machotrouts

Glad to be able to participate this time – I wanted to in 2019, but the deadline clash with the Derby Dead Pool (and most of the other pools on the forum) made it impossible. Unfortunately, here in 2024, I still underestimated how long it'd take to research and ended up last-minute-panicking most of it. Well, looking forward to 2029. LABOUR: 1. Sir Keir Starmer 2. Diane Abbott 3. John McDonnell 4. David Lammy 5. Sir Chris Bryant 6. Mary Foy 7. Clive Efford 8. Clive Betts 9. Clive Lewis 10. Jon Trickett 11. Nadia Whittome 12. Marie Rimmer 13. Graham Stringer 14. Wes Streeting 15. Jess Phillips 16. Rushanara Ali 17. Rosie Duffield 18. Apsana Begum 19. Valerie Vaz 20. Gill Furniss 21. Dame Nia Griffith 22. Debbie Abrahams 23. Neil Coyle 24. Liam Byrne 25. Dawn Butler 26. Charlotte Nichols 27. Kate Osamor 28. Sam Carling 29. Chris Bloore 30. Luke Akehurst CONSERVATIVE: 31. Rishi Sunak 32. Richard Holden 33. Kemi Badenoch 34. Suella Braverman 35. Robert Jenrick 36. Dame Priti Patel 37. Sir Roger Gale 38. Sir David Davis 39. Sir Christopher Chope 40. Sir Edward Leigh 41. Sir Julian Lewis 42. Sir Geoffrey Clifton-Brown 43. Sir Geoffrey Cox 44. Sir John Hayes 45. Mark Pritchard 46. Mark Garnier 47. Martin Vickers 48. Mark Francois 49. Andrew Mitchell 50. Andrew Bowie LIB DEM: 51. Sir Ed Davey INDEPENDENT: 52. Jeremy Corbyn 53. Shockat Adam 54. Iqbal Mohamed 55. Adnan Hussain 56. Ayoub Khan REFORM: 57. Nigel Farage 58. Richard Tice 59. Lee Anderson 60. Rupert Lowe 61. James McMurdock DUP: 62. Gregory Campbell 63. Sammy Wilson GREEN: 64. Siân Berry TUV: 65. Jim Allister (Haven't picked anyone from the SNP, Sinn Féin, Plaid, SDLP, Alliance, or UUP.)

Decay Um Ma Ma Ma Ask not for whom the sun chymes – it chymes for Dario G. Paul Spencer has died of rectal cancer at the age of 53. Spencer originally comprised one third of dance music outfit Dario G with two fellow DJs, Scott Rosser and Stephen Spencer (no relation). Their debut single, 'Sunchyme', based on a sample of the Dream Academy's 'Life in a Northern Town', charted at #2 in the UK – behind only 'Candle in the Wind 1997', Elton John's tribute to the late Diana Spencer (no relation). They had further hits with 'Sunmachine' (based on a sample of David Bowie's 'Memory of a Free Festival'), 'Carnaval de Paris' (based on a sample of 'Oh My Darling, Clementine'), and 'Voices' (fair play, they wrote that one). In later years, Rosser and Spencer (the other one) left the trio and Spencer (this one) became known solo under the Dario G name. Spencer G had further hits with 'Dream to Me', 'Carnaval 2002', and the repetitively-titled 'Heaven Is Closer (Feels Like Heaven)'. Fate was tempted (feels like tempting fate). In 2023, G was diagnosed with cancer where the Sun don't chyme, and became one of the top 50 picks in the Carnaval de Derby. @MalePoster and @gcreptile flew too close to the Sun, scoring 20 points apiece. Not far behind with 19 is @Thatcher – insult to injury after the fall of a Tory government. @GuyFromFuture, scoring 13, leads them into the bottom six, ahead of only my ma (ma ma). On the bright side, these big falls have enabled several scoring players – namely @En Passant (8 points), @diego (7), @Sideik (5), @livingbygrace (4), and @JoeMoneypenny (4) – to have small rises up the leaderboard. It's not often you get tagged to be congratulated on failing up. Three more players lose their perfect zero: @Grimgrass (5 points), @Toast (6), and @TQR (9). Ten players are still enjoying life in a northern leaderboard position. GAINED TOTAL = 1. wannamaker 0 = 1. arghton 0 = 1. Spade_Cooley 0 = 1. The Immortal 0 = 1. Great Uncle Bulgaria 0 = 1. The Old Crem 0 = 1. MariNisia 0 = 1. Pedro67 0 = 1. machotrouts 0 = 1. ladyfiona 0 ▲ 11. Clorox Bleachman 1 ▲ 11. Summer in Transylvania 1 ▲ 11. Hell 1 ▲ 14. Nick 2 ▼ 15. Grimgrass +5 5 = 15. deadsox +4 5 ▲ 15. An Fear Beag 5 ▲ 15. Perhaps 5 ▲ 15. theoldlady 5 ▼ 20. Toast +6 6 ▲ 20. Bibliogryphon 6 ▲ 20. Lafaucheuse 6 ▲ 23. Captain Hemlock 7 ▲ 23. CastAway 7 ▲ 23. Funeralopolis 7 ▼ 26. Death Impends +5 8 ▼ 27. TQR +9 9 ▲ 27. Newjack 9 ▲ 29. YoungWillz 10 ▲ 29. Annami 10 ▲ 29. tracy 10 ▲ 32. Famous6Eva 13 ▲ 32. Torva Messor 13 ▲ 34. Bentrovato 14 ▲ 34. LizLemon 14 ▲ 36. Joltin Joe 15 ▼ 37. Book +9 17 ▼ 38. CaptainChorizo +8 21 ▲ 38. JoeMoneypenny +4 21 ▲ 38. The Unknown Man 21 ▲ 41. Sleepiestpeep 22 = 42. YorkshireBanker +1 23 ▲ 42. maryportfuncity 23 ▲ 44. BuffaloPhil 24 ▲ 45. chilean way 25 ▲ 46. MortalCaso 26 ▲ 47. livingbygrace +4 30 ▲ 47. max_bossetti 30 ▲ 49. En Passant +8 36 ▲ 49. Sideik +5 36 ▲ 49. msc 36 ▼ 52. MalePoster +20 39 ▼ 53. Thatcher +19 42 ▼ 54. gcreptile +20 43 ▲ 54. diego +7 43 ▼ 56. GuyFromFuture +13 46 = 57. machotrouts' mum 49

