Lady Die

According to this article the world's oldest are getting younger.

I think I'd prefer to be donated to medical science ... to save on funeral costs.

31st January and all still alive Does anyone know the latest date for a "first hit" in previous years?

Didn't Dennis Nilsen (murderer) come from Fraserburgh?

He's a "confirmed bachelor"

Quite a few people die shortly after their 100th birthday (e.g. Bob Hope and that woman the other day who died on her 100th birthday ). It's as though they use up all their energy getting there, then just run out of steam. Maybe it's the same for the world's oldest person. Mind you, judging from the photos, I reckon some of them have been dead for years & have been embalmed. Emma Tillman had the shortest ever reign as the world's oldest person.

Bloody hell, they're dropping like flies.

Marry a corpse

A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials. The agent asked, "What's your name?" The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian." The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood , you are going to have to change your name." "I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever." The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years... you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you." "So be it! I guess we will not do business together" the guy said and he left the agent's office. FIVE YEARS LATER..... The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him $ 50,000? He reads the letter enclosed... "Dear Sir, Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood , you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation. Thank you for your advice.. Sincerely, Dick van Dyke

sources closes to old Leo said recently he was looking tired... and run down

Send someone a card

Man escapes from jaws of shark

That reminds me, did anyone see that bit in 'Trial and Retribution' last night when that bloke was run over twice by a car. It was the most 'orrible thing I'd seen on telly for ages! Is it on YouTube?

Terrifying!

Jade Goody may be on the verge of suicide. Here's hoping.

Here's my first potential image. regards, Hein Here's mine... Good or what?

I like the funeral scams....

I have MET Richard Dawkins! And I have just read The Wasp Factory by Iain Banks. Excellent.

I think they are classed as "medical waste" and incinerated.

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!" "What do you mean? I'm fine." "What about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before." "Well," said the pirate, "we were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg, but the Doc fixed me up, and I'm fine, really." "Oh yeah? Well, what about that hook? The last time I saw you, you had both hands." "Well, we were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off, but the Doc fixed me up with the hook, and I feel great, really." "Oh," said the bartender, "what about that eye patch? The last time you were in here you had both eyes." "One day when we were at sea some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up and one of them crapped in my eye." "You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird crap!" It was my first day with the hook."

I bet she's great fun though!

Old people who go to the bank at lunchtime and Tesco at the weekend. They should go when the rest of us are at work!

Thanks. How can the shows be live when they show clips of him interviewing the prople before hand? Maybe they have a dress rehearsal? Or all the guests have been on before & they are old clips?

Maybe I should be signing up for Geriatrics Anonymous Thanks, Windsor, for the reminder about being nearly 50. I'll be able to go on a SAGA holiday.

A young lawyer, in the process of opening a new private practice, was very anxious to impress potential clients. Upon seeing a man enter the lobby of his office, he immediately picked up his phone and spoke into it, "Eight hundred thousand dollars? You're kidding me. You're going to have to do better than that. Our bottom line for settlement is a million. Don't waste my time with anything less." Slamming down the phone, he then turned to the man who had just walked in, and said, "Now, what can I do for you?" "Nothing," replied the man. "I'm here to hook up your phone."