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Memento Mori

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Posts posted by Memento Mori

  3. Posted

    proceed to eat the whole of the breakfasts, including, I assume, the cuttlery and plates. ^^^^ They then go back, a matter of a few hours later, and eat all of the lunch

     

    You missed the bit where they fill up their bags with breakfast rolls to take away for a snack later on.

     

    And the bit about having a glass of diet coke to help wash it all down.

     

    I used to work with a guy (in fact he was my boss) who visited the vending machines three or four times a day Iin addition to lunch) to stock up on twinkies, ding-dongs, ho-hos and the like, and a diet coke.

     

    His clothes fitted him so snugly he was known as the polyester tester.

    Speaking of food and eating habits - another thing that does my head in is somebody(usually a fattie) eating nosily and making those intermittent sounds of pleasure/satisfaction! :angry2:

  4. Posted

    Olivia De Haviland- I thought she was long dead.

     

    Last surviving main character actor of "Gone With The Wind" (Melanie), 94-years old. And no, that's not a stage name, she was given that name at birth.

     

    Her sister Joan Fontaine, also a major actress is 92-years old. Now that is a stage name. Her mother would not let her use the De Havilland name. Her real name is Joan de Beauvoir de Havilland.

    I knew they were sisters, but I was sure that both of them had snuffed it years ago..

  5. Posted

    On an aside, some medieval Irishman (can't think of his name, but if pushed will provide it) saw a vision including reference clues to every sucessive pope until "the end of the papacy". Apparently, the current pope is predicted as the penultimate pope before the final pope takes "centre stage".

     

    Meanwhile, back in reality................

    According to St Malachi (medieval Irish guy) the last pope will be named Peter and will be dragged through the streets of Rome by a pissed off mob. Wish I knew when it was happening, so I could buy tickets XD!!

  6. Posted

    I'm consigning elderly ladies who use the supermarket as a social club to room 101. They block the aisles with their trolleys leaving no space for other shoppers to get by. As if that isn't bad enough, anybody within earshot is treated to a blow by blow account of their ailments and general gripes(the youth of today and arthritis being favourites). I've found them, generally, to be far ruder, louder and a hell of a lot more obtrusive than the much maligned youth. Then again, I'm most likely allowing today's experience to colour my judgment XD!

  9. Posted

    Enjoy a spin in the car.

     

    Chapman, 43, admitted driving dangerously and outraging public decency.

     

    Her solicitor told the court her client’s actions had been a futile attempt to make herself feel better at a time when she was under stress.

    I can't see how masturbating would help with her incontinence problem-if anything it would have made it worse. Speaking of which, shouldn't she have been wearing one of those adult sized nappies? How the hell does wanking make someone who has received bad news feel better? Call me old fashioned, but I always assumed it to be the pass time of the bored and the horny! :banghead:

  11. Posted

    I heard Michael Douglas has cancer,

    Serves him right - the little chancer,

    Now he faces pain and strife,

    A change from the pleasure of a young wife.

    We can but hope that this is the end,

    Lets all pray that he is not on the mend.

    Both father and son now racing for death,

    With a chance of a grandson KOing on Meth.

     

    Put them both down for twenty-eleven,

    They'll gain their place in DL heaven.

    Perhaps too we could aim for a Pope,

    If he does the decent thing and hangs from his rope.

     

    The End.

     

    I imagine cancer is a walk in the park after living with that bitch.

    No doubt she'll get her claws into some other poor bastard when hubby finally kicks the bucket.

     

     

    His dad? :pop:

    I very much doubt poor old Kirk is able to raise a smile these days, let alone anything else! Maybe she'll opt for the son.

  12. Posted

    I heard Michael Douglas has cancer,

    Serves him right - the little chancer,

    Now he faces pain and strife,

    A change from the pleasure of a young wife.

    We can but hope that this is the end,

    Lets all pray that he is not on the mend.

    Both father and son now racing for death,

    With a chance of a grandson KOing on Meth.

     

    Put them both down for twenty-eleven,

    They'll gain their place in DL heaven.

    Perhaps too we could aim for a Pope,

    If he does the decent thing and hangs from his rope.

     

    The End.

     

    I imagine cancer is a walk in the park after living with that bitch.

    No doubt she'll get her claws into some other poor bastard when hubby finally kicks the bucket.

  13. Posted

    Zsa Zsa's husband has said that he intends to have her body preserved by plastination, in order that ''her immortal beauty be preserved in the context of a scene from one of her films''. He also said that Gunther von Hagans should carry out the procedure.

     

    He might be able to bring himself to shag her now...

    ...He's certainly weird enough..He'll probably give it a go...

     

    God whats wrong with putting dead people in a box and placing it in the ground :pop: (or on the fire or out at sea), instead of being put on display like some kind of morbid curio. Maybe it is too "old fashioned."

     

    Does anyone else realise that if he does this to her body it will be her in her less than youthful 93 year old form?

    The ''prince'' certainly does have a rather unhealthy, if not downright insane funeral plan.