Wildlife DOA (Wildlife) Simon Cowell has died of cancer at the age of 72. Presciently christened "(Wildlife)" by his parents in 1952 – preempting any possibility of his being confused with the talent show judge Simon Cowell – he grew up to lend his name to the charity "Wildlife Aid" and the TV show "Wildlife SOS", which he hosted for 18 years. He was even appointed an MBE in 2005 for "services to wildlife", so he must have looked after himself. Nevertheless, (Wildlife) was diagnosed with an aggressive lung cancer in 2022. Whoever's responsible for disambiguating names in the Derby Dead Pool was diagnosed with an aggressive headache shortly after. (Wildlife) was also known for his profanity, with Wildlife Aid patron and cunt Ricky Gervais once describing him as "David Attenborough with Tourette's". An Inverse Dead Pool stalwart himself, David Attenborough is now described as "(Wildlife) Simon Cowell with a pulse". (Wildlife) Simon Cowell was certainly the less popular pick of the two, causing mild strife for @MortalCaso (1 point), @Sideik (2), @JoeMoneypenny (5), and @Captain Hemlock (5). But one player is sending out an SOS: @chilean way (12), who's dug down from 1st to 48th in just two updates. Named after the miners, perhaps? GAINED TOTAL = 1. TQR 0 = 1. Grimgrass 0 = 1. wannamaker 0 = 1. arghton 0 = 1. Spade_Cooley 0 = 1. The Immortal 0 = 1. Toast 0 = 1. Great Uncle Bulgaria 0 = 1. The Old Crem 0 = 1. MariNisia 0 = 1. Pedro67 0 = 1. machotrouts 0 = 1. ladyfiona 0 = 14. Clorox Bleachman 1 = 15. deadsox 1 = 15. Summer in Transylvania 1 = 15. Hell 1 = 18. Nick 2 ▲ 19. Death Impends 3 ▲ 20. An Fear Beag 5 ▲ 20. Perhaps 5 ▲ 20. theoldlady 5 ▲ 23. Bibliogryphon 6 ▲ 23. Lafaucheuse 6 ▼ 25. Captain Hemlock +5 7 ▲ 25. CastAway 7 ▲ 25. Funeralopolis 7 = 28. Book 8 ▲ 29. Newjack 9 ▼ 30. YoungWillz +2 10 ▲ 30. Annami 10 ▲ 30. tracy 10 ▲ 33. CaptainChorizo 13 ▲ 33. Famous6Eva 13 ▲ 33. Torva Messor 13 ▲ 36. Bentrovato 14 ▲ 36. LizLemon 14 ▲ 38. Joltin Joe 15 ▼ 39. JoeMoneypenny +5 17 ▲ 40. MalePoster 19 ▲ 41. The Unknown Man 21 ▲ 42. YorkshireBanker 22 ▲ 42. Sleepiestpeep 22 ▲ 44. maryportfuncity 23 ▲ 44. Thatcher 23 ▲ 44. gcreptile 23 ▲ 47. BuffaloPhil 24 ▼ 48. chilean way +12 25 = 49. MortalCaso +1 26 ▲ 49. livingbygrace 26 = 51. En Passant 28 ▲ 52. max_bossetti 30 ▼ 53. Sideik +2 31 = 54. GuyFromFuture 33 = 55. msc 36 = 55. diego 36 = 57. machotrouts' mum 49

