Tuber Mirum

Can you explain to The Panel why you will be voting no?

I voted no. Not because that's how I would vote if I could/were going to vote, but because the question is "who do I think will win?" and not "how would I vote?"

Wednesday: Forres Mechanics 3:2 Fort William Saturday: Formartine United 11:2 Fort William Onwards, ever onwards.

Off to the United States of America on Tuesday for a week. Providence RI with just a short day trip to New York City. So what does the panel think: Brimley or Banshees?

thank you !!!!!! Excuse my inattention, but who are you the artist formerly known as?

Lardy, it's best to have a PC/laptop hard-wired to the router (to update passwords etc). Can you get the internet feed (and router) shifted to your daughter's room insteadof your bedroom? Aye, but not necessarily all the time. It'd be enough to connect the laptop with a cable once in a while as required. Lardy, you're going to have to get someone who understands these things to take a look at it.

If the router thingy is a wireless router thingy then you may not have to connect it to anything. It depends.

Dropbox is quite good for that sort of thing. Too see you nice again too, Bou!

I reckon Captain Oates is very likely still to have them. I'll drop him a line.

Do you mean this one?

19.03.2011 Fort William FC 2 - 3 Strathspey Thistle FC 23.03.2011 Fort William FC 1 - 3 Rothes FC Strathspey is exactly one Place above the Fort in the Highland League and regularly gets beaten 9-0 by most other teams, so almost managing to draw against them twice isn't quite the achievement it appears to be at first glance. Tomorrow we're at home to Brora.

Given that that scoundrel Bellender has more or less completely given up attending to his duties, (preferring I am told to attend to a certain Lady Florence Craye, recently arrived spinster of this parish; back in my day domestics knew their place and stayed in it), I'm doing a spot of tidying up on the HDP front. Not that anyone'll notice much difference until I get all the scores calculated. The following people seem to have died in no particular order: Blake Edwards Gerry Rafferty Neil Young (footballer) Pete Postlethwaite Charlie Louvin Tom Lubbock Mick Karn Eunice Sandborn Nicholas Courtney. Have I missed anyone?

Well I'm glad I saw that. You can come and poke my eyes out now.

Remember when that big-nosed slapper Rebecca Loose wanked off a pig on telly? I bet she's well fucked off, she shagged the most famous footballer she could find, and all she's remembered for is being covered in pig-jizz. I don't remember that. I wish I'd seen it. To be fair to the lady, it must have required no litttle sleight of hand, piggies having, as I believe they do, a spiral willy.

Horse spunk milkshakes. I wonder if there's a special name for someone whose profession it is to wank off horses?

I wish my boss had half of Mubarak's perceptive faculty.

That can only be complete nonsense. Firstly because they wouldn't report a heated discussion between him and Obama like that , and secondly because even the most contemptible tabloid hack would be able to spell "sensitive" correctly.

I play that game regularly on bus journeys with my colleagues. There are two different editions with various dictators. I also have Plague Trumps which is concerned with the lethality etc, of various Bacteria, parasites and Viruses. There is also one called Rauschgiftquartett which has to do with the price, deadliness, popularity and origin of various drugs. Particularly interesting because I wasn't previously aware that there was a kind of sage you could hallucinate from. Price per hit: 0,00 Euro. The bit in that article about splitting them up according to which part of the world they come from and that whoever has no more tyrants in their hand is the winner is utter bollocks. Interestinlgy enough, the tyrants are split up into the following groups: Puppets of the USA, faschists, monarchs, communists, kleptocrats and mass-murderers. After Hitler, the best card to have is Kaiser Wilhelm II.

Bellender has respectfully struck out Young's name. I shall work out the points sometime soon. Maryport appears to be in the lead.

Aye, I won't disagree with you this time Windy, but he definitely came second in this famous prickout which I was fortunate enough to see as it happened one election night. I follow Galloway on Twitter. It's some of the best entertainment you can get for free.

He looks absolutely frightful in this recent photo.

This is as bad a place as any to draw attention to this trio of masculine moderation.

No. It means that he scores the lowest amount of points available. If his number one choice dies next, he will get 9 points (instead of the 10 he would have received had No. 1 died before Rafferty). That is my understanding from memory, so it is probably wrong. Indeed it is wrong. But only in the number of points. It's 45 and 50 respectively. No idea why I do it that way, but there's probably a reason.

Oh yes. I'll sort that out later.

Stephen Fry's new Pushnote service could add an interesting new dimension to ranting about websites. Easy enough to ignore though, probably.