Lard Bazaar

Now there’s an odious pair of twats.

Well he’s not having a lovely daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

Oh you!

I was feeling quite sick and unwell in the night, nauseous and tummy ache and sloppy poo etc, because I ate a fuckton of mashed potato for my tea. I have been going a bit loopdy at home so today I went out for the first time in a week for some essential medications for which I had to go to two different chemists - halfway through being outside for the first time I had to rush home between chemists because, getting back in my car there was an overwhelming stench of faeces, and I genuinely thought I had shit my pants, how fucking annoying is that, being outside for the first time in ages and having to rush home not through fear of catching the covids but through fear of shitty grundies. Thankfully I had not pooed my pants, it was just the rancid smell of my town. So I went back out for my other essential meds and also some essential Space Raiders and an essential jumbo Twix.

My old man sings that song about me, he replaces the lyrics with my daughters name (for these purposes I’ll call her Daphne) and sings Daphnes Mum, she takes it up the bum. He wishes.

Having a shit.

I had a persistent cough for about three weeks following a few days of snotty cold in December. The official figures of infection and death are all bullshit.

Clearly everything said here is sensible and rational, I have always been a massive worst-case-scenario monger of doom but this has sent my paranoia and anxiety rocketing. Well, I guess if your number’s up you’re number’s up.

Is anyone else genuinely worried they might die? I just found out today that about 2.5 weeks ago I sat opposite (within like about 4 feet) a lady at work (young, fit, no underlying health issues) who is now very seriously ill. I’m shitting my pants.

I’m still having to work from home every day but I can now scream FUCK OFF YOU THICK FUCKING CUNT at my plankton-brained uber-moron work ‘colleague’ without getting sacked and the only person that cares is the cat. So it’s not all bad.

I might go on the game, there must be loads of men that would pay to pork a fat bird. This time next year Rodney!

Well that package to help self-employed people is going to help our family to the tune of fuck all. Hurrah.

You are kind. I’m still working, from home, so I have to concentrate on that I think. And I’m studying with the OU too so I’ll need to keep on top of that. I’m more worried by the financial situation, the effect that will have on him and then selfishly I suppose the way he will deal with his own stresses will have a big effect on me. Gardens full of roses are usually fed with a thick layer of shit just below the surface. I feel physically sick at the thought of being stuck here all the time. My guts are in knots, I can’t keep food down. Stupid really I know. I just need to get a grip. It will pass. I’ll be fine tomorrow I’m sure. Keep well

Well I think this might be the thing that actually properly makes me lose my marbles. Full on bawling under a duvet for an hour. Regular viewers will know I’ve been halfway to Broadmoor for some years but I think I really must pack my suitcase now.

So for all the government’s bluster about helping the self employed by letting them claim 94 whole quid a week, this still only applies if you’d have been entitled to it before anyway. My old man is self employed and upon finishing the job he’s on now, has no further work but because I apparently earn too much he can’t claim anything at all. So my way-below-average single wage now has to cover absolutely everything, which it won’t. I am still working and don’t think I will be let go, but if they have to stop paying us and my wage then drops to the 80% the government will pay, I’ve no idea how we will manage. I realise many many people are in the same, or worse, positions. I’m just feeling very low and out of kilter today, a big old cloud of doom is lurking. I wonder what he’s got to say in his announcement this evening.

The figures are pointless as they are only testing hospital admissions - there are thousands of people in the community that will have it already or will get it, but they won’t be counted.

TV presenter and over-enthusiastic serial killer fan Fred Dinenage in isolation.

Exactly - how can they possibly know when they are only testing hospital admissions and not people in the community? It’s all about fudging the figures to make it look like the measures they are taking are adequate and proportionate.

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/world-europe-isle-of-man-51918501 There’ll be no deaths at this year’s TT, as it’s been cancelled. In fact the whole year’s international bike racing calendar is fucked now, I am not happy about this.

A work colleague’s close relative currently in hospital with other things but been tested due to displaying symptoms, haven’t heard the outcome yet, but there has also been a death in the same hospital of someone tested positive , usual ‘underlying health conditions’ line being trotted out. Waiting to hear whether work colleague is going to be tested as they are also feeling unwell, if so it’s likely we are all at risk having been in daily close contact with them. When your number’s up, your number’s up!

I’d be getting your affairs in order if I were you.

An excellent display of top-lipped topiary there!

This is my great granny and grandad, he was the Mayor of Calne in the 60s some time.

I would have knocked three times on the ceiling. And twice on the pipes.