To Kill a Hooker Rugby league player Rob Burrow has died at the age of 41. Noted for his relatively diminutive height – at the last measurement, minus six feet tall – Burrow played for 18 years with the Leeds Rhinos, with whom he won eight Super League championships, and also played for England, Great Britain, and Yorkshire, which probably makes sense to people who follow sport outside of paraphrasing Wikipedia articles for obits. He was diagnosed with motor neurone disease in December 2019, so at least he had something to distract him from the last two general election campaigns. In his final years, he raised over £6 million for MND awareness. Going by his popularity with deadpoolers, it paid off. Unfortunately, 8 Inverse Dead Pool players misheard about his MND and thought he was on the mend. This includes 3 players who were in the 0-point scrum: @Clorox Bleachman, now on 1; @Captain Hemlock, now on 2; and @chilean way, who burrows down to the bottom half of the leaderboard with 13 points. 13 players – a rugby team's worth, as it happens – remain on 0. I wonder which of us is the hooker? GAINED TOTAL = 1. TQR 0 = 1. Grimgrass 0 = 1. wannamaker 0 = 1. arghton 0 = 1. Spade_Cooley 0 = 1. The Immortal 0 = 1. Toast 0 = 1. Great Uncle Bulgaria 0 = 1. The Old Crem 0 = 1. MariNisia 0 = 1. Pedro67 0 = 1. machotrouts 0 = 1. ladyfiona 0 ▼ 14. Clorox Bleachman +1 1 ▲ 15. deadsox 1 ▲ 15. Summer in Transylvania 1 ▲ 15. Hell 1 ▼ 18. Captain Hemlock +2 2 ▲ 18. Nick 2 ▲ 20. Death Impends 3 ▲ 21. An Fear Beag 5 ▲ 21. Perhaps 5 ▲ 21. theoldlady 5 ▲ 24. Bibliogryphon 6 ▲ 24. Lafaucheuse 6 ▲ 26. CastAway 7 ▲ 26. Funeralopolis 7 ▲ 28. YoungWillz 8 ▲ 28. Book 8 ▲ 30. Newjack 9 = 31. Annami +1 10 ▲ 31. tracy 10 ▲ 33. JoeMoneypenny 12 ▼ 34. chilean way +13 13 ▲ 34. CaptainChorizo 13 ▲ 34. Famous6Eva 13 ▲ 34. Torva Messor 13 ▲ 38. Bentrovato 14 ▲ 38. LizLemon 14 ▼ 40. Joltin Joe +4 15 ▲ 41. MalePoster 19 ▲ 42. The Unknown Man 21 ▲ 43. YorkshireBanker 22 ▲ 43. Sleepiestpeep 22 ▲ 45. maryportfuncity 23 ▲ 45. Thatcher 23 ▲ 45. gcreptile 23 ▼ 48. BuffaloPhil +6 24 ▲ 49. MortalCaso 25 ▼ 50. livingbygrace +7 26 = 51. En Passant 28 = 52. Sideik 29 = 53. max_bossetti 30 = 54. GuyFromFuture 33 = 55. msc 36 = 55. diego 36 = 57. machotrouts' mum +1 49

This Field Cannot Be Left Frank Frank Field, the Birkenhead Social Justice Party MP for Birkenhead from 2019 to 2019 – also previously known for his brief 40-year stint as a Labour MP – has died of prostate cancer at the age of 81. A small-c conservative who was repeatedly courted for a potential defection by the big-C Conservatives – a party he was a member of in his youth – Field was considered a "maverick" and "independent thinker" in the Labour Party. He advocated for the return of national service, proposed further restrictions on immigration and abortion, denounced Jeremy Corbyn as a "force for anti-Semitism in British politics", featured on the Telegraph's list of the UK's "100 most influential Right-wingers", and was personal friends with Enoch Powell and Margaret Thatcher – all the usual signifiers of a Labour MP – but also, uncharacteristically for his party, campaigned against child poverty. Thankfully, he left before Starmer had to suspend him for these extreme left-wing beliefs. Despite being the 13th least picked candidate in the Inverse Dead Pool 2024, things were on the uptick for him – he was the 11th least picked in 2023, and the least picked outright in 2022, the year after he first checked into hospice care. I look forward to writing Jimmy Carter's obit in 2026. Former Inverse champions @Bibliogryphon and @YorkshireBanker are among the few who fielded Field as a candidate, but they only risked a respective 2 and 3 points on it. Someone whose chances have been levelled by playing Field, with 15 points, is @GuyFromFuture. Frankly, I'm beginning to think you aren't really from the future at all. Much like Frank when he went for his prostate exam 10 years ago, we have movement at the bottom. With my mum's team mainly being whoever she doesn't want to die, I have an outsize influence on her picks in the short descriptions I give of people she isn't really familiar with – "Frank Field, Labour MP" got 14 points, but if I'd described him as "Frank Field, hardline Brexiteer", it'd probably be 0. So, arguably, I'm responsible for her taking back last place. You're welcome, @diego. GAINED TOTAL = 1. TQR 0 = 1. Grimgrass 0 = 1. Captain Hemlock 0 = 1. wannamaker 0 = 1. arghton 0 = 1. chilean way 0 = 1. Spade_Cooley 0 = 1. The Immortal 0 = 1. Toast 0 = 1. Great Uncle Bulgaria 0 = 1. The Old Crem 0 = 1. MariNisia 0 = 1. Pedro67 0 = 1. machotrouts 0 = 1. Clorox Bleachman 0 = 1. ladyfiona 0 = 17. deadsox 1 = 17. Summer in Transylvania 1 = 17. Hell 1 = 20. Nick 2 = 21. Death Impends 3 ▲ 22. An Fear Beag 5 ▲ 22. Perhaps 5 ▲ 22. theoldlady 5 ▼ 25. Bibliogryphon +2 6 ▲ 25. Lafaucheuse 6 = 27. CastAway 7 = 27. Funeralopolis 7 ▲ 29. YoungWillz 8 ▲ 29. Book 8 ▼ 31. Newjack +2 9 ▲ 31. Annami 9 = 33. tracy 10 = 34. Joltin Joe 11 = 35. JoeMoneypenny 12 = 36. CaptainChorizo 13 = 36. Famous6Eva 13 = 36. Torva Messor 13 = 39. Bentrovato 14 = 39. LizLemon 14 = 41. BuffaloPhil 18 ▲ 42. livingbygrace 19 ▲ 42. MalePoster 19 ▲ 44. The Unknown Man 21 ▼ 45. YorkshireBanker +3 22 ▲ 45. Sleepiestpeep 22 ▲ 47. maryportfuncity 23 ▲ 47. Thatcher 23 ▲ 47. gcreptile 23 ▲ 50. MortalCaso 25 ▲ 51. En Passant 28 ▲ 52. Sideik 29 ▲ 53. max_bossetti 30 ▼ 54. GuyFromFuture +15 33 ▼ 55. msc +8 36 ▲ 55. diego 36 ▼ 57. machotrouts' mum +14 48

