 28 = 6. An Fear Beag 31 ▲ 7. gcreptile 33 ▲ 7. LizLemon 33 ▲ 9. ThereWillBeDeaths7 34 ▲ 10. Book 35 ▲ 11. Pedro67 36 ▲ 12. Banana 37 ▼ 13. BuffaloPhil +8 40 ▲ 13. CaptainChorizo 40 = 15. GuyFromFuture 41 = 15. Toast 41 = 17. Philip 42 = 17. theoldlady 42 = 19. Newjack 44 = 20. MortalCaso 46 = 20. MariNisia 46 = 22. Funeralopolis 48 = 22. drol 48 = 24. CastAway 49 = 24. Sir Creep 49 = 26. YoungWillz 51 = 26. wannamaker 51 = 28. Nick 53 = 28. The Old Crem 53 = 30. deadsox 56 = 31. Spade_Cooley 59 = 32. Bibliogryphon 60 = 33. Death Impends 61 = 34. BabyBlue 63 = 35. The Unknown Man 64 = 35. Predictor 64 = 35. Perhaps 64 = 38. Grim Up North 65 = 38. TQR 65 = 40. Great Uncle Bulgaria 66 ▲ 41. Annami 71 = 42. machotrouts' mum +9 79 ▲ 43. Hell 81 ▼ 44. Pedro67's wife +16 82 = 45. Doulton 103 ▲ 46. chilean way 114 ▼ 47. Neobrakeon +19 123 ▼ 48. msc +22 126

Die Skull Gonefideadtial Pardon me – I had to wait a few weeks to make sure Jerry Lee Lewis was dead for real this time. Rock and roll icon, boogie-woogier, wife collector, Killer, and killer Jerry Lee Lewis has died at the age of at-least-50-years-older-than-anyone-expected. His hits include 'High School Confidential', the apostrophe-laden 'Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On', and the church-rattling devil music of 'Great Balls of Fire' – very much the 'WAP' of its day. Lewis was a figure of controversy to 1950s sensibilities for playing his piano too hard, and remains a figure of controversy to modern sensibilities for marrying his cousin too young – which, to be fair, took place at an unenlightened time and place where marrying your teenage cousin was considered *less* morally outrageous than murdering a subsequent, adult wife to whom you are unrelated. These days, we know better. 15 players banked a collective 135 points on Mr Lewis Boogie, which means there's a moderate amount of shakin' goin' on. @The Unknown Man's hopes have been Killed by a nerve-shakin' and brain-rattlin' 23 points – he's hoppin' and boppin' all the way from 17th to 35th. Furthermore, @CastAway gets real low from 15th to 24th with 11 points, @Philip's days as a top 10 star are ended by a scandalous 13 – Jerry sympathises – and most devastatingly of all, @machotrouts falls from 2nd to 3rd, with 4 points making all the difference at such an elite level of play. Of course, what's Balls for them is Great for the rest of you. This thread's substitute mathematician @Sideik rises to the top 5, @Joey Russ becomes our new runner-up (well, insofar as anything in this update is "new") and, goodness gracious, great @YorkshireBanker holds steady in 1st – but that 6-point penalty makes it tighter than a Jerry Lee Lewis wedding night. GAINED TOTAL = 1. YorkshireBanker +6 20 ▲ 2. Joey Russ 23 ▼ 3. machotrouts +4 25 ▲ 3. Sean 25 ▲ 5. Sideik 28 ▲ 6. An Fear Beag 31 ▲ 7. BuffaloPhil +7 32 ▲ 8. gcreptile 33 ▲ 8. LizLemon 33 ▲ 10. ThereWillBeDeaths7 34 ▲ 11. Book 35 ▼ 12. Pedro67 +3 36 ▲ 13. Banana 37 ▲ 14. CaptainChorizo 40 ▲ 15. GuyFromFuture 41 ▲ 15. Toast 41 ▼ 17. Philip +13 42 ▲ 17. theoldlady 42 ▲ 19. Newjack 44 ▲ 20. MortalCaso +2 46 ▲ 20. MariNisia 46 ▲ 22. Funeralopolis 48 ▲ 22. drol 48 ▼ 24. CastAway +11 49 ▲ 24. Sir Creep +1 49 ▲ 26. YoungWillz 51 ▲ 26. wannamaker 51 ▼ 28. Nick +12 53 ▲ 28. The Old Crem 53 ▼ 30. deadsox +12 56 = 31. Spade_Cooley +7 59 ▲ 32. Bibliogryphon 60 ▲ 33. Death Impends 61 ▲ 34. BabyBlue 63 ▼ 35. The Unknown Man +23 64 ▲ 35. Predictor 64 ▲ 35. Perhaps 64 = 38. Grim Up North 65 = 38. TQR 65 = 40. Pedro67's wife 66 = 40. Great Uncle Bulgaria 66 = 42. machotrouts' mum 70 = 43. Annami 71 = 44. Hell 81 = 45. Doulton +17 103 = 46. msc +14 104 ▲ 46. Neobrakeon +3 104 = 48. chilean way 114 Leslie and Doddie updates coming imminently (before 2026).

