Madcow

I know it's an odd thing to miss, but I wish they'd bring back white dog poo. Dog poo used to dry out and dissolve into dust then get washed away by the rain. These days it sits around in a sticky pile and goes hairy, until you stand in it. It stinks a lot more now, aswell.

They've mashed the rice crispies up in them now aswell. They're kinda sludgy and not very crisp anymore. Can anyone else remember plain chocolate Toffee crisps? They were in a blue wrapper and nobody I speak to ever remembers them.

Yes, I totally agree about roads in general. But I wish that bike riders had some duty of care. They should have to pass a test like any other road user and common sense should make them have insurance even if the Government don't. In Worcester, there's a silly old cow who creeps up behind you (on the pavement, I might add) then rings her bell to make you move out of her way. How I'd like to push her under the next 18 wheeler that comes by! A bike is a wonderfully streamlined and economic way to travel (as long as your not going too far) but the fact that any old muppet can weave all over the place on one, like a drunken kitten, makes me shiver. Don't move to Amsterdam. By the way, welcome Madcow, I hope you will stick around. Now about these sprouts, you've got it all wrong. They're the best vegetable on the planet. My mother-in-law hates them which makes them even better. Every Christmas I hold a spoon over her plate and say "you'll have some of these won't you" all self-righteously and she says "no" through gritted teeth. It's just piling up the hate which suits me. Thank you for your words of welcome. I hope that we can have many discussions on the ridiculous in the future. Sadly my mother in law popped off a couple of years ago, but I used to taunt her with carrots. Just waving one at her could send her in to a dead faint. Happy memories indeed!

Yes, I totally agree about roads in general. But I wish that bike riders had some duty of care. They should have to pass a test like any other road user and common sense should make them have insurance even if the Government don't. In Worcester, there's a silly old cow who creeps up behind you (on the pavement, I might add) then rings her bell to make you move out of her way. How I'd like to push her under the next 18 wheeler that comes by! A bike is a wonderfully streamlined and economic way to travel (as long as your not going too far) but the fact that any old muppet can weave all over the place on one, like a drunken kitten, makes me shiver.

My top ten at the time of writing 1) Let us first Kill all the Chavs. 2) Abolish that annoying plastic packaging that is shaped to the product and then heat sealed with a seam like a soddin' pasty crust. When you finally manage to chew your way into the package with a Stanley knife, you end up with gashed hands from the raw plastic edges. 3) MP expenses. They get paid enough for sitting in their fat arses doing sweet f.a. Shouldn't their salary be used for living on, like the rest of us? 4) Overpaid footballers. £45,000 a week for 90 minutes 'work'? That we could all have some of that! 5) Lily Allen. God, how I wish I could punch her talentless smug face in. 6) Reailty TV and 'gritty, true life drama'. I live in 'real life' I want to watch escapist fiction. 7) Push bikes. If you want to use my road, pay bloody tax and insurance. 8) Coke adverts with Duffy squeaking like a friggin' constipated chipmunk. 9) Dogs that are smaller than cats. 10) Brussel Sprouts