Lard Bazaar

Yes. Yes they do

Hmm, not weird at all when you’re gay. Everyone knows he’s gay don’t they?

Central, just down from the West Quay shopping centre. Room 212.

I spent this weekend in Southampton, and last night I dreamt that the reason I was there was to meet up with various DL members for the Deathcon. We met in a milkshake bar and I brought my old man along to meet you all, which didn’t go terribly well as he doesn’t really get the death thing. Then I woke up at 3am and spent 20 minutes puking into the Travelodge sink.

Sadly I haven’t had that much for a number of years.

Andi Peters was on The Chase earlier, with a noticeable weird lump/scar thing on his neck. Hasn’t aged a bit since he was in the Broom Closet though.

Could be onto something there, Bobbo

Kong Gone.

Once you have paid, my local sorting office chucks everything in one pile so I doubt it matters a bit whether you go for first or second. Very sorry for you. There is no shame whatsoever in being upset. It shows you are human with feelings, and not a cunt. My old man cried like a child for hours after we had one of ours put to sleep earlier this year. Animals do become part of your family.

I think I’m in love.

Top tune!

I’ve only done it twice and I was absolutely fucking spannered both times. But even if you’re not pissed, nobody wants to listen to fucking amateur twats thinking they’re fucking Tina Turner or Neil Diamond, I can state with absolute certainty that 100% of people that do karaoke are 99% less good than they think they are.

Mine drag on the floor. It’s my age, you know.

How fickle we are. One minute he’s the nation’s favourite twiglet, the next he’s disappeared in a puff of smoke and the paparazzi don’t give a shit. I reckon he’s in The Priory, rocking back and forth like a Romanian orphan whilst dribbling over his David Dickinson scrapbook. Poor Dale. I loved him! When he used to say ‘off you go to my red area’ on that lottery thing I would laugh like a drain.

I still want to know. Nobody seems to give a shit that he has disappeared off the face of the earth! Where the fuck is he?

We saw Rich Hall tonight, a last minute thing as my friend had tickets but couldn’t go so kindly gave them to us, a very entertaining evening, first half stand up and second half some funny country music songs (yes I hate country music too but) based loosely on conversations he had with audience members in the first half. Briefly met him afterwards while buying a CD and there was nothing of any significance to note health wise

We went to see Greg Davies last night who was very very funny indeed, but relative to here, during the show you discover that a few years ago he had to have a kidney removed due to a tumour that turned out to be non-cancerous, so he only has one kidney, which in itself does not put someone at death’s door, but still an interesting point to note, as he freely admits he’s not a picture of physical fitness and doesn’t give a shit.

I loved him in Pipkins.

The Fall cancelled a Bristol show at the last minute last night

He looks like he needs a bath. Can’t fucking stand him. And that Bond song, well don’t get me started on that.

Dave, obvs.

Totally, I’d bank on cause of death being massive cocaine-induced cardiac arrest, he will be found in a filthy Edinburgh flat belonging to a prossie, with his pants round his ankles wearing a bra and surrounded by butt plugs and half eaten kebabs.

Well a good job it’s for my dad then

He’s a cunt.

I’ve just bought that Beatles book by that bloke too, Nigel Dixon or whatever his name is