There is now a small enough number of songs to have an opinion on everything. 40 Simon & Garfunkel – Bridge over Troubled Water -1 36 Freda Payne – Band of Gold -1 36 Slade - Coz I Luv You +1 35 Smokey Robinson & The Miracles – Tears of a Clown -1 33 Jimi Hendrix Experience – Voodoo Chile -1 33 T. Rex – Get It On +1 32 Dave & Ansel Collins – Double Barrel +1 21 Dave Edmunds – I Hear You Knocking -1 16 Rod Stewart - Maggie May -1 16 T. Rex – Hot Love +1

Sleuth Hurts Dying of old age: it's not just for people in this thread waiting for me to update. In what may count as nominative determinism for someone with "Angel" and "Bury" in her name, Angela Lansbury has died of Natural Causes, She Wrote. At least, that's what the police think, now that Jessica Fletcher is no longer around to catch the serial killer targeting 96-year-old English women. Best known for her starring role in whodunit series Murder, She Wrote, a show with such a high body count that Cabot Cove residents could play a particularly competitive Inverse Dead Pool from a list of their neighbours, Lansbury also had notable supporting roles in films such as The Manchurian Candidate, Bedknobs and Broomsticks, and the forthcoming Glass Onion; however, despite a popular misconception, she never appeared in the film Gaslight, and in fact no such film exists. She isn't the only old lady who's dropped: @theoldlady, who was 1st place less than 2 months ago, is now down to 21st after banking 16 points on Lansbury staying unburied – and old and new prove inseparable, as former 2nd placer @Newjack sticks behind her in 22nd place with a 17-point hit. Some sort of May-December relationship? Highest penalty of the round is 20 points for the now-36th place @Predictor, who needs to look into a change of username; as does @Grim Up North, after a grim 17 points moves them down south to 38th. On the bright side, @Hell must be missing an Angel(a) – they get 0 points, and move up 1 place to 44th. Slow and steady wins the race! Another of the Angela-avoiding minority is frontrunner @YorkshireBanker, expanding their lead as normal-named twosome @Sean and @Philip plummet from the podium. That means we have a new 3rd and 2nd: congratulations to @Joey Russ and whoever @machotrouts is! GAINED TOTAL = 1. YorkshireBanker 14 ▲ 2. machotrouts 21 ▲ 3. Joey Russ 23 ▼ 4. Sean +7 25 ▲ 4. BuffaloPhil 25 ▲ 6. Sideik 28 ▼ 7. Philip +9 29 ▲ 8. An Fear Beag +1 31 ▼ 9. Pedro67 +11 33 ▲ 9. gcreptile 33 ▲ 9. LizLemon 33 ▼ 12. ThereWillBeDeaths7 +6 34 ▲ 13. Book 35 ▲ 14. Banana +1 37 ▲ 15. CastAway 38 ▲ 16. CaptainChorizo 40 ▲ 17. GuyFromFuture 41 ▲ 17. Nick 41 ▲ 17. Toast 41 ▲ 17. The Unknown Man 41 ▼ 21. theoldlady +16 42 ▼ 22. Newjack +17 44 ▲ 22. deadsox +2 44 ▲ 22. MortalCaso 44 ▲ 25. MariNisia 46 ▼ 26. Sir Creep +11 48 ▼ 26. Funeralopolis +7 48 ▲ 26. drol 48 ▼ 29. YoungWillz +12 51 ▲ 29. wannamaker +4 51 ▼ 31. Spade_Cooley +12 52 = 32. The Old Crem +6 53 ▲ 33. Bibliogryphon +2 60 ▲ 34. Death Impends +10 61 ▲ 35. BabyBlue 63 ▼ 36. Predictor +20 64 ▲ 36. Perhaps 64 ▼ 38. Grim Up North +16 65 ▼ 38. TQR +15 65 ▼ 40. Pedro67's wife +18 66 ▼ 40. Great Uncle Bulgaria +4 66 ▲ 42. machotrouts' mum 70 ▼ 43. Annami +8 71 ▲ 44. Hell 81 ▲ 45. Doulton +1 86 ▼ 46. msc +17 90 ▼ 47. Neobrakeon +18 101 = 48. chilean way +18 114

