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About machotrouts

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    Hatchet man

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  1. machotrouts

    Inverse Dead Pool 2019

    Reigning champion fighting to keep my inverse crown. (An inverse crown is very uncomfortable and I don't recommend wearing one.) Billy Connolly Paul Gascoigne Bill Turnbull Queen Elizabeth II Donald Trump Linda Nolan Dick Van Dyke June Brown Prunella Scales Terry Jones Ruth Bader Ginsburg Betty White Marieke Vervoort Henry Kissinger Robert Mugabe Doris Day Jimmy Carter Prince Philip Olivia de Havilland Vera Lynn Michael Robinson Beth Chapman Bob Barker Bob Dole Bob Hawke SUB: Angela Lansbury Billy Connolly and Paul Gascoigne are both eligible for my #1 Hits Derby Dead Pool team, and I decided not to use either of them. Not even close enough to death's door for a theme team that stooped to including Demi Lovato.
  2. machotrouts

    Inverse Dead Pool 2019

    Holding out in case Vera Lynn is rushed to hospital after a fentanyl overdose 23:50 tomorrow.
  3. machotrouts

    Inverse Dead Pool 2019

    To clarify, that's noon tomorrow, right? Or do you mean 23:59?
  4. machotrouts

    Derby Dead Pool 2019

    I disregarded the rumours and speculation in 2017 because I trusted that insider who said he was just off receiving treatment for gammy fingers – then in 2018, the insider comes out and says it was a deliberate red herring to distract from his actual health issues. Very exciting plot twist.
  5. machotrouts

    Derby Dead Pool 2019

    Getting in the way of all the proper deadpoolers' analysis with facts and thoughts about my shitty little theme team: Now that I've finally had the sense to drop Connolly and O'Connor after 3 years, Vera Lynn is the only person to have been on all 4 incarnations of this team. Doris Day, Jane Morgan, and Rolf Harris all celebrate their 3rd year on the team – Doris skipped 2016, Jane skipped 2017, and Rolf skipped 2018. Jimmy Osmond, who had a stroke while playing Captain Hook in panto, entered the squad on Dec 31, the same day I had to take out Dr Hook's Ray Sawyer. A hook for a hook. I know there are 1 or 2 optimistic obits up there. Cancer Larry from the Floaters? One fifth of a 42-year-old one-hit wonder is a long shot, right? I shrugged off his previous heart troubles, but then one of you had to go and post on the forum that he's spending New Year's Eve in a hospital bed clutching his chest, and #1 Hits can't ignore that. He was probably posted as a trap for seasoned players, but a proper team's trash is a theme team's treasure. All 7 decades of the chart, from the 1950s to the 2010s, are represented here. Demi Lovato takes the #20 spot from Lil Wayne not just as the Overdose Punt, but also as a candidate in their first year of eligibility – Lil Wayne had his first UK #1 in 2017, and Demi Lovato had her first UK #1 in 2018. I've previously posted about the fact that I resented "having" to include Charles Aznavour on my team, as he was the oldest eligible male regardless of his apparent good health, and that when he died, I'd "have" to swap him for Tony Bennett, despite him also being in good health. Upon further research, I realised the actual oldest eligible male was the 93-year-old actor David Graham, who starred in Peter Kay's Animated All Star Band as Parker from Thunderbirds. David Graham also seems active and healthy, and I look forward to resenting him for years to come.
  6. machotrouts

    Billy Connolly: Big Yin with the Big C

    Billy Connolly spends a lot more time on the brink of death in headlines than he does in article bodies. "I’m 75, I’m near the end, I’m a damn sight nearer the end than I am the beginning..." Sounds like a 75-year-old alright. "As bits slip off and leave me, talents leave and attributes leave. I don’t have the balance I used to have, I don’t have the energy I used to have..." Sounds like Parkinson's alright.
  7. machotrouts

    2019 DDP Salvage Lot

    Don't worry, he's just suffering from a bad case of being the 4th oldest eligible candidate for a very narrow theme team. There's not much to work with after Greg Gilbert. Petula Clark is the #2 pick and I'd sooner expect to see her on Strictly Come Dancing than dead this year.
  8. machotrouts

    2019 DDP Salvage Lot

    In the spoiler box is my one-off team Miscarriage of Popjustice (a theme team of Popjustice £20 Prize nominees): and these were the three substitutes for it: 21. Jo O'Meara (S Club) 22. Amelle Berrabah (Sugababes) 23. Chris Lowe (Pet Shop Boys) The following people narrowly missed out on my two regular teams. Unpersons (a Big Brother theme team) SUBSTITUTES: 21. Wayne Sleep 22. Kellie Maloney 23. Michael Barrymore (#15 last year) 24. Ann Widdecombe 25. Alexander O'Neal (#12 last year) 26. Daniel Baldwin 27. Chris Ellison 28. Nick Leeson 29. Paula Hamilton 30. Stephanie Davis 31. Stephen Bear 32. Carol McGiffin 33. Dirk Benedict 34. Angie Bowie 35. James Cosmo (#18 last year) 36. Lesley Brain 37. Derek Acorah 38. Paddy Doherty 39. Sophie Anderton 40. Christopher Maloney #1 Hits (a UK #1 hitmaker theme team) SUBSTITUTES: 21. Kenny Rogers 22. Paul Gascoigne (ENGLANDNEWORDER) 23. Pat Boone 24. Tina Turner (USA for Africa) 25. Chris Rea (Band Aid II) (#6 last year) 26. Tony Bennett 27. Gordon Banks (England World Cup Squad '70) 28. Martin Peters (England World Cup Squad '70) 29. Peter Bonetti (England World Cup Squad '70) 30. Peter MacBeth (Foundations) 31. Tommy Roe 32. J.J. Barrie 33. Ian Bairnson (Pilot) 34. Ricky Valance 35. Plas Johnson (B. Bumble and the Stingers) 36. Bernard Cribbins (Peter Kay's Animated All Star Band) 37. Bryan Abrams (Color Me Badd) 38. Sean Kingston 39. Annika 'Mary Joe' Ljungberg (Rednex) 40. Chico Slimani
  9. machotrouts