Grave Pyres Celebrity chef Dave Myers has died of cancer at the age of 66. Best known as half of the "Hairy Bikers" – for Americans on the forum, that's basically the British version of Sons of Anarchy – along with Si King, he presented 37 different shows over 20 years; 34 of which had "Hairy" in the title, and 31 "Bikers". Non-fans of food/hair/cancer may also remember him for his lovably hapless run on series 11 of Strictly Come Dancing. Despite lasting several weeks in the contest, he remains Karen Hauer's worst-scoring partner, with an average score of 18.3 – narrowly followed by fellow celebrity chef Simon Rimmer on 18.5. Myers also has the honour of being the 1st member of the series 11 cast to die – narrowly followed by Tony Jacklin (2025, lymphoma), Sophie Ellis-Bextor (2026, murdered on the dancefloor), and Rachel Riley (2027, IDF friendly fire incident). It looks like 27 Inverse Dead Pool players saw him in those Knorr ads, thought "well, he's not dead there", and put him on their teams. One player who put too much stock in him is @maryportfuncity, who earns 23 points – the same total that Dave and Karen got for their highest-scoring Strictly dance, a waltz to 'Take It to the Limit' by the Eagles. Also taking it to the limit is @The Unknown Man, who gets 21 points – perhaps he didn't know which man he was picking? Things are also looking hairy for two 18-pointers: @BuffaloPhil (as seen dreading this update above), and my mother, whose tactic of allocating points on the basis of "aw, he seems nice" sees her back in the running for last place, with a total of 34 points. However, between this and Toby Keith, former 3rd-placer @diego is badly led astray by his apparent faith in celebrities being well enough to keep doing their jobs: 19 points on Myers takes him to a total of 36. GAINED TOTAL = 1. TQR 0 = 1. Grimgrass 0 = 1. Captain Hemlock 0 = 1. wannamaker 0 = 1. arghton 0 = 1. chilean way 0 = 1. Spade_Cooley 0 = 1. The Immortal 0 = 1. Toast 0 = 1. Great Uncle Bulgaria 0 = 1. The Old Crem 0 = 1. MariNisia 0 = 1. Pedro67 0 = 1. machotrouts 0 = 1. Clorox Bleachman 0 = 1. ladyfiona 0 ▼ 17. deadsox +1 1 ▲ 17. Summer in Transylvania 1 ▲ 17. Hell 1 ▼ 20. Nick +2 2 ▼ 21. Death Impends +3 3 ▼ 22. Bibliogryphon +4 4 ▼ 23. An Fear Beag +5 5 ▲ 23. Perhaps +2 5 ▲ 23. theoldlady 5 ▼ 26. Lafaucheuse +6 6 ▼ 27. Newjack +7 7 ▲ 27. CastAway +1 7 ▲ 27. Funeralopolis 7 ▼ 30. YoungWillz +8 8 ▲ 30. Book 8 ▲ 32. Annami 9 ▲ 33. tracy +1 10 ▲ 34. Joltin Joe 11 ▼ 35. JoeMoneypenny +12 12 ▲ 36. CaptainChorizo 13 ▲ 36. Famous6Eva 13 ▲ 36. Torva Messor 13 ▼ 39. Bentrovato +14 14 ▼ 39. LizLemon +8 14 ▼ 41. BuffaloPhil +18 18 ▲ 41. GuyFromFuture 18 ▲ 43. livingbygrace 19 ▲ 43. YorkshireBanker 19 ▲ 43. MalePoster 19 ▼ 46. The Unknown Man +21 21 ▲ 47. Sleepiestpeep +2 22 ▼ 48. maryportfuncity +23 23 ▲ 48. Thatcher +3 23 ▲ 48. gcreptile 23 ▼ 51. MortalCaso +6 25 ▼ 52. msc +16 28 ▼ 52. En Passant +9 28 ▼ 54. Sideik +11 29 ▼ 55. max_bossetti +13 30 ▼ 56. machotrouts' mum +18 34 ▼ 57. diego +19 36

