Amanda

Maybe it's just me? They happen to be a couple of my guaranteed for a laugh jokes.... I find them funny though, and that's all that matters to me!

Hmm, I suppose a mashed cyclist wouldn't be so pretty.... I just can't help but that think that there's a lot more important things going on.

Maybe it's coz of that gap in her teeth ... don't know why, but it just reaaaaalllly annoys me. There's a joke about her isn't there, as follows: Christmas Day in the McCartney household. Paul produces his final, special gift for Heather and she is delighted to find a beautiful plane! "Paul!" she exclaims, "It's beeeeautiful! But how am I supposed to shave my other leg?" Hahahahehehaha!! I love that joke!!!!!! OR, Q. What's got three legs and lives on a farm? A. Paul McCartney and his wife! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (Amanda rolling on the floor laughing)

That's just unbelievable, but typical! I got stopped by police OUTSIDE my house once, not long after I got Corey (the Corrado). I was trying out his fog lights and various other buttons to see what they all did, and I was actually stationary (or stationery???) outside my house!!!! What a rubbish waste of time! Yet I did mention to them that all the local drug-takers use the telephone box about 50 metres down the road from my house to call their dealer. Therefore, about 20 times a night this guy pulls in a bus stop in his BMW with the loudest most crap music ever and does his deals and numerous dodgy looking people are loitering in our road day and night. And I also mentioned that perhaps they could have a word with the kids at the local sports centre who keep dumping their Special Brew cans etc on the footpath, which is very unsightly and annoying, particularly given that there are two bins in close proximity, but did they care? Nope! Bicycles without lights, somebody testing their car lights whilst parked up and other rubbish things are what seems to take up their time.... and they say the police are overworked etc etc!! But on the other hand, there a lovely policeman in this area who's a dead ringer for Robbie Williams, had he not had his difficulties with drugs and alcohol. Mmmm mmmm! Rant over!

That gets my vote. I'll just get the trusty old 12 bore out. Hehehehehee!!! LOVE it!!! Count me in!

You're only as old as the stiff you feel.... Does a year ago count?

Old or young!

Ha! I thought so! I get damn sick of police and pretend police - they're such smug looking b*stards and the local ones to hear like to wag their fingers at you if you're doing something vaguely naughty. Grrrrrr.

Must say, I do very much like Mr Mortician's avatar!

What is this please? And where do I get one?

I don't want to, but if I clicked on the Report button, what would happen? Agree re: animals and my other dogs are generally animals, but this offending creature seems to have no useful purpose. And b*gger me his breath STINKS!! When he breathes over you it's like a baseball bat to the side of the face.... foul.

Dear Mr Terminator, Have you seen the Arnie/Terminator keyboard that says Arnie/Terminator things to correspond with letters on keyboard?

Oh yay!!! Hurrah! Fantastico!!! I was a scratch card virgin until this evening and bought one for £2.00 tonight and won £54.00!!!

Oops, I take that back! I did think they did it for free! Hope I haven't offended anybody. I got pulled over by one once, literally about 1 metre from a T junction. I was quite worried that somebody would whizz round the corner and plough in to the back on my car and asked if he minded me saying something, to which he was agreeable. I voiced my concern and happened to mention the correct number of feet that you are allowed to park from a junction (I'd just passed my test, so I knew all this stuff), and he told me it was OK and if anybody did then at least I was with an officer of the law. (Though if I could just say, he was on foot so that may not have done much good if a car driver hit me and then drove off.) But anyway, he was fine about the question and told me of my broken headlight and then carried on my way. And then about a week later, I heard through a friend of a friend of a friend that PC Community Officer had told me to watch my back and stop being so cheeky and to be careful what I say in future!!!! I was outraged!

But not in a sexual way and nobody on here!

Hmmm, shooting the little sh*tbag sounds like a fab idea.... sometimes I just watch him playing on the main road and think "Yes, come on just hit him and put him out of his misery", which is wrong. I'll give the electric shock thing a go though! Coming to think of it, there's a few people I'd like to tie down.

He needs exercise though - if he's not walked twice a day he's like a bottle of shaken lemonade - just bursting and whining and pacing. And it'd be mean because the other pooches are fine to be let off.

snorts I really bloody begrudge paying car tax. I mean look at the state of the roads!! And we can't even bloody park anywhere for free! And Traffic Wardens!!!! I'm sure it's a worthwhile job etc, but why the hell are they so damn mean and miserable? And those Special police - they pretend to be police and don't get paid for it?!! Reckon they were all bullied at school.

Do you work in 'IT' as in your car, or in 'IT' as in information tech? If my car tax ran out on 28th Feb, how many days to I have until I need to get new tax?

You're not the guy in the Jag are you?

Anybody know anything about those electric shock collars for dogs? I have a nutter of a dog - border collie x springer and am worried am going to kill him or he's going to get killed. I have no control over him, despite owning him since a puppy. He's now 18 months old and although he's grasped Sit, Stay etc at home, once out on his walks this all goes out of the window. I've tried dog training, but we were banned in the end because he disrupted all the other puppies, and we had one-to-one training and after 6 months it was going nowhere and we admitted defeat. He runs on railway lines, roads, chases anything that moves ... obviously you'd think don't take him anywhere with railway lines, roads etc, but everywhere leads to them eventually and he can cover miles really quickly. Also, in my quest to find new safe walks for him and the other dogs (e.g. ones without roads and railway lines nearby) you can't help but stumble across cattle etc and now it's lambing time coming up soon so that's going to be a bit of a problem. He also chases birds, despite them being a considerable height above him. I've never had this trouble with my other dogs. He is however very intelligent and eager to please, but I despair of him. So, does anyone know if these collars work? If so, how do they work? Would having an electric shock make him come back to me or just scare him off into running further away from me?

Thank you, that's kind of how I like to think of it. Did I ever tell you about the strange man who used to drive past me in various states of undress? Well let me begin.... When I was 17, I had a lovely horse - 16.3hh Irish Draught x Thoroughbred - named Embla Topic (anagram of which is compatible). Used to do a lot of road work with him for a time and from my vantage point, I became aware of a red Vauxhall Cavalier that used to drive back and forth, back and forth past Topic and me. He seemed to be clearly delighted when I used to thank him for slowing down, as I did with all drivers. After about a week of him doing this, he then became braver and each time he drove past, a layer of clothing would be removed and by the 5th trip past me he'd be naked aside from the seatbelt, which unfortunately didn't cover his bits. He did this for about a week or so, by which time it became less and less amusing, and then you guessed it.... I had to get the police involved.

That's the very same story yes. If I was ten, I think that'd be a pretty good way to go. These days, it's more likely that my car will roll in to me. I'm having my wondercar serviced tomorrow actually - is £170.00 a good deal? Going to a VW garage as I think he needs the full works. Thing is, I can't trust any garages. All garages have blatantly ripped me off in the past. One mechanic even held my car hostage so that I would have to go to his house and go and get it ... which resulted in me having to get the police involved.

MR JOSCO - that was beautiful. I wish I could speak as you do and write meaningul interesting posts. My eye sight/eyesight/eye-sight is starting to go a bit funny now and I keep seeing additional a's, b's, c's etc popping up throughout my text! Anybody heard in the news of snowball related death recently???

Arrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! That's down to my dodgy space bar sorryyyyyyyyyyyy! I quit!!