Ma'amageddon In 1932, psychologist Harry Harlow conducted a famous experiment on the nature of maternal bonds. Infant rhesus monkeys were presented with two inanimate surrogate mothers – one made of wire, which provided milk, and one made of cloth, which did not. Overwhelmingly, the monkeys bonded with the cloth mother, visiting the wire mother only to feed, thus demonstrating the importance of contact comfort to an infant's development. Harlow then conducted a follow-up experiment with a third mother, this one made of stolen diamonds. This mother would too be inanimate, possessing no identifiable personality traits or intelligence, but would also provide no nourishment and not be physically accessible – the monkeys would simply be shown a picture, and told "this mother is richer and more powerful than you". While monkeys with self-respect and dignity naturally rejected the diamond mother, an unusually deferential contingent of monkeys genuflected before her, instinctively subservient in the face of power, accepting and even craving their own personal immiseration in her name. Harlow, harrowed by his findings, abandoned the experiment and deported this profoundly maladjusted monkey contingent to a rainy and inhospitable island to keep them away from the civilised world. That island later became known as "Britain", and the monkeys evolved into what we now know as "British people". Queen Elizabeth II, socialite and tabloid star, has died at the age of 96. If there's one vaguely nice-sounding thing that every obit struggling to come up with a tangible positive fact about the Queen has to say, it's that she was "always there" – and that's certainly true when it comes to the Inverse Dead Pool, where she appeared on a majestic 43 out of 48 teams, this year's 6th most popular pick. This means revolution on the leaderboard, with former top 3 @Pedro67, @theoldlady, and @Newjack all finding themselves guillotined for the treason of ranking her too high. They're succeeded by @Philip, who gallops from 13th to 3rd as one of the few players who evidently knew his grieving widow well enough not to pick her at all; @Sean, who "only" incurs a 10-point penalty and returns to 2nd in the line of succession; and @YorkshireBanker, whose measly 4-point gain anoints them to the current Inverse Throne. Hopefully they're the banker in charge of updating all the currency, because they clearly know what they're doing. They're not the only ones benefitting from only slightly not thinking the Queen would die – just 5 points for @Joey Russ, who arises to 6th, just 3 points for @ThereWillBeDeaths7, who rides a gilded carriage from 26th to 10th, and just 0 points for @Sir Creep and @CastAway, who make like Prince Andrew and jump into the teens. Meanwhile at the bottom of the leaderboard, @Hell has not been burnt by the Queen (though one can't say the reverse is true). This means our new last in line to the throne is @chilean way, who falls down like London Bridge, their 25-point penalty bringing them to an apropos number of doom: 96. As we're almost all red-faced this week, let's experiment with a new column to signal who the actual risers and fallers are: GAINED TOTAL 1. ▲ YorkshireBanker +4 14 2. ▲ Sean +10 18 3. ▲ Philip 20 4. = machotrouts +14 21 5. ▼ Pedro67 +19 22 6. ▲ Joey Russ +5 23 7. ▲ BuffaloPhil +10 25 8. ▼ theoldlady +20 26 9. ▼ Newjack +21 27 10. ▼ Sideik +19 28 10. ▲ ThereWillBeDeaths7 +3 28 12. ▼ An Fear Beag +16 30 13. ▼ gcreptile +18 33 13. ▲ LizLemon +12 33 15. ▲ Book +13 35 16. ▲ Banana +14 36 17. ▲ Sir Creep 37 18. ▲ CastAway 38 19. ▲ YoungWillz +15 39 20. ▼ CaptainChorizo +22 40 20. ▲ Spade_Cooley +8 40 22. ▼ Funeralopolis +21 41 22. ▼ GuyFromFuture +21 41 22. ▼ Nick +19 41 22. = Toast +18 41 22. ▲ The Unknown Man +13 41 27. ▲ deadsox +11 42 28. ▼ Predictor +22 44 28. ▼ MortalCaso +18 44 30. ▼ MariNisia +24 46 31. ▼ wannamaker +20 47 31. = The Old Crem +16 47 33. ▼ Pedro67's wife +24 48 33. ▼ drol +20 48 35. ▼ Grim Up North +25 49 36. ▼ TQR +17 50 37. ▼ Death Impends +19 51 38. ▲ Bibliogryphon +17 58 39. ▲ Great Uncle Bulgaria +21 62 40. ▼ BabyBlue +24 63 40. ▼ Annami +23 63 42. ▼ Perhaps +20 64 43. ▲ machotrouts' mum 70 44. ▼ msc +23 73 45. ▲ Hell 81 46. ▼ Neobrakeon +25 83 47. = Doulton +13 85 48. ▼ chilean way +25 96