Grave is the Best Receptacle American country star Toby Keith, known for hits such as "American Soldier", "American Ride", "Made in America", "Drunk Americans", "Happy Birthday America", "America the Beautiful", "Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American)", and "Live Introduction by Toby of Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American)", has died of Americancer at the age of America. An Inverse Dead Pool 2024 debutante, he was a natural fit among some familiar faces, including Donald Trump, for whom he performed at the "Make America Great Again! Welcome Celebration"; Willie Nelson, with whom he recorded the song "Beer for My Horses" and starred in the film "Beer for My Horses"; and Janey Godley, with whom he feuded during her spell in the Dixie Chicks. So who shouldn't've picked a cowboy? Players were almost evenly split between Toby or Not Toby – a divide in attitudes between "well, he's still performing" and "yeah, but looking like that". Among those on the losing side of that divide are 2023 Inverse Dead Pool champion @tracy, who gains 9 points – which, sadly, is 8 more than their 2023 winning score – and returning 2022 Inverse Dead Pool champion @YorkshireBanker, who gains 19 points – which, happily, is 8 less than their 2022 winning score. In fact, all of last year's top 5 have points raining down on them: @LizLemon (6 points), @Perhaps (3), @diego (17), and @gcreptile, who gets the biggest boot in the ass of all – 23 points, and my mum's last place spot. You ain't as good as you once was. GAINED TOTAL = 1. TQR 0 = 1. Death Impends 0 = 1. Bibliogryphon 0 = 1. Grimgrass 0 = 1. Captain Hemlock 0 = 1. wannamaker 0 = 1. BuffaloPhil 0 = 1. arghton 0 = 1. chilean way 0 = 1. Spade_Cooley 0 = 1. Nick 0 = 1. The Immortal 0 = 1. YoungWillz 0 = 1. The Unknown Man 0 = 1. Toast 0 = 1. Newjack 0 = 1. deadsox 0 = 1. JoeMoneypenny 0 = 1. Great Uncle Bulgaria 0 = 1. Bentrovato 0 = 1. The Old Crem 0 = 1. MariNisia 0 = 1. Pedro67 0 = 1. machotrouts 0 = 1. Clorox Bleachman 0 = 1. An Fear Beag 0 = 1. ladyfiona 0 = 1. maryportfuncity 0 = 1. Lafaucheuse 0 ▼ 30. Summer in Transylvania +1 1 ▼ 30. Hell +1 1 ▼ 32. Perhaps +3 3 ▼ 33. theoldlady +5 5 ▼ 34. LizLemon +6 6 ▼ 34. CastAway +6 6 ▼ 36. Funeralopolis +7 7 ▼ 37. Book +8 8 ▼ 38. Annami +9 9 ▼ 38. tracy +9 9 ▼ 40. Joltin Joe +11 11 ▼ 41. msc +12 12 ▼ 42. CaptainChorizo +13 13 ▼ 42. Famous6Eva +13 13 ▼ 42. Torva Messor +13 13 ▲ 45. machotrouts' mum 16 ▼ 46. max_bossetti +17 17 ▼ 46. diego +17 17 ▼ 48. GuyFromFuture +18 18 ▼ 48. Sideik +18 18 ▼ 50. livingbygrace +19 19 ▼ 50. YorkshireBanker +19 19 ▼ 50. MalePoster +19 19 ▼ 50. En Passant +19 19 ▼ 50. MortalCaso +19 19 ▼ 55. Thatcher +20 20 ▼ 55. Sleepiestpeep +20 20 ▼ 57. gcreptile +23 23