    Inverse Dead Pool 2018

    Thank you. This isn't the first pool where I've picked a bunch of people who didn't die, but I'm glad that this time it was on purpose.
  10. machotrouts

    The 1st Death of 2019

    I can't find the "That's Yer Lot" option
  11. machotrouts

    Derby Dead Pool 2019

    These are my three theme teams for 2019. #1 Hits A theme team of people who've had a record peak at #1 in the UK Singles Chart (either solo or as part of a group). Last year's position is given in brackets, where applicable. (2) Nobby Stiles (England World Cup Squad '70) (new) Richard Tandy (Electric Light Orchestra) (4) Olivia Newton-John (new) Peter Tork (Monkees) (5) Vera Lynn (13) Tony Baylis (Wurzels) (new) Chris Farlowe (10) Doris Day (new) Little Jimmy Osmond (15) Jane Morgan (re) Rolf Harris (new) Anita Doth (2 Unlimited) (7) Harry Belafonte (new) Willie Nelson (USA for Africa) (new) Larry Cunningham (Floaters) (new) Derrick 'Johnny' Henry (Commonwealth Band) (new) Phil Creswick (Band Aid II) (new) Windsor Davies (new) David Graham (Peter Kay's Animated All Star Band) (new) Demi Lovato This team had four hits in 2018: Aretha Franklin (8), Ray Thomas (9), Abi Ofarim (12), and Charles Aznavour (16). Survivors dropped from the team are: Chas Smash (1), DJ Casper (3), Chris Rea (6), Terry Jacks (11), Dave Edmunds (14), Sinéad O'Connor (17), Billy Connolly (18), Peter Kay (19), and Lil Wayne (20). Unpersons A theme team of Big Brother housemates (including Celebrity Big Brother and other spin-offs). Last year's position is given in brackets, where applicable. (14) John McCririck (CBB3) (11) Danniella Westbrook (CBB17) (1) Linda Nolan (CBB13) (2) Jackie Stallone (CBB3) (6) Julie Goodyear (CBB10) (8) Ken Morley (CBB15) (re) Rebekah Shelton (BB10) (5) Lionel Blair (CBB13) (3) Bruce Jones (CBB12) (9) Gary Busey (CBB14) (7) Ron Atkinson (CBB12) (new) Amanda Barrie (CBB21) (4) Marco Pierre White Jr (BB17) (10) Lauren Harries (CBB12) (new) Kim Woodburn (CBB19) (13) Germaine Greer (CBB3) (new) The Situation (CBB10) (new) Rodrigo Alves (CBB22) (new) Roxanne Pallett (CBB22) (new) Lewis Flanagan (BB19) This team had no hits in 2018. Dropped from the team are: Alexander O'Neal (12), Michael Barrymore (15), Jackiey Budden (16), Tina Malone (17), James Cosmo (18), Dennis Rodman (19), and Sarah Harding (20). Miscarriage of Popjustice A one-off theme team of people who've had a single nominated for the Popjustice Twenty Quid Music Prize (either solo or as part of a group). Greg Gilbert (Delays) Petula Clark Sarah Harding (Girls Aloud) Jessie J Andy Brown (Lawson) Tom Chaplin (Keane) Chris Wolstenholme (Muse) Clare Maguire Adam Anderson (Daggers, Hurts) Neil Tennant (Pet Shop Boys) Oritsé Williams (JLS) Michelle Heaton (Liberty X) Paul Cattermole (S Club) Will Young Will Gregory (Goldfrapp) Craig Powell (Uniting Nations) Lily Allen Mutya Buena (Sugababes) Tracey Thorn Natalia Kills (aka Verbalicious) Those were my three theme teams for 2018.
  12. machotrouts

    The Dead of 2018

    I've been following this Facebook fan group for Ray "Eye Patch" Sawyer of Dr. Hook & the Medicine Show, who's been in intensive care over Christmas, willing him to hang on long enough to star as the joker in my 2019 DDP #1 Hits theme team. He's died one day short of the starting line. Condolences to his friends, family, and me.
  13. machotrouts

    Shadow Lists

    One of the first things I did when I signed up was turn off signatures, so I forgot you could have them on here. I turned them back on for a second, and Jesus, how does anyone read the forum like that? Half an acre of list under every reply. Each thread is just miles of signature and you've got to hunt for all the little posts sandwiched in between. Turned them straight back off. Anyone who just puts their shadow list in their signature instead of posting it here can rest assured that I'll never see it, and I'll be none the wiser if you fill it with "machotrouts is a cunt" 50 times over.
  14. machotrouts


    Can't believe this survived Tumblr's porn ban.
  15. machotrouts

    Political Frailty

    TLC first draft "needs work"

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