Ask Not for Whom the Bill Turns... It Turns for Bull British radio and TV presenter Bill Turnbull has died of prostate cancer at the age of 66 – 4 years out from announcing his diagnosis and disclosing his fears that he might only have 12 years to live. Best known for presenting BBC Breakfast, that weirdly tense thing your dad has on in the morning where it's nominally a light-hearted magazine show but everyone consistently dresses and behaves like they're afraid they might have to announce a major royal death any second, he also made various other TV appearances, including a stint on Strictly Come Dancing you don't remember at all, and Richard Osman's House of Games, where he's only the second contestant to die, after Carlos Menem was taken out by a particularly brutal Answer Smash. (You know how usually terminal cancer patients get really skinny near the end, but sometimes they get really bloated instead? I don't know the science, all I know is it seems like change of shape = imminent doom. In any case, it looks like 18 of you didn't see the 2021 House of Games where he looked like he'd been fished straight out of the ocean before shooting. Still, he won his week, so there's a legacy for you.) Some of you are paying a hefty Bill on Turnbull – including @msc, who incurs the first 25-point penalty of the year, @Hell, who reclaims the bottom spot where they at least thematically belong, and poor dependable thread updater @YoungWillz, who plummets from a promising podium placement to middle-of-the-board misery. But it's only 5 points that see fortunes turn to a load of bull for @theoldlady – she falls to joint 2nd with a rising @Newjack, and we have a new leader in @Pedro67. Congratulations, Pedro67! And this time, it won't be immediately superseded by another update I'm already supposed to have written, because I think we're caught up! GAINED TOTAL 1. Pedro67 3 2. theoldlady +5 6 2. Newjack 6 4. machotrouts 7 5. Sean 8 6. Sideik 9 7. YorkshireBanker 10 8. An Fear Beag 14 9. BuffaloPhil 15 9. gcreptile 15 11. CaptainChorizo +3 18 11. Joey Russ 18 13. Funeralopolis +6 20 13. GuyFromFuture +6 20 13. Philip 20 16. LizLemon 21 17. Nick +8 22 17. Book 22 17. MariNisia 22 17. Predictor 22 17. Banana 22 22. Toast 23 23. YoungWillz +19 24 23. Grim Up North +14 24 23. Pedro67's wife +1 24 26. ThereWillBeDeaths7 25 27. MortalCaso 26 28. wannamaker 27 29. drol +11 28 29. The Unknown Man 28 31. deadsox 31 31. The Old Crem 31 33. Death Impends +12 32 33. Spade_Cooley 32 35. TQR 33 36. Sir Creep +8 37 37. CastAway +8 38 38. BabyBlue 39 39. Annami +10 40 40. Bibliogryphon +14 41 40. Great Uncle Bulgaria 41 42. Perhaps +8 44 43. msc +25 50 44. Neobrakeon 58 45. machotrouts' mum +12 70 46. chilean way 71 47. Doulton 72 48. Hell +17 81

No One Out-Pizzas the Reaper Pizza Hut mascot Mikhail Gorbachev has died at the age of 91. Gorbachev, a figure from a happier time when pizza was a symbol of international cooperation in politics and not satanic paedophile cellars, also had a little-known career as the Soviet Union leader who presided over his country's liberalisation and ultimate dissolution, noted for his policies of glasnost (openness), perestroika (restructuring), and margherita (cheese and tomato). Gorbachev, winner of the Nobel Pizza Prize for his role in ending the Cold War era and starting the Hot Pizza era, leaves an ambivalent legacy among the left – was he the heroically doomed but necessary reformer of Soviet communism, or the fool who sold out a flawed but worthy cause to shill pizza for American capitalist pigs? What we do know is, he was undeniably that guy with the big purple thing on his head. Gorbachev also proves to be a great reformer of the Inverse Dead Pool leaderboard. @Sir Creep and @msc, who were quietly creeping up on the top 10, are suddenly banished to oblivion in exactly the kind of Stalinist erasure poor Gorby hoped to put a stop to, and we also have a new bottom 2, thanks to @Doulton and @chilean way gambling big on the continued survival of the regularly hospitalised nonagenarian who everyone seemed to think was long dead already (that's three people doing worse than my mum now, so thanks everyone!). Furthermore, five of the pre-Gorbadeath top six are hit with points (only @Pedro67 comes away unscathed), which means ol' Mikky Gorbo also presides over the dissolution of the Zero Points Club, with @Sean and @theoldlady receiving their first points of the game. But, with Sean receiving 8 points and theoldlady only 1, we finally have our first leaderboard with an individual leader – congratulations, theoldlady! Of course, if we're to see through this dissolution of the Soviet Union analogy, that probably makes her... Russia? So she's responsible for all that shit in Ukraine? theoldlady, you should be ashamed of yourself. GAINED TOTAL 1. theoldlady +1 1 2. Pedro67 3 3. YoungWillz +4 5 4. Newjack 6 5. machotrouts 7 6. Sean +8 8 7. Sideik 9 8. YorkshireBanker 10 8. Grim Up North 10 10. Nick +9 14 10. Funeralopolis 14 10. GuyFromFuture 14 10. An Fear Beag 14 14. BuffaloPhil +9 15 14. CaptainChorizo 15 14. gcreptile 15 17. drol 17 18. Joey Russ 18 19. Philip +2 20 19. Death Impends 20 21. LizLemon 21 22. Book 22 22. MariNisia 22 22. Predictor 22 22. Banana 22 26. Toast 23 26. Pedro67's wife 23 28. msc +13 25 28. ThereWillBeDeaths7 25 30. MortalCaso 26 31. wannamaker +9 27 31. Bibliogryphon 27 33. The Unknown Man +3 28 34. Sir Creep +18 29 35. CastAway 30 35. Annami 30 37. deadsox +7 31 37. The Old Crem 31 39. Spade_Cooley 32 40. TQR 33 41. Perhaps +12 36 42. BabyBlue 39 43. Great Uncle Bulgaria +3 41 44. Neobrakeon 58 44. machotrouts' mum 58 46. Hell 64 47. chilean way +17 71 48. Doulton +22 72