Lost Property Jonnie Irwin, known for hosting real estate shows such as A Place in the Sun and Escape to the Country, has fallen off the property ladder at the age of 50. A presenter of various lifestyle shows before life ceased to be his style, he became home to a tumour in 2020. Originally consigned to A Place in the Lung, the cancer ultimately decided to expand its portfolio and move abroad to other organs. Did anyone actually pick him? Well... This is an Ir-win for 56 of you, but an Ir-loss for my mother, who gains 16 points. Obviously a huge upset for our top seed. GAINED TOTAL = 1. CaptainChorizo 0 = 1. livingbygrace 0 = 1. TQR 0 = 1. YorkshireBanker 0 = 1. Death Impends 0 = 1. Funeralopolis 0 = 1. Bibliogryphon 0 = 1. Grimgrass 0 = 1. msc 0 = 1. Captain Hemlock 0 = 1. wannamaker 0 = 1. BuffaloPhil 0 = 1. Thatcher 0 = 1. arghton 0 = 1. chilean way 0 = 1. gcreptile 0 = 1. Spade_Cooley 0 = 1. Nick 0 = 1. Famous6Eva 0 = 1. Summer in Transylvania 0 = 1. MalePoster 0 = 1. The Immortal 0 = 1. YoungWillz 0 = 1. Hell 0 = 1. The Unknown Man 0 = 1. Perhaps 0 = 1. LizLemon 0 = 1. Toast 0 = 1. Newjack 0 = 1. deadsox 0 = 1. Torva Messor 0 = 1. JoeMoneypenny 0 = 1. Book 0 = 1. Great Uncle Bulgaria 0 = 1. Bentrovato 0 = 1. The Old Crem 0 = 1. Annami 0 = 1. MariNisia 0 = 1. Sleepiestpeep 0 = 1. theoldlady 0 = 1. En Passant 0 = 1. max_bossetti 0 = 1. diego 0 = 1. Pedro67 0 = 1. GuyFromFuture 0 = 1. Sideik 0 = 1. machotrouts 0 = 1. Clorox Bleachman 0 = 1. MortalCaso 0 = 1. An Fear Beag 0 = 1. ladyfiona 0 = 1. tracy 0 = 1. maryportfuncity 0 = 1. Joltin Joe 0 = 1. CastAway 0 = 1. Lafaucheuse 0 ▼ 57. machotrouts' mum +16 16