  15. Posted

    I heard Michael Douglas has cancer,

    Serves him right - the little chancer,

    Now he faces pain and strife,

    A change from the pleasure of a young wife.

     

    We can but hope that this is the end,

    Lets all pray that he is not on the mend.

    Both father and son now racing for death,

    With a chance of a grandson KOing on Meth.

     

    Put them both down for twenty-eleven,

    They'll gain their place in DL heaven.

    Perhaps too we could aim for a Pope,

    If he does the decent thing and hangs from his rope.

     

    The End.

    lol! A welcome antidote to the ''get well soon'' rhyme! :angel3:

  17. Posted

    I feel that Michael Douglas deserves his own thread. Despite his upbeat manner, the latest reports that his doctors were unable to diagnose his condition for several weeks and the fact that he now has stage 4 cancer mean that serious consideration should be given to him appearing on next year's DL.

     

    Letterman -- unaware of the various stages -- asked him if it was an encouraging diagnosis. “Um...no,” Douglas replied. “You like to be down at stage I, but it has not -- the big thing you’re always worried about is it spreading ... and the expectations are good. The percentages are very good. I would hate to say, but right now, it looks like it should be 80 percent, and with certain hospitals and everything, it does improve.”

     

    I'm not sure his survival chances are as good as he suggests. Other statistics on the www indicate that he perhaps has a 30% chance of living another 5 years.

    It's not looking good for the reformed sex addict, is ti?

  18. Posted

    Zsa Zsa's husband has said that he intends to have her body preserved by plastination, in order that ''her immortal beauty be preserved in the context of a scene from one of her films''. He also said that Gunther von Hagans should carry out the procedure.

     

    He might be able to bring himself to shag her now...

    ...He's certainly weird enough..He'll probably give it a go...

  19. Posted

    Zsa Zsa's husband has said that he intends to have her body preserved by plastination, in order that ''her immortal beauty be preserved in the context of a scene from one of her films''. He also said that Gunther von Hagans should carry out the procedure.

  22. Posted

    Quite true, I may have missed a few things but, be comforted, they didnt!!

    Lardy, you may well be two stones heavier than before but Im talking about considerably more than two stones.

    You, at least, are a lovely warm, funny person. They, on the other hand, displayed the personalities of labotomised Goldfish.

    I also need to say, and I really, really dont want to but the vast majority of said fat fooks were from North of the border.

    One family, in particular, looked like a set of Weebles, their only saving grace being that they were Rangers supporters, thus, having slightly less hatred for the English than normal ( and before anybody says anything, there was at least one example of racial hatred directed to an English person from a Scot while I was there.... which astonished me)

    Without taking the rant into a North South divide, which is wrong as much as its pointless, id also like to question the sanity and morality of someone who thinks its perfectly normal to eat baked potatoes for breakfast.

     

     

    HAHA my M&Ms comment above stemmed from a heffer that I used to work with, at least 19 stone, who bewailed the fact that she was a biffer, whilst scoffing M&Ms at her desk - on an early shift we'd go to the canteen for breakfast, and she would have a FRIED POTATO SANDWICH. For fuck's sake.

     

    And while we're on the crisp debate - salt and vinegar in a tuna mayo sandwich on white bread.......gert lush inn'um!

    Speaking of former work colleagues and their eating habits-I once worked with an overweight lady from Arizona who breakfasted on a half block of cheddar and four pints of milk every morning, she insisted that there was no better cure for a hangover...

  23. Posted

    ... id also like to question the sanity and morality of someone who thinks its perfectly normal to eat baked potatoes for breakfast.

     

    Ummmm, I eat baked potatoes for breakfast. Quick, easy, can be done in the microwave and gets me through to lunch. Then again, we've already established that I'm insane and amoral so I guess it's OK.

     

    I eat crisps for breakfast, don't know what that says about my sanity.

    If you're insane, then I'm more so, as I not only eat crisps, but on toast with brown sauce.

     

    Me too, smokey bacon on either a roll or on toast

    I'm a salt and vinegar person, but smokey bacon is good too. Anything but the overrated cheese and onion, which seems to be the default snack food in every pub in the British Isles!

     

     

    Agreed. There's nothing worse than kissing someone after they've been eating cheese & onion crisps.

    (Pukes at traumatic memory!) I couldn't agree more!!

  25. Posted

    ... id also like to question the sanity and morality of someone who thinks its perfectly normal to eat baked potatoes for breakfast.

     

    Ummmm, I eat baked potatoes for breakfast. Quick, easy, can be done in the microwave and gets me through to lunch. Then again, we've already established that I'm insane and amoral so I guess it's OK.

     

    I eat crisps for breakfast, don't know what that says about my sanity.

    If you're insane, then I'm more so, as I not only eat crisps, but on toast with brown sauce.

     

    Me too, smokey bacon on either a roll or on toast

    I'm a salt and vinegar person, but smokey bacon is good too. Anything but the overrated cheese and onion, which seems to be the default snack food in every pub in the British Isles!

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