The Only Good Kopf Is A Dead Kopf Tom Weiskopf, the second most famous golf player in this year's Inverse Dead Pool after Donald Trump, has died of pancreatic cancer – very much the "maybe it would save time just to write the Inverse obit in advance" of cancers – at the fairly on-par age of 79. Fortunately, he dies at a boom time for golf course burials, so he'll no doubt be swapping maggots with Ivana as we speak. Weiskopf (which is apparently pronounced "why scoff", if you made the mistake of thinking the headline was a good pun) proves to be this pool's fourth most mortal Tom, after Parker, Smith, and your host, who currently has, idk, flu or covid or something, and is being a very brave sweaty boy for you all right now. As this year's third least popular Inverse pick, he's very much the eye of our recent death storm – only 5 players picked a bogey here, and none of them has truly been driven out into the rough, so why scoff at that? GAINED TOTAL 1. Sean 0 1. theoldlady 0 3. YoungWillz 1 4. Pedro67 3 5. Nick +3 5 6. BuffaloPhil 6 6. Newjack 6 8. machotrouts 7 9. Sideik 9 10. YorkshireBanker 10 10. Grim Up North 10 12. Sir Creep 11 13. msc 12 14. Funeralopolis 14 14. GuyFromFuture 14 14. An Fear Beag 14 17. CaptainChorizo 15 17. gcreptile 15 19. drol 17 20. wannamaker 18 20. Joey Russ 18 20. Philip 18 23. Death Impends 20 24. LizLemon 21 25. Book +5 22 25. MariNisia 22 25. Predictor 22 25. Banana 22 29. Toast 23 29. Pedro67's wife 23 31. Perhaps 24 31. deadsox 24 33. The Unknown Man +6 25 33. ThereWillBeDeaths7 25 35. MortalCaso 26 36. Bibliogryphon 27 37. CastAway +1 30 37. Annami 30 39. The Old Crem 31 40. Spade_Cooley 32 41. TQR 33 42. Great Uncle Bulgaria 38 43. BabyBlue 39 44. Doulton 50 45. chilean way 54 46. Neobrakeon +2 58 47. machotrouts' mum 58 48. Hell 64

Let Me Hear Your Body Cark Call her "Oia", because she won't be needing that second syllable anymore – Olivia Newton-John, British-Australian-Xanadian pop icon, isn't feeling very well-a well-a well-a, uh, anymore, anymore, as she has died at the age of 73, after a 146-year battle with cancer. Now when one is asked "did she put up a fight?", one can simply answer "yes", without it being a tacit admission of sexual assault. She's our biggest landmine yet – insofar as every unsuspecting modern pop fan who dares to explore her discography on the strength of 'Physical' is horrified to find it full of Hot AC country ballads. But yes, she's also a landmine in this contest, as this year's 15th most popular Inverse pick. It's bad news for 35 of you, but amongst the lowlights are former Inverse Dead Pool champions @Bibliogryphon, @Spade_Cooley, @TQR, and @BabyBlue all slumming it in the bottom 13, and five evictions from the Zero Points Club, including a devastating 20 points for @Death Impends, and an even more devastating 7 points for your poor host @machotrouts – can you blame me for dragging my feet on this update? But congratulations to last remaining 0-pointers Seany Zuko and thepinklady, who go together like ramma lamma lamma ka dinga da dinga dong and are now flying their car into space to crash into the Sun or whatever it is that's happening at the end of Grease. Tell me more! Tell me more! Yes, I know I've got three more of these to write, but I need a nap or two, so hopefully this was the one that you wanted (the one that you wanted) ooh ooh ooh. GAINED TOTAL 1. Sean 0 1. theoldlady 0 3. YoungWillz 1 4. Nick 2 5. Pedro67 +1 3 6. BuffaloPhil +2 6 6. Newjack +2 6 8. machotrouts +7 7 9. Sideik +9 9 10. YorkshireBanker +10 10 10. Grim Up North +10 10 12. Sir Creep 11 13. msc 12 14. Funeralopolis +11 14 14. GuyFromFuture 14 14. An Fear Beag 14 17. CaptainChorizo +7 15 17. gcreptile 15 19. drol +9 17 19. Book 17 21. wannamaker +11 18 21. Joey Russ +3 18 21. Philip 18 24. The Unknown Man 19 25. Death Impends +20 20 26. LizLemon +16 21 27. MariNisia +16 22 27. Predictor +15 22 27. Banana +10 22 30. Toast +12 23 30. Pedro67's wife +2 23 32. Perhaps +17 24 32. deadsox +5 24 34. ThereWillBeDeaths7 25 35. MortalCaso +19 26 36. Bibliogryphon +16 27 37. CastAway +17 29 38. Annami +17 30 39. The Old Crem +8 31 40. Spade_Cooley +19 32 41. TQR +16 33 42. Great Uncle Bulgaria +19 38 43. BabyBlue +15 39 44. Doulton +8 50 45. chilean way +23 54 46. Neobrakeon +1 56 47. machotrouts' mum +23 58 48. Hell +19 64

Okay I think that's now a three-body pile-up since I was last here? Sorry, had a busy August and so did death. Will update soon!

