Lard Bazaar

It was me.

I’m definitely of the ‘sick child’ opinion now.

Not gonna lie, I’d laugh my tits off if Anthea Turner was wiped out in a freak back-of-a-truck explosion. Welcome.

Well, like him or not, he can certainly hold a tune live. It was a good show, he knows how to play the entertainer and there was lots of very loud screaming. Wasn’t the longest of shows, only did about 90 minutes but then I’m used to being spoilt by three-hour Foo Fighters shows. And he is SO very pretty! But the most important thing is that I have retained the title of Most Awesome Mum In The World Next stop is Bill Bailey at the Bristol Hippodrome next month.

I agree, I thought from early on that Harry would prove to be the Robbie Williams of the band. I’d sure as fuck teach him a thing or two

I’m going to see Harry Styles tomorrow and I don’t even care what you think because he is FUCKING HOT.

I much prefer Bobby George, always thought Bristow is a bit of a prick and as for that fat sex pest Phil Taylor, well he can fuck all the way off as well.

Paedo, not poof.

Anyone that says ‘box’ of fags deserves to choke to death.

I’ve had more entertaining shits.

You actually watch that utter fucking patronising pile of horsewank?

Shoulda got a Scenic

If only I actually knew something about football! I’d be RICH, I tell you!

You can shut it an’ all, I had a treble on today that necessitated a Carlisle score draw

Get a room ffs

I was bored on my week off so this is exactly what I did. And then I read it all properly just to check my facts, although admittedly I did miss out all the paragraphs about Tom Cruise (cunt). Not one fucking mention of it so it’s obviously fucking bullshit

I’ve read the whole of the Internet and cannot find one shred of evidence to corroborate your claim of leukaemia.

So do we know for sure there IS a super injunction, but just not what it’s about? And really, is being gay that much of an issue that he would rather let people think he was dead? There are much worse things! For instance if I had to be gay or walk around with no teeth I’d definitely be munching the furburger. With my teeth obvs.

Well I can beat you all as I share my birthday with Peter Falk. I’m sure he’s popular round these parts......

Jarvis Cocker, is that you? ’And you want to call your motherAnd say "mother, I can never come home again'Cause I seem to have left an important part of my brain somewhereSomewhere in a field in Hampshire, all right"

Oh sorry this is me then! Not feeling 100% at the mo so not my usually sharp self! I know he’s very popular but I have just never found him funny at all. But each to his own I suppose. I’m loving James Acaster at the moment, very amusing.

Is there one then? Do people really think he’s dead? Is this children’s charity mentioned a clue as to his disappearance ‘I have first hand experience of this’? Or has he just gone off-grid to try and write something funny for a change?

I have a vague memory of seeing The Village People film Can’t Stop The Music with my mum and sister so would have been 1980 and wish I could confirm if it’s real or I’m making it up.

Siouxsie and the Banshees, Colston Hall Bristol, 16th September 1988