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themaninblack

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Posts posted by themaninblack

  2. Posted

    A drunk man enters a brothel and asks the Madame what kind of service she's offering.

    The Madame replies "Well sir, we can offer you a beautiful, high-class model who will do the full works: Blow-Job, Anal you name it, for £100.

    "I haven't got £100. Have you anything cheaper?" the man replies.

    "We have a normal girl who just does full sex for £50".

    "I haven't got £50" replied the man.

    "What have you got?" inquired the Madame. The man fished out some money and drunkenly counted it.

    "£11.62".

    "Give me a tenner and come with me" said the Madame. She took the man by the hand and led him into a small, brightly lit room. There was a small wooden stool in the middle of the room.

    "Sit on that stool and wait five minutes" instructed the Madame. So the drunk man sits on the stool for a while and tries to keep awake. Five minutes later and he hears this sound, like a small metal hatch opening. In saunters a pig.

    "Is this it?" thought the man, but then he thought "What the hell" and proceeded to take off his trousers and molest the animal.

    Two minutes later the man staggers out of the room, thanks the Madame for the nights enetertainment and leaves.

     

    One week later, the same man and in the same drunken state, staggers into the same brothel (it's a small town you see).

    "What have you got this time" asked the Madame. Once more the man fumbles through loose change. "£5.18". He replies. The Madam takes the fiver off his hands and directs him upstairs to the 'Voyueur's Room".

    The man opens the door and sees that its a large, dark, open room. In the middle of room however is a crowd of people, gathered around a point of light. The man heads towards the gathering and sees for himself what they are interested in.

    It turns out to be a glass floor and the people are observing a man and woman in the throes of full sexual contact.

    "This is brilliant" splutters the man, nudging one the observers.

    "Yeah" replies the other man, "But you should've been here last week mate, we saw a bloke F**k a pig!"

  3. Posted

    I'm hoping she lives till 120. By then, hopefully 'Thatcherism' would have been overturned, her legacy destroyed and her reputation diminished. If she dies in the near future, I'll have to lock myself in a room for the next few weeks untill the coast is clear and all the platitudes would have died down. Alas, the latter is more likely to happen...

  5. Posted

    Check out this opinion from scaruffi.com:

     

    "Elvis Presley was the first great swindle of rock'n'roll, and the prototype for the ones that would follow. Equipped him with a masterful rhythm section (Bill Black on bass and Scotty Moore on guitar), he was marketed as the juvenile delinquent that he was not. In segregated America, Presley became the ultimate white robber of black hits: Arthur Crudup's That's All Right Mama (1954), Roy Brown's Good Rockin' Tonight (1955), Junior Parker's Mystery Train (1955). He began to move towards "whiter" material with Carl Perkins' Blue Suede Shoes (1956), with Shorty Long on piano, Mae Axton's Heartbreak Hotel (1956), perhaps his vocal masterpiece, Leiber & Stoller's Hound Dog (1956), but his black soul still emerged in Otis Blackwell's diptych Don't Be Cruel (1956), his greatest hit, and All Shook Up (1957). Leiber & Stoller's Jailhouse Rock (1958), finally an irreverent boogie, was his swan song. Presley the rocker died there: he went on to croon and shout operatic melodies such as old Italian songs, and to specialize in seduction numbers such as Love Me Tender (1956, stolen from the soundtrack of "Rancho Notorious"), and Hugo (Peretti) & Luigi (Creatore)'s Can't Help Falling In Love (1961, a rewrite of Giovanni Martini's Plaisir d'Amour). "

     

    You should read what he says about the Beatles!

  7. Posted

    Myra Hindley and a little boy are walking through the moors at night.

    Little boy says to Myra "I'm scared! I hate the dark!"

    Myra replies "How do you think I feel? I've got to walk back from here alone."

     

     

    Drat! I was going to tell that joke! :ph34r:

  10. Posted

    ive just seen footage of Lady Thatcher arriving at her birthday bash and she looks very frail indeed..she could hardly walk at all in fact and seemed quite confused.She doesnt look long for th is world im t hinking.Either that or she was drunk as a skunk

     

    She likes a drink does Maggie.

     

    I'll give her a couple of years or so tops!

  13. Posted

    On the list? He's Numero Uno. I saw him on The World new programme on BBC. He'll also give an interview on Newsnight. He looks increasingly frail. Quite sad really, but the Nobel Prize is well deserved.

  15. Posted

    I am coming under increasing pressure from my management at work not to spend so much time on Death List and other non work related sites.

     

    I'm going to speak to my union about this blatant harassment and intimidation.

     

    You're lucky! There is a firewall block on my Computer at work, so can't access the website at all...

  17. Posted

    I sense some repressed negative emotions towards the old bat at this forum. Do you guys ever wonder how a notoriously unpopular politician like the Iron Lady ever managed to get re-elected twice? Do you actually know people that voted for her?!

     

    Well while we're there, why not think about how Tony Blair managed to get re-elected twice!

  19. Posted

    Pretty much all the rest really. According to The Observer, JK Galbraith seems in good enough form at 97. At the most a couple on the list may go before New Years Eve, but don't ask me who...

     

    As for next year, Pinter, Ross Davidson, Scott Hamilton, Ricardo Montalban, John Spencer, Joe Longthorne and Gough Whitlam have to be considered...

  21. Posted

    You guys are a f*****g disgrace, how f*****g dare you say these things about a women who is suffering with cancer and still manages to do everything that she has done. We wont be seeing you on TV for your achievements or writing a book. You cocks will spend your life as gimps, just wasting your life, writing poison on the internet. I'd love to meet you, i'd shorten your life by a hell of a lot!!!

     

    This rantings by the unregistered are of the same sort of mentality as those who write to the Mail about lapsing standards and swearing on the telly.

     

    May I remind you that Ms Tomlinson has effectively made her name by announcing that she was going to peg it.

  25. Posted

    Small earthquake in Chile. Not many dead. (Claud Cockburn, winning entry for a dullest headline competition at the Times)

     

    A bit more of that wouldn't go amiss...

     

    I see that Mark Whatisface from ITN has darted to the death scene quick-as-a-flash. And to think that some people think we are all sick for going on this website.

     

    Wouldn't it be great, considering the year we're having, that we go through a whole year without some big bleeding event going on. You know: No earthquakes, tidal waves, bomb blasts, political deaths/resignations, royal deaths/scandal, health scares, famines, coups, revolutions etc. We would have the spectacle of all those journos scuttling around looking for scraps of news to fill their programmes with, while we all get on with life, love and the pursuit of happiness without distractions...

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