Early Twitter celebrity cat Sockington, who amassed 1.5 million followers in 2009 and once ranked among the site's 100 most-followed users, has died at the age of 18.

Manon Fire Apologies for the delay – looks like someone didn't pass the "famous enough that I find out about her death promptly from the Twitter trends" test. Susie Steiner, former Guardian journalist, has died of brainworms at the age of 51. The author of the Manon Bradshaw detective novels, she will certainly "Remain Silent" now that she's "Missing, Presumed" dead. Those are titles of her books. Sorry, references don't tend to land when they're about "Persons Unknown". That was another one. If there's one condition that inverse deadpoolers know to be scared of, it's obscurity – you know someone's really fucked when they crack the DDP Drop Forty without a Wikipedia page. For the most part, Steiner was picked by only our bravest players i.e. the ones already on the bottom of the scoreboard – thank you to @Doulton, @Hell, and @Neobrakeon for conspiring to preserve my mother's dignity down there – but it's also time to shuffle off for @MortalCaso, who becomes the latest victim picked off from the Zero Points Club. And then there were seven... GAINED TOTAL 1. Death Impends 0 1. Sean 0 1. YorkshireBanker 0 1. theoldlady 0 1. Grim Up North 0 1. Sideik 0 1. machotrouts 0 8. YoungWillz 1 9. Nick 2 9. Pedro67 2 11. Funeralopolis 3 12. BuffaloPhil 4 12. Newjack 4 14. LizLemon 5 15. MariNisia 6 16. MortalCaso +7 7 16. Predictor 7 16. Perhaps 7 16. wannamaker 7 20. drol 8 20. CaptainChorizo 8 22. Sir Creep 11 22. Toast 11 22. Bibliogryphon 11 25. CastAway 12 25. msc 12 25. Banana 12 28. Spade_Cooley 13 28. Annami 13 30. GuyFromFuture 14 30. An Fear Beag 14 32. Joey Russ 15 32. gcreptile 15 34. TQR 17 34. Book 17 36. Philip 18 37. The Unknown Man 19 37. deadsox 19 37. Great Uncle Bulgaria 19 40. Pedro67's wife 21 41. The Old Crem 23 42. BabyBlue 24 43. ThereWillBeDeaths7 25 44. chilean way +2 31 45. machotrouts' mum 35 46. Doulton +12 42 47. Hell +10 45 48. Neobrakeon +12 55

Already sorted that in January – I chopped off your lowest-hanging Dick and moved everyone below it up a place, with your sub Eva Marie Saint at #25. If you still want me to punish you for e.g. sex reasons let me know.

Three Colours: Dead Jean-Louis Trintignant – French star of films by Bertolucci, Chabrol, Truffaut, Haneke, Kieślowski, and many other important surnames – has died aged 91. As he is possibly the actor with the worst ratio of "films I've actually seen" to "films I keep adding to my Cinema Paradiso rental list then bumping down my queue because I'm more interested in being the sort of cultured individual who plans to watch them than I am in actually watching them", I have little to say here, but get back to me in a year or two and I'm sure I'll have a solid paragraph of My Night at Maud's jokes for you all to hon hon hon at. My mum who used to have the poster for Three Colours: Red on our kitchen wall because she likes Juliette Binoche's hair did briefly pretend to be sad when I told her, so there's that. Who picked him? Only five players, but they banked a fairly Jean-Louis Significant amount of points on the cancer-riddled nonagenarian, so some big drops ahead, including a 25-place plummet for reigning champion @BabyBlue, and @CastAway being cast away from the zero-points club to the bottom half of the leaderboard. That's one way to show you aren't il conformista. GAINED TOTAL =1. Death Impends 0 =1. Sean 0 =1. YorkshireBanker 0 =1. theoldlady 0 =1. MortalCaso 0 =1. Grim Up North 0 =1. Sideik 0 =1. machotrouts 0 9. YoungWillz 1 =10. Nick 2 =10. Pedro67 2 12. Funeralopolis 3 =13. BuffaloPhil 4 =13. Newjack 4 15. LizLemon 5 16. MariNisia 6 =17. Predictor 7 =17. Perhaps 7 =17. wannamaker 7 =20. drol 8 =20. CaptainChorizo 8 =22. Sir Creep 11 =22. Toast 11 =22. Bibliogryphon 11 =25. CastAway +12 12 =25. msc 12 =25. Banana 12 =28. Spade_Cooley 13 =28. Annami 13 =30. GuyFromFuture 14 =30. An Fear Beag 14 =32. Joey Russ 15 =32. gcreptile 15 =34. TQR 17 =34. Book 17 36. Philip +7 18 =37. The Unknown Man 19 =37. deadsox 19 =37. Great Uncle Bulgaria 19 40. Pedro67's wife 21 41. The Old Crem 23 42. BabyBlue +18 24 43. ThereWillBeDeaths7 25 44. chilean way +15 29 45. Doulton 30 =46. machotrouts' mum +13 35 =46. Hell 35 48. Neobrakeon 43