Before I get on with the actual updates, I've got one more stats post for you. First of all, here's the average points per team each celebrity received: 1 Joe Biden 21.70 2 Donald Trump 20.54 3 Michael J. Fox 18.72 4 Andy Taylor 17.40 5 Billy Connolly 15.81 6 Clint Eastwood 15.75 7 William Shatner 15.44 8 Ozzy Osbourne 15.32 9 Buzz Aldrin 14.05 10 Janey Godley 13.91 11 Phil Collins 13.07 12 Bruce Willis 12.40 13 Dick van Dyke 11.77 14 Robert Wagner 10.47 15 Prunella Scales 9.37 16 Pope Francis 9.19 16 Rupert Murdoch 9.19 18 David Attenborough 8.19 19 Willie Nelson 7.93 20 Mel Brooks 7.32 21 Tim Bilton 6.60 22 Toby Keith 6.05 23 Yoko Ono 4.51 24 Dave Myers 4.09 25 Erik Jensen 3.86 26 Shannen Doherty 3.53 27 Linda Nolan 3.21 28 Paul Spencer 2.58 29 Cleo Laine 2.47 30 Denis Law 2.12 31 Bob Newhart 1.96 32 Dennis Skinner 1.93 33 Patrick Murray 1.77 34 Roberta Flack 1.58 35 Eva Marie Saint 1.44 36 Theo Burrell 1.35 37 Stanley Baxter 1.23 38 Frank Caprio 1.19 38 Frank Field 0.77 40 June Spencer 0.70 41 Esther Rantzen 0.68 42 James Whale 0.65 43 Michael Tilson Thomas 0.63 44 Rob Burrow 0.61 45 Joanne Woodward 0.51 46 Nigel Starmer-Smith 0.49 47 (Wildlife) Simon Cowell 0.47 48 Jonnie Irwin 0.28 49 Noam Chomsky 0.14 50 Jimmy Carter 0.02 51 Steve McMichael 0.00 Using these numbers, I've calculated all of your most outlying opinions. In the table below is an alphabetical list of Inverse Dead Pool 2024 players. Next to each player, there are two celebrities, each with two numbers in brackets – the first number is the number of points the player has assigned that celebrity, and the second number is the gap between that number and the celebrity's average points value. The celebrity on the left is the celebrity whose points from that player are farthest ABOVE the celebrity's average points value (i.e. the celebrity whose survival that player is most disproportionately invested in). The celebrity on the right is the celebrity whose points (or lack thereof) from that player are farthest BELOW the celebrity's average points value (i.e. the celebrity whose death would probably be most beneficial to that player). This player... Is relatively confident in... And relatively wary of... An Fear Beag Yoko Ono (13, +8.49) Buzz Aldrin (3, -11.05) Annami Cleo Laine (19, +16.53) William Shatner (0, -15.44) arghton Bruce Willis (22, +9.6) Dick van Dyke (4, -7.77) Bentrovato Nigel Starmer-Smith (21, +20.51) Joe Biden (0, -21.7) Bibliogryphon Robert Wagner (23, +12.53) Ozzy Osbourne (6, -9.32) Book Robert Wagner (20, +9.53) David Attenborough (0, -8.19) BuffaloPhil Dave Myers (18, +13.91) Bruce Willis (0, -12.4) Captain Hemlock Bruce Willis (22, +9.6) Dick van Dyke (0, -11.77) CaptainChorizo Buzz Aldrin (24, +9.95) Dick van Dyke (0, -11.77) CastAway Mel Brooks (21, +13.68) Billy Connolly (5, -10.81) chilean way Pope Francis (25, +15.81) Janey Godley (0, -13.91) Clorox Bleachman Prunella Scales (22, +12.63) Phil Collins (6, -7.07) deadsox Tim Bilton (20, +13.4) Phil Collins (0, -13.07) Death Impends Phil Collins (21, +7.93) Willie Nelson (0, -7.93) diego Frank Caprio (20, +18.81) Andy Taylor (0, -17.4) En Passant Toby Keith (19, +12.95) Dick van Dyke (1, -10.77) Famous6Eva Erik Jensen (23, +19.14) Phil Collins (0, -13.07) Funeralopolis Phil Collins (22, +8.93) Janey Godley (4, -9.91) gcreptile Erik Jensen (24, +20.14) Michael J. Fox (0, -18.72) Great Uncle Bulgaria Yoko Ono (16, +11.49) Dick van Dyke (0, -11.77) Grimgrass Robert Wagner (17, +6.53) Rupert Murdoch (3, -6.19) GuyFromFuture Tim Bilton (23, +16.4) Ozzy Osbourne (1, -14.32) Hell Pope Francis (23, +13.81) Janey Godley (0, -13.91) JoeMoneypenny Tim Bilton (22, +15.4) Donald Trump (2, -18.54) Joltin Joe Linda Nolan (14, +10.79) Janey Godley (0, -13.91) ladyfiona Yoko Ono (17, +12.49) Buzz Aldrin (0, -14.05) Lafaucheuse Frank Caprio (12, +10.81) Willie Nelson (0, -7.93) livingbygrace Willie Nelson (22, +14.07) Janey Godley (1, -12.91) LizLemon Phil Collins (21, +7.93) Buzz Aldrin (5, -9.05) machotrouts Erik Jensen (14, +10.14) Willie Nelson (0, -7.93) machotrouts' mum Dennis Skinner (25, +23.07) Donald Trump (0, -20.54) MalePoster Paul Spencer (20, +17.42) Ozzy Osbourne (0, -15.32) MariNisia Erik Jensen (21, +17.14) Clint Eastwood (0, -15.75) maryportfuncity Dave Myers (23, +18.91) Donald Trump (8, -12.54) max_bossetti Linda Nolan (20, +16.79) Robert Wagner (0, -10.47) MortalCaso Toby Keith (19, +12.95) Dick van Dyke (0, -11.77) msc Shannen Doherty (17, +13.47) Joe Biden (0, -21.7) Newjack Phil Collins (23, +9.93) Mel Brooks (0, -7.32) Nick Ozzy Osbourne (22, +6.68) David Attenborough (0, -8.19) Pedro67 Denis Law (16, +13.88) Bruce Willis (0, -12.4) Perhaps Shannen Doherty (12, +8.47) Pope Francis (0, -9.19) Sideik Toby Keith (18, +11.95) Dick van Dyke (0, -11.77) Sleepiestpeep Toby Keith (20, +13.95) Robert Wagner (0, -10.47) Spade_Cooley Tim Bilton (18, +11.4) Billy Connolly (0, -15.81) Summer in Transylvania Ozzy Osbourne (25, +9.68) Bruce Willis (7, -5.4) Thatcher Paul Spencer (19, +16.42) Janey Godley (0, -13.91) The Immortal Dennis Skinner (12, +10.07) Janey Godley (0, -13.91) The Old Crem Tim Bilton (16, +9.4) Phil Collins (0, -13.07) The Unknown Man Dave Myers (21, +16.91) Janey Godley (0, -13.91) theoldlady June Spencer (18, +17.3) Joe Biden (0, -21.7) Toast Dennis Skinner (9, +7.07) Rupert Murdoch (0, -9.19) Torva Messor Rupert Murdoch (25, +15.81) Donald Trump (0, -20.54) TQR Janey Godley (24, +10.09) Bruce Willis (4, -8.4) tracy Linda Nolan (23, +19.79) William Shatner (4, -11.44) wannamaker Rupert Murdoch (16, +6.81) Toby Keith (0, -6.05) YorkshireBanker Theo Burrell (17, +15.65) Donald Trump (5, -15.54) YoungWillz Pope Francis (23, +13.81) Donald Trump (0, -20.54)

Dave Myers makes me 3 updates behind – been too busy to update this month (with another game I've been running on another forum! Infidelity!) but I'll sort it out soon.