The Noose Teen Tightens George Pérez, comic book artist primarily known for his pencilling, and dead pool pick primarily known for his pancreatic cancering, has died aged 67. But you know what comic book deaths are like – they'll retcon him back in a couple of years. Pérez was known for his work with both Marvel and DC Comics, including Wonder Woman and The Avengers. It's almost hard to believe that all those MCU films – even though I hear they sometimes look almost live-action – were drawn in pencil. Unfortunately for fans, now that he's dead, the franchise is over, so I hope this latest Multigrain of Breadness film wrapped up the whole plot sufficiently. Penciller Pérez's cancerous Páncreaz hasn't created much crisis on Inverse Earth, where only 3 players pencilled him into their teams. If it's any comfort to Hell and Neobrakeon, there may be infinite parallel realities in which you're doing better than this. GAINED TOTAL =1. Death Impends 0 =1. Sean 0 =1. YorkshireBanker 0 =1. theoldlady 0 =1. MortalCaso 0 =1. Grim Up North 0 =1. Sideik 0 =1. machotrouts 0 =1. CastAway 0 10. YoungWillz 1 =11. Nick 2 =11. Pedro67 2 13. Funeralopolis 3 =14. BuffaloPhil 4 =14. Newjack 4 16. LizLemon 5 =17. BabyBlue 6 =17. MariNisia 6 =19. Predictor 7 =19. Perhaps 7 =19. wannamaker 7 =22. drol 8 =22. CaptainChorizo 8 =24. Philip 11 =24. Sir Creep 11 =24. Toast 11 =24. Bibliogryphon 11 =28. msc +3 12 =28. Banana 12 =30. Spade_Cooley 13 =30. Annami 13 =32. GuyFromFuture 14 =32. chilean way 14 =32. An Fear Beag 14 =35. Joey Russ 15 =35. gcreptile 15 =37. TQR 17 =37. Book 17 =39. The Unknown Man 19 =39. deadsox 19 =39. Great Uncle Bulgaria 19 42. Pedro67's wife 21 43. machotrouts' mum 22 44. The Old Crem 23 45. ThereWillBeDeaths7 25 46. Doulton 30 47. Hell +2 35 48. Neobrakeon +6 43

The Toms They Are a-Waning Tom Smith, or Tom Smith (rugby union, born 1971) to give him his full name, has died of cancer at the age of 50. I don't know much about rugby, but I suppose it must need unions like any job, so credit to this guy for his organising efforts – no doubt a great inspiration to those Amazon workers. ✊ 66.66667% of this year's hits so far have been Toms. Your host will bravely take this opportunity to come out as a Tom, and I can tell you this is causing deep concern in the Tom community. What a waste that modern DDP fame requirements probably disqualify me from picking myself. If I'd known when I started playing that I didn't have the option of eventually bowing out with a "SICK Deadpooler Predicts Own Suicide By Cop" headline, I don't think I'd have bothered getting so invested in the first place. No respect for creative flair in this day and age. Inverse Dead Poolers showed little faith in Mr (rugby union, born 1971)'s survival, but this early in the game, it's still enough to shake up the scrum. YoungWillz and Philip are dropped from the 0-points squad, but worst off is a blindsided Hell, who is cast down to the deep fiery pits of "just above Neobrakeon". GAINED TOTAL =1. Death Impends 0 =1. Sean 0 =1. YorkshireBanker 0 =1. theoldlady 0 =1. MortalCaso 0 =1. Grim Up North 0 =1. Sideik 0 =1. machotrouts 0 =1. CastAway 0 10. YoungWillz +1 1 =11. Nick 2 =11. Pedro67 2 13. Funeralopolis +2 3 =14. BuffaloPhil 4 =14. Newjack 4 16. LizLemon 5 =17. BabyBlue +2 6 =17. MariNisia 6 =19. Predictor +2 7 =19. Perhaps +1 7 =19. wannamaker 7 =22. drol 8 =22. CaptainChorizo 8 24. msc 9 =25. Philip +11 11 =25. Sir Creep 11 =25. Toast 11 =25. Bibliogryphon 11 29. Banana +4 12 =30. Spade_Cooley 13 =30. Annami 13 =32. GuyFromFuture +2 14 =32. chilean way 14 =32. An Fear Beag 14 =35. Joey Russ +8 15 =35. gcreptile +4 15 =37. TQR 17 =37. Book 17 =39. The Unknown Man 19 =39. deadsox 19 =39. Great Uncle Bulgaria 19 42. Pedro67's wife 21 43. machotrouts' mum 22 44. The Old Crem +3 23 45. ThereWillBeDeaths7 25 46. Doulton 30 47. Hell +18 33 48. Neobrakeon 37

Burial Plot Cotton June Brown, who portrayed EastEnders character Dot Cotton, is now rot-rottin' at 95 years old – or, 2.879 Tom Parkers. Let that be a lesson to you all, kids – smoking kills. Unfortunately, your northerner host doesn't know enough about EastEnders to make any references to it, so I must defer to The Times for a heartwarming obituary: Tfw you're a rabbit and June Brown puts you in a biscuit tin: June 'The Rabbit Annihilator' Brown is not just our second hit of the year, but our second landmine of the year, EastEnding the hopes of 25 players. Ironically, "Nick" is the least affected of her victims. (Okay, I managed one reference.) GAINED TOTAL =1. YoungWillz 0 =1. Death Impends 0 =1. Sean 0 =1. YorkshireBanker 0 =1. Philip 0 =1. theoldlady 0 =1. MortalCaso 0 =1. Grim Up North 0 =1. Sideik 0 =1. machotrouts 0 =1. CastAway 0 12. Funeralopolis 1 =13. Nick +2 2 =13. Pedro67 2 =15. BuffaloPhil +4 4 =15. BabyBlue 4 =15. Newjack 4 =18. Predictor +5 5 =18. LizLemon +4 5 =20. Perhaps +6 6 =20. MariNisia +4 6 =22. wannamaker +7 7 =22. Joey Russ 7 =24. drol +8 8 =24. CaptainChorizo 8 =24. Banana 8 27. msc +9 9 =28. Sir Creep +5 11 =28. Toast +2 11 =28. Bibliogryphon 11 =28. gcreptile 11 32. GuyFromFuture 12 =33. Spade_Cooley +13 13 =33. Annami +11 13 =35. chilean way +14 14 =35. An Fear Beag +3 14 37. Hell 15 =38. TQR +10 17 =38. Book +7 17 =40. The Unknown Man +19 19 =40. deadsox +9 19 =40. Great Uncle Bulgaria +1 19 43. The Old Crem +18 20 44. Pedro67's wife +21 21 45. machotrouts' mum 22 46. ThereWillBeDeaths7 +15 25 47. Doulton +21 30 48. Neobrakeon +23 37

Tomb Carker Tom Parker, one fifth of now-4-piece boy band The Wanted, and the youngest of this thread's 50 eligible picks, has died of brain cancer at the age of 33. While Derby Dead Pool players may be saying "I'm glad you came" to the reaper, this is a most unwanted surprise for the majority of Inverse Dead Pool players, with 26 of you now asking yourselves: how do you get up from an all time low? And, will the 22 players now tied in joint 1st place stay gold forever? And, was he on the organ donor list for anyone with a heart vacancy? And, who knew The Wanted had any lyrics to riff on that aren't just some variant of "whoa oh oh"? Despite being at the wrong end of the 12-to-18-month prognosis for glioblastoma, Parker was a more popular Inverse pick this year than last – which I can't blame you for, given that he was seen performing on ITV with the group in December, and was booked for reunion tour dates this very month. Even more tragically, the thought of bands who debuted in the 2010s already being on reunion tours has doubtless made several of you reading this post suddenly die of old age. They said this day wouldn't come, we refused to run, we've only just begun, you'll find us looking at the inaugural Inverse Dead Pool leaderboard of 2022. Oh-oh-oh-oh oh oh, oh-oh-oh-oh oh oh, oh-oh-oh-oh oh oh. GAINED TOTAL =1. YoungWillz - 0 =1. wannamaker - 0 =1. Predictor - 0 =1. Death Impends - 0 =1. Sean - 0 =1. chilean way - 0 =1. BuffaloPhil - 0 =1. Nick - 0 =1. msc - 0 =1. drol - 0 =1. YorkshireBanker - 0 =1. The Unknown Man - 0 =1. Perhaps - 0 =1. Philip - 0 =1. theoldlady - 0 =1. MortalCaso - 0 =1. Spade_Cooley - 0 =1. Grim Up North - 0 =1. Sideik - 0 =1. Pedro67's wife - 0 =1. machotrouts - 0 =1. CastAway - 0 =23. LizLemon +1 1 =23. Funeralopolis +1 1 =25. MariNisia +2 2 =25. Annami +2 2 =25. The Old Crem +2 2 =25. Pedro67 +2 2 =29. BabyBlue +4 4 =29. Newjack +4 4 31. Sir Creep +6 6 =32. Joey Russ +7 7 =32. TQR +7 7 =34. CaptainChorizo +8 8 =34. Banana +8 8 =36. Doulton +9 9 =36. Toast +9 9 =38. ThereWillBeDeaths7 +10 10 =38. Book +10 10 =38. deadsox +10 10 =41. Bibliogryphon +11 11 =41. An Fear Beag +11 11 =41. gcreptile +11 11 44. GuyFromFuture +12 12 45. Neobrakeon +14 14 46. Hell +15 15 47. Great Uncle Bulgaria +18 18 48. machotrouts' mum +22 22