I'll accept @Lafaucheuse as I hadn't definitively declared submissions closed with a post that says "submissions are definitely now closed", but submissions are definitely now closed. Here's our complete list of Inverse Dead Pool 2024 candidates, ranked by the total number of points we've all banked on them, with a second column for how many teams they're on (out of a total 57). I've colour-coded the 51 names – the top slightly-less-than-half in green, and the bottom slightly-more-than-half in red. TOTAL POINTS # OF TEAMS 1 Joe Biden 1237 54 2 Donald Trump 1171 53 3 Michael J. Fox 1067 56 4 Andy Taylor 992 55 5 Billy Connolly 906 56 6 Clint Eastwood 898 53 7 William Shatner 880 53 8 Ozzy Osbourne 873 53 9 Buzz Aldrin 801 56 10 Janey Godley 793 48 11 Phil Collins 745 49 12 Bruce Willis 707 50 13 Dick van Dyke 671 51 14 Robert Wagner 597 47 15 Prunella Scales 534 51 16 Pope Francis 524 47 16 Rupert Murdoch 524 48 18 David Attenborough 467 47 19 Willie Nelson 452 43 20 Mel Brooks 417 38 21 Tim Bilton 376 35 22 Toby Keith 345 27 23 Yoko Ono 257 27 24 Dave Myers 233 26 25 Erik Jensen 220 21 26 Shannen Doherty 201 23 27 Linda Nolan 183 25 28 Paul Spencer 147 17 29 Cleo Laine 141 23 30 Denis Law 121 18 31 Dennis Skinner 110 18 32 Bob Newhart 107 17 33 Patrick Murray 101 14 34 Roberta Flack 90 12 35 Eva Marie Saint 82 22 36 Theo Burrell 77 8 37 Stanley Baxter 70 14 38 Frank Caprio 68 7 39 Frank Field 44 6 40 June Spencer 40 6 41 Esther Rantzen 39 8 42 James Whale 37 12 43 Michael Tilson Thomas 36 5 44 Rob Burrow 35 8 45 Joanne Woodward 29 4 46 Nigel Starmer-Smith 28 4 47 (Wildlife) Simon Cowell 27 6 48 Jonnie Irwin 16 1 49 Noam Chomsky 8 2 50 Jimmy Carter 1 1 51 Steve McMichael 0 0 Stop the count! Joe Biden defeats Donald Trump in the 2024 popular vote. A reassuring show of faith in American democracy that we don't all think the two presumptive main party candidates will be literally dead by election day. Michael J. Fox has a healthy debut at #3, and Andy Taylor at #4 must be one of the biggest rises in Inverse Dead Pool history (I'm not checking) – he was #35 last year. Also, Billy Connolly at #5 was picked by literally every player other than my mum, and she only didn't pick him because she doesn't find him funny. Not a single one of us picked Steve McMichael this year – he's the Inverse Dead Pool's first unanimous snub since Rush Limbaugh in 2021. On the bright side, the last place celebrity in 2023 was James Whale (who is now #42) and 2022 was Frank Field (now #38), so – congratulations Mr McMichael, looks like it's all uphill from here. Also near the bottom is DDP #1 Jimmy Carter with exactly 1 point, donated by @JoeMoneypenny; Noam Chomsky has 4 points apiece from @Bentrovato and @Annami; and all 16 of Jonnie Irwin's points came from my mum – she didn't know who he was, but when I told her, she said "oh, I like A Place in the Sun. He can live".

Here's machotrouts' team (that's machotrouts' mum's son, if you're not familiar with him): 1. Michael J. Fox 2. Ozzy Osbourne 3. Billy Connolly 4. William Shatner 5. Donald Trump 6. Joe Biden 7. Phil Collins 8. Clint Eastwood 9. Janey Godley 10. Dick Van Dyke 11. Buzz Aldrin 12. Erik Jensen 13. Mel Brooks 14. Andy Taylor 15. Tim Bilton 16. Rupert Murdoch 17. Prunella Scales 18. Denis Law 19. Bruce Willis 20. David Attenborough 21. Robert Wagner 22. Pope Francis 23. Eva Marie Saint 24. June Spencer 25. Dennis Skinner SUBSTITUTES: Willie Nelson, Bob Newhart, Patrick Murray

Everyone else (including me) – you have about 19 hours left to submit a team.

As usual, I'm posting this on behalf of a valued Inverse Dead Pool regular – it's the 2024 machotrouts' mum team: Dennis Skinner Michael J. Fox Janey Godley Joe Biden Yoko Ono Phil Collins Robert Wagner Dave Myers Bob Newhart Jonnie Irwin Buzz Aldrin Frank Field Bruce Willis Dick van Dyke Esther Rantzen William Shatner Joanne Woodward Mel Brooks Andy Taylor Prunella Scales Linda Nolan Roberta Flack Eva Marie Saint Shannen Doherty Rob Burrow SUB: June Spencer As scientific as all of her previous teams. Dennis Skinner is #1 because "aww, he was my nan & granddad's MP, I'm not having him dying".

Couple of problems here: - You've got two Bruce Willises. You're only allowed one Bruce Willis. - Sandy Gall is not one of the 51 playable celebrities! Thankfully, you've got two substitutes, so your team is still usable. (By default, I'll remove Sandy and the lower of the two Bruces, shunt everyone else up, and add the subs in at the bottom, but you can amend the team yourself if you want.) This (hopefully) won't matter, but since I'm on a proofreading kick: you've got Tim Bilton at #22 